Friday, January 29, 2010

Piling On Day 5

I knew something didn't seem right about Chilly.

If They Only Knew

I had a really funny thought as I was pulling into my parking stall at work today. What if for some reason, one of my bosses decided to go into my coat pocket and pull out my iPod? And they looked at the screen and it said "Thug Love"--Bone Thugs feat. 2Pac--Art of War. (Sound of shotgun cocking). What kind of reaction would that garner? I have a feeling they would either look at my neon whiteness and laugh. Or possibly realize that I don't "fit in" and make up some bullshit economic excuse to can me. Or, more likely, cower in fear around me and shield their daughters.

As an aside to an aside, I watched "Archer" on FX last night. I saw two episodes. It was sort of funny. Not laugh out loud mostly, but I would give it another chance. For those who aren't aware it is another adult cartoon, containing partial cartoon nudity and crude language. The story line revolves around the characters being spies at a MI-6-type agency. As an example of a story line, two of the male spies were fighting in the locker room and their penises touched (not in "camera" view.) and there were all sorts of gay jokes. Since Sports Bottles whole life is one big gay joke, he would like it. My wife will be pretty happy if it ends up making the DVR list along with South Park and Family Guy. I give it a 3 out of 5, but I would probably watch it if I was bored and stumbled across it again.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Food and Beer Reviews

Not much sports wise to talk about unless we want to discuss A-Rodg starting in the Pro Bowl. And everyone being pissed that the Pro Bowl is this week. So everyone knows, I am no longer going to La Crosse this weekend (barring some sort of miraculous development) so that I can watch the Pro Bowl. #12 UW plays at #11 Purdue tonight, but I have work obligations, and a DVR schedule full of crappy women shows, so I'm going to miss it likely in its entirety. I've got Purdue by double digits. I have no basis for this opinion. CU (11-10, 6-4) somehow won a road game last night against a not crappy Bradley team. This raises CU's NCAA chances to 0% up from -4%.

FOOD

Last night the wife was working extremely late, which gave me the green light to eat something bad for me because I'm far too lazy to cook for just myself, and the quick options were unappealing at best. I went with a Buffalo Chicken Oven Baked Sandwich from Domino's. I enjoy the bread bowl pasta, but I am sort of watching my figure, so I couldn't withstand the 1,500 calories for one of them. The Oven Baked Sandwich isn't that bad calorie-wise, but only because it isn't that big. It filled me up (in that I just ate some really greasy ass food and feel like I'm going to die sort of way, which is what I was looking for). I could have eaten more probably, but would've been out of commission afterwards if I did. It was pretty fucking delicious. And it was $4.99. If you like veggies, this isn't the type of sandwich for you. If you don't like your "bread" (which is really made of pizza dough and is fucking delicious) painted with garlic butter, you should stick to Subway. But if you like sandwiches that are tasty as shit, and probably won't give you an instant clogged artery as long as you eat only one, then this is the sandwich for you. I'm giving it 4 out of 5 stars.

BEER

Tried the newest sampling from New Glarus Brewery. I'm not really sure what it is called. The neck label says "Honey Bock". The other label says "Cabin Fever". I think they are one in the same. Either way, it is not what I was expecting. When I hear Bock, I think of a dark beer. This is definitely not that. It is a sweeter version of Honey Weiss, if Honey Weiss was a light beer. It is very good, I would have no trouble drinking the six pack, and I would get it again, but it was sort of false advertising. I would put it somewhere in the neighborhood just south of "Spotted Cow" on my favorite New Glarus scale. It is about as good as "Organic Revolution" or "Totally Naked". Good but not great. I'm going 3.5 out of 5. I would recommend trying it.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Piling On

Paul Allen. Now not my least favorite announcer. Scroll down near the bottom.

Some Kind of VooDoo

WOW. That was insane. I can promise you that I've never been that into a non-Packer game in my entire life. I was a mess. I was sweaty. I was screaming. I've never been that happy for a non-Packer team to win a game, ever. I've got issues. But those issues have been resolved. That demon has been exercised (at least until August when He decides he is going to show up at Packer training camp and wants to play for the Packers again).

When you really think about how that game played out, there could not have been a more perfect ending. He has possibly ended (doubtful) His career in Minnesota, the same way He ended it in Green Bay. With an ill-advised, back breaking interception, with a chance to go to the Super Bowl. That pass (along with: Philly, NYG and about 100 others) was a microcosm of His career, especially in the last 10 years, and especially in the playoffs. This is what He does. This is who He is.

I've always been a big believer in karma. Here is a karmic scoreboard.

GOOD: Saints fans/City of New Orleans/New Orleans residents/displaced Katrina victims. Congrats. Well deserved. If anyone deserved something good after 43 years of shit, and that hurricane, it was you.

GOOD: Drew Brees. I like him.

BAD: He Who Shall Not Be Named/Deanna/Chilly/The Minnesota Vikings Organization/every asshole He Who Shall Not Be Named-former Packer fan: I hate to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so. Good things come to good people. I'm not going to sit here and say that Chilly doesn't help old ladies cross the street or whatever. And I don't necessarily blame him for going out and getting Him. He is a lot better than Travarioueiause. Chilly got himself a nice contract extension and it nearly worked. BUT, Chilly absolutely sold the fuck out, forgot his values by letting Him run the show to placate His enormous ego, and probably lost respect for his team in the process. And Chilly ignored the fact that He has a long glorious history of doing exactly what He did yesterday. He saved the worst for last. He was a stud all year, and played His worst game when it mattered most. Did he play an overall horrendous game? It is hard to put all the blame on Him, and He did what he does in dragging His bad leg out onto the field after getting destroyed by the blitz. But He has the ability to destroy it all with one bad pass. And He did it again.

The Vikings as an organization fall into the same category as Chilly. You let Him run the show, and He burned you.

Deanna, I just don't like you at all.

