I'm coming to you LIVE from radio row in Arlington, Texas! Boy, the weather here sucks! Wait, I got confused. I'm actually coming to you live from my couch as I watch UW-Purdue on my big screen. The weather however, does in fact suck, although somehow Green Bay is missing the brunt of the blizzard that is hitting southern Wisconsin. The weather is actually not all that different here than it is in Dallas. And media people HATE it. I know because I heard local and national people bitch about it all day, and I didn't really watch or listen to that much stuff today. Here is a glimpse inside my slowly decaying mind today:
-They have awful weather in Dallas right now, and it made me think of three things: 1) It SUCKS to be one of the semi-normal people that cashed in your 401(k) to follow the Packers, only to have weather fuck up your trip. Can you imagine dropping $3k on a pair of plane tickets and then sit in the airport for two days? Jesus. Or to drive through this shit to Dallas. This is costing "normal", hard working Americans thousands of dollars they can't afford. I'm not kidding that there are probably thousands of people from this area who are putting off retiring for five years, or not paying for their kids to go to college because of this game. And many are getting fucked by mother nature right now. She is a dirty whore. Anyway, I hope you all make it safe, and you still find a way to drink 31 beers at Cowboy Stadium. The rich people that are having "difficulties" can suck my dick. Make your butler drive you there in your stretch Hummer or something. There will still be a Super Bowl for you next year (right?); 2) They are going to hold the Super Bowl at an OUTDOOR stadium in NEW YORK in FEBRUARY? This is absurd. You have been playing the Super Bowl in nice weather or domes for 45 years, and now you are going to chance a blizzard? Really NFL? Can you imagine the bitching and moaning if the media had to stand OUTSIDE in below zero weather? As much as I like January football in the elements, I'm starting to not like the idea of a Super Bowl in bad weather, because...3) I feel so fortunate that this game isn't going to be outdoors with this weather, because of the way the Packers seem to thrive, at least this team, which is by passing and timing. Weather can mess that up. I just feel more confident in controlled confines with this team. I'm not saying we couldn't win this game outdoors, I'm just happy it isn't.
-Reporter: "Did you hear from He Who Shall Not Be Named, or did you call him?", Rodgers: "No." Rodgers' tone: "Why would you ask me such a stupid fucking question. Don't you get that the guy is a prick and always has been? Are your really getting paid for this shit? If he called me, I would send him a picture of my middle finger, and then a picture of me fucking his daughter."
-Did anyone hear that the Steelers have been in Super Bowls recently? And the Packers haven't? And it pretty much means that the Steelers will win 73-0 unless Ray Nitchke comes back from the dead and plays middle linebacker? I think I've heard it enough. And I don't think it means shit. In fact, I'm going to do some research on Pro Football Reference. Here is what I did. I consider a Super Bowl team to have "experience" if they played in at least one SB in the last three years. Any longer than that means most guys on the team probably weren't around. Here is the list of Experienced v. Non-Experienced: (ED NOTE AFTER THE FACT: I honestly did not doctor these in any way to come up with a conclusion I wanted)
SBI: GB (Ex.) over KC
II: GB (Ex) over Oak
IV: KC (Ex) over Min (YEAH BITCH!)
V: Bal (Ex) over Dal
VI: Dal (Ex) over Mia
VII: Mia (Ex) over Was
VIII: Mia (Ex) over Min (HEHE)
IX: Pit over Min (Ex) (I would kill myself if the Packers lost 3 SB in 6 years)
X: Pit (Ex) over Dal
XI: Oak over Min (Ex) (Or 4 in 8)
XII: Dal (Ex) over Den
XIV: Pit (Ex) over Rams
XXII: Was over Den (Ex)
XXVI: Was over Buf (Ex)
XXVII: Dal over Buf (Ex)
XXX: Dal (Ex) over Pit
XXXII: Den over GB (Ex)
XXXIII: Den (Ex) over Atl
XXXVI: NE over Stl (Ex)
XXXVIII: NE (Ex) over Car
XXXIX: NE (Ex) over Phi
XLII: NYG over NE (Ex)
XLIV: NO over Ind (Ex)
So it has happened a lot more than I thought. 23 times in 44 years one of the teams had "experience" and the other didn't. The "experienced" team is 14-9. What I was interested in knowing, is of those 14 wins, how many times was the experienced team the favorite based on point spread? Answer: When the experienced team won, they were favored 11 times. Point spread is not a perfect indicator of who is better, but it is a pretty decent tool. To me, this means that only THREE times in Super Bowl history, did a team that was "experienced" beat a team with no experience that was better. (Super Bowls IV, V and VII). And it hasn't been done since Super Bowl VII which was in 1973.
So what does this mean? It means that Green Bay is considered, based on point spread, to be the better team. Experience hasn't mattered in this situation since 1973. I think history is on Green Bay's side.
Showing posts with label He Who Shall Not Be Named. Show all posts
Showing posts with label He Who Shall Not Be Named. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thanks, But No Thanks
Dear Mr. Shall Not Be Named,
Um. A little late if you ask me. Like three years too late. I would be willing to consider your weak attempt at buddying up if you a) apologize and b) die. Only then can you be allowed back into the family. Also, Julius Peppers thinks you are a liar.
Love,
Packer Nation
-Does anyone find it even the slightest bit surprising that he did this when the attention would otherwise be completely and deservedly on Rodgers? Also, is ESPN serious? Are they really STILL dedicating a bottomline slot to him when he does anything? It is insane? I can guarantee there will be another "He Who Shall Not Be Named is dead" montage during the pregame show on Sunday.
-Also, He has nothing to do with Aaron Rodgers being good or not. We get it. He used to play quarterback for us at a very high level. 3 years ago. No paralleling Rodgers and Don Majkowski?
Um. A little late if you ask me. Like three years too late. I would be willing to consider your weak attempt at buddying up if you a) apologize and b) die. Only then can you be allowed back into the family. Also, Julius Peppers thinks you are a liar.
Love,
Packer Nation
-Does anyone find it even the slightest bit surprising that he did this when the attention would otherwise be completely and deservedly on Rodgers? Also, is ESPN serious? Are they really STILL dedicating a bottomline slot to him when he does anything? It is insane? I can guarantee there will be another "He Who Shall Not Be Named is dead" montage during the pregame show on Sunday.
-Also, He has nothing to do with Aaron Rodgers being good or not. We get it. He used to play quarterback for us at a very high level. 3 years ago. No paralleling Rodgers and Don Majkowski?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?
From the desk of @jon_g_gonzalez :
I made a cameo appearance on this blog a couple weeks ago. I came in with no self-introduction, had a glass of Archie’s scotch and a beer, and then disappeared for a couple weeks. For that I’m sorry. The three paragraphs that follow will hopefully allow the readers to get to know me a little better. If you don’t care, or if you just clicked the link to find out whether Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods, feel free to skip the rest of this column and read the last three paragraphs.
I grew up in Southern California and attended the University of California at Santa Barbara in the late 1990’s to early 2000’s. At UCSB we stared at the pacific ocean from class windows, partied on the beach day and night, and had hands down the United States’ hottest female college students. The one negative was no major college sports except a random Big West title/cameo NCAA appearance every 8 or 9 years. Nonetheless, UCSB made me who I am, and if you keep reading my columns you’re going to get to know a lot of my friends from college and hear a LOT of fraternity stories. Consider yourself forewarned.
