HOLIDAY BENDER
So it is Christmas time. And this year it is extra special, because we are headed to Lambeau to worship the one true God (sorry Sports Bottle's god), Saint Vince. I'm headed to Lambeau for Packers-Giants in what amounts to a playoff game. What does this mean? Well, it means I have extra drinking motivation.
Typically in my family Christmas Eve is the night to drink. And while it doesn't always happen, if it doesn't, Christmas tends to be a fairly dry holiday. But this year is different. See, I plan to drink my way through the night tonight, while not getting out of control and feeling out the situation. It is weird to drink heavily by yourself, but sometimes my Dad, brother and cousins get in on the act and it turns to fun. We'll see. I've already been warned that I can't puke and/or be hung over tomorrow (does that mean I have a problem)?
Christmas Day usually involves a lot of driving and a few Old Fashions (google it if you aren't from Northeast Wisconsin), but not drinking heavily. However, since the Packer game is Sunday, we are expecting company on Christmas night in the form of Richard at least, and hopefully my brother as well. And, lets face it, I'm not capable of sitting around other dudes for a whole night and not drinking. Since it is Christmas night, there probably aren't bars open, so the bar will be open at my crib (and I'm pretty sure Grandma and Grandpa are getting me a bottle of Grey Goose, so there is that).
And Sunday, well, Sunday is going to be awesome. There is somewhere between 10 people and everyone I know going to the game on Sunday. It is a late afternoon start, which means a) more time to get over the previous night's hangover and b) an easier time drinking more prior to game time. Also, I took the liberty of not working on Monday, because I'm planning to go until my wife makes me stop. It should be epic. Oh, and there is going to be a great ass football game. I predict a really good crowd and a Packer win.
So being hung over/drunk for the next three days is in my future. Praise Jesus.
ALLEGED DOUBLE MURDER BOWL V
Now comes the time in the post where I stop being festive, and start getting serious. I've got some money to win this week. The White Broncos (11-4) are taking on Schmock's team (13-2). I handed Schmock a loss two weeks ago. But this time I've got some potentially serious injury issues. MoJo Drew is now being called a "game time decision", which fucking sucks because I'm going to the game and will be unable to change my lineup late. I may be forced to start Fred Jackson in his place. Schmock leads the all time series 6-4, but I'm currently favored by 8. MVP Aaron Rodgers v. former MVP Phillip Rivers and offensive player of the year Arian Foster. Winner becomes the first two-time winner of the league. The TV audience on TLC is expected to break records. The GooGoo Dolls are the halftime entertainment. Axl Rose is singing the national anthem.
But here is the deal. Schmock picked up MoJo's backup before I could get to him, so I'm serious now. I'm going to give a ridiculous pregame speech. I'm taking money out of Schmock's kid's mouth. I'm taking diaper money away. I'm just being real.
Merry Fuckin' Christmas boys and girls. Here's to hoping everyone gets the shit they want, pays their credit card bills on time, and eats and drinks way more than they should.
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