He deserved every potentially dirty hit He got, and deserved to lose in the most soul crushing way possible. If you are an asshole to the people that loved you, the universe will punish you. You just cannot get away with doing what He did. Also, congrats on getting that "ankle injury" so you have an excuse to not go to training camp again.

To the former Packer fans who didn't root like hell for the Saints. You are not welcomed back. Your punishment is having to root for dry weather when He is sitting on His tractor. The worst kind of Karma is coming.

NEUTRAL: To true Viking fans.

I actually feel a bit sorry for you in that it has to be getting old to lose this way. At the same time, that is what you get for hitching your horse to Our old wagon. And kind of being pricks about it. How do you feel about that $90 investment in a He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jersey now bitches?

The Saints are my adopted second team. And should be the rest of America's team too after finally killing the beast (maybe?)

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Coco! Coco!

Just a quick aside. I watched the last "Tonight Show with Conan" last night. It was pretty entertaining. I've always enjoyed Conan. The ending of the show was ridiculous and fitting. Truthfully, I think if someone landed from Mars and wanted to know what Conan was about, I would either show him this clip, or the "Masturbating Bear". I didn't realize he could play the shit out of a guitar. Now I can go back to ignoring late night TV.

One last thing, I want to thank Creighton for scheduling one of their 5 to 10 games I can actually watch, right smack dab in the middle of the NFC Championship Game. Fuck. You.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Quick Championship Weekend Preview

It sucks both games are on Sunday. They really should stretch this thing out over two days. Also, UW tried and failed to schedule their weekend game during the football games for the 12th time in 13 weeks, but the NFL tricked them by starting the first game on Sunday at 2:30 instead of Noon. So only half of the UW-Penn St. game (1:30) will be on at a time when nobody that is not an immediate family member of a player will be watching. I think I could double their ratings if I was in charge of Big Ten scheduling.

Picks:
Last Week: 3-1
Playoffs: 4-4
Season: 117-118-4
All-Time: 251-244-6

COLTS/JETS

Super Bowl III rematch! Except that at least 50% of the players involved are dead and the other 50% are so messed up from long term football injuries that they don't remember the game! Except Joe Namath, who's steady diet of booze and vag chemically altered his brain cells and proved a cure for concussions. I like watching the Jets D play, and Rex Ryan is crazy. I just don't see Payton Manning losing this. He is a cyborg. Even though the game should end up being relatively close, I still feel like the Jets are maybe a slightly worse version of the Ravens on offense. And the Ravens put up 3 points last week. I like the Colts (-7.5).

VIQUEENS/UNITED STATES' TEAM

My feelings and rooting interests are well documented. REALLY well documented. The Saints are better on offense than anything the Vikings have faced all year. They can run and pass. The key I think is keeping Brees upright. The Vikes got to ROMO last week, but IN MY MIND, THE COWBOYS RECEIVERS SUCK, AND THE O-LINE WAS A DISASTER. Brees HAS RIDICULOUS RECEIVERS, AND A COMPETENT, UNINJURED O-LINE. Brees ALSO has BETTER accuracy, and BETTER coaches THAN ROMO. If Brees doesn't get Jared Allen's bloody/hairy gash rubbed in his face, I don't think I care what the Vikings do on offense (and I do think they will score). He Who Shall Not Be Named has done nothing to lead anyone to believe he will shit himself and throw a bunch of picks. But historically, he has done just that in every playoff appearance since 1999. The Saints are not particularly good on defense, and don't match up well with the Vikings, but Darren Sharper plays a mean center field, and I feel like he is good for at least one pick of his "friend" (note: He had no friends, because he is a prick. On his first opportunity, He would fuck Sharper's wife and molest his kids.) I like the Saints (-3.5). GEAUX SAINTS!! (ED. NOTE: I never said these previews weren't incredibly biased and highly prejudicial.)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Dougie boy returns

So Doug Davis is a Brewer again. Really makes that trade for Johnny Estrada seem worth it all now don't it?

Hit Em Up

I'm sure there are like two people that got the mid 90's rap reference to the title of this post.

ANYWAYS (Stolen Literary Reference alert), the reason for this post is to break down Twinkies sudden love for all things purple, and dudes with diapers who play quarterback/coach their team/slap teammates' asses for fun/cram their cocks down media member's throats/and stab fan bases in the back.

First, I think I need to take a step back and try to rationally explain my hatred for the Vikings, as well as my hatred for this particular Viking team. I've always had a strong dislike for them, and as a Packer fan (really, I didn't just decide to be one five minutes ago) I choose to root against them regardless of what they are doing or who they are playing. Same with the Bears and to a lesser extent the Lions (only because they haven't been a threat for a decade). I wish ill things on the franchises as a whole. If they move to L.A. (when) I will throw a celebration. I might drive over to Minneapolis and piss on the Metrodome. I'm definitely not one of these people who take up rooting for "The NFC North" out of some bullshit divisional pride. Knowing that, I still can be fairly rational in my hatred for Packer rivals. When the Bears got to the Super Bowl a few years back, I hated it and I rooted against them harder than I would have if I didn't really care who won that much. But, it didn't ruin two weeks of my life. I didn't avoid sports media. I still looked forward to watching the Super Bowl. If they would have won, it would have stung a bit, but I would've gotten over it.

This Viking team is different and the hatred has risen to a new level due to He Who Shall Not Be Named. I'm not going to repeat all of my feelings except to say that everything bothers me more, and the fact that the media refuses to treat him like a normal player, despite the fact that I'm convinced that 99% of America now hates him and the Vikings, makes it worse. He alone is the reason that the Queens making a Super Bowl would ruin two weeks for me, and could possibly cause me to black out during the Super Bowl. And I would even consider skipping the Super Bowl for the first time since I can remember(I vaguely remember 1985 as the first one I watched). And I believe Twinkie is pretending to be a Viking fan just to piss me off. This is why, as a Packer fan, I feel that I am able to write this post.

