Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Fake Pleasantries, Brewer Tickets and My Unbiased Biased Prediction(s)

I was assured, several times, by employees and returning guests alike, that "no worries mon", the Packer game will definitely be available at your resort in Jamaica. This provided me some comfort during a treacherous drive to Sandals Whitehouse along the southern coast of Jamaica a little over a week ago. As we winded through a narrow road for almost two horrifying hours, I was able to observe a little of native Jamaican life. It appears 3rd world, but for a 3rd world country sure were a lot of fat people sitting in front of their tiny shacks/huts. I'm not sure what that means. It's definitely 3rd world, but not, like, West Darfur 3rd world.

We arrived, me checking my watch every 15 seconds and asking where I could catch the Packer game that was starting very shortly. They'll be showing it in the games room, I was assured. Ok, well, hurry the fuck up and check us in. We got upgraded to a two room suite, sweet. Fully stocked mini bar, huge bed, amazing view of the sunset and ocean. I find out we have cable TV and am actually able to catch the Steelers/Ravens game. Soon after, I whip a Red Stripe out of the fridge and settle in for the Packer game.

Well, things didn't work out like I had planned. The FOX station that was available was apparently FOX from Slovenia or something. It's barely visible, no one speaks English and they definitely don't have the Packer/Falcon game on. So we quickly leave the room to find this "game room." We find it. No Packer game but we're told by some random dude that another random dude is Skype-ing the game in the main lobby. Bullshit. The main lobby is empty.

So, I'll cut out the part about me swearing and making racially unacceptable comments and tip my hat to Sandals. I had no way to follow the game unless I had internet access. I needed to follow the game. Internet access costs money. So I paid and watched updates on Yahoo. That is a true NFL experience right there.

Other than that, we had a great week. This resort was fantastic. Red Stripe isn't very good and doesn't get any better when you drink it non stop for a week, but it properly played it's roll. I avoided all the drinks that sound like kinky sex positions (i.e. dirty banana). Only one hangover was had. My pale Irish skin heroically took on the sun and the sun beat my ass. I also found out that every American loves when the natives say "mon." We all laugh and giggle like little children. After observing this for a couple days I investigated and found out the employees are told to kick the shit out of the word. I had/heard several conversations where an employee responded with "ya mon" or "no problem mon" when it made no sense. For example, I walked by two lifeguards (they all speak English) and said, "How you guys doing?" To which one responded "Ya mon." I felt like exploring this a little deeper with those two but felt it was probably useless. But we did blatantly ask one employee if they're told to say it much more than they normally would, or if they actually say it at all during their regular lives, but he would only smile and not answer us. Anyways, it's awesome when they say it, and I laugh and giggle every time.


Anyone interested in getting in on a Brewer 20 pack of tickets? You are able to pick which games you want to go to. The Brewer ticket guy is pestering us like crazy because Mrs Sports Bottle bought a 9 pack last year and it appears to be completely unacceptable for her not to buy another ticket package this year. A possible stalking charge might be in this guy's future.


As all our (2) loyal readers know, I have been heavily involved in sports betting for a little over a year now. By heavily, I mean the one or two dollars a day I spend. I'll let everyone know I'm up over $650 due to the $900 I won with that 12 team baseball parlay last summer.

I've become pretty damn good at guessing the spreads of NFL games. I'm almost always within a half point of guessing the spread and I at least know who the favorite will be. I was wrong about the Super Bowl. I guessed the Steelers would be favored by 2.5. Well, the Packers are favored by 2.5. I figured that would quickly make it's way towards a pick 'em game. But again I was wrong. As I sit here, Bodog has the Packers by 3. If I were a betting man I would take the Steelers. But I'm not, so I'll bet on the Packers. I actually have two predictions because I can't imagine a more evenly matched game. I feel either the Steelers will win convincingly or the Packers will win a close one. So I'll say 31-17 Steelers or 27-24 Packers. Over/under is 45, so I'll obviously take the over.

I hate being the favorites. The Steelers are now have just a little more incentive to win.


Packer/Bears was an interesting experience. We actually flew into O'Hare as the game was starting. I was able to program my DVR from Jamaica to record the game. I told Mrs Bottle that we needed to avoid all TVs at the airport. We walked off the plane and kept tunnel vision all the way to baggage claim, only to find out they have a huge flat screen TV 6 inches from the baggage carousel with about 50 people watching (most wearing Bears jerseys). So I said fuck it and watched a large chunk of the 1st half while waiting for our bags. It was rather intimidating. There were several large black men watching the game. I spotted a Neal Anderson jersey. Not that I have anything against big black dudes, and I'm sure they're all sweethearts, but I'm definitely a white dude who would not be considered big. Needless to say, I acted completely uninterested when the Pack did something positive. People have been murdered for less. I missed the first TD, then watched a bunch of the game, and then missed the second TD, but accidentally heard about it on the radio in the shuttle to pick up our car. Once we got home, we watched the entire second half, minus all the commercials, which is fucking awesome.

A couple observations -

It has always been my opinion that a team should never, NEVER, rush only 3 guys. But that's what Dom Capers decides to do against a 3rd string QB???? The Bears got lucky early on with their playcalling when we blitzed and the random QB made a couple good passes. But then we tuck our tails between our legs and decide to rush only 3? This did not work. I could understand if it was effective, but it wasn't.

Urlacher is a punk. He whined like a fucking bitch after Peppers' personal foul call resulting from embedding his helmet in Rodgers' face. That call was a no-brainer. Then there was the pass interference call immediately following that play. Both calls were obvious but Urlacher had to be pulled away from the ref. Your team finally had the golden horseshoe pulled out of their ass. Fucking deal with it.

I can't imagine how pissed I would be if I were a Bears fan after that play call on 3rd and 2 with 50 seconds left. A sweep??? That was beautiful.

What was Nick Collins doing on that TD pass? He appeared to be going for the INT but even if Bennett doesn't catch the ball and Collins does, he's gonna be 6 feet out of bounds. Then Woodson completely gives up thinking Collins is gonna make the tackle. I have hated every safety we've had since LeRoy Butler left. They are all completely overrated (Darren Sharper). Our safeties have to lead the league in open field tackle situations where they don't lay a hand on the ballcarrier.


HHHTheGame said...

Ahhh, the 90 minute death bus ride from the airport to Whitehouse....

Juicelaw said...

Good to hear from you! They must have internets access in Mexico or Aruba or Europe or wherever you are on your latest vacation! That one day of work must've been exhausting.

PS. I HATE going anywhere between September and January because of what you described.

Juicelaw said...

I would love to go to 20 Brewer games, but I doubt I could pull it off without getting divorced. I'm hoping for like 5 though. If you get one, you should get the Twins series at the end of June. Trying to do a repeat of last year's trip in Minnesota, Milwaukee style.

The Sports Bottle said...

I didn't mean you needed to go to 20 games. I meant we would get maybe 10 games and then there would be another 10 games for others to choose.

I'll definitely go to the Twins series at the end of June. We are off weekends during that time period. Mark it down.

gotwinkies said...

I am fully convinced that Sports Bottle sells meth or some other illegal drug to finance his 5 annual tropical vacations. There is no other way to explain it.

I know people who are married to Doctors that don't have the cash he does.

And yes, I'm still alive.