"Your Hard Drive Has Been Corrupted..."

Well thanks a fucking lot Dish Network. Fucking pricks. My DVR started acting up yesterday. Basically, it didn't work, and gave me some bullshit message about data not being available. So I "reset" the receiver, which did nothing. Today, I got home from work and went to watch PTI, and it gave me same message. After turning through the worthless help website (No fucking way am I sitting on the phone with those pricks), it said to unplug the receiver and plug it back in, which I guess is different than resetting it. Whatever, I did it, and it came back with a message telling me that "I may have difficulties pausing and recording live shows. And I needed to unplug the receiver" No shit Sherlock. So I did it again. And this time I got the "MY DATA IS CORRUPT" message and that the only option I had was to delete everything from my hard drive. If you don't have a DVR, you are Amish and probably also don't have the Internets, so I'm not sure why I included that phrase, but if you don't have a DVR, you don't understand what a problem this is. Because people that have a DVR tend not only to record shows that they really like and watch religiously, but they tend to get a little adventurous and record things they might like, or are curious about (midget cake fetish porn). Also, the "season passes", or the timers for every fucking show you've ever cared about watching, some of which have long been cancelled but you are too lazy to delete, disappear. And those take a long time to accumulate. Not unlike terrible posts on this blog. So those have to be rebuilt from scratch. Inevitably, you will forget one, and miss like 4 episodes of a show and never see them again.

Also, in my accumulation of shit, I had the entire series of "Breaking Bad" that I was four episodes into. And the entire season of "Justified" that I just watched pilot for. 5 or 6 random movies I recorded off of HBO a year ago that I was probably going to get to at some point, and the last 30 for 30. All of them are fucking gone.

So what am I going to do about it other than bitch? Probably nothing. My contract is another year I think and I have to pay like $10,000 to get out of it. I guess I could call and threaten them and hope for a discount or something, which usually works by the way, but I don't have any real leverage because I can't just quit and go back to Time Warner (which I still hate). So probably I will convince my wife that we either order Netflix or she will be forced to watch the Brewers trip over their dicks for another 80 games or so.

UPDATE: And I just restarted the receiver after deleting the hard drive (allegedly) and I can't even look at it. What the fuck.

2ND UPDATE: After 20 minutes on the phone, I was informed that the receiver had to be replaced, and they would mail us one, blah, blah, blah. Then I asked when my contract was up. The guy asked why? I said because I just lost 50 hours of shit on my DVR because your equipment sucks. He said it was up in April....And then he didn't offer me shit. What. A. Prick. Time Warner, which again is terrible, would've offered me a shitload of free shit to stay. They almost convinced me to stay when I quit them two years ago, their offer was so ridiculous. Fucker. Well, wait till my wife finds out. She will be PISSED. I can pretty much guarantee she will be on the phone within 5 minutes and will not get off until she gets in a shouting match, gets free shit, or cancels the service. She is scary.

To be continued....

What a Bust

Went on a Brewer bus trip yesterday and it was disappointing to say the least. The Crew lost, which sucks. I knew only 4 other people on the bus, and none of them got drunk, which made my desire to get drunk awkward and pointless. The people that I didn't know were all in their late 30's, early 40's, and were white trash. On the bright side, at least I don't have to pretend to be interested in soccer anymore. Although, I did find it very interesting that the U.S.-Ghana game was on all of the TVs in the Miller Park concourse. Miller Park is still the best stadium I've been to as far as the overall experience when you take tailgating festivities into account. This post was rambling and incoherent.

In other news, five straight wins does not a playoff team make. I still believe the worst possible thing that could happen is for the Brewers to go like 15-5 in their next 20, get to about 6 back, and think they have a shot. They don't.

OJSFA draft, the 5th annual, and the longest draft in sports, begins in earnest next weekend with the keeper portion. Bear has the honor of starting.

I swear I'm not on LSD. This was an absolute waste of a post.

Trade is official for CDR

Well the trade with the Nets is now official, the Bucks traded a 2012 2nd round draft pick for Chris-Douglas Roberts. We acquired that pick from the Bulls when we snagged Salmons and swapped first rounders with them mid last season. The Nets gave CDR away for basically free because they're trying to open up cap room to land one of the big boys in this year's free agency

Trade updates!

