Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm a Junkie


I have a problem. About 18 months ago, I came across Alka-Seltzer Wake Up Call. I reviewed it somewhere on this site. It works for me. I took my last dose back in March when Sports Bottle and I got severely intoxicated in Milwaukee. I hadn't really gotten completely plowed (or at least planned ahead to get severely plowed) since. Seeing as drinking season begins in earnest on Friday, I looked in the trusty spot in the grocery store for my elixir. They didn't have it. This was a few weeks back, and I didn't worry that much, because sometimes a grocery store is out of shit. This Saturday, I was out and about running errands and what not, and I figured I would pick up some hangover cure, knowing full well I was going to need it twice this weekend. The grocery store still didn't have it. The Target next door didn't have it. I thought, "Well, shit, Walgreen's has EVERYTHING. They will have it, and I'll pick up two packs for good measure." Out. The Shopko Express down the street from my house. Out. The next day, while we were out visiting mothers, I made stops at a CVS, another Walgreens, a Wal-Mart (against my better judgment) and Festival Foods. None of them has it. I've come to the conclusion that this miracle cure probably killed 5 or 12 teenagers who OD'ed on it and it caused their hearts to explode. And now it appears it has been discontinued. Fuck. Me. This is like learning that they stopped making Vodka. I don't know what to do. I could order it online, but I would never get it in time for this weekend, and probably not for next weekend either. Plus they are raping people like triple the price.

So I am imploring anyone who I know that might be married to someone with some type of degree in the drug dispersion trade, that may or may not have ties to some underground shit, to see if she is aware of a way for me to get it before Friday. Or if there is any similar cure/concoction/combination of similar type drugs that I can take to cure what is going to happen to me on Saturday and Sunday morning. Not as worried about Saturday, because usually a screwdriver or eight takes care of a hangover, but that really isn't an option on Sunday. Eventually, I will have to not be drunk. Please post said cures in the comments. Or text/email me. I'm desperate. Thank you.

SHIT IN MY EYE 2010!!!

I've been going to Shit in My Eye since 2001 I believe. With off years for various graduations and such. I'm guessing this is like my sixth appearance. Taking off at noon, hoping to get down by 3, drinking by 3:01, drunk by 4, going for random walks by 8, blacked out by 9.

For those that are curious what the point is, here is Wikipedia. But all that shit is sort of meaningless. What it means is that it is Oktoberfest light, in the spring time. Light generally because it is cheaper, it is in a smaller city, there are fewer bars and fewer people. Not light because we drink less. Because that isn't true at all. Other Syttende Mai thoughts:

Traditionally, one of our "crew" manages to piss someone in Schmock's family off, and someone cries. Usually it is the same person on both ends.

Schmock's dad often drinks all night and goes to work early the next morning. Sometimes with no sleep.

One time Schmock's dad saw a ghost.

One time Richard (who will be absent this year) almost died of a head explosion.

One time Schmock's dog DID die.

One time Sports Bottle almost got punched in his drunk face by his then girlfriend. He is no longer dating said girlfriend.

One time I shit on an abandoned semi trailer somewhere on the complete opposite end of town in the middle of the night. I was under aged. I had nothing to wipe with.

1 comment:

linda said...

Ok, I love this stuff, I buy it when i head to New Orleans so it's been a year and a half (last packer game). I bought mine on drugstore.com at the time but I looked and they are out. They do have it on amazon.com and it's still on the alka seltzer website so it can't be discontinued. But the retailers listed on there include walgreens and kmart, the only 2 here in the midwest.

If you can't find it, just take a couple of excedrin which has caffeine and aspirin and 2 regular alka seltzer...seems it would be the same thing...?