Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Zombie AMB Update: I'm Still Fat


The other day the family and I (weird. I have like, my own family now.  I'm like Tony Soprano except not from New Jersey and my only crime is poor blogging and a hygiene problem) went to a local Mexican establishment for some bold nourishment, south of the border style.  We showed up around 7 p.m. on Monday, which is pretty late, and the place was basically empty except for a few barflys and like 5 waitresses.  We were seated at a table and we waited around 10 minutes for one of the teenage waitresses to stop talking or whatever the fuck they do and bring us some chips and take drink orders.  I'm going to cut to the chase, and unvail the point of the post, which is the top 4 awesome things the teenage waitress said to me:

1) After making us wait 10 minutes for no reason: "I'm sorry for the wait.  I was busy."  That's a period at the end of the sentence because there was no forthcoming reason why she was busy.  She didn't say "I was washing dishes." or "Nobody told me you were seated in my section." or "I was giving the cook a handy, while I did blow."  Nothing.

INTERLUDE: Thing my 8 month old daughter did: Jammed her hand into the pocket of the apron the waitress was wearing.  Presumably to steal her tips and/or find some food/blow that had fallen in there by mistake.  Daddy is teaching her well.

2) After offering to bring us a second basket of tortilla chips: "You guys were hungry!"

3) "Would you like more tacos? (it was unlimited taco night.  I had inhaled 4 tacos in about 3 minutes) My record is six."  I didn't really think much of it, other than I was mildly impressed she could eat 6 tacos as it was a teenage girl. I turned down the tacos because I was going to puke after the chips, tacos and 24 oz top shelf marg.  My wife immediately smelled out the real meaning, thinking she meant the most anyone had ever eaten.  I called bullshit as the tacos weren't that big.  She came back and my wife asked.  She said it was the most she's ever served anyone in one sitting.  That fucking whore.  Now I regretted not taking the tacos.

4) "I can offer you a free apple chimi for desert."  MY WIFE: "What is that?" TEENAGE WAITRESS: "It's a dessert we offer to people when we screw up."

The moral of the story is that teenage girls are assholes and call people fat.

1 comment:

Bear said...

Is this real life? Delete this garbage, you had to wait a couple minutes and the server talked about you being a fat ass when you were being a fat ass? Jesus christ