Now reports are that the Bucks are sending the 44th pick to New Jersey for Chris-Douglas Roberts.

EDIT: That's apparently already changed to not the 44th pick, but a different second rounder.

Welcome to Milwaukee Mr. Maggette

It's been announced that the Bucks have made a swap with the Golden State Warriors and moved perennial bench riders Charlie Bell and Dan Gadzuric for Corey Maggette. I don't think I need to explain who he is or what he does, he's a well known player, scoring swing man. Gadzuric had a decent sized contract, very unbefitting for his minutes and quality of play that came off the books after next year, that was the main trading piece for the Clippers. Bell? Who knows, he's a body in the mix, he never really got back into things on Milwaukee after his little contract spat where we matched his offer sheet from Miami. Maggette has 3 years and about 30 million left on his contract, so not a terribly long term investment. Does this mean Salmons is probably done in a Bucks uniform? I'd have to assume that at this point. I enjoyed the hell out of his half season with Milwaukee though.

UPDATE: Bucks also get 44th pick in deal. Woopie.

ANALYSIS: Ok, now that the story's been broken and is official and I got it out there, time for some analysis. Quick feedback from friends and sports radio is that Maggette is a slacker on D and a cancer in the locker room. Cancer? I dunno about that, show me a story where Maggette was the cause of something mischievous. He may have been on some shitty/shady teams, but that doesn't make a guy a cancer, those teams were cancers.

The defensive thing, I look at it this way, we needed a scorer to take the pressure off Jennings shooting 20+ times a game. If his defense isn't stellar or he doesn't buy into Skiles' scheme after a year or two, well guess what? Now he's another expiring contract we get to ship. This is not a huge risk trade, we gave them Gadzuric and Bell, who the hell did people think we were gonna get for them? Let their contract expire and sign someone? Who? Who's coming to Milwaukee? We have to use these contracts to trade for people or lock up guys we already have. Our biggest name FA in the last decade was Bobby Simmons, how'd that work out?

Twinkies: Round 2

Ah, it is pretty goddamn hard to get excited about the Crew (29-40) taking on the Twinkies (40-29). I'm not going to lie. Getting one would be a victory. I'm going via drunk bus on Saturday. Fun will be had by all.

Onto more fun things: June 17, 1994, the 30 for 30 movie, was fucking awesome. I had forgotten how insane it was. I do remember where I was watching that NBA Finals game (parent's basement, undoubtedly dreaming up this shitty blog that I would be writing 16 years later, even though the internets hadn't been invented in rural Northeast Wisconsin yet). I don't remember people SPRINTING down the streets of L.A. following the Bronco and the police. It was insane. And then crowding around the Brentwood Estate. All while it was known that O.J. had a gun and was threatening suicide (which I also didn't remember, or did I remember Kardashian reading the suicide note on live T.V.) and there were about 1,000 police officers with guns too. The GUY WAS ACCUSED OF DOUBLE HOMICIDE!!! And people were cheering and crowding a (low speed) chase. Watching again was the craziest thing ever. As with all the 30 for 30 (greatest thing ESPN has ever done), I highly, highly recommend it.

-Went to a bar in rural Northeast Wisconsin for a surprise birthday party. I was designated driver (which sucks). A random dude with a sleeveless t-shirt on walked INTO the bar with an open can of beer. Also, I got hit with a sandwich from about 25 feet away. I was not happy. Or drunk.

-The U.S. Open was kind of entertaining yesterday. I like watching pros suck balls (which looks a lot funnier than I meant it to be).

Death To Two Legends and a Newborn

This is going to be one of the last posts I write using my 2003 Dell Inspiron 5100 laptop. I finally ordered a new one. I probably could gut it out for another year or two, but things are getting pretty frustrating on the Internets surfing side of things. So it is going to be a sad day. If dogs age 7 years for every one human year, then computers age 15. Which would put this computer at 105 years old. It is time. I laughed the other day when wondering if 250 GB of memory was going to be enough for a new computer, and then realizing that this one has 40 (!!).