With that out of the way, Twinkie is full of shit. I've known Twinkie in varying degrees since 2003. We hung out a lot during our final year at Creighton, and have communicated electronically quite often since graduation. I feel like I've got a pretty good handle for who he is. Might he be a sheep rapist (I was just helping it over the fence)? Maybe. You never totally know anyone I guess. The point is, I've watched NFL with him a few times in the mid-00's, and have certainly discussed it on a number of occasions. And until last Sunday with his bullshit "Thanks for the Quarterback. (insert some other bullshit about the Packers or Vikings)" text, I had never once heard him mention his affinity for the Viqueens. In fact, I distinctly remember him telling me that he was a Miami Dolphin fan. So my first question: What the fuck happened to THAT?!?!?

He uses Bill Simmon's "Rules for Being a True Fan" article to claim that because he was born in North Dakota or Montana or Canada or wherever the fuck he was born, and there was no NFL team, that he is justified in deciding now to root for the Viqueens just to piss me off. Here are a few quotes I pulled from this article.
"There's nothing worse than a Bandwagon Jumper. If sports were a prison and sports fans made up all the prisoners, the Bandwagon Jumpers would be like the child molesters -- everyone else would pick on them, take turns beating them up and force them to toss more salads than Emeril Lagrasse.) "
"19. Once you choose a team, you're stuck with that team for the rest of your life ... unless one of the following conditions applies:

-Your team moves to another city. All bets are off when that happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off that sport entirely, nobody would blame you.

-You grew up in a city that didn't field a team for a specific sport -- so you picked a random team -- and then either a.) your city landed a team, or b.) you moved to a city that fielded a team for that specific sport. For instance, one of my Connecticut buddies rooted for the Sixers during the Doctor J Era, then happened to be living in Orlando when the Magic came to town. Now he's a Magic fan. That's acceptable.

-One of your immediate family members either plays professionally or takes a relevant management/coaching/front office position with a pro team.

-You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area.

-The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore -- you would rather not follow them at all then support a franchise with this owner in charge. Just for the record, I reached this point with the Boston Bruins about six years ago. When it happens, you have two options: You can either renounce that team and pick someone else, or you can pretend they're dead, like you're a grieving widow. That's what I do. I'm an NHL widow. I don't even want to date another team.

-If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them." "

I don't see one single thing in there that justifies this fake fandom. Yes, he lives in Minnesota, but like 700 miles away from the Twin Cities. I guess my whole point is that you can't just drop the Dolphins. And you can't root for both. And you can't rely on Simmons to help you make your point. You are a poser and a bandwagon jumper.

One last thing that pissed me off. "Like you Packer fans wouldn't be excited to be in the NFC Championship" In response to Bear saying that the Twin Cities was acting like the Vikings had won the Super Bowl after they beat a team they were favored to beat, at home, after a bye week, that had won ONE playoff game in 13 years. Would Packer fans be excited? Absofuckinglutely. But Packer fans are smart enough to realize that getting to the NFC Championship doesn't mean anything. It means you get to play one more week. Packer fans are smart enough to not start to suck eachother's dick when we get to the SEMIFINALS. Not only that, but a real Viking fan (of which there is only two: Paul Allen and Ragnar) would be smart enough to know that historically, the Viqueens are fucking chokers, especially recently, in similar games (see 41-0, see Gary Anderson). They SHOULD be nervous as shit, NOT running around acting like they won something. Which is ANOTHER reason that you aren't a Viking fan. Vikings fans would be entitled to enjoy their South Beach vacation if they manage to get to the Super Bowl, but until they WIN a Super Bowl, it doesn't mean shit.

When the Vikings lose, all anyone is going to remember about this season is He Who Shall Not Be Named making an ass out of another franchise. It has been approximately 10 years since He DIDN'T completely melt down in the playoffs costing his team the game. And I am going enjoy the taste of tears when it happens.

To recap: I hate the Viqueens even more due to He Who Shall Not Be Named, Twinkie is a Dolphin fan NOT a Viqueen fan, Viqueen fans are delusional if they are that happy about one playoff win, He will stab the Viking franchise in the back too, Twinkie may or may not rape animals, I Hit 'Em Up, I am extremely white.

GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!! What say you?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Thanks For Coming

I want to say thank you to Dallas for rolling over and dying on Sunday. I just really, really hate the Vikings. That is really all I have to say about that. I unfortunately have a hard time envisioning a scenario that doesn't involve a Viking win, and a Richard suicide. It is SO fucking frustrating to watch Him sit there and throw to wide open receivers (or covered guys when the guy doing the covering has no idea that the receiver caught the ball). And I never thought I would be pissed about someone adding an F-U touchdown against the Cowboys. I dunno, maybe I don't give the Saints enough credit. The Vikings pass rush just looked so dominant against an offensive line in Dallas that I think is better than New Orleans (I have nothing to back this up). The Saints are better on offense than the Cowboys, but worse on defense. I will be a Saints fan with every fiber of my being on Sunday. Because I genuinely don't want to hate my life for the next two weeks.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Not So Famous Dave's

I used to love Famous Dave's. In high school, it was a frequent hang out when we had money burning holes in our pockets. I will always remember the time I ate 10 corn bread muffins on a dare. In law school we went there on occasion. I never didn't love it. It has been approximately 4 years since my last Famous Dave's. The nearest one is in Appleton, and we don't get there that often. And my wife doesn't love it. Last night though, we made a stop. And it was fucking terrible. It was historically bad. Like so bad I don't think I can ever go back. The only good things were a) the beer was cold and b) the corn muffin. Everything else was cold and slimy. The service was slow and they fucked up my wife's order. I haven't been that disappointed in a long time. I will just stick to the pulled pork and ribs that my dad makes. They are a thousand times better, and free. Overall Experience: 1.5 out of 5.

I've decided to watch Cards/Saints, try to watch CU/Wichita in spurts or on the computer, go to dinner with the bosses, try to catch most of Colts/Ravens live, and DVR Bucky v. Ohio St for late night viewing/head bobbing. I figure the Badger score will be easiest to avoid.

