Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Hate The Gym

Reasons I hate the gym.

1. I'm chubby.

2. I don't have bulging muscles

3. Even though I pay them like $50/month, they never recognize me at he door

4. As soon as I started paying $50/month, they offered "new members" $10/month

5. There is a mysterious layer of fluid on the locker room floor which is either: water from outside, urine, sweat, shower residue, pool residue, or 100% pure AIDS

6. The locker I want is always full of some dude's shit that doesn't use a lock.

7. As soon as I pick an empty locker, some meathead or fat dude goes to the locker RIGHT next to me to crowd me while I'm trying to change.

8. As soon as I pick an empty locker, some dude walks out of the shower with his wang everywhere.

9. Strange wang.

10. Trying to balance on one foot so that my bare foot doesn't touch the locker room floor while I'm changing socks. Because it would fall off.

11. The random half tissue/piece of toilet paper stuck in the wetness on the floor

12. Going to the gym at all.

13. The dude in the locker room bathroom that is in the stall clearly letting loose an all liquid shit due to the laxitives he is taking.

14. The dude clearly shooting steroids in the bathroom stall.

15. The dude that doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom and immediately uses the piece of equipment you wanted.

16. The guy that showers at the gym at 6pm for no reason.

17. The guy that shaves at the gym at 6pm for no reason.

18. The guy that leaves his fucking shaved whiskers all over the bathroom sink at the gym.

19. The people that not only don't lock up their shit, but refuse to even use a locker even though there are quite a few available, and leave their shit on the floor.

20. How the soap dispenser dispenses soap in such a way that I can't possibly judge where it is going to end up. All I know is that it won't end up on my hands.

21. How due to the $10/month memberships, there are always 12 people signing up for a membership.

22. How the gym is fucking packed, yet they keep herding in these assholes because they know that they do auto-withdrawals and people are lazy and stupid and will forget to not pay for at least a few months.

23. Waiting to do something at the gym.

24. People that seemingly go to the gym for the sole purpose of filling up 32 oz. water bottles at the bubbler. You rude fucks.

25. The people that will go to a weight machine and sit there like an old/fat piece of shit for a half hour with no regard for anyone else at the gym, because they are a stupid fuckhead. DO YOUR SET AND GET THE FUCK UP!!!!!

26. The dirty ass floors.

27 The dirty ass gym mats.

28. The random pubes everywhere.

29. The people that wear their dirty ass shoes in the gym that leave pieces of gravel and shit everywhere.

30. Lifting weights.

31. Ab work.

32. The guys that scream like they are dying while they lift weights.

33. The guys that are 5'8" 260 lbs with 74" biceps that do one rep and then throw the 745 lbs of weight on the ground to see how much noise they can make.

34. Making eye contact with any of the gorillas.

35. Doing cardio work.

36. People walking on the treadmill for an hour. Fucking walk outside if you want to walk you lazy fuck.

37. The terrible music at the gym.

38. The fact there are 5 flat screen TVs and two are turned to Fox News.
39. That there are 5 HD TVs, yet they manage to have two of them not in HD at all times.
40. When I get to my locker after the workout, the naked dudes are still there waiting for me.
41. The meathead screaming christian rock to himself while it is just him and I in the locker room.

1 comment:

gotwinkies said...

Although I quit going to the gym simply because my daughter is already high-maintenance and because I'm lazy, that was a fucking spectacular list.