Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Bleedin' Out

Well sports fans, I made my annual trip to the hospital and ICU this past weekend. Thank God it was a short stay. I hade a terrible headache all of last week and my heart was pounding excessively hard at the easiest of tasks (walking up stairs, getting out of bed, etc.). Turns out I had a massively large ulcer that was bleeding all week and I was a few quarts low. I happened to play racquetball and work out the night before. No wonder it seemed like i was going to pass out. Good times. The prognosis should be good with a change of meds and diet...I think.

So, if you are keeping score, Juice has some sort of freakish nervous disorder, I have excessive stomach bleeding and Sports Bottle has vaginitis.

Oh and by the way, my life is mostly over, because:
a) I probably shouldn't drink anymore
b) the wife and I are expecting (all jokes aside, I'm actually excited because I don't hate children like Juice)

Drunken weekend trips to Vegas are definitely a thing of the past.

So, I will see some of you for a sober weekend at Target Field. At least I can be a DD.

And by the way, Gomez sucks ass and is a TERRIBLE fielder. Speed aside, there will be at least 4 times this season when he will misplay a ball and give up an inside the park homerun.

Signed,

The Bleeder

11 comments:

Juicelaw said...

Congrats go out to your wife and my unborn child.

Sorry about the ulcer, are you sure that the vagina in your stomach isn't on the rag?

Fuck you, Gomez is going to be GREAT. He was once traded nearly straight up for Johan. And enjoy JJ Hardy and his .220 average, bumped up that high only because he will hit .600 with 20 HRs in a month, when the Twins will play the Royals 12 times and will go 8-20; and have fun when your shortstop gets thrown out running from first to second on a bloop single to right.

The Sports Bottle said...

I've heard some really good excuses for no more Vegas trips, but this one takes the cake.

gotwinkies said...

if I had a zillion dollars that I could have wagered on a future of "Juice making a comment about my wife's unborn child being his" I would have bet every penny on it.

If gambling were legal.

Juicelaw said...

Also, it was nice knowing you. Your life is over. That kid is going to ruin any chance of you appearing at a OJSFA draft ever again. Should we give away your team?

Juicelaw said...

AND, I will take the under on FOUR inside the park homers aloud. I bet he gives one up and gets one himself.

Juicelaw said...

Allowed

gotwinkies said...

Alas my friend, the joke is on you. The kid won't be here (hopefully) until September. That leaves a small window of hope for me to attend this summer/fall's OJSFA draft. However, if I can't drink it would suck really bad to sit around and listen to you assholes.

We shall see.

Bear said...

I tend to control myself at said magical draft weekend, no one has seen a pure Bear draft drunkfest. If we move the festivities to River Falls though, shit's gonna get raw

Unkown Blogger said...

BMac, congrats on not pulling out in time. I think it is just as much Mrs. Juice's hatred for children that is saving Juice's sanity. Also, don;t pretend like you are coming after last year when you couldn't NOT go to "Country Fest" and miss Taylor Swift. Also, go fuck yourself

gotwinkies said...

That's the same kind of grammar I used on my bar exam.

ricky said...

Juice and Sports bottle - I know this is a sports blog but I expect some commentary regarding La Crosse and falling into rivers. Not being morbid, but I expect some interesting opinions on what is going down.