Monday, May 3, 2010

Do They Make a Pill for This?

The Milwaukee Brewers have schizophrenia. And I'm honestly not trying to make light of the real disease, which is probably horrible. Maybe they are bi-polar. I dunno. The point is, the Brewers don't seem to know either, which is causing them to play horribly.

Sometimes the starters get shelled, and we all blame that.

Sometimes the bullpen blows a lead, and we all blame that.

Sometimes, we can't hit, and we all blame that.

The Crew is running out of things to blame. Perhaps they aren't that good. As a broad generality, I say that good teams usually don't have this many things go wrong in the first 25 games. And I'm saying this without any stats to back it up. I wish someone would prove me wrong. Sometimes good teams will go through long stretches where a lot of stuff goes wrong, and they figure it out and go on to win. But I just can't fathom a really good, playoff caliber team, that has things go this outrageously wrong with so many different things over the course of this short of a period of time. Its not like when the starters are bad, we lose 6-5. It is 9-3. When the bullpen blows leads, it is a three run lead, and it is three days in a row. When we can't hit, we get shutout 3 out of 4 games, and the game where we do score two runs, one comes on a homer from our pitcher. Things just seem to be getting out of hand.

We already are 7 games behind St. Louis, who has the champagne on ice for their divisional championship celebration on June 3rd. According to, the Cards have a 77% chance of winning the division. The Brewers have a 4% chance.

Deep Breath. On to the bright side.

We are 25 games into a 1,573 game season. So it is early. And other "good" teams are sucking balls too. And they won't ALL be bad, right? Boston is 11-14 in a much tougher division. The Angels are 12-14. Atlanta is 11-4. The Dodgers are 11-14.

Prince can't possibly be this bad all year.

And if Prince is this bad all year, we can either a) resign him long term or b) convince some team to trade him for a bunch of stuff. But seriously if he sucks this year, he fucks every plan the Brewers are working on right now.

Hoffman will probably figure it out. Right?


Rick Peterson's coat can continue to cover up what I imagine is a chest hair fro. (Dude, take off your jacket. It is 70 degrees.)

IN CONCLUSION, if Milwaukee ever needed a day off it is today. They should enjoy their day off in either San Diego or L.A., Ryan Braun can have some sort of red carpet event for whatever he is trying to sell today. I say it is a merkin. My wife says his mouthguards. Either way, he will definitely be in US Weekly this week.

AS AN ASIDE, I was watching the Kentucky Derby on Saturday and saw A-Rodg get interviewed on "Millionaire Row", and he was wearing a douchie fedora and a gray suit. But it was A-Rodg so it was awesome. In the past two weeks I've seen pictures of him in Vegas, and now drinking mint juleps with trophy whores in Kentucky.

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