Drunken Brewers/Twinkie Preview

In about 2 1/2 hours, I'm embarking on my most ambitious tailgating venture ever as I take off to Milwaukee to watch the Brewers take their second straight from the Twinks. It is my most ambitious ever because we are bringing a table. Otherwise it is the same as any other. Regardless, myself, Mrs. Juice, Sports Bottle, the soon to be Mrs. Sports Bottle, Richard and friends are going to get fucked up and enjoy the ridiculous weather. I put the over/under on number of innings I remember at 6.5. I put the over/under on inning Richard passes out at 7.5. Fun will be had by all.

One quick side note: U.S. is playing Mexico in some fake soccer tournament tonight. While I am aware of it, I would never make plans around watching it, or probably even think to watch it when it was on. I guess I'm in the minority though because according to ESPN.com, of like 129,000 voters, 39% are the most excited about this match vs. 4 other sporting events (MLB, NASCAR, CWS, Wimbledon). While that isn't exactly a murderers row, I'm SHOCKED that a relatively meaningless soccer match won.

Can't Fix Stupid

I sort of vowed to not blog about Favre ever again, because I feel like there was a clear "winner" in the whole shitstorm, but I'm still pissed about this.

It has been pretty well documented how I feel about Brett Favre. It has been well documented how I feel about the Green Bay Packers. After Aaron Rodgers put up one of the single best performances in Super Bowl history en route to a Super Bowl title, and Favre took a picture of his cock, texted it, and had his career ended by concussion, I had sort of assumed that it would be pretty impossible for someone to call themselves a Green Bay Packer fan, and like Favre more than you like Rodgers.

Well, three days ago I ran into this person. Two of them actually. The only thing that prevented me from throwing a drink in their face, or stabbing them, was the fact that they were my wife's relatives and I was at a family reunion. Someone actually sat there and told me, fucking seriously, that they liked Favre more, always will, and they actively DISliked Rodgers. I was fucking astounded. My wife also gets angry about this, so she nicely pushed the issue a little, while I nearly broke my own finger cracking my knuckles.

Here is what this dumb bitch said: "Favre is the greatest player ever.", "Rodgers is an arrogant asshole." "Rogers doesn't know how to keep it in his pants. I live in Green Bay, I would know".

These opinions apparently equal: Love Favre, Hate Rodgers. Fucking idiot. Not only are these statements irrelevant, they probably apply to BOTH. I can't really argue if you think Rodgers is arrogant. I personally think cocky is probably more accurate, or confident, but if you want to say arrogant, I will give you that. I don't know whether Rodgers "keeps it in his pants" (By the way, I also live in Green Bay, which doesn't give you inside knowledge of Packer players and their sex lives. And trust me when I tell you this chick doesn't have friends hot enough to be in the same room as a Packer player.), but if I was him, (single, rich) I wouldn't either. Favre is pretty clearly not the greatest player (an argument could have been made he is among the greatest Packers, until the last three years happened). Favre's INability to "keep it in his pants" was both legendary in Green Bay, and evident NOW.

Which is really why I have a problem with this. You are really going to pick Favre over Rodgers on fucking MORAL ground, after what Favre did to the city, franchise, fans, and Jenn Sterger??? And after Rodgers fairly quietly went about winning a motherfucking Super Bowl THIS YEAR? I don't get it. But feel free to take your ugly ass kids and dress them up in fucking Favre gear for fucking school pictures (for real) every year. I hope someone kicks their asses, you fucking rotten toothed fat bitch.

THE END

Dear Diary

Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.

I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.

OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS

-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.

-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.

-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.

-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.