The last College World Series at Rosenblatt Stadium in Omaha starts today. I only lived in Omaha for three years, and only attended parts of two CWS, but the memories were fond. But the stadium itself wasn't really that great. It was quaint, held alot of history, and the neighborhood surrounding turned into one big party. But I'm guessing the new stadium will figure it out. As long as they continue to make tickets cheap, and there are places for drunk college students to hang out between games, and places for drunk southern rednecks from Louisiana and Texas to park their RVs for weeks at a time, it will be fine. I look forward to getting back down there some time. I had a pretty great time when the La Crosse crew descended on Omaha. Even though I got super hungover and pissy.

The newborn that died is me having any interest in soccer. Good work FIFA. Are they fucking serious with that call on the U.S. yesterday? And I say "that call" because nobody knows what the call was. I guess it is a foul to have your arms pinned behind your back? Fuck soccer.

Congratulations St. Louis!

I am of course, congratulating them for their 2006 World Series Championship which obviously happened last week, and to the NL MVP Jeff Suppan who is starting tonight's game. There is no doubt, that since it is 2006, Suppan will continue his success and lead the Cards to back-to-back (more?) World Series titles. It is too bad the Brewers could not put together a package to get Suppan to sign with them, because it is obviously still 2006.


What?


It ISN'T 2006? Suppan DID sign with the Brewers and post a 29-36 record with a sterling 5.08 ERA and a 1.60 WHIP all while earning $40 million dollars?!?!?!? Where have I been? More importantly, where the fuck has Tony La Russa been? (Other than the tavern). And is Dave Duncan in ultimate fuck you mode that he thinks he can turn Soup around? Is his next trick to bring back Turnbow and Gagne to close? For an organization that is allegedly the best in baseball, this is un-fucking-believable.


Prediction: Mariners 7, Cardinals 5. Soup 3 1/3, 6ER, 1K, 4BB, which would be a huge improvement. Also, fuck the Cardinals.

It Was Gonna Happen At Some Point

The sports gambling is still in full swing, in case anyone wondered. I won $90 on the Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup, a bet I placed in Vegas last July. NHL has possibly become my favorite sport. I either listened to, or watched, probably 70 Blackhawks games this year. Their radio play-by-play guy is fantastic.

Anyways, with baseball season in full swing I usually bet (and lose) on the Brewers every day. And then I make a large parlay bet, usually a 9, 10 or 11 teamer. The possible winnings are anywhere from $100 to $1200. Today I made an 11 team parlay. And I won $911. That's fucking right.

That's really all I wanted to say.

Girlfriend and I are heading to a Casino/Golf resort in Iowa tomorrow. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come for me at the blackjack table.

USA v. England LIVE BLOG III!

So, I just finished with my Gyro Kabobs meal, so I'm going to put that full pound of what is allegedly lamb meat to good use. I'm going to do a running commentary of USA v. England soccer. A few notes before we start. I'm not certain I've sat through a whole soccer game from start to finish. I may have, I just don't recall. And I only have a loose understanding of the rules.

Also, this should probably be a whole post, but I just wanted to quickly get the Nebraska to Big 10 out of the way. Great addition. Good fit. Football is probably on par with Wisconsin, with the potential to be better. The basketball program is fucking awful. The baseball program is good, but UW doesn't have one so nobody really cares. The biggest thing is that I will have no problem hating Nebraska, and they are probably now my least favorite team. See, I lived in Nebraska for three years. Nothing was more fun that rooting against Nebraska on Saturday afternoons. Nebraska football in Nebraska= Green Bay Packers in Wisconsin. So that should give you an idea of how out of control their fans are. The best time to grocery shop was during a Husker game because the streets were ghost towns. Except bars. Those were packed. 'Sker football is life to the state of Nebraska. It is annoying as fuck if you live there. And I have hated Nebraska since the days of Tommie Frazier. Finally, the basketball rivalry with Creighton (where I went to proctology school) was fun, and gave me another reason to hate them. In closing, I fucking hate Husker Nation, and I hope they never win another game.

