Tuesday, July 30, 2013

July 13, 2011

Greetings from the year 2013.  So much has happened since this blog was last updated . . .

Fall 2011/Winter 2012:

-The Milwaukee Brewers got hot and find themselves in the NLCS, falling in 6 games to the hated Cardinals.

-Ryan Braun is caught using steroids the first time.

-Wisconsin football starts a 5th year senior who led them to a second consecutive Rose Bowl appearance, this one ending in a close loss to Oregon.

-The Green Bay Packers win their first 14 games in a row before losing first round pick Derrick Sherrod to a catastrophic leg injury which likely stunted his development into the best left tackle in the NFL until 2015.  The New York Giants defeated the top-seeded Packers in the divisional round of the playoffs and nobody remembers what happened afterward.

Spring 2012:

-John Carter becomes the top grossing movie in history (later usurped in August 2013 by R.I.P.D.)

-Gugennheim Partners purchases the Los Angeles Dodgers for just $2.1 billion dollars, a purchase that would lead to the Dodgers likely winning the 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, and 2019 World Series (the 2017 World Series is set to be cancelled due to lingering effects of the strike).

-Ryan Braun denies using steroids, claiming he was using herpes medication after his ego infected him.

-14 decaptitated bodies are found hung from a bridge in Nueva Laredo, Mexico.

Summer/Fall 2012:

-Ryan Braun wins the 2012 Tour de France, claiming the yellow jersey with a spectacular climb over the Alp Du Huez.

-The United States dominates the London Olympics, as Ryan Lochte outsmarts the competition.

-Barack Obama is elected President of the United States again, leading to four more years of famine, suffering and neo-communism.

-The Green Bay Packers start 1-2 before finishing 11-5, winning a wild card game vs. Minnesota, and weakly exiting to the San Francisco 49ers.

Winter 2013:

-Juice's kid was born.

-Dennis Rodman officially becomes ambassador to North Korea.  In a semi-related note, the power goes out at the Super Bowl, nobody remembers who won or who played.

-Steve Blake has his 5th child by 6 different women.

-Ryan Braun is linked to biogenesis.  Claims "truth hasn't changed."  This later proves absolutely correct.

-Former MLB catcher John Olerud tragically dies when hit in the head with a hot dog at a Marlins/Braves game after removing his trademark souvenir batting helmet.  Apparently he really does have an eggshell skull.

Spring 2013:

-Hugo Chavez dies, Obama weeps hysterically for weeks.

-Pope Francis elected by the Council of Cardinals.  7 year old boys everywhere weep hysterically for weeks after receiving a visit.

-Golfer Tiger Woods is assessed a two stroke penalty in the masters for brutally beating and raping an aspiring actress/pimento sandwich vendor at the Masters.

-Singer Justin Bieber is arrested on suspicion of sex with a deceased deer in Mankato, Minnesota.

That about catches us up to the present, where things get really weird:

-Aaron Hernandez is arrested on suspicion of murdering at least 27 people in Massachusetts and Connecticut between 2007 and 2013.

-The United States Supreme Court issues two rulings which strongly indicate that same-sex marriage is legal in the United States.

-Ryan Braun is arrested on suspicion of bombing the biogenesis clinic in Miami, Florida.  He is suspended from baseball for the rest of the 2013 season.

-A Sharknado annihilates a large portion of Los Angeles.  A Syfy movie documents the event and garners rave reviews.

Well, it's as if we never stopped updating this blog.  I'm really glad we were able to get caught up here. With the advent of twitter it's become harder and harder to sit down and post on the blog.  Hopefully we will have some further monumental events that require more in depth analysis.

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