After UCSB I went to Marquette for law school, which would be boring except for the fact that Wisconsin is, to put it mildly, awesome (column on this for my so-cal readers forthcoming.) I also met my wife there (who just so happened to grow up with the other two guys who write for this site.)
While living in Wisconsin I started speedballing a Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers addiction with my existing Los Angeles Dodgers and Los Angeles Lakers habits. As such, even though this is a Wisconsin-centric blog, you’ll probably hear my rants on my other teams as well.
As an aside, (and to mitigate any potential copyright damages I may incur), ESPN’s “the Sports Guy” Bill Simmons style has heavily influenced my writing style. Recently, an ancestry.com search revealed that Simmons is my evil older half brother (he doesn’t know this yet, and will likely put a temporary restraining order on me when he reads this.) I use a lot of analogies and popular culture references, and when possible will include visual links for the A.D.D. audience.
On to the actual topic of this article for Bear, Juicelaw, and the random drunk guy still reading this on his phone (and not knowing why) in a townie bar in River Falls, Wisconsin . . .
In my glory days at UCSB I spent a lot of time watching WWE wrestling on Monday nights. I was able to do this because Monday was the one night of the week where there wasn’t a scheduled drinking event. Hence, I was usually a little bored and would grab a case of beer and sit down and watch pro wrestling with my roommates (unless it was football season.)
WWE in those days was sort of like ballet for testosterone charged males, as 300 pound men were expressing themselves artistically in some sort of deranged, homoerotic way. Nevertheless, I always thought the cheesy monologues made the characters seem larger than life. My two favorite sports entertainers were “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.
By late 1997, Austin was the biggest thing Sports Entertainment had seen since Hulk Hogan. His beer-chugging redneck gimmick won the fans over and made him a star. In a lot of ways he was just like another star of the day, Brett Favre. Although Austin and Favre were wildly talented, they certainly had faults and limitations. For example, Austin wore a bulky knee brace that always caused him to be a step slow and make painful looking mistakes, and Favre was addicted to pain killers and made big mistakes while going for huge plays. However, Austin and Favre’s faults made each seem more human, and their legends grew.
Austin had a 3-year run as the unquestioned biggest star in the sport. Throughout that run, what people didn’t know about Austin was that his contemporaries thought of him as a real S.O.B. and glory-hog, which (along with debilitating injuries) contributed to his early exit from the sport. Sound familiar?
About a year after Austin burst on the scene, a young wrestler (and former University of Miami football player) going by the name “the Rock” started receiving a gradual push toward stardom. Initially, the Rock was hated by the fans, as his character was a brash, trash-talking “heel.” However, towards the end of Austin’s career, the Rock was the better performer and was not just touted as a “face,” but became THE face of the WWE.
We all know the story behind the Packers drafting and eventually turning the team over to Rodgers. However, this morning I thought about how much the Rock’s early career paralleled that of Rodgers’ 10 years later, as both were young, brash, talented, and performed with chips on their shoulders.
What is interesting about the Rock’s WWE career and Rodgers’ NFL career is that although the public knew both guys were very good at their respective trades, it took Stone Cold’s absence for The Rock to be accepted as WWE’s biggest star, and Favre’s season from hell in Minnesota for Wisconsin fans to collectively accept Aaron Rodgers as the next big thing.
By now you’ve heard that Favre filed his retirement papers on Monday morning. Although he’s done this before, this time I believe he’s gone. If I believed Favre were a good person, I’d argue that he “passed the torch” just two days after watching Rodgers surgical strike against Atlanta Saturday night. Alas, we all know Favre is all about Favre, so there was likely a deadline in getting this done so he could start receiving severance checks.
Nevertheless, I argue that Rodgers cemented his gradual “face turn” Saturday night, much like the Rock did in 2001. Rodgers is too good right now not to get recognized by the general public. In fact, he was getting so much positive press that Cutler nut-hugger Mike Florio had to attempt a character assassination on him. Think about that, a guy wrote a story without even bothering to check his facts because he was afraid Rodgers was getting too much positive press. He may as well have hit Rodgers in the head with a steel chair. Only the biggest superstars have media heels trying to sabotage their stardom. Rodgers time has arrived. Need evidence?
Take a moment to digest these numbers from the biggest game of Rodgers career to date:
31 for 36, 366 passing yards, 3 passing TD, no interceptions, 1 rushing touchdown, and the Packers dismantle Atlanta in the Georgia Dome 48-21.
Staggering, and this isn’t the first time he’s lit up the scoreboard with these sorts of statistics while leading the Packers to victory. In fact, he’s been doing it a lot. But if Saturday night wasn’t a guy saying to the world, “I’m the best quarterback in the NFL,” I don’t know what is. Truly remarkable.
I’ve been a Rodgers fan since his days at Cal. I was also a Rock fan from his early days. However, both guys struggled for acceptance in the beginning, and both had an ultra-popular superstar seemingly blocking their path to greatness and public acceptance. Only after Austin was gone could we truly appreciate how talented the Rock was. Similarly, only after the specter of Favre has lifted can we appreciate the greatness Packer fans get to watch on a weekly basis.
A conversation I had with my father-in-law Al Treml finally convinced me that Rodgers has silenced his harshest critics. Al is without a doubt the greatest and happiest guy I’ve ever met, but when it comes to the packers we’ve never seen eye-to-eye.
All sports fans have flaws in their fanhood, it’s the nature of something as inherently subjective as sports viewership. Al’s biggest flaw is that he was overly attached to Favre and was never willing to let it go. This flaw is present in a substantial portion of the Packers fan base still clamoring for Bart Starr to make his triumphant return under center at age 77.
When I called Al Sunday morning, as I usually do the day after a big Packer win, I was shocked by what he had to say. Al not only told me Rodgers had a great game, he told me that he’d never seen any Packer quarterback play a game like Saturday’s. It gave me chills to hear it . . .
Rodgers’ face turn was complete, as he was loved by the staunchest of Favre supporters. My perception of the Packer fan base’s view of Rodgers was verified by the lack of negative posts about Rodgers on ESPN message boards and the gushing tweets flowing from Packer fans across the country lauding Rodgers great performance. Best of all, I barely read Favre’s name at all. There is a new king.
If you’ve made it this far you’re probably wondering why I titled this article “Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?” The answer to this question is the same one Florio should’ve written when he decided to write a blog post inferring that Rodgers was unsympathetic to an elderly Packer fan with cancer... “I don’t know.” I’m still fuming over the fact that a guy who holds himself out as a lawyer would whore himself out by spewing some garbage about Rodgers without taking the time to check any of the facts.
If I told you Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods I’d be doing the same thing Florio did. Maybe Rodgers takes dumps in public, if he does, that’s pretty disgusting, but since I don’t know, don’t care, and whether he does or doesn’t has no applicability to his ability to win games for the Packers, I’m not going to report on it.
I do have evidence that Bears shit in the woods. I also have evidence that Aaron Rodgers is a pretty amazing quarterback. That said, my prediction is that Rodgers dissects the Bears cover 2, Matthews has a field day with the Bears “shitty” offensive line, and the Packers pull out a tough win on the road. Let’s say 21-17. The win Sunday will further cement Rodgers status as Wisconsin’s fan-favorite, and will allow him to take the Packers where Favre most recently failed... the Super Bowl. Maybe he’ll even use “the People’s elbow” as his new celebration.
GO PACK GO
I made a cameo appearance on this blog a couple weeks ago. I came in with no self-introduction, had a glass of Archie’s scotch and a beer, and then disappeared for a couple weeks. For that I’m sorry. The three paragraphs that follow will hopefully allow the readers to get to know me a little better. If you don’t care, or if you just clicked the link to find out whether Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods, feel free to skip the rest of this column and read the last three paragraphs.
