Monday, August 3, 2009

"Just The Tip"

Well, I'm back at work this morning. And I'm just going to go ahead and say that I'm not all that happy to be here. I continue my streak of drinking coffee on a Monday morning after a long weekend of drinking, and regretting it. I sincerely wish I could just take Monday's after long drinking weekends off. But if I did that this month, I would only work like 8 days, which is probably unacceptable to the people that pay me.

ANYWAYS, successful weekend overall. Highlights included:

-Discussing how my friends and I never, ever see each other and not get completely fucking shitfaced. Ever.

-Continuing the streak of needlessly stretching these things out for two nights, and then starting by noon on the second day, just prove that we aren't old yet.

-A surprising number of discussions about kids, landscaping, cleaning and other old person shit, even though only one person has a kid.

-A chip in for par on the third hole by me.

-Open and blatant carrying on of alcoholic beverages to the golf course.

-Mark and I beating "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker", "The Simpsons" and "Double Dragon" on his sweet ass arcade machine.

-Open and obvious drunk driving by a relative of the bachelor, despite the fact that there was plenty of room in the cabs.

-An unattractive waitress muttering the following two things to Sports Bottle: "Surprise, Surprise, right in my eyes." and "Wanna play just the tip later?" Both statements were unwelcome (probably) and completely out of the blue.

-The pregnant bartender at Champion's Sports Bar.

-First trip to the Oval Office "Gentleman's Club"

-(story redacted) at the Oval Office "Gentleman's Club"

-Stiffing the "bathroom attendant" at the Oval Office. I refused to fucking pay to have someone turn on the sink for me. It isn't that difficult. Even though I was retarded drunk.

-A bunch of stuff happening at Cock & Bull which I don't remember.

-The chick fight at that other bar.

-Mark and Richard dancing their fucking asses off.

-Rest of the night was a blur. Remember playing golden tee, but don't know if I finished. Remember eating like two whole pizzas. I allegedly was dragged off of an air mattress onto a cement floor and I didn't even react. Woke up feeling like I was going to die. The End.

PS. Lets do this shit all over again this Friday and Saturday. Anyone? The 4th annual Orenthal James Simpson Football Association draft is sometime on Saturday. The dominance shall continue.


The Sports Bottle said...

Juice uses the term "par" loosely.

Juicelaw said...

Winter Rules. Always.

PS. If you don't mind, I'm going to hit a second.