Thursday, February 24, 2011

The makings of another first round exit

Since I'm an underachieving public servant, I thought I would copy Juice and do a little Twins preview, since I know how much the other 2 people that read this blog love the Twins!

Frankie Liriano - Noah Lowry - former pitcher of 2002-07 Giants - a short career - just like Liriano's when his elbow explodes after a slider (again) this year

Carl Pavano - Cy Young...just kidding. Jon Liber and Tim Wakefield. As the old saying could be worse. Never a good sign when you think of your number 2 and shrug your shoulder and go "he's not terrible".

Brian Duensing - Hideki Okajima - Never trust a former Nebraska Cornhusker...or the Japanese.

Kevin Slowey - Phil Hughes - well then, I'd say the Yankees get a little more hype...

Nick Blackburn - Journeyman Paul Mitchell (ended career with Brewers - the Brewers have been known to make alot of people hang it up) - Also this, the Twins have an $8 million option for Blackburn for 2014. I wouldn't count your money just yet Nick.

Matt Capps - Fernando Valenzuela - Ok, I just made that up because because they are both fat.

Joe Nathan - K - Rod - YES! Finanly something positive. Until you remember that Nathan is coming off of Tommy John's surgery. Soon they will rename it "Fransisco Liriano surgery."

Position Players

Joseph Patrick Mauer - Victor Martinez or Mickey Cochrane (through age 27). Since Mickey Mantle was named after Mickey Cochrane, this has to be a positive. Even if Mauer just had a few more shots in his knee and it is only February.

Justin Morneau - Travis Hafner or David Ortiz and Mo fucking Vaughn! (thru age 29) - And also, it's entirely possible he may not play a game this year. Also on the list, Kent Hrbeck who now weighs about 450 lbs.

Tsuyoshi Nishioka - Imagine that. Baseball reference doesn't have any comparisions. What a bunch of racists. I'm gonna go with the Japanese manager from "Mr. Baseball".

Danny Valencia - Another starter with no comparisons available. Also, he is going to be good, once he gets out of high school. One more note, I think "Dan" would have been alot better choice than "Danny".

Alexi Casilla - I can't make this shit up. He's been with the team for at least 5 years and I couldn't remember his fucking name off the top of my head. I just know him as the guy with the big gap in his teeth. Al Kozar of the 1941 Washington Senators. Yeah, that's right.

Michael Cuddyer - My favorite Twin. A real workhorse and he compares to... Milton Bradley. Fuck, that was depressing. I guess I could see "Cuddy" going psycho and having mental issues after having to cover for Morneau another season at 1st base and wasting one of the best outfield arms in the majors.

Delmon Young - Carl Yastremski! Well then, didn't see that coming either. Guess that means he will no doubt win the Triple Crown. Also, is Young not the oldest looking 25 year old out there? I predict a Danny Almonte moment in the near future.

Denard Span - Algie McBride of the 1898 Cincinnati Reds. That means Span HAS to be good.

James Howard Thome - I expected Babe Ruth, but Frank Thomas or Sammy Sosa. Not gonna rip Thome at all. Still can't believe he re-signed for $3 million. Even if he only makes it through May, his presence and big schlong in the clubhouse will be worth it.

That was actually very depressing. GO TWINS!

1 comment:

Juicelaw said...

I think I would take the Twins comparisons to be honest.

Also, Yaz must've sucked balls. Because Delmon Young does.

Too bad you couldn't make it Milwaukee to have yourself a real baseball experience. There is zero chance you could resist getting drunk at a Brewer game, life threatening or not.