And who is next? Texas? Notre Dame? Rutgers? They need four more I think. NCAA Football '11 is already outdated (sort of) and it won't hit stores for a month. I guess this gives me a reason to upgrade from '07 next year. And my plans to buy College Hoops this year will need to be delayed a year I guess.

Now onto soccer.

12:39- Those horn things are awful. Am I going to have to listen to those the whole game?

12:40- Why is it England? Is England technically a country? Shouldn't it be Great Britain? Or the United Kingdom? And why is it only this way for soccer? In basketball and in the Olympics it is Great Britain. I need this explained.

12:41- Players that I could pick out of a lineup: Landon Donovan, and maybe Wayne Rooney.

12:42- ESPN is solely responsible for me watching this, and actively looking forward to the game.

12:45- How random is it that this game is in South Africa?

12:46- Prediction: England 1, U.S.A. 0. And I don't get sold on soccer.

12:54- This game is never going to start.

1:00- "Less than a half hour to kickoff". Fuck you ABC.

1:15- I think Russell Brand is funny. Although he pretty much just plays himself in every movie I think.

1:16- Busted. ESPN is replaying shit from last night. Either that or Alexi Lalas has a photographic memory. Because he just word for word repeated what I saw last night in his prediction. Maybe there is a global conspiracy in telling us this is live, and maybe it is like Tuesday in South Africa right now.

1:18- I would consider watching "The Last Airbender". I would not consider watching the game show that throws things off a building. It looks awful.

1:21- What kind of person risks it and flys to South Africa to watch soccer? I dunno, the fact that like 10 million people have full blown AIDS is probably enough to scare me away. I think any place I have to take like 12 shots before I go means I probably don't want to go there.

1:22- I hate that English people call sports "Sport". It is annoying.

1:23- Those horn things sound like bees. Really off putting. At least they probably don't have to worry about getting hit with bags of piss like in Mexico.

1:24- Stadium looks kind of small.

1:25- What exactly does a soccer coach do? I've never really understood how you can differentiate a good from bad player. Which is why little kids play it over baseball and basketball, because they can suck and nobody notices.

1:26- Oh Christ. National anthems yet?

1:27- Wayne Rooney was not singing England's anthem. Almost none of the Americans are singing. Ungrateful fucks. And aren't you supposed to put your hand over your heart and not dance around with flags like the assholes in the stands?

1:28- Is it a rule that you have to paint your face and wear a flag on your head to go to a soccer game?

1:29- Huh. 12 on 12. News to me.

1:30- Why did the captians trade shit before the game? Do they share orange slices at half time?

1:30- So the U.S. only had 11 on their "lineup" picture, and England had 12. It looks like there may only be 11 on 11. How little do I know about this sport?

1:33- Offsides penalty. I have no idea what that means. Everyone just seems to be running around aimlessly.

1:34- GOAL! For England. Limey fucks. I'm not sure it even looked that hard to do.

1:36- Is it even possible to come back? I'm being serious. One goal in soccer is like 12 runs in baseball.

1:40- So I guess a corner kick is good? The U.S. goalie is pissed.

1:41- Oooh. The England goalie had to catch a ball. That should be worth like a half a point.

1:43- Is there a time limit on how long to kick a corner kick? They just keep running "plays" or whatever over and over. It seems like in bounds plays in basketball. And the Amercians stepped on their dicks.

1:46- Another offsides. And I still don't get it.

1:52- Apparently, Jay DeMerit from the U.S. team is from Green Bay. Hey, how bout that?

1:54- Relegation is a cool idea. What if the Detroit Lions got relegated to the UFL and the Las Vegas Locos got to come to the NFL. That would certainly make Detroit's December games more exciting.

1:56- Yellow card! It seems to be a bit like a technical foul in basketball. Announcer said it was for "persistent infringement". Always a dick? Why is the U.S. getting this free kick thing now? Because of the yellow card?

1:58- You know what I just realized? There are no commercials. Kind of nice.

1:59- The U.S. goalie is rolling around like he's been shot. I think he got kicked diving for a ball. It appeared to be a nice play on his part. Color me skeptical of how bad he is really hurt tough. No soccer player rolls around and doesn't get back up after he gets attention.