I grew up in Southern California and attended the University of California at Santa Barbara in the late 1990’s to early 2000’s. At UCSB we stared at the pacific ocean from class windows, partied on the beach day and night, and had hands down the United States’ hottest female college students. The one negative was no major college sports except a random Big West title/cameo NCAA appearance every 8 or 9 years. Nonetheless, UCSB made me who I am, and if you keep reading my columns you’re going to get to know a lot of my friends from college and hear a LOT of fraternity stories. Consider yourself forewarned.
After UCSB I went to Marquette for law school, which would be boring except for the fact that Wisconsin is, to put it mildly, awesome (column on this for my so-cal readers forthcoming.) I also met my wife there (who just so happened to grow up with the other two guys who write for this site.)
While living in Wisconsin I started speedballing a Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers addiction with my existing Los Angeles Dodgers and Los Angeles Lakers habits. As such, even though this is a Wisconsin-centric blog, you’ll probably hear my rants on my other teams as well.
As an aside, (and to mitigate any potential copyright damages I may incur), ESPN’s “the Sports Guy” Bill Simmons style has heavily influenced my writing style. Recently, an ancestry.com search revealed that Simmons is my evil older half brother (he doesn’t know this yet, and will likely put a temporary restraining order on me when he reads this.) I use a lot of analogies and popular culture references, and when possible will include visual links for the A.D.D. audience.
On to the actual topic of this article for Bear, Juicelaw, and the random drunk guy still reading this on his phone (and not knowing why) in a townie bar in River Falls, Wisconsin . . .
In my glory days at UCSB I spent a lot of time watching WWE wrestling on Monday nights. I was able to do this because Monday was the one night of the week where there wasn’t a scheduled drinking event. Hence, I was usually a little bored and would grab a case of beer and sit down and watch pro wrestling with my roommates (unless it was football season.)
WWE in those days was sort of like ballet for testosterone charged males, as 300 pound men were expressing themselves artistically in some sort of deranged, homoerotic way. Nevertheless, I always thought the cheesy monologues made the characters seem larger than life. My two favorite sports entertainers were “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.
By late 1997, Austin was the biggest thing Sports Entertainment had seen since Hulk Hogan. His beer-chugging redneck gimmick won the fans over and made him a star. In a lot of ways he was just like another star of the day, Brett Favre. Although Austin and Favre were wildly talented, they certainly had faults and limitations. For example, Austin wore a bulky knee brace that always caused him to be a step slow and make painful looking mistakes, and Favre was addicted to pain killers and made big mistakes while going for huge plays. However, Austin and Favre’s faults made each seem more human, and their legends grew.
Austin had a 3-year run as the unquestioned biggest star in the sport. Throughout that run, what people didn’t know about Austin was that his contemporaries thought of him as a real S.O.B. and glory-hog, which (along with debilitating injuries) contributed to his early exit from the sport. Sound familiar?
About a year after Austin burst on the scene, a young wrestler (and former University of Miami football player) going by the name “the Rock” started receiving a gradual push toward stardom. Initially, the Rock was hated by the fans, as his character was a brash, trash-talking “heel.” However, towards the end of Austin’s career, the Rock was the better performer and was not just touted as a “face,” but became THE face of the WWE.
We all know the story behind the Packers drafting and eventually turning the team over to Rodgers. However, this morning I thought about how much the Rock’s early career paralleled that of Rodgers’ 10 years later, as both were young, brash, talented, and performed with chips on their shoulders.
What is interesting about the Rock’s WWE career and Rodgers’ NFL career is that although the public knew both guys were very good at their respective trades, it took Stone Cold’s absence for The Rock to be accepted as WWE’s biggest star, and Favre’s season from hell in Minnesota for Wisconsin fans to collectively accept Aaron Rodgers as the next big thing.
By now you’ve heard that Favre filed his retirement papers on Monday morning. Although he’s done this before, this time I believe he’s gone. If I believed Favre were a good person, I’d argue that he “passed the torch” just two days after watching Rodgers surgical strike against Atlanta Saturday night. Alas, we all know Favre is all about Favre, so there was likely a deadline in getting this done so he could start receiving severance checks.
Nevertheless, I argue that Rodgers cemented his gradual “face turn” Saturday night, much like the Rock did in 2001. Rodgers is too good right now not to get recognized by the general public. In fact, he was getting so much positive press that Cutler nut-hugger Mike Florio had to attempt a character assassination on him. Think about that, a guy wrote a story without even bothering to check his facts because he was afraid Rodgers was getting too much positive press. He may as well have hit Rodgers in the head with a steel chair. Only the biggest superstars have media heels trying to sabotage their stardom. Rodgers time has arrived. Need evidence?
Take a moment to digest these numbers from the biggest game of Rodgers career to date:
31 for 36, 366 passing yards, 3 passing TD, no interceptions, 1 rushing touchdown, and the Packers dismantle Atlanta in the Georgia Dome 48-21.
Staggering, and this isn’t the first time he’s lit up the scoreboard with these sorts of statistics while leading the Packers to victory. In fact, he’s been doing it a lot. But if Saturday night wasn’t a guy saying to the world, “I’m the best quarterback in the NFL,” I don’t know what is. Truly remarkable.
I’ve been a Rodgers fan since his days at Cal. I was also a Rock fan from his early days. However, both guys struggled for acceptance in the beginning, and both had an ultra-popular superstar seemingly blocking their path to greatness and public acceptance. Only after Austin was gone could we truly appreciate how talented the Rock was. Similarly, only after the specter of Favre has lifted can we appreciate the greatness Packer fans get to watch on a weekly basis.
A conversation I had with my father-in-law Al Treml finally convinced me that Rodgers has silenced his harshest critics. Al is without a doubt the greatest and happiest guy I’ve ever met, but when it comes to the packers we’ve never seen eye-to-eye.
All sports fans have flaws in their fanhood, it’s the nature of something as inherently subjective as sports viewership. Al’s biggest flaw is that he was overly attached to Favre and was never willing to let it go. This flaw is present in a substantial portion of the Packers fan base still clamoring for Bart Starr to make his triumphant return under center at age 77.
When I called Al Sunday morning, as I usually do the day after a big Packer win, I was shocked by what he had to say. Al not only told me Rodgers had a great game, he told me that he’d never seen any Packer quarterback play a game like Saturday’s. It gave me chills to hear it . . .
Rodgers’ face turn was complete, as he was loved by the staunchest of Favre supporters. My perception of the Packer fan base’s view of Rodgers was verified by the lack of negative posts about Rodgers on ESPN message boards and the gushing tweets flowing from Packer fans across the country lauding Rodgers great performance. Best of all, I barely read Favre’s name at all. There is a new king.
If you’ve made it this far you’re probably wondering why I titled this article “Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?” The answer to this question is the same one Florio should’ve written when he decided to write a blog post inferring that Rodgers was unsympathetic to an elderly Packer fan with cancer... “I don’t know.” I’m still fuming over the fact that a guy who holds himself out as a lawyer would whore himself out by spewing some garbage about Rodgers without taking the time to check any of the facts.
If I told you Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods I’d be doing the same thing Florio did. Maybe Rodgers takes dumps in public, if he does, that’s pretty disgusting, but since I don’t know, don’t care, and whether he does or doesn’t has no applicability to his ability to win games for the Packers, I’m not going to report on it.