Sorry for wasting all of your time. Go watch some sports.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Gambling and Other Random Shit

Ok, Juice, you've inspired me to contribute.

I haven't updated my gambling addiction in awhile. I think I was up almost $100 the last time we spoke. I think I'm now down about $20 or so. I actually have to bust out a calculator to figure it out because Schmock and Jamie contributed $93 to the overall amount. I still strongly urge anyone (Juice, Twinkie) to give it a try. I am now an official NHL fan. I love it. Yahoo has at least one free game every night and I'm always watching (betting) on it. For the weekend I have the Saints -7, Colts -6.5, Vikings -2.5 and Chargers -7.5. I'm pretty confident given my picks from last week (I lost all 4 games). Keep in mind, it is just as difficult to lose all 4 than it is to win all 4.

Moving on....

I just did a full 2 weeks of normal work hours. By normal I mean getting up at 6am, at work by 7am and in bed by 10pm. It is fucking awful. How can you guys do it? I'm back to my "normal" hours on Sunday.

I just got upset reading Juice's post about snow volleyball. It is simply the best weekend of the year. It never fails. Even last year when we were too lazy to get in at the Alpine, it was still great. No naps, Richard. Richard and his cohorts were sleeping at about 7pm last year. Fucking pussy. The only excuse you can use this year is if you lay Juice's wife's friend....... AGAIN.

"Docta Said I Need A Backeotomy"

---Sir Smokealot.

We are entering the time of year where there isn't going to be all that much for me to write about. Sure, I suppose I could write about the NFL playoffs, but unless something super funny happens, I don't really need to put you through a 1,203,451st post about what a piece of shit He Who Shall Not Be Named is. Although I suppose, you could witness my last few days (and probably the end of humanity as Satan swallows up the Earth when his prophecy is fulfilled) if He and His Viqueens win the Super Bowl. Let's just hope and assume that isn't going to happen. ANYWAYS, other than college basketball junk, which I love, but which doesn't typically give me that much to write about, there isn't much out there. Combine that with the fact that Uncle Sam and his archaic tax system forces everyone in America to file a tax return by April 15th (and that this system provides me with an excuse to stay employed, which provides me with free internet access for the other 9 months out of the year to post incessant ramblings on this site), and I will be actually "working" and not "pretending to work" (except during March Madness when I will be watching MMOD on my computer) there will be alot less of me in the coming months. Historically (last year) you can see that the number of posts in February and March is reduced dramatically. Here is the point. We allegedly have 3 other people and one other zoo animal that are able to post things on this here site. I don't mind carrying this team for 9 months out of the year ala Aaron Rodgers, but once in awhile I need someone else to make a play. I'm merely requesting that you each take like 10 minutes a week to put something of (time wasting and irrelevant) substance here. I will attempt to throw something up once a week or so, or more if something tickles my fancy (like NBA gun play, or Tiger chasing Wilt). Thank You.

THE WEEKEND

I have a "quintuple date" on Saturday consisting of my wife and I, and my four bosses and their spouses. It is going to be awful. I'm either going to miss a good portion of Colts/Ravens, or I am going be up until 4 am watching shit on the DVR (there is also UW/Ohio St. at 7, and CU/Wichita St at 4 on ESPN2 (why bother)). Not sure what to do yet. Maybe I will just get blacked out on margaritas.

SNOW VOLLEYBALL

Richard finally broke me down. Even though I went at least once in college and it was not memorable at all. I'm headed to La Crosse in a few weeks to get blacked out at the Alpine Inn while watching drunken assholes freeze thier asses of on a snow covered volleyball court, then attempt to navigate down the bluff without dying. Good thing the ice is frozen, or I would drown Richard in the Mississippi. The Unknown QB is also going. And also maybe everyone's favorite friend of my wife. Richard is totally going to bang her (or my brother will?) AGAIN.

NFL PICKS

This is the second best weekend in sports. First is the four day open to the NCAA Basketball Tournament. Hopefully nobody is taking these pretend bets and placing them for real.

Last Week: 1-3
Season: 114-117-4
All-Time: 248-243-6

NO (-7), Ind (-6.5), Min (-2.5), SD (-7.5)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lane Kiffin: Kind of a D*ck

I don't have a problem with Lane Kiffin taking the job at USC. I don't really have a problem with him leaving after one year. You gotta do what you gotta do. People leave jobs all the time. I just feel bad for Tennessee, the fans/players/school. Now, maybe I shouldn't. You had to assume that they knew what they were getting into when they decided to hire Kiffin. They were going to get a dynamic, loud-mouthed, possible chucklehead, that was going to get you in some trouble. But who was also presumed to be a good coach, a good recruiter, and who was going to get the media to talk about Tennessee. But Kiffin has left the program "rode hard and left up wet" as us simple folk in Wisconsin like to say. He really brought nothing but negative press, and accusations. I would imagine that some type of punishment is going to come down for something he did recruiting wise in the ten minutes he was there. Alot of his recruits are probably going to transfer, and anyone he was close to signing is going to sign elsewhere. It just bugs me when coaches get to do whatever they want with no repercussions, while the players actually end up being lied to. The players will have to sit out a year if they want to go somewhere else, as they are owned by Tennessee like an iPod or something. It just kind of sucks for them. And Lane Kiffin probably doesn't give a shit. And that is why I presume he is kind of a dick.

BASKETBALL TONIGHT

UW at N'Western minus Leuer. I like the Cats in this one. Bucky always has problems in Evanston for some reason. Even though there will be like 2,000 people at the game and most of them will be wearing red.

CU at SIU. Is it possible for Creighton to lose by 30? I don't even know how good the Egyptian Dogs are. I just know that CU is terrible.

Monday, January 11, 2010

And it begins

Thanks to @SportsBubbler for this little tidbit. I'm sure this won't be the last incident of this nature.

I Don't Know

That is really the only thing I can use to describe what happened. I don't know.