2:01- And the clock just keeps running. This is the thing that is odd about their time. They just add the time to the end of the half, without any real explanation of how long the time is extended. It seems random.

2:02- Back is getting sore already. Not a good sign since there is about an hour of game time left.

2:02- After a three minute delay, the goalie is miraculously fine.

2:09- Yellow care on U.S. for no reason.

2:10- GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!! "One of the softest goals you will ever see at this level of football" Says the announcer. The goalie just couldn't grab it. It was almost comical. 1-1.

2:12- "A huge mistake at any level" says the other announcer.

2:13- They are already discussing the other goalie as if this English goalie is going to be murdered after the game.

2:14- "If you buy a ticket, sometimes you win a raffle." --says English announcer while watching another replay.

2:15- During the replay a bomb must've went off, because there are two English players rolling around as if they are full of shrapnel. I bet they are up sprinting in the next 90 seconds.

2:16- And they're up.

2:17- I'm actually sort of enjoying this. Mostly the pretty colors. But it is entertaining I guess. It feels important. Alot more important to me than a Super Regional NCAA baseball game, which is my current other choice.

2:18- ALOT of running for very little result, which is why I never played. That and my high school didn't have a team.

2:19- Another offside that I don't get.

2:20- Halftime I guess.

2:35- And we're back. Halftime is short in soccer. Those fucking horns are still going.

2:38- A couple of near goals for England.

2:39- The noise is just unreal. There are the horns, but then it sounds like a high school marching band is going on in the background as well. How is this enjoyable?

2:40- Some other offside. I still don't get that call.

2:41- Oh wow. Break away for England. ROBBED by the U.S. Goalie.

2:45- England's coach looks like a prick. Also, he is wearing a suit and the U.S. coach is wearing a windsuit. Is Bob Bradley the Bob Huggins of soccer?

2:46- Bocanegra= black mouth?

2:48- Another yellow card for England. U.S. guy has been shot. To be fair, it looked like it hurt. And he's up.

2:49- Another shooting of a U.S. player. And another yellow card. Got kicked in the thigh. Probably hurt. He'll be fine. Free kick at close range.

2:51- No dice.

2:52- Oooh. A bleep. Must've been a bad word. How long do you think it takes the satellite feed to get here? A minute? Less? More?

2:53- Corner kick for England. Near make.

2:54- I find alot less to comment on because there are no commercials. And commercials are gold.

2:55- Holy shit. U.S. guy burned the English guy down. Hit the cross bar.

2:56- Can't continue with blood ala the NBA. Didn't know that.

3:02- Yellow card on U.S. Don't know why.

3:04- Oh shit. Perfect pass to England dude, wide open shot. Stoned!

3:05- Another dangerous shot. Big save by U.S.

3:06- RE: the clock. Wouldn't it be easier to count down like every other sport, and if someone gets hurt, STOP the clock?

3:13- England just fucked up a 4 on 2

3:20- Extra time.

And it finished as a tie. 1-1. Good times.

Who's Next? And Other Stuff

At long last, the long national nightmare that was Jeff Suppan being part of the Brewer's roster is over.

I haven't been this excited about a roster move since we were cured of our Yost Infection a few years back. This was long, long overdue, and the delay seems to be more of a product of Soup being a nice guy than a person who throws baseballs. As my high school football coach once said, "You might be a helluva guy, but you're not much of a football player." Whatever, he will take home more than ten million more dollars, partially due to the inconceivable club option AFTER the four years are up, where the Crew has to pay $2 million MORE next year to buy him out. I just got a nice spot on the sidelines and bruises from holding tackling dummies.

The important thing to take away from this is. Who's Next? Who shall take the mantle from Jeff Suppan as my least favorite Brewer? Who shall I bitch about incessantly until he is gone? This is sort of tough. Most of the guys left are sort of likable, and even if they suck (Hoffman) it is hard to hate on them. I guess I will lean towards Macha because he makes some mind bending decisions at times (see letting Parra pitch 2 innings the day before he was supposed to start a few weeks back at Minnesota, and then having to call up your third choice from AAA due to travel issues; also see randomly bringing in Dave Bush to throw to one batter last night, and then pulling him after striking the guy out, which I should add worked, but was really dumb), and isn't all that likable. Even when he says "poppycock". To be determined I guess.