I do have evidence that Bears shit in the woods. I also have evidence that Aaron Rodgers is a pretty amazing quarterback. That said, my prediction is that Rodgers dissects the Bears cover 2, Matthews has a field day with the Bears “shitty” offensive line, and the Packers pull out a tough win on the road. Let’s say 21-17. The win Sunday will further cement Rodgers status as Wisconsin’s fan-favorite, and will allow him to take the Packers where Favre most recently failed... the Super Bowl. Maybe he’ll even use “the People’s elbow” as his new celebration.
GO PACK GO
Friday, January 7, 2011
Playoff Extravaganza
Today is the start of one of the greatest sports weekends of the year. I would put NFL wild-card weekend in the top 5 sports weekends. Especially when the Packers are playing. Here is my list: 1) Thursday-Sunday 1st 2 rounds of NCAA Tournament; 2) NFL Divisional playoff weekend (same as wild-card basically, except for there are generally no bad games; 3) 3rd and 4th rounds of NCAA Tournament; 4) NFL Wild-Card Weekend; 5) NFL Conference Championship Sunday. All of these weekends cover multiple days, and allow maximum sloth to entertainment ratios. There are plenty of weekends where you can sit on your ass and watch sports, but there are very few that can entertain you in a quality fashion. 3:30 p.m. Saturday cannot get here fast enough.
HEARTBREAK CITY/WHY PACKER FANS ARE AWESOME
The other day on a local sports-talk radio channel there was a 20 plus minute conversation about the last time the Packers played the Eagles in the playoffs. Of course, it is among the worst playoff losses in recent history, and still stings to this day. It was the "4th and 26" game. The conversation wasn't awesome necessarily because it was being discussed. It makes sense to talk about it even though there are probably less than 5 players on each team that even played in that game, so it is irrelevant to this match up. No, it was awesome because the majority of the conversation was people calling in bitching about the possessions before and after the Eagles converted that ridiculous 4th and 26 play.
I had actually blocked the previous possession out of my mind, but now remember it vividly. In case you forgot, the Packers had the ball at the Eagle 41 yard line, facing a 4th and 1 up 17-14 with about 2:30 left. At that point in time, the Packers had arguably the best running game (or at least the best running back in the NFL). This was Ahman Green's franchise record 1,883 yd season. And Green was a battering ram. The chances of any NFL team converting on 4th and 1 is pretty good. The chances of Green getting it were better. Instead, Mike Sherman decided to punt. Of course, the punter (I believe Josh Bidwell) pounded it into the endzone, even after a 5 yard delay of game penalty. On the Eagle's first play, Duece Staley ran for 22 yards. Which completely eliminated whatever field position Sherman was trying to preserve. (What followed was: incomplete pass, sack, incomplete pass, 28 yard throw to FredEx on 4th and 26, leading to the eventual game tying field goal).
Everyone remembers the possession to start OT, when on the first play, He Who Shall Not Be Named winged a 1st and 10 pass into double coverage, right at an Eagles defender for a pick, which led to a quick FG and a loss. The sports-talk guys were awesome because as they discussed it they played five straight audio clips of Paul Allen He Who Shall Not Be Named interception calls. Hilarious.
Here we are, 7 years later and there were MULTIPLE people calling in to bitch about Mike Sherman punting on 4th and 1. Tell me how many fan bases could a) remember anything that happened, even in a horrible loss, in a game 7 years ago; and b) would still be upset about it. Packer fans are awesome.
3rd ANNUAL MOST HORRIBLE PACKER PLAYOFF LOSSES
I think I make this list every year, but in 2011, here is my list for my lifetime:
1) He Who Shall Not Be Named's last throw as a Packer/ Ice Bowl II (NFC Championship v. Giants) (The Pack were large favorites, really good, and at home. At it is still very fresh. Blew an awesome chance at a Super Bowl. My asshole uncle had bought plane tickets to Phoenix, site of the Super Bowl, before the game. Watched it at home alone with my wife. I remember screaming/flying/spinning into the air on the He Who Shall Not Be Named pick, and being inconsolable for about a week).
2) The John Elway Helicopter Game (Super Bowl loss to Broncos) (I feel like this would be higher if it hadn't happened when I was 17. Still can't watch this when they replay it ALL THE TIME. And everyone ignores that Terrell Davis ran for like 731 yards that game. Watched at a friends house).
3) The Catch 2 (Wild Card loss at 49ers)(Made worse by the obvious Jerry Rice fumble that wasn't called, and there being no instant replay. I was 18 working at Best Buy, and watched the entire game after rigging up a video game TV in the video game department where I worked. Nobody was in the store. I was an idiot in high school).
4) The Vick Game (first home playoff loss ever, Wild Card v. Falcons) (Bad because we were a lot better, and Vick DESTROYED us by himself. Watched at home.)
5) 4th and 26 (Divisional round at Eagles) (The worst part of this is that I was watching it at a bar in Omaha, and this asshole Eagles fan was in my face the entire game. It remains the closest I've ever come to punching a stranger in the face.)
6) The Randy Moss Moon Game (Wild Card at home against Vikings. Bad because it was the Vikings.)
REASON I DON'T QUIT MY JOB AND MOVE TO VEGAS TO GAMBLE FOR A LIVING
I went 123-126 and a bunch of ties against the spread in NFL games this year. That isn't going to put food on the table.
This week I've got: Seahawks (+10.5), Colts (-2.5), Ravens (-3), Eagles (-3).
I really do think the Packers have a legit shot to win. I just wouldn't put money on it.
HEARTBREAK CITY/WHY PACKER FANS ARE AWESOME
The other day on a local sports-talk radio channel there was a 20 plus minute conversation about the last time the Packers played the Eagles in the playoffs. Of course, it is among the worst playoff losses in recent history, and still stings to this day. It was the "4th and 26" game. The conversation wasn't awesome necessarily because it was being discussed. It makes sense to talk about it even though there are probably less than 5 players on each team that even played in that game, so it is irrelevant to this match up. No, it was awesome because the majority of the conversation was people calling in bitching about the possessions before and after the Eagles converted that ridiculous 4th and 26 play.
I had actually blocked the previous possession out of my mind, but now remember it vividly. In case you forgot, the Packers had the ball at the Eagle 41 yard line, facing a 4th and 1 up 17-14 with about 2:30 left. At that point in time, the Packers had arguably the best running game (or at least the best running back in the NFL). This was Ahman Green's franchise record 1,883 yd season. And Green was a battering ram. The chances of any NFL team converting on 4th and 1 is pretty good. The chances of Green getting it were better. Instead, Mike Sherman decided to punt. Of course, the punter (I believe Josh Bidwell) pounded it into the endzone, even after a 5 yard delay of game penalty. On the Eagle's first play, Duece Staley ran for 22 yards. Which completely eliminated whatever field position Sherman was trying to preserve. (What followed was: incomplete pass, sack, incomplete pass, 28 yard throw to FredEx on 4th and 26, leading to the eventual game tying field goal).
Everyone remembers the possession to start OT, when on the first play, He Who Shall Not Be Named winged a 1st and 10 pass into double coverage, right at an Eagles defender for a pick, which led to a quick FG and a loss. The sports-talk guys were awesome because as they discussed it they played five straight audio clips of Paul Allen He Who Shall Not Be Named interception calls. Hilarious.
Here we are, 7 years later and there were MULTIPLE people calling in to bitch about Mike Sherman punting on 4th and 1. Tell me how many fan bases could a) remember anything that happened, even in a horrible loss, in a game 7 years ago; and b) would still be upset about it. Packer fans are awesome.
