Big weekend begins tomorrow. It is my first (non-official holiday) day off of work since last September. And it is the annual rite of spring/summer where UW-L alumni and semi-alumni descend upon the Southern Wisconsin hamlet known as Stoughton, Wisconsin to get drunk as fuck and celebrate the Constitution of our Norwegian ancestors. And all these years I thought we were celebrating their independence. Except that nobody except Schmock is actually Norwegian I think.
The biggest deal this year is a format change from previous years. In prior years we would arrive to Stoughton mid-to late afternoon, start drinking, drink until we passed out (or didn't) and then go golfing at 6 a.m. or so. This year, it was decided that we should start drinking six hours earlier on Friday, and golf at 9 a.m. Friday and boycotting the outing on Saturday. And then get up early Saturday and drink anyway. So I get to leave GB at like 6 am on my day off to drive to Stoughton so I can puke. This makes absolutely no sense for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I at least, am a total fucking pussy, and will absolutely drink myself into a coma by like 3 p.m. on Friday. But it will be fun regardless.
Another change is that instead of sleeping on Schmock's parent's floor next to a dying black lab, I will at least have a couch (I think) to pass out on at Schmock's house. This I think is probably a good change, although his house is not tripping and falling distance from the bars.
Here are some things that I hope are repeated from past years:
-Schmock not sleeping at all until about midnight on Saturday, drinking the entire time, and being an absolute zombie to the point that he can't speak.
-Sports Bottle covertly hooking up with some random townie chick, and not admitting that it actually happened. (Although he is involved right now, so I would assume those chances are slim).
-Schmock's dad being so drunk that he is claiming to see ghosts at 5 a.m., and then going to work driving around a flower delivery van at 6.
-Richard losing something.
-Mark moving.
-Me shitting on a semi-trailer in a strange part of town.
-Me puking.
-Someone flipping a golf cart.
-Richard falling into the river and drowning.
-Worm doing something highly illegal.
-Jason and Brader showing up out of the blue and sleeping in a tent for no logical reason.
-Someone in Schmock's family crying because one of us is a drunken asshole.
-Truman putting in a five finger chew.
-Everyone living through the weekend.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
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4 comments:
This just in, I have been single for about 3 weeks. The random hook up might be in play. Stay tuned...
No shit? You've used up your 2 grand in all-inclusive trip sex already?
I can't wait for you to get drunk and disappear with some chick you haven't seen in 10 years. 8:5 odds. I have that much faith in your completely bombed game, or your ability to pretend to be drunk and then pick up a completely bombed chick...either way.
I will agree with your assessment but I do want to point out that the whole "will hook up with some random chick and then deny it" thing has never happened at Syttende Mai. You are referring only to the "incident" in the bathroom a couple Oktoberfests ago. And I will repeat myself once again, there was no vaginal penetration. I'm not denying there was some heavy petting and maybe some clothing removal, but that's it.
End of story.
It has happened so frequently over the past ten years that I can't recall the circumstances of all of them. Often, it isn't that you deny it happened necessarily, it is that you deny you want it to happen, and then it does. Or it happens out of the blue and nobody cares that much, so nobody really asks.
That Oktoberfest "incident" was entirely different because of who the "victim" was. Although it is in the same general category.
Didn't you spark a five second relationship with Schmock's cousin drunkenly at this thing one time?
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