Dells Debut

So tomorrow is going to mark the fourth consecutive Saturday that I get black out drunk. For a man my age, with a real job, and a house, and a wife (thank (Sports Bottle's) god no fucking kids), it is an impressive feat. Very difficult to do, especially since it was probably around 2003 the last time it happened.

Yes friends, this weekend is Schmock's bachelor party. It is taking place in Wisconsin Dells. I have never been drunk in Wisconsin Dells, which makes it one of the few "major" destinations in Wisconsin that I have not been intoxicated in. In fact, it has probably been about 15 years since I've been there at all. And every trip involved just going to a waterpark and going home. It is, after all, the waterpark capital of the world. So I will get drunk in Wisconsin Dells, which is nice. I imagine the party to fall somewhere in between falling asleep cuddling Worm at 8 p.m., and paying prostitutes to do a group golden shower on Schmock. The possibilities are endless.

I really have no idea what to expect, because I have never been there before. Each city in Wisconsin has its own ebbs and flows to drinking. They are hard to describe, and generally if you are good at it, you end up blacked out regardless, but if you have spent significant time drinking in various Wisconsin hamlets, you understand what I mean.

I'm not really sure what my point is other than that I'm getting up at like 5:30 am tomorrow, to drive to a strange town to drink all day.

VEGAS UPDATE

The shit is on bitches. Sports Bottle, Richard, a bunch of strange homosexual men and I are headed to Vegas in late October. I intentionally spent an extra $45 on a plane ticket so I could a) drive an extra 3 hours, b) get zero sleep on Monday morning, c) start drinking at 9 a.m. on a Thursday, and d) join the mile high club with Sports Bottle. Now that the tickets were finally booked, and if you haven't done it in a while, is super motherfucking stressful and time consuming, I can get back to blogging instead of working as opposed to checking plane ticket prices and not working.

PS. Plenty of space available on the gayest Vegas trip ever. And yes, I'm talking to you Twinkie.

BREW CREW HANGOVER

Hey, they didn't lose last night. And the pitching staff didn't give up any home runs. Too bad the mighty Washington Nationals are up next. The funny thing is, as bad as the Crew has been, Braun and Fielder have been carrying my fantasy team. Oh, and I haven't watched a whole game in like 2 weeks, and it has been not stressful.

NEW BLOG

unkownqbdiary.blogspot.com had a pretty good first, and likely last post. I agree with much of it, except that He Who Shall Not Be Named is definitely to blame. And I wish bodily harm on him. Or at least bags of bodily fluids. His "fans" are fucking annoying as shit. (EDITORS NOTE: Did you realize you fucking spelled "UNKNOWN" wrong in the title of your blog? UnKOWN is going to make it difficult to find my man.)