3rd ANNUAL MOST HORRIBLE PACKER PLAYOFF LOSSES
I think I make this list every year, but in 2011, here is my list for my lifetime:
1) He Who Shall Not Be Named's last throw as a Packer/ Ice Bowl II (NFC Championship v. Giants) (The Pack were large favorites, really good, and at home. At it is still very fresh. Blew an awesome chance at a Super Bowl. My asshole uncle had bought plane tickets to Phoenix, site of the Super Bowl, before the game. Watched it at home alone with my wife. I remember screaming/flying/spinning into the air on the He Who Shall Not Be Named pick, and being inconsolable for about a week).
2) The John Elway Helicopter Game (Super Bowl loss to Broncos) (I feel like this would be higher if it hadn't happened when I was 17. Still can't watch this when they replay it ALL THE TIME. And everyone ignores that Terrell Davis ran for like 731 yards that game. Watched at a friends house).
3) The Catch 2 (Wild Card loss at 49ers)(Made worse by the obvious Jerry Rice fumble that wasn't called, and there being no instant replay. I was 18 working at Best Buy, and watched the entire game after rigging up a video game TV in the video game department where I worked. Nobody was in the store. I was an idiot in high school).
4) The Vick Game (first home playoff loss ever, Wild Card v. Falcons) (Bad because we were a lot better, and Vick DESTROYED us by himself. Watched at home.)
5) 4th and 26 (Divisional round at Eagles) (The worst part of this is that I was watching it at a bar in Omaha, and this asshole Eagles fan was in my face the entire game. It remains the closest I've ever come to punching a stranger in the face.)
6) The Randy Moss Moon Game (Wild Card at home against Vikings. Bad because it was the Vikings.)
REASON I DON'T QUIT MY JOB AND MOVE TO VEGAS TO GAMBLE FOR A LIVING
I went 123-126 and a bunch of ties against the spread in NFL games this year. That isn't going to put food on the table.
This week I've got: Seahawks (+10.5), Colts (-2.5), Ravens (-3), Eagles (-3).
I really do think the Packers have a legit shot to win. I just wouldn't put money on it.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Death of a Legend? Birth of a Leader?
THAT ONE GUY
ESPN has run their 40 minute "He Who Shall Not Be Named is Dead" montage a minimum of 6 times now. Twice after he retired from the Pack, once after the Jets, once after the Vikings, once after he broke his foot in 13 places in the first Packer game, and once tonight after his suspension for sending cock pictures was handed down. They are good to do it at least two more times: once after he gets the remainder of his suspension (put on IR) and once when he tearfully realizes that Chilly isn't sending Longwell down to Mississippi to get him.
B10 TEN
The "leaders" division? Really? We couldn't use a color or something? That is awful. I also saw a few of the trophy names, and had some questions. Such as the "Nagurski-Woodson" defensive player of the year. Was Charles Woodson REALLY one of the two best defensive players in Big Ten history? I know he won the Heisman. And I know he was really, really good. But didn't he only win the Heisman because he also played reciever and returned kicks? I don't remember the first 100 years or so of B10 Ten Football, but I think LaVar Arrington was better than Woodson as a pure defensive player. I'm just saying. Also, was Desmond Howard one of the two best WRs ever? Never mind, Pat Richter is also part of this, and he is from Wisconsin, and Howard was the hero of the only Packer Super Bowl, so I'll allow it. Also, I love Charles Woodson, so forget I mentioned it.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
SNOW!!!!
So I would place what has been happening outside since about 5pm last night in the top 5 most insane weather related events I have seen in my lifetime (probably an exaggeration, much like Jay Cutler is a top 5 QB because he has managed not to throw 5 picks in more than three games). It isn't the snow necessarily. While we are supposed to end up with about a foot, it does that at least once a year in Northeast Wisconsin. It is the combination of said snow, along with winds gusting at 55 mph. I fully expect that I will not leave the house today at all. I'm also bracing for it to never stop snowing again.
Not having to leave the house has its advantages. Especially when there is NFL to be watched. I'm not going to have a hard time finding something to do. Apparently some of my neighbors are either bored, or hate the inside of their houses, because one of them was snowblowing his driveway two hours ago, despite the fact that we are still getting an inch of snow an hour, the plow hasn't and won't come through for many hours (probably not until tomorrow morning), and said wind is blowing the snow all over hell. I can report right now that his driveway is covered already. I don't understand the mentality. Why snowblow three times??? It is just completely idiotic. I don't why this bothers me so much. I guess it is that I don't like doing more work than necessary. Especially when it involves standing outside in sub-zero, blizzard conditions. As I type this I can hear another snowblower.
I would have to say the highlight of my day so far is the news that the Metrodome roof has collapsed. My wife and I both cackled with delight. What else could possibly go wrong for that obviously terrible and cursed franchise? It is just awesome to see it all fall apart. This is what happens when you make a deal with the devil. And now the devil is punishing them by destroying their stadium, and giving their 72 year old shitty QB another day to heal up so he can lose another game for them (unfortunately for the Packers I think). That cocksucker He Who Shall Not Be Named had the gall to text Ed Werder last night after he found out they wouldn't play until Monday, that the definitely wouldn't have played on Sunday. Why? So he can look "heroic" and "tough" when he DOES play on Monday. And by the way, there is no fucking way he wasn't playing on Sunday. As much as I'm over Him, He still pulls my hate back in with this fake shit.
Final thought on the Viqueens. I bet they won't have this problem in L.A....
This storm got me wondering. What if there was a game at Lambeau today? Seriously, I don't think that with all of the four wheel drive in the world that I would be able to get to Lambeau right now. The NFL would almost have to postpone the game, it is that bad. I don't think the visiting team would be able to get from their hotel in Appleton. And there would be no way for fans to park because of the snow and the plows or lackthereof. It is so bad that I would have to seriously consider not renting a pack of sled dogs to take me to the game. I would have to consider eating the money paid and not going. It is THAT bad.
Anyway, I stand by my Packers by more than a TD prediction.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Family Night and Draft Countdown and Rambling Incoherentness
6 glorious days until OJSFA draft weekend begins! I may do a full preview later, but here is a short one:
-Drinking
-Video Games
-Lots and lots of fake (?) gayness
-Extreme inappropriateness at all times
-Questionable draft picks
-More Drinking
-Hangover
I've been bad about posting anything on here, because quite frankly, there isn't anything going on. The Brewers make me physically ill (can't wait for Brewers/Cubs on September 11th!!!), and there is nothing on television. Except for Friday Night Lights, which really deserves its own post, but I'm going to just start talking about it now.
FNL
Awesome, albeit short season. I hope it comes back. The ending this season was extremely predictable, but ultimately satisfying. I got goosebumps, not going to lie. Although I've never seen a high schooler make a 46 yard field goal, it is more realistic than a 15 yard pass that travels 75 yards in the air, and is caught by an offensive lineman or something. Anyone who doesn't watch this show is stupid. There I said it.