OTHER STUFF

-I thoroughly enjoyed the NBA Finals/Stanley Cup Finals/Brewer game going three way head to head last night. The Stanley Cup was the only game not that close. The NBA series has been almost wildly entertaining.

-The plot thickens on Brandon Underwood's case. Crusin' Chubby's fine name is now linked. I'm sure that two thirty something females met at a strip club from Milwaukee at some time between 2 and 4 am were just innocent, sober patrons. Vegas has just put 1 to 4 odds on these females being "entertainers". As an aside, this doesn't mean there wasn't a sexual assault. Perhaps something illegal did happen. And if it did, then Underwood is a piece of shit. I just tend to side with the NFL player in these cases because I cannot recall a famous athlete ever being convicted of sexual assault, even though many have been accused. Finally, let me point out that I am SHOCKED that at least 7 NFL players in their 20's were in Wisconsin Dells and went to Crusin' Chubby's. Who does that?

-I'm probably going to watch U.S.-England on Saturday from start to finish, and I may even blog about it. I think I would put the total number of soccer games I have watched from start to finish in my lifetime at ZERO. ESPN has finally brainwashed me.

-Finally, this article is a must read. And I'm totally going to order that book when it comes out. As far as you know, I didn't ghostwrite the entire article. As far as you know. For some reason I look forward to four 16 team conferences. Although that just means less automatic bids to the Get Together.

Lake Delton Alleged Sexual Assault Party Update

Brandon Underwood is the alleged player that was involved in the alleged assaultS. He is alleged to have had unwanted sexual contact with TWO women. By himself. The other six Packers supposedly didn't do anything. Check out all the info on JSOnline. My thoughts:

-My first thought when I saw the list of alleged attendees. Please let it be Mason Crosby. Please let it be Mason Crosby.

-At least it wasn't Clay Matthews or Brad Jones.

-McCarthy has been blowing Underwood all week about how good he is now. We probably need him. Is it bad that I was much more concerned about the secondary than this alleged crime.

-Why couldn't Jarrett Bush have been there.

-I find it a little difficult to understand the logistics here. I'm sure more info will come out, but we are in the business of jumping to conclusions, so lets assume it was only Underwood and two women, and no guns or anything. How do you have non-consensual contact with TWO people? Does he have two dicks? I dunno, maybe it wasn't that serious. Maybe it was a boob grab or something. This is the most fascinating part.

-Does the fact that there was two make it more or less likely that they would make something up?

-If they were going to makes something up, why would they pick Underwood?

-Why didn't one of them run and or fight off Underwood when he was on the other?

-How would six others not hear what was going on?

-Did the police just decide to pin this on Underwood after last year's wild card performance?

Clay Matthews III's golf tournament/rape party

So this weekend is the big charity golf tournament in the Dells, something called the McGovern Charity golf tournament. That's all well and good, good on Clay for being the host, good on the Packers for doing the charity. Not so good on this whole thing. But really, what else is there to do in Wisconsin Dells other than get drunk and have drunken sex with the locals? According to this young woman on Twitter, she ran into Clay and some of the other Packers at a bar called Showboat! I assume this place is pretty classy. Do I know if Clay Matthews had anything to do with this? No, I didn't bother to count the number of Packers in the golf tourney and see if it was greater or less than the 7 involved in the story. This just happened this morning... BREAKING NEWS!


According to Aaron Nagler of Cheesehead TV, these are the following players who were interviewed by the police.

Brew Crew Hangover: Fix 'Em Edition

Now that Milwaukee has a 0.6% chance of making the playoffs (so you're saying there's a chance!) I think now would be an opportune time to start doing some shit for the future. I would say at this point, it is safe to say that the roster as currently constructed is not going to get us a world series title, and may not even get us to .500, which used to be the mark of success for the Crew. Here is what I think I would do.