Two of my bosses (one of whom is almost as much of a fan as me, and who was distraught, and one of whom is not even close (i.e. will now root for the Vikings because they are in the same division) and is seemingly going to move on with his life like nothing happened) tried to talk to me about the game. And I really couldn't say anything. It is almost hard to believe that it happened at all. Like it was some sort of elaborate dream/nightmare that I endured starting back in August, with everything coming crashing down yesterday. I'm not sure that it is fair to just look at yesterday to realize how insane yesterday was. I don't know.

I think to get the full effect, you need to start in the preseason. The whole season was a roller coaster that ended with a 500 foot drop into a brick wall. In the preseason, we dominated everything in sight, and went from possible playoff contender, but probably not a playoff team, to a trendy Super Bowl pick. Then the season shaky, eventually leading to the Tampa loss, which was rock bottom and everyone had unanimously counted us out of any chance of the playoffs (me included). Then everything clicked, on both sides of the ball (except for the 500 yd blip at Pittsburgh), especially on offense, and we rolled to 7-1, and were pretty big presumptive favorites at Arizona.

I had quit at least three times yesterday. Down 17-0, with the offense not working well, and the defense stopping nobody, I didn't have alot of confidence, and I was pretty bummed. Then, we get to 24-10, I'm feeling slightly better, but still not real confident. Then 31-10, I give up again. Then Rodgers starts matching Warner (who by the way, was placed in a Delorean by (Sports Bottle's) god before the game with the flux capacitor set to 1999) throw for throw, we get a ballsy onside kick and eventually things are tied up. Then, we make the mistake of allowing the Cardinals to get the ball back with more than 30 seconds and they march down into chip shot range (give up #3), and Rackers fucking gags. Then we win the toss and I scream, which should tell you right there the problem with the NFL playoff system. Basically, I was convinced that the coin flip was going to decide our season. Well, it turns out that 400+ yds, 4TD passes and a TD run can be wiped out by an unblocked blitzing corner. Enter the brick wall.

Oddly, that was possibly the least soul crushing, soul crushing loss I've ever experienced. Had we been up by three TDs and blew it, it would have been the worst ever. But the fact that the Pack's offense stepped up and played like they did, and McCarthy's decisions on offense and kicking that onside at the absolute perfect time led to a huge comeback made this easier to swallow. At least three times the game was over. We had no business winning that game. You could look at it one way and say "If we score 45, we should win 100% of the time" which is absolutely true. But if you give up 51, and lose the turnover battle 3 to 1, you should lose every time. I'm not at all taking this well mind you, but I'm not going to look back on this loss ten years from now and cringe/panic to change the channel ala: 4th and 26, The Interception/Ice Bowl III (NFC Title loss to Giants), Horse Tooth Helicopter/Super Bowl XXXII, The Fumble/The Catch II. And it SUCKS being on the wrong end of an all-time NFL classic playoff game. And believe me, we will be seeing replays of this game 20 years from now.

Now that I have the "positive" or rather non-negative things out of the way. FIFTY ONE FUCKING POINTS!?!?!!? I don't get it at all. I stole the defensive game plan, and here it was: 1) Don't get within 5 yards of anyone wearing red, they have AIDS; 2) let all of the receivers run free; 3) When they do catch a pass, leave your feet and dive at the receivers with one arm (this applies especially to any linebacker not named Clay Matthews); 4) All blitzing linebacker other than Matthews should get picked up by whatever running back stays into block (see the rest of the year); 5) Repeat. Did we just get completely out game planned on defense? We had the number one defense in the fucking league and we got WORKED. Warner was unreal, but most NFL caliber QBs are going to dominate when they are not being touched and throwing to wide open receivers. By the second half I was chuckling to myself, because I couldn't believe what I was watching. It became funny. And even funnier when we started doing the same thing to them. I can't come up with one single reason why it was that bad. Atari Bigby getting hurt doesn't help, but he wasn't that good to begin with. I don't know. We don't get to the playoffs without the defense, but that was despicable. I don't know.

I just don't know.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Pregame

Ramblings of a madman. I think I need some therapy or something. I woke up this morning feeling fine, not anxious or stressed out at all. I even thought in my head as I was donning my A.J. Hawk jersey, which, by the way, is a jersey of another grown man, that it might be the last time I get to wear it until April. Then I sat down, started a little surfing (after spending like three hours "fixing" my computer yesterday) and putting on the NFL Network as ambient noise in the background. Now, I am stressed the fuck out. It wasn't anything they said. I just hate being the favorite in my own mind. The Packers are clearly that. Marshall Faulk and some writer from Arizona are the only two people on the planet that think the Cardinals will win today (even Kurt Warner picks 31-10 Packers). And in the postseason, this can get sketchy. Road playoff wins are not easy. I'm not sure if what happened yesterday bodes well or poorly for the Pack. In the two "repeats" from last week, both teams that won last week won this week. Does this mean that the Packers will too? Is it too obvious? Am I reading too much into this? Fuck, I've been discussing the time/day of our game against the Saints next week already (allegedly 3:30 Saturday). I don't think I'm mentally prepared for 8 MONTHS of no Packer games.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Can't Blame The Kid

I would drink too if I was Chilly's kid. And I would want to take a whole bunch of Viqueens fans with me, since they are universally terrible human beings and it is well known that they kill baby seals.

It is a little unclear whether the drinking/murder-suicide attempt (definition of DUI) was the result of: a) being Chilly's kid; b) Chilly's beard; c) Chilly cheating on his mom with He Who Shall Not Be Named. To be continued (or not).

Picks N' Such

The game last night was not very good, except for about 10 minutes right near the end. I guess it isn't the BCS's fault that McCoy got hurt, although for some reason I feel like there was a a conspiracy afoot. Because the BCS title game has been good like 2, maybe three times since its conception (which HAD to have been some type of forced sexual assault). And the BCS doesn't care because they claim to make money hand over fist regardless. So they saw the results of the Get Together and resolved to prove a point to the fair readers of this blog, that they will do whatever the fuck they want, and you will like it.

