Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I Ate This

I'm not kidding. Oh, and I also ate about a million Cajun fries with it. The above monstrosity is a "regular cheeseburger" with toppings "all the way" (minus mayo) from "Five Guys Burgers and Fries". I finished it about five minutes ago, and I'm a little bit lightheaded. I can't decide if it was the best or the worst burger I've ever had. I think I'm leaning towards best. For those of you who haven't been there (and I'm pretty sure they have these in larger cities, so you may have, but I just had my cherry popped because this just opened in Green Bay last week so humor me), here are my initial reactions:

-Location is either horrible or great. It is right on Oneida St. off of the Hwy 41 exit. But I personally never go on this part of Oneida St. so it must suffer traffic wise v. mall location.

- You walk in and you see huge stacks potato sacks and peanut oil. Oh, and boxes of in-shell peanuts that you can eat while you wait, as if you needed to eat before what you eat in that picture.

-It is similar to a Chipotle or Qdoba in that there are like 8 things on the menu, and it is made fresh when you order. You pretty much get a regular or little burger, cheeseburger or bacon cheeseburger, regular or large regular/Cajun fries. My bill was $8 for a regular cheeseburger (which somehow has two patties) and Cajun fries. "All the way" is ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles, fried mushrooms and fried onions.

-The kitchen is open like at a Subway or whatever, and you can see the 13 employees gather 'round to make your burger. They literally put the unfrozen patty on the griddle when I ordered it, which is nice.

-Lots of white trash in the building, which may be redundant for the place I call home.

-It took about 3 minutes to get that thing made. I looked online and figure I inhaled about 1,500 calories.

-They put your order in a bag of medium-ish size whether it is here or to go. They put your regular fries in a normal size cup, and your burger in the bag. And then the FILL THE FUCKING BAG WITH FRIES. It is insane. And they are like fresh cut potato fries too.

-I'm generally not a big burger guy going out. I feel like I can make my own better, which is pretty unusual for any food. The notable exception is Kroll's.

-For what it is (fast casual or whatever) it is goddamn good. It is basically the Chipolte of burger restaurants, which is a huge compliment since I love Chipotle. I just like burritos more than I like burgers.

-CONCLUSION: I'm a little bit overwhelmed right now (I just took a dump post-Whitney Center style. UW-L shout out!!). It isn't the type of place I would go to on a regular basis because a) contrary to popular belief, I'm not a pig; b) It is SO much food; c) Given a choice of going out for bad food fast, I'm probably still going pizza or burritos; d) it is really far from my house, and I'm lazy. With that said, I would go back. I would like to play around with toppings. They offer such things as: hot sauce, jalapenos and A-1 sauce. Maybe if I didn't need the help of my pet midget Al to help me hold the burger, I would like it even more.

On a scale of McDonald's (the worst restaurant on the planet) (1)to Black & Tan (where I've had my best meal ever) (10), I would put it at a 6.5, which is a step below Chipotle, and a step above Culver's. But I think there is potential to get it up to Chipotle range. I bet if I was drunk it would be even better.


ricky said...

I rank it a notch below In N Out burger. It is fantastic.

The Sports Bottle said...

I also can't tell if it's the worst burger ever or the best. After I eat that fucking thing and the million fries I feel the way I do when I'm hungover (i.e. when I'm hungover I feel like throwing up when I think about what I drank the night before). That is how I feel five minutes after a Five Guys burger.

gotwinkies said...

In other news, have you kept all that weight off that you've lost?

Fuzzy said...

Five Guys is by far the best burger joint I've been to. Of course I've never ventured over to In N Out yet, but that's because I can't stand all the douchebags from CA that get hard ons just from talking about how amazing it is.

Juicelaw said...

Well, there you go. I guess I'm the only one that HASN'T had Five Guys.

I haven't had In N Out yet. I'm hoping to see one in San Diego later this month.

I also have a hangover from the burger.

And I have kept (most) of the weight off.