BUT I DIGRESS
Back to the point, now that football is upon us, I've finally got something to write about. Tonight is Family Night at Lambeau. It is just an open practice that they televise, and charge people $10 for. 70,000 people show up and get drunk on a hot summer night. Truthfully, it is pretty boring to watch. With that said, I will probably watch some of it. Football is football, even if it involves the quarterback wearing a red jersey. Not really much to preview. I predict Rodgers throws a bunch of TD passes and Todd Rundgren gets played alot. Oh, and I bet the Packers win. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the rookies play (practice). I've heard Mike Neal looks like Arnold Schwartzenagger (sp) circa the mid 80's (all natural I'm sure). I've heard undrafted FA RB Quinn Porter has been awesome. And Morgan Burnett is going to be starting, so I look forward to seeing him. I remember about 20 years ago, this thing used to be free, and took place in the afternoon. At that time it was basically the only chance I got to get into Lambeau every year, so my dad would take my brother and I. Then we would realize that it was 110 degrees, and we had no money for anything cool to drink so we would leave. I would not pay $10 for this.
MORE RAMBLING
-I'm glad the Packers extended DD. He is still really good, and he deserves it. Has shown no signs of slowing down.
-I had two Blueberry Ales from Fox River Brewing Company last night, with fresh blueberries floating in it. Delicious.
-He Who Shall Not Named and Chilly think I'm really, really stupid.
-Drinking
-Video Games
-Lots and lots of fake (?) gayness
-Extreme inappropriateness at all times
-Questionable draft picks
-More Drinking
-Hangover
I've been bad about posting anything on here, because quite frankly, there isn't anything going on. The Brewers make me physically ill (can't wait for Brewers/Cubs on September 11th!!!), and there is nothing on television. Except for Friday Night Lights, which really deserves its own post, but I'm going to just start talking about it now.
FNL
Awesome, albeit short season. I hope it comes back. The ending this season was extremely predictable, but ultimately satisfying. I got goosebumps, not going to lie. Although I've never seen a high schooler make a 46 yard field goal, it is more realistic than a 15 yard pass that travels 75 yards in the air, and is caught by an offensive lineman or something. Anyone who doesn't watch this show is stupid. There I said it.
BUT I DIGRESS
Back to the point, now that football is upon us, I've finally got something to write about. Tonight is Family Night at Lambeau. It is just an open practice that they televise, and charge people $10 for. 70,000 people show up and get drunk on a hot summer night. Truthfully, it is pretty boring to watch. With that said, I will probably watch some of it. Football is football, even if it involves the quarterback wearing a red jersey. Not really much to preview. I predict Rodgers throws a bunch of TD passes and Todd Rundgren gets played alot. Oh, and I bet the Packers win. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the rookies play (practice). I've heard Mike Neal looks like Arnold Schwartzenagger (sp) circa the mid 80's (all natural I'm sure). I've heard undrafted FA RB Quinn Porter has been awesome. And Morgan Burnett is going to be starting, so I look forward to seeing him. I remember about 20 years ago, this thing used to be free, and took place in the afternoon. At that time it was basically the only chance I got to get into Lambeau every year, so my dad would take my brother and I. Then we would realize that it was 110 degrees, and we had no money for anything cool to drink so we would leave. I would not pay $10 for this.
MORE RAMBLING
-I'm glad the Packers extended DD. He is still really good, and he deserves it. Has shown no signs of slowing down.
-I had two Blueberry Ales from Fox River Brewing Company last night, with fresh blueberries floating in it. Delicious.
-He Who Shall Not Named and Chilly think I'm really, really stupid.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Plane Has Crashed Into The Mountain
"This team is toast."--Tom Hardicourt. I really couldn't have said it better. Pity poor Hardicourt for being forced to watch this shit on a daily basis. At least I can change the channel. He ends the article with "They are embarrassing themselves." Wow.
On the bright side, guess who's not going to work, but going to Miller Park with a bunch of drunken factory workers? This guy! And who is going to a game on Saturday? This guy! And who is going to the second annual Brewers-Cubs, try not to get murdered because not only are the FIBs drunk, but they are also bitter because the Cubs are somehow worse than the Brewers, game in September. Wheeeee!
Seriously, fucking trade Corey Hart right this fucking instant. And listen REALLY hard on Prince. That is all.
LEBRON
Like I'm not watching that shit tonight. Although "sources" have already leaked that he is going to the Heat. Although it has already been definitively reported that he was going to Chicago, New York and Cleveland this week too, so I don't take alot of stock in "sources". Also, whoever wrote the article on ESPN.com that I didn't read that said that this was worse than anything He Who Shall Not Be Named has done to America, is an idiot. Le Bron hasn't done this six straight years.
On the bright side, guess who's not going to work, but going to Miller Park with a bunch of drunken factory workers? This guy! And who is going to a game on Saturday? This guy! And who is going to the second annual Brewers-Cubs, try not to get murdered because not only are the FIBs drunk, but they are also bitter because the Cubs are somehow worse than the Brewers, game in September. Wheeeee!
Seriously, fucking trade Corey Hart right this fucking instant. And listen REALLY hard on Prince. That is all.
LEBRON
Like I'm not watching that shit tonight. Although "sources" have already leaked that he is going to the Heat. Although it has already been definitively reported that he was going to Chicago, New York and Cleveland this week too, so I don't take alot of stock in "sources". Also, whoever wrote the article on ESPN.com that I didn't read that said that this was worse than anything He Who Shall Not Be Named has done to America, is an idiot. Le Bron hasn't done this six straight years.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Early OJSFA Picks
So Bear and T.J. both kept 2 WRs and a RB. One of the WR names is Sidney Rice (not related to Jerry Rice). Good luck when He Who Shall Not Be Named obviously retires. Also, Bear left two time MVP Tom Brady, LeSean McCoy and Brandon Marshall unprotected (fuck his team was good).
The draft rolls on.
The draft rolls on.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
More Nightmares and an Interesting Debate
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Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Beating a Dead Horse That Has Been Killed Four Times
Seriously. I feel like I'm some kind of time warp (hot tub perhaps?) where every day, I click through some web sites (not as many as I would like) and receive my sports news. And like every two days, right there on the front page of ESPN.com, is a story, usually linked with a video that is titled "Vikes Will Wait on (He Who Shall Not Be Named." or "Childress says: (He Who Shall Not Be Named) Can Take As Long As He Wants". I'm not exaggerating when I say this is the SAME HEADLINE two to three times a week. STOP ASKING HIM! Clearly, Childress and the Vikings are going to give Him AS MUCH TIME AS HE WANTS!!!! Fuck! And even if they weren't, you know what? He would take as much time as He wants anyway!! An He is going to decide in mid-August, like he does Every. Motherfucking. Year. So here is an idea to all you media types: ASK IN AUGUST! Like after the third preseason game, because it gets later every year. Stop wasting Internets space with your rubbish.
Signed,
Guy Who Just Wasted Space On The Internets With Rubbish
Signed,
Guy Who Just Wasted Space On The Internets With Rubbish
Monday, January 25, 2010
Some Kind of VooDoo
WOW. That was insane. I can promise you that I've never been that into a non-Packer game in my entire life. I was a mess. I was sweaty. I was screaming. I've never been that happy for a non-Packer team to win a game, ever. I've got issues. But those issues have been resolved. That demon has been exercised (at least until August when He decides he is going to show up at Packer training camp and wants to play for the Packers again).
When you really think about how that game played out, there could not have been a more perfect ending. He has possibly ended (doubtful) His career in Minnesota, the same way He ended it in Green Bay. With an ill-advised, back breaking interception, with a chance to go to the Super Bowl. That pass (along with: Philly, NYG and about 100 others) was a microcosm of His career, especially in the last 10 years, and especially in the playoffs. This is what He does. This is who He is.
I've always been a big believer in karma. Here is a karmic scoreboard.