1) Put Fielder on the market. He is the biggest, and maybe only realistic trade chip we have. We know we won't be able to afford him in two years, and he probably has the most value right now because anyone that trades for him gets him for a year and a half. But don't give him away. We don't need to be desperate because we've got time. If nobody wants to give us anything good, we can wait another year if need be. I think at this point, most non-idiotic fans understand that he isn't going to be around much longer. The problem is that right now, I don't see another first baseman anywhere in the Brewers system that can step in and give us any kind of production.

2) Cut Soup. He is wasting a roster spot. I think the message has been recieved that he will never start again. We've used I think 9 other starters other than him. He's been that bad. I would much rather give the roster spot to a young pitcher that deserves it.

3) Consider the Hoffman situation. This one is pretty tough. He's been awful. And I don't think he's going to turn it around. But how do you cut a hall of famer? I'm sort of hoping we can convince him to retire.

4) Start your best players. This sounds dumb, but this isn't something that is a guarantee for the Brewers. For instance, I have more confidence in both Kottaras and Lucroy than I do in Zaun. Lucroy is obviously the future. So when Zaun comes back, don't hand him the job because he's old and well paid. This is only the most glaring situation, but trading Fielder (and Hart?) would open up a few spots for some younger guys to try thier luck. And let Axford close unless you think Braddock is better, but don't give it to Hoffman.

5) Stop spraypainting Rick Peterson's uniform on him. I honestly preferred when he wore a coat in 85 degree weather. He is just offputting. Mrs. Juice says "He looks like a perv." Agreed.

One last thought: How did we get here? Five years ago, I would be thrilled not to be in last place, and now I'm bitching about not being the playoff hunt.

Belated Ode To Griffey

So Griffey retired the other day. Was Hoffman watching? Anyway, the reason for the post is that Ken Griffey Jr. was my favorite baseball player growing up. Although I went to Brewer games, and was certainly a Brewer fan, back in those days basically no games were on TV, so all I had were box scores, video games and commercials to decide who was cool. And other than an aging Yount and Molitor, and decidedly average Gantner and Deer, there wasn't much to love about the Crew (even though they were pretty good in the early 90's). Enter Griffey. He seemed like he like what he was doing, and he was exciting. He hit a shitload of homers, and was awesome on defense. Griff had the sweetest swing ever. He has my vote for the best player in my lifetime if he hadn't gotten hurt (Bonds probably was better for the roid years). And he was part of the best baseball game ever made from 1994 to 2009. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball was fucking spectacular.

"I Don't Love You, But I Love IT"--A Traveler's Guide to San Diego

A few nibblets that will perhaps turn into a way too long post about a vacation you didn't go on, similar to when someone busts out the slideshow projector...


Wednesday morning we took to the Austin Straubel INTERNATIONAL Airport along with 4 other people to hop a plane to San Diego. In the airport, who do I spot flossin' with his Louis Vutton carryon and ballin' beret? Green Bay Packer Ryan Pickett. We totally hung out. Also, after a perusal of 1/4 inch photos from packers.com on my BlackBerry, I was able to ascertain with 75% certainty that rookie RB James Starks was with him, and by with him I mean sitting in coach with the rest of us poor people while Ryan Pickett was given a wide array of caviar and Dom P in 1st class. Pickett actually flew from Minneapolis to San Diego with us as well, although he either didn't check a bag or was moving onto a more tropical destination because he wasn't at baggage claim. He actually wasn't as big as I thought he would be. I mean, he was wide, but really short. Not as overly gigantic as he looks on TV. Upon arrival in SD we did nothing real special, had a tapas dinner and went to the bar on the roof of our hotel, which is pictured above (I didn't take that picture). You could have, if you so desired, brought some binocs and watched the game for free. Pretty cool.


Then Wednesday night happened. About 2:30 am PST, we were awoken to people, mostly a woman with a really, really annoying, grating voice with some sort of unidentified accent that I think was New Jersey, but could've been anything. The woman was yelling, swearing, and just all around obnoxious and drunk in the room next to us. A few minutes later things quieted down a bit and I dozed back asleep only to be woken up to screaming again. Only this time it was not bitching or arguing. It was the other thing. After about 30 minutes I was both impressed by the guy's stamina, although sure it could be attributed to what was going on prior to 2:30 which was likely large amounts of alcohol, and confident that the woman was faking her ass off. The screams, and simultaneous high decibel conversation that would interrupt the screams, were not something that could be done for real. It was obscene and awkward.