Other thoughts on the game:

- Made this comment last night to my a few others: "When the second half started, Mack Brown looked alot like Bud Kilmer right before the second half of the championship game on "Varsity Blues" and I though for sure Colt McCoy would coach the second half.

-Not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but there was a smoking hot chick sitting next to Colt McCoy's dad that I'm guessing was Colt's woman. Good work.

-Alabama was still better than Texas.

-That Gilbert guy was 5/24 passing at one point.


-Nick Saban is a dick. Even after he wins a "National Championship"

NFL

The plan this weekend is as follows: 1) Stay up late playing video games and/or continuing to trudge through "The Book of Basketball"; 2) Sleep in relatively late Saturday (like 9 a.m. is considered "late" these days); 3) Drink coffee, surf Internets; 4) Pretend to be helpful in house chores; 5) Watch Bucky v. Purdue/CU v. Wichita St.; 6) Watch football for 7 hours; 7) sleep; 8) coffee; 9) watch football for 7 hours.

This weekend is not as good as next weekend will be (especially if the Pack doesn't fuck this up), but it is going to be good anyway. Playoff football is finally here. I asked my wife the other day if she knew what we were doing this weekend. Her response "I don't know". I said, "I know. We are watching football for 14 hours. So don't make other plans."

I have a hard time envisioning a scenario that doesn't involve Jarrett Bush or a kickoff return for a touchdown where the Packers don't beat the Cardinals. Even if I pretend I never saw the Packers' starters destroy the Cards starters for a quarter in two meaningless games, I still think the Packers are better all around. Offense: I think this is the only thing that could slant to the Cardinals, but you pretty much know what you are going to get from the Pack. Warner might throw for 400 yds and 5TDs (all against Bush) or he might throw 4 picks and fumble twice. The Packers defense is much, much better than the Cards. Special Teams is probably in the Cards favor but only because of Crosby. I expect a relatively high scoring affair. I'm going to say 31-23 Pack. We will know on Sunday who our 2nd round opponent will be with a win. I can't mentally handle another Packers v. He Who Shall Not Be Named game. Even though the Packers are playing better now.

TERRIBLE PICKS

I'm not really sure what is considered "good" in picking games. My assumption would be somewhere around 50% would be acceptable if you picked every game. I am now unacceptable this season after getting raped last week.

Last Week: 6-10
Season: 113-114-4
All-Time: 247-240-6

Cin (-2.5), Phi (+4), Bal (+3), GB (Pk)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The REAL National Championship Game (longest post EVER)

So tonight there should be some good football on with the fake national championship between Alabama and Texas. I will take Alabama (-4.5). I just think they are better. Also Texas might win by 40. I know nothing.

Anyway, after 4 grueling weeks, we reach the REAL National Championship game from Juice's Dream D-I NCAA Football Get Together. TCU (16-0) v. West Virginia (13-3).

LIVE FROM THE ROSE BOWL

1ST QUARTER

15:00- TCU kicks off, West Virginia takes over on thier own 19

WVU Drive Summary: 3 plays, -4 yards
Result: Punt, TCU catches the punt at midfield and FUMBLES! Recovered by WVU at their own 39

13:07 left, 0-0

WVU Drive Summary: 7 plays, 16 yards
Result: Punt, TCU takes over at thier own 12

10:28 left, 0-0

TCU Drive: 5 plays, 19 yds
Result: Punt, WVU takes over on own 38

7:56 left, 0-0

WVU Drive: 4 plays, 10 yds
Result: Punt, TCU takes over on own 32

6:14 left, 0-0

TCU Drive: 4 plays, 69 yds
Result: 14 yd TOUCHDOWN run!

TCU 7, West Virginia 0 4:34 left, 1st Quarter

4:26 left, 7-0

WVU Drive: 3 plays, 3yds
Result: Punt, TCU takes over at own 48


2:53 left, 7-0 TCU
TCU Drive: 5 plays, -9 yds
Result: Punt, WVU takes over on own 27

1:30 left, 7-0 TCU

2ND QUARTER

WVU Drive: 7 plays, 32 yds
Result: Punt, TCU gets ball on own 23

13:20 left, 7-0 TCU

TCU Drive: 3 plays, 6yds
Result: Punt, WVU ball on own 43

11:42 left, 7-0 TCU

WVU Drive: 3 plays, -1 yd
Result: Punt, TCU ball on own 29

10:28 left, 7-0 TCU

TCU Drive: 3 plays, 3yds
Result: Punt, WVU ball on own 33

8:54 left, 7-0 TCU

WVU Drive: 3 plays, 3yds
Result: Punt, TCU ball on own 44

7:38 left, 7-0 TCU

TCU Drive: 4 plays, 26 yds
Result: Punt, WVU takes over on own 31

5:30 left, 7-0 TCU

WVU Drive: 3 plays, 8 yds
Result: Punt, TCU takes over on own 31

4:15 left, 7-0 TCU

TCU Drive: 14 plays, 61 yds
Result: 25 yd FIELD GOAL IS GOOD!

TCU 10, West Virginia 0, 0:44 left, 2nd Qtr

TCU kicks off, kick returned to WVU 33 yd line

WVU Drive: 7 plays, 36 yds
Result: 48 yd FIELD GOAL IS GOOD!

TCU 10, West Virginia 3, Halftime

3rd QUARTER (Still awake? This game sucks even in writing)

WVU kicks off, TCU takes over on thier own 28

TCU Drive: 5 plays, 22 yds

Result: Punt, WVU takes over on own 19

12:40 left, 10-3 TCU

WVU Drive: 6 plays, 8yds
Result: Punt, TCU takes over on own 40

9:40 left, 10-3 TCU

TCU Drive: 9 plays, 53yds

Result: 24 yd FIELD GOAL IS GOOD!