GOOD: Saints fans/City of New Orleans/New Orleans residents/displaced Katrina victims. Congrats. Well deserved. If anyone deserved something good after 43 years of shit, and that hurricane, it was you.
GOOD: Drew Brees. I like him.
BAD: He Who Shall Not Be Named/Deanna/Chilly/The Minnesota Vikings Organization/every asshole He Who Shall Not Be Named-former Packer fan: I hate to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so. Good things come to good people. I'm not going to sit here and say that Chilly doesn't help old ladies cross the street or whatever. And I don't necessarily blame him for going out and getting Him. He is a lot better than Travarioueiause. Chilly got himself a nice contract extension and it nearly worked. BUT, Chilly absolutely sold the fuck out, forgot his values by letting Him run the show to placate His enormous ego, and probably lost respect for his team in the process. And Chilly ignored the fact that He has a long glorious history of doing exactly what He did yesterday. He saved the worst for last. He was a stud all year, and played His worst game when it mattered most. Did he play an overall horrendous game? It is hard to put all the blame on Him, and He did what he does in dragging His bad leg out onto the field after getting destroyed by the blitz. But He has the ability to destroy it all with one bad pass. And He did it again.
The Vikings as an organization fall into the same category as Chilly. You let Him run the show, and He burned you.
Deanna, I just don't like you at all.
He deserved every potentially dirty hit He got, and deserved to lose in the most soul crushing way possible. If you are an asshole to the people that loved you, the universe will punish you. You just cannot get away with doing what He did. Also, congrats on getting that "ankle injury" so you have an excuse to not go to training camp again.
To the former Packer fans who didn't root like hell for the Saints. You are not welcomed back. Your punishment is having to root for dry weather when He is sitting on His tractor. The worst kind of Karma is coming.
NEUTRAL: To true Viking fans.
I actually feel a bit sorry for you in that it has to be getting old to lose this way. At the same time, that is what you get for hitching your horse to Our old wagon. And kind of being pricks about it. How do you feel about that $90 investment in a He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jersey now bitches?
The Saints are my adopted second team. And should be the rest of America's team too after finally killing the beast (maybe?)
When you really think about how that game played out, there could not have been a more perfect ending. He has possibly ended (doubtful) His career in Minnesota, the same way He ended it in Green Bay. With an ill-advised, back breaking interception, with a chance to go to the Super Bowl. That pass (along with: Philly, NYG and about 100 others) was a microcosm of His career, especially in the last 10 years, and especially in the playoffs. This is what He does. This is who He is.
I've always been a big believer in karma. Here is a karmic scoreboard.
GOOD: Saints fans/City of New Orleans/New Orleans residents/displaced Katrina victims. Congrats. Well deserved. If anyone deserved something good after 43 years of shit, and that hurricane, it was you.
GOOD: Drew Brees. I like him.
BAD: He Who Shall Not Be Named/Deanna/Chilly/The Minnesota Vikings Organization/every asshole He Who Shall Not Be Named-former Packer fan: I hate to say I told you so. But I fucking told you so. Good things come to good people. I'm not going to sit here and say that Chilly doesn't help old ladies cross the street or whatever. And I don't necessarily blame him for going out and getting Him. He is a lot better than Travarioueiause. Chilly got himself a nice contract extension and it nearly worked. BUT, Chilly absolutely sold the fuck out, forgot his values by letting Him run the show to placate His enormous ego, and probably lost respect for his team in the process. And Chilly ignored the fact that He has a long glorious history of doing exactly what He did yesterday. He saved the worst for last. He was a stud all year, and played His worst game when it mattered most. Did he play an overall horrendous game? It is hard to put all the blame on Him, and He did what he does in dragging His bad leg out onto the field after getting destroyed by the blitz. But He has the ability to destroy it all with one bad pass. And He did it again.
The Vikings as an organization fall into the same category as Chilly. You let Him run the show, and He burned you.
Deanna, I just don't like you at all.
He deserved every potentially dirty hit He got, and deserved to lose in the most soul crushing way possible. If you are an asshole to the people that loved you, the universe will punish you. You just cannot get away with doing what He did. Also, congrats on getting that "ankle injury" so you have an excuse to not go to training camp again.
To the former Packer fans who didn't root like hell for the Saints. You are not welcomed back. Your punishment is having to root for dry weather when He is sitting on His tractor. The worst kind of Karma is coming.
NEUTRAL: To true Viking fans.
I actually feel a bit sorry for you in that it has to be getting old to lose this way. At the same time, that is what you get for hitching your horse to Our old wagon. And kind of being pricks about it. How do you feel about that $90 investment in a He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jersey now bitches?
The Saints are my adopted second team. And should be the rest of America's team too after finally killing the beast (maybe?)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Quick Championship Weekend Preview
It sucks both games are on Sunday. They really should stretch this thing out over two days. Also, UW tried and failed to schedule their weekend game during the football games for the 12th time in 13 weeks, but the NFL tricked them by starting the first game on Sunday at 2:30 instead of Noon. So only half of the UW-Penn St. game (1:30) will be on at a time when nobody that is not an immediate family member of a player will be watching. I think I could double their ratings if I was in charge of Big Ten scheduling.
Picks:
Last Week: 3-1
Playoffs: 4-4
Season: 117-118-4
All-Time: 251-244-6
COLTS/JETS
Super Bowl III rematch! Except that at least 50% of the players involved are dead and the other 50% are so messed up from long term football injuries that they don't remember the game! Except Joe Namath, who's steady diet of booze and vag chemically altered his brain cells and proved a cure for concussions. I like watching the Jets D play, and Rex Ryan is crazy. I just don't see Payton Manning losing this. He is a cyborg. Even though the game should end up being relatively close, I still feel like the Jets are maybe a slightly worse version of the Ravens on offense. And the Ravens put up 3 points last week. I like the Colts (-7.5).
VIQUEENS/UNITED STATES' TEAM
My feelings and rooting interests are well documented. REALLY well documented. The Saints are better on offense than anything the Vikings have faced all year. They can run and pass. The key I think is keeping Brees upright. The Vikes got to ROMO last week, but IN MY MIND, THE COWBOYS RECEIVERS SUCK, AND THE O-LINE WAS A DISASTER. Brees HAS RIDICULOUS RECEIVERS, AND A COMPETENT, UNINJURED O-LINE. Brees ALSO has BETTER accuracy, and BETTER coaches THAN ROMO. If Brees doesn't get Jared Allen's bloody/hairy gash rubbed in his face, I don't think I care what the Vikings do on offense (and I do think they will score). He Who Shall Not Be Named has done nothing to lead anyone to believe he will shit himself and throw a bunch of picks. But historically, he has done just that in every playoff appearance since 1999. The Saints are not particularly good on defense, and don't match up well with the Vikings, but Darren Sharper plays a mean center field, and I feel like he is good for at least one pick of his "friend" (note: He had no friends, because he is a prick. On his first opportunity, He would fuck Sharper's wife and molest his kids.) I like the Saints (-3.5). GEAUX SAINTS!! (ED. NOTE: I never said these previews weren't incredibly biased and highly prejudicial.)
Picks:
Last Week: 3-1
Playoffs: 4-4
Season: 117-118-4
All-Time: 251-244-6
COLTS/JETS
Super Bowl III rematch! Except that at least 50% of the players involved are dead and the other 50% are so messed up from long term football injuries that they don't remember the game! Except Joe Namath, who's steady diet of booze and vag chemically altered his brain cells and proved a cure for concussions. I like watching the Jets D play, and Rex Ryan is crazy. I just don't see Payton Manning losing this. He is a cyborg. Even though the game should end up being relatively close, I still feel like the Jets are maybe a slightly worse version of the Ravens on offense. And the Ravens put up 3 points last week. I like the Colts (-7.5).
