Monday, August 16, 2010

By Popular Demand

I've been requested to give a recap of the only thing more boring than people talking about their fantasy football teams, and/or previewing fantasy football games: someone else's fantasy football draft.

But first, this quick aside. Madden '11. Vikings at Packers. 2nd quarter. He goes down with a torn PCL. Nice.


-Mark, my brother and I meet out at a bar for dinner. We eat, have a few beers. Mark needs to go to the grocery store. We end up deciding once in for all that we are making Ron Ron Juice. I'd like to jump in on myself here and point out that the three of us are 29, 26 and 29 years old respectively. And are not teenage girls. Ok, my brother and I both had vodka on the ready, so we needed the juice and fruit. We bought it. Went back to play Mark's arcade machine, drink Kul Lite (no umlaut available on Blogger). About 2 am I died.


I went home to shower. While cleaning myself, Richard asked my wife out on a date for bloody mary's. Fucking prick. He gracefully invited me. We go to Stadium View at 10:00 am. Richard's car nearly gets towed because it is a game day. They were charging to park NINE HOURS before a PRESEASON GAME. And people were paying. And tailgating. This happens nowhere else on earth, I can promise you. We have a couple of drinks and head over for some drafting. Start pounding Horny Goat beer. It is good. Finally everyone arrives. We draft. Duper/Spensely managed to draft Ben Tate, who went out for the year that very evening. Which is funny as shit. Some other questionable picks were had, and the popular quote to take away was "Any time you can get a running back that splits carries with two other running backs, you probably need to draft him."


And now things get sketchy. It is decided after the draft that it is time for Ron Ron Juice. It was delicious. Then the Packers started. Well, the offense did anyway. Defense, not so much. I'm teetering on black out by like 8 pm., so what is the next step? You guessed it. Let's go to the bars. All I can really tell you about the bars is at some point we end up at either the gayest straight bar on earth, or the straightest gay bar. It had stripper poles, and it also had nothing but guys in it. Anyway, prior to this draft, my wife felt it would be a good idea to set up one of my friends with one of her friends. And when I tell you it was a disaster of epic proportions, I wouldn't be even close to adequately describing the carnage. In no particular order, the following occurred: guy having to be coaxed into talking to girl, girl ignoring him, awkward conversation (to put it mildly), completely random non-sensical rambling/slurred speech by guy, girl wearing a sombrero, guy grabbing a FULL (and unwanted) handful of girls ass, my wife apologizing to her friend, guy getting booted from the bar for reasons unknown (although being a drunken asshole is probably one of them), guy trying to come back and getting nearly thrown down the 29 steps by the bounce, guy leaving his hat at the bar which had a house key in it for some reason, even though he clearly had pants with pockets on, guy wandering around downtown Green Bay by himself and nobody really caring that much, 6 of us eventually hopping in a cab and leaving guy downtown with Schmock.

We then got back to Mark's. Bear used the blow up mattress in the living room as a trampoline. I broke my kneecap on Bear's head. I passed out, and am still sick. Fun!


The Sports Bottle said...

So the Spensley/what's her name experiment was attempted? Sounds like it when smoothly. He got game.

Juicelaw said...

Yeah, not so much. Jagged is a severe understatement.

gotwinkies said...

I would blame it on Asian Spensley and not Spensley.

Bear said...

Once again my team is downright terrifying, even without my typical 1 or 2 fantastic waiver wire transactions that are a lock to happen every year. Good luck gentlemen and lady