TCU 13, West Virginia 3, 6:22 left, 3rd Qtr

West Virginia recieves the kick and takes over on own 32

WVU Drive: 3 plays, 5yds

Result: Punt, TCU takes over at own 36

4:34 left, 13-3 TCU

TCU Drive: 3 plays, 4yds

Result: Punt, WVU takes over at own 29

3:00 left, 13-3 TCU

WVU Drive: 1 play, 71 yds

Result: 71 yard TOUCHDOWN PASS!

TCU 13, West Virginia 10, 2:47 left, 3rd Quarter

TCU takes kickoff to own 39

4TH QUARTER

TCU Dive: 10 plays, 42 yds

Result: 36 yd FIELD GOAL IS GOOD!

TCU 16, WVU 10, 13:06 left, 4th Qtr

WVU takes kick to own 23

WVU Drive: 3 plays, 1 yd

Result: Punt, TCU ball on WVU 49

11:42 left, 16-10 TCU

TCU Drive: 6 plays, 19yds

Result: 46yd FG is WIDE LEFT! WVU takes over on own 29

8:46 left, 16-10 TCU

WVU Drive: 2 plays, 2yds

Result: FUMBLE! RECOVERED BY TCU at WVU 33

8:14 left, 16-10 TCU

TCU Drive: 4 plays, 1 yd

Result: Turnover on downs. WVU ball on own 32

6:42 left, 16-10 TCU

WVU Drive: 4 plays, 19 yds

Result: Punt, TCU ball at own 11

4:56 left, 16-10 TCU

TCU Drive: 12 plays, 66 yds

Result: 40 yd FG Bounces off upright! NO GOOD! WVU takes over on own 23

1:28 left, 16-10 TCU

WVU Drive: 4 plays, 1yd

Result: Turnover on downs. TCU takes over on WVU 24

0:56 left, 16-10 TCU

TCU Drive: 3 plays, -1 yd

Result: For some reason they attempted a FG with :03 left and missed.

MVP: Tyler Urban, WR West Virginia. 2 catches, 91 yds, TD

This game was horrible. Until next year. TCU is your true National Champion.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It Was Only A Matter of Time

I'm like Jordan. I may go 1 for 25 in the first three quarters, but eventually I'm going on fire. Yesterday was my figurative 4th quarter. I calmly and coolly nailed an 8 team NHL parlay for a cool $191. It was inevitable. You can't keep me down for long. So before I begin a historic losing streak I would like to mention I am up $98.84 overall.

Have no fear, Badger fans, for I have placed a cool $5 on Michigan St tonight giving the Badgers 6.5 points, which pretty much ensures the Badgers will pull out an outright victory.

Sad news of the day. I have found out that my new job will keep me from attending my favorite annual event in the bluffs of La Crosse - snow volleyball. But to make up for it, the g/f and I are heading to Granite Pike Ski Resort this weekend for some fun on the hills. I haven't been downhill skiing in about 10 years. Sounds like a great idea.

Really?

In my continued quest to do no actual work, I came across this nugget. Is this for real? Wisenhunt is "irked" that Mike McCarthy wanted to actually do something productive with the three hours on Sunday afternoon? If he had such a problem with it, I have an idea for you: DON'T FUCKING LET IT HAPPEN. The Packers chose not to fuck around. The Cardinals weren't interested. So what, it is the Packers fault that you got your ass kicked? And to use the term "to have the audacity"? It was outrageous and audacious for the Packers to not play all of its backups for 4 quarters? Its not like the Packers were playing St. Mary's Burn Center. Last I checked, the Cardinals were a NFL team, and a pretty damn good one. While the argument sounds alot like St. Mary's Burn Center bitching when UNC beats them by 70 in basketball, it holds no weight.

Also, the idea that Rodgers was throwing to "pass He Who Shall Not Be Named for second on the all-time list" is retarded. If this was true, why wouldn't he have stayed in to throw for another 24 yards (or whatever it is) to pass Lynn Dickey for first????

If this is true, Wisenhunt should be embarrassed. If he was looking for a way to piss me (and probably the Packers) off, he just found one. Here's to hoping the Packers get up by four TDs again on Sunday, and continue to put it on them.

Big Week for Bucky

This week is what ESPN or some other place would call "Judgment Week" or "Separation Week" or some such thing for the Wisconsin Badgers. I realize that it is the first week of January, but they have two MONSTER games in the next four days (seriously the Badgers got screwed in scheduling them back to back) that will go a long way in deciding if Bucky is a contender for a surprise Big Ten title or merely a pretty good team that will probably get to the tournament.

Tonight/late afternoon, the #13 Badgers head to East Lansing to take on #43 (but WAY more popular) Michigan St. I'm pretty excited for this as it is always a barn burner, and usually Michigan St. has some gigantic white center that gets into foul trouble early and cries on the bench (see Suton. I think he's gone). Also, I always find a way to dislike Izzo. The biggest problem I'm having is: why FIVE THIRTY??? I mean, c'mon Big Ten Network. How am I supposed to take you seriously when you are tipping games at 5:30? You are basically saying that not only do I not want anyone in the Central Time Zone without a DVR to see it, but that you don't care about the EST zone either. Everyone knows the standard tip time for a game in the Eastern Time Zone is 6:00. Just odd.

Saturday, Bucky hosts #5 and undefeated Purdue. This is a classic game for Bucky to win. Bo Ryan is something like 35-2 at home in games against teams he has no business beating. Talent-wise, Purdue is probably better, but so is just about every other team. This and the Creighton-Wichita St game are great appetizers for the beginning of Wild Card Bukkake (which I will get to later in the week).