About 45 minutes later? Round 2. Same screaming. If you can hear exact words of someone through a hotel room wall, from what I presume was a bed on the other side of the room, you are just intentionally loud.


About an hour later? Round 3. This time we were introduced to the gentlemen who was named "Rick" (not making this shit up). And the quote of our vacation: "I don't love you, but I love IT". Which was screamed out by the woman. This quote convinced me that this woman was a pro. Because no normal person, even a random, whorry, one night stand, would say that to someone. We both laughed out loud when she said it. Also, the next day when we approached the desk to check if Rick had checked out, the person at the desk looked up the info, gave a smile like she knew what was going on there somehow, and assured us that Rick had checked out. We didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend, although we beat the joke into the ground. On Sunday morning we saw a chick with 90% of her ass hanging out of her daisy dukes leave the hotel by herself with no baggage, so I'm thinking that prostitution is prevelant in the area.


Thursday we went to the San Diego Zoo. We saw animals. A peacock shit on me. I'm not kidding. It was in a fucking tree over the bench I sat on. I fed a panda bear crack and it ODed.


Friday we went to the beach all day, which was pretty awesome. Pretty awesome that is after the cab driver taking us to Mission Beach got lost downtown, and then eventually took us to Ocean Beach, which is about 3 miles south of Mission Beach, and which also apparently houses 50% of the homeless population of San Diego, which is LARGE. Like way more than appear to live in New York large. Anyways, we walked up and down the beach, had some drinks, saw some hippies.


Friday night we took in Padres v. Nationals. The park itself was actually kind of disappointing. Other than the large grassy hill in right center that people can sit on (although I think you still have to buy a ticket), the ridiculous kids beach in center and the old warehouse in left, it was nothing special. I would rank it only slightly ahead of Kansas City for current MLB parks I've been to. The ranking is as follows: 1. Miller Park; 2. Yankee Stadium; 3. Target Field; 4. Petco Park; 5. Kaufman Stadium. Kaufman didn't suck though. The large problem at Petco was security. I sort of felt like being in prison, although without the forced anal rape, but with the cavity searches. I was seriously asked by ushers to show my ticket at least 4 times, and told "YOU CAN'T GO THERE!!" or "WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" at least 3 other times. There was an old woman in front of us that was guarding the two rows in front of us (which were empty) like her life depended on it. She wouldn't let anyone sit there, or even walk through the empty rows to get somewhere else. She would make them turn around walk all the way back where they came from. She would openly confront large groups of men, much bigger than her, to make them move. It was nuts. Oh, and did I mention that there about 15,000 people in a 45,000 seat stadium?? Memo to San Diego: Your team is in first place. Try showing up. A little effort would be nice. My brother and Bear would have been ejected.

Saturday we toured the USS Midway which is a huge fucking aircraft carrier used in WWII, Korea, Vietnam and Desert Storm. Really cool.

Sunday on the way home we traveled from Minneapolis to GB with Brandon Chillar, Quinn Johnson (70% sure based on 1/4 inch picture) and Brandon Chillar's hair. Chillar and his hair sat directly in front of us in the cheap seats. Johnson read a book. Chillar's hair smelled like chocolate chip cookies.

Overall, pretty good trip. The Gaslamp Quarter is borderline insane by like 7:30 p.m. I didn't stay out till bar time or even close, but the nearest comparison I had was Vegas in that it was warm and crowded. Of course minus the casinos. It would be fun place to go for a bender. It actually wasn't as expensive as I expected. There are great happy hours almost everywhere, and most have some kind of shitty-ish cheap beer/rails for cheap on the weeknights. Certain places were expensive of course (see $8 Fat Tire at the hotel bar above), but if you made it your mission you could drink pretty cheap. Since I wasn't trying to buy gas, real estate or underground water aquifers, I feel semi-confident that it is a myth that California is really that much more expensive than the Midwest. Oh, and if there is ever a war where homeless people attack non-homeless people, San Diego will be the homeless people's capital.