Orange Bowl Semifinal: (1) Texas v. (3) West Virginia



(1) Texas 17

(3) West Virginia 38

Texas jumped out to a 17-0 lead in the second quarter, and then West Virginia realized that they could just hand the ball off to Noel Devine to the tune of 233 yards and they would win. This sets up the least watched National Championship game in history TCU v. West Virginia. West Virginia getting to the championship is the equivalent of a 10 or 11 seed in the basketball tournament getting to the championship. Think Villanova or George Mason. While nobody will be that interested, at the same time it is much better that it was decided on the field.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Sugar Bowl Recap: (1) Alabama v. (1) TCU

(1) Alabama 10
(1) TCU 23

TCU outscored the Tide 16-0 in the 4th quarter for the upset of the number one overall seed. And this is why we have this little get together. Because if you actually play these games, shit could happen. TCU will play for the National Championship at the Rose Bowl against the Texas/West Virginia winner. I'm planning a more detailed play by play recap for that game, but we'll see.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Get Together Semifinal Brackets

SUGAR BOWL

(1) Alabama (16-0) v. (1) TCU (15-0)

ORANGE BOWL

(1) Texas (16-0) v. (3) West Virginia (12-3)

Fiesta Bowl Quarterfinal: (1) Boise St. v. (3) West Virginia



(1) Boise St. 20

(3) West Virginia 24

Cue Gus Johnson: "AND THE SHOE STILL FITS!" West Virginia knocked off unbeaten Boise St. to advance to the Orange Bowl to play Texas. I would just like to point out that in "real life" West Virginia played in the Gator Bowl (and lost).

Sorry

I would like to apologize to Mike McCarthy and/or Ted Thompson. Whichever one I said should be fired after the Tampa Bay loss. (I think I said McCarthy). I was wrong. Anyone that said they expected 11-5, especially after that ridiculous Tampa game is a liar.

The NFL can't be real happy with how things turned out in the wild card, from the standpoint that THREE of the four games are repeats of LAST WEEK! What are the odds of that happening? The Cowboys-Eagles I suppose isn't that strange since they play in the same division. Just awkward. Also, the NFL can't be real happy because this week was one of the worst weeks of NFL football in recent memory. The only game that both mattered, and was ever close was Pittsburgh/Miami. And it turned out neither team even got in. Just some horrendous football. Finally, that whole "let's add two more regular season games" thing, sounds good in theory, until you consider how shitty 25% of the games are the last two weeks already. I guess it probably would just move those two shitty weeks to the end in most circumstances. The NFL is just so fucking violent that I'm not sure how you can expect teams not to save guys for the playoffs. We'll see I guess.

The media was fairly um, wrong when they said the Packers were going to play on Saturday. It was WIDELY speculated all week that this was the case. I'm not sure I like waiting until Sunday afternoon again, but at least the game can't ruin my entire weekend if they lose.

You can't take anything away from this game really. The Cards had no interest in being there, and some of the Packers did. I'm a little unhappy with Rodgers playing as late as he did, but he wasn't injured so maybe it will be for the best. I like the Packers in this one.

One last thing. I LOVE how Fox called Dallas the "hottest team in the NFC" BEFORE they beat Philly. Even though they only one two straight (after losing like three or four in a row immediately prior to that lengthy, lengthy winning streak). Then after the Philly game, they throw up the "hottest team" graphic using only the last three games. This is despite the fact that Green Bay was 7-1 in their last 8, and Philly was 6-2. No media bias there at all.

Another last thing. He Who Shall Not Be Named is not out for stats. Exhibit #1: Going for it on fourth and goal up 34-0 and throwing the ball.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Lucky Fucks

The lucky fucks I refer to are three people I spent my day with on Friday. A friend, let's call him Schmock, and his wife, who we'll call Jamie, showed up at my place on Friday morning during the first half of the Northwestern game. During the previous day I had received a text message from Schmock asking, and I paraphrase, "if I wanted to bet on some college football games but didn't want to sign up online, how would I go about that?" Seriously Schmock? He couldn't simply ask if I could place some bets for him. So Schmock and Jamie ask me to place 5 separate $5 bets, four bowl games and then a parlay of those four bowl games (Northwestern +9, Penn St even, Ohio St +4.5 and Florida -13). As you can see they won all five bets. They also added Purdue over West Virginia (college basketball) and Lakers game over 211 to win a tidy $93 on the day and 7 for 7 on all their bets. My girlfriend is the other lucky fuck. She placed one 2 team bowl parlay and won. And she also won the over 211. I didn't have a bad day myself, winning a $125 parlay along with some other small wins. Between all of us we won $236, ate shitload of food and drank from 10:30am to midnight. An overall successful day.

Apparently I have some things to learn about betting, and Schmock and Jamie need to teach me.

The Giants +8 did not cover. No beans for Juice and Juice's brother.

Sunday Games

This is a parlay with me, Juice and Unkown Blogger. I will send both of you 40 beans if we hit it. Jaguars +1.5, Eagles +3, Giants +8 and Ravens -11.5. Giants game not looking too good.

Lazy Sunday

I don't expect today's game to be good or important. I think we will see alot of Matty Flynn and Matty Lienart. This is assuming that the Queens don't shit one down their leg. I've got 24-21 Cards if the game is unimportant. 35-20 if it is. And it will mean nothing for next week. My butthole is already tingling for playoff football.

Cotton Bowl Quarterfinal: (1) Texas v. (2) Ohio St.


(1) Texas 12
(2) Ohio St. 0
Texas will face Boise St/West Virginia winner in the Orange Bowl.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Citrus Bowl Quarterfinal Recap: (1) TCU v. (2) Iowa


(1) TCU 29
(2) Iowa 0
It will be Alabama-TCU in the Sugar Bowl Semifinal. Battle of unbeatens.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Clarification

OK, everyone who wants to participate, give me 2 picks in the order of importance. There are too many picks. I'm not picking every single pick everyone wants. I'm looking for, maybe, an 8 teamer. So, try again. List in order of importance, and I'll place the bet just before kickoff on Sunday.

Peach Bowl Quarterfinal Recap: (1) Alabama v. (1) Oregon


(1) Alabama 47
(1) Oregon 15
Alabama advances to the Sugar Bowl Semifinal to play the winner of TCU/Iowa.