VIQUEENS/UNITED STATES' TEAM
My feelings and rooting interests are well documented. REALLY well documented. The Saints are better on offense than anything the Vikings have faced all year. They can run and pass. The key I think is keeping Brees upright. The Vikes got to ROMO last week, but IN MY MIND, THE COWBOYS RECEIVERS SUCK, AND THE O-LINE WAS A DISASTER. Brees HAS RIDICULOUS RECEIVERS, AND A COMPETENT, UNINJURED O-LINE. Brees ALSO has BETTER accuracy, and BETTER coaches THAN ROMO. If Brees doesn't get Jared Allen's bloody/hairy gash rubbed in his face, I don't think I care what the Vikings do on offense (and I do think they will score). He Who Shall Not Be Named has done nothing to lead anyone to believe he will shit himself and throw a bunch of picks. But historically, he has done just that in every playoff appearance since 1999. The Saints are not particularly good on defense, and don't match up well with the Vikings, but Darren Sharper plays a mean center field, and I feel like he is good for at least one pick of his "friend" (note: He had no friends, because he is a prick. On his first opportunity, He would fuck Sharper's wife and molest his kids.) I like the Saints (-3.5). GEAUX SAINTS!! (ED. NOTE: I never said these previews weren't incredibly biased and highly prejudicial.)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Hit Em Up
I'm sure there are like two people that got the mid 90's rap reference to the title of this post.
ANYWAYS (Stolen Literary Reference alert), the reason for this post is to break down Twinkies sudden love for all things purple, and dudes with diapers who play quarterback/coach their team/slap teammates' asses for fun/cram their cocks down media member's throats/and stab fan bases in the back.
First, I think I need to take a step back and try to rationally explain my hatred for the Vikings, as well as my hatred for this particular Viking team. I've always had a strong dislike for them, and as a Packer fan (really, I didn't just decide to be one five minutes ago) I choose to root against them regardless of what they are doing or who they are playing. Same with the Bears and to a lesser extent the Lions (only because they haven't been a threat for a decade). I wish ill things on the franchises as a whole. If they move to L.A. (when) I will throw a celebration. I might drive over to Minneapolis and piss on the Metrodome. I'm definitely not one of these people who take up rooting for "The NFC North" out of some bullshit divisional pride. Knowing that, I still can be fairly rational in my hatred for Packer rivals. When the Bears got to the Super Bowl a few years back, I hated it and I rooted against them harder than I would have if I didn't really care who won that much. But, it didn't ruin two weeks of my life. I didn't avoid sports media. I still looked forward to watching the Super Bowl. If they would have won, it would have stung a bit, but I would've gotten over it.
This Viking team is different and the hatred has risen to a new level due to He Who Shall Not Be Named. I'm not going to repeat all of my feelings except to say that everything bothers me more, and the fact that the media refuses to treat him like a normal player, despite the fact that I'm convinced that 99% of America now hates him and the Vikings, makes it worse. He alone is the reason that the Queens making a Super Bowl would ruin two weeks for me, and could possibly cause me to black out during the Super Bowl. And I would even consider skipping the Super Bowl for the first time since I can remember(I vaguely remember 1985 as the first one I watched). And I believe Twinkie is pretending to be a Viking fan just to piss me off. This is why, as a Packer fan, I feel that I am able to write this post.
With that out of the way, Twinkie is full of shit. I've known Twinkie in varying degrees since 2003. We hung out a lot during our final year at Creighton, and have communicated electronically quite often since graduation. I feel like I've got a pretty good handle for who he is. Might he be a sheep rapist (I was just helping it over the fence)? Maybe. You never totally know anyone I guess. The point is, I've watched NFL with him a few times in the mid-00's, and have certainly discussed it on a number of occasions. And until last Sunday with his bullshit "Thanks for the Quarterback. (insert some other bullshit about the Packers or Vikings)" text, I had never once heard him mention his affinity for the Viqueens. In fact, I distinctly remember him telling me that he was a Miami Dolphin fan. So my first question: What the fuck happened to THAT?!?!?
He uses Bill Simmon's "Rules for Being a True Fan" article to claim that because he was born in North Dakota or Montana or Canada or wherever the fuck he was born, and there was no NFL team, that he is justified in deciding now to root for the Viqueens just to piss me off. Here are a few quotes I pulled from this article.
"There's nothing worse than a Bandwagon Jumper. If sports were a prison and sports fans made up all the prisoners, the Bandwagon Jumpers would be like the child molesters -- everyone else would pick on them, take turns beating them up and force them to toss more salads than Emeril Lagrasse.) "
"19. Once you choose a team, you're stuck with that team for the rest of your life ... unless one of the following conditions applies:
-Your team moves to another city. All bets are off when that happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off that sport entirely, nobody would blame you.
-You grew up in a city that didn't field a team for a specific sport -- so you picked a random team -- and then either a.) your city landed a team, or b.) you moved to a city that fielded a team for that specific sport. For instance, one of my Connecticut buddies rooted for the Sixers during the Doctor J Era, then happened to be living in Orlando when the Magic came to town. Now he's a Magic fan. That's acceptable.
-One of your immediate family members either plays professionally or takes a relevant management/coaching/front office position with a pro team.
-You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area.
-The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore -- you would rather not follow them at all then support a franchise with this owner in charge. Just for the record, I reached this point with the Boston Bruins about six years ago. When it happens, you have two options: You can either renounce that team and pick someone else, or you can pretend they're dead, like you're a grieving widow. That's what I do. I'm an NHL widow. I don't even want to date another team.
-If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them." "
I don't see one single thing in there that justifies this fake fandom. Yes, he lives in Minnesota, but like 700 miles away from the Twin Cities. I guess my whole point is that you can't just drop the Dolphins. And you can't root for both. And you can't rely on Simmons to help you make your point. You are a poser and a bandwagon jumper.
One last thing that pissed me off. "Like you Packer fans wouldn't be excited to be in the NFC Championship" In response to Bear saying that the Twin Cities was acting like the Vikings had won the Super Bowl after they beat a team they were favored to beat, at home, after a bye week, that had won ONE playoff game in 13 years. Would Packer fans be excited? Absofuckinglutely. But Packer fans are smart enough to realize that getting to the NFC Championship doesn't mean anything. It means you get to play one more week. Packer fans are smart enough to not start to suck eachother's dick when we get to the SEMIFINALS. Not only that, but a real Viking fan (of which there is only two: Paul Allen and Ragnar) would be smart enough to know that historically, the Viqueens are fucking chokers, especially recently, in similar games (see 41-0, see Gary Anderson). They SHOULD be nervous as shit, NOT running around acting like they won something. Which is ANOTHER reason that you aren't a Viking fan. Vikings fans would be entitled to enjoy their South Beach vacation if they manage to get to the Super Bowl, but until they WIN a Super Bowl, it doesn't mean shit.
When the Vikings lose, all anyone is going to remember about this season is He Who Shall Not Be Named making an ass out of another franchise. It has been approximately 10 years since He DIDN'T completely melt down in the playoffs costing his team the game. And I am going enjoy the taste of tears when it happens.
To recap: I hate the Viqueens even more due to He Who Shall Not Be Named, Twinkie is a Dolphin fan NOT a Viqueen fan, Viqueen fans are delusional if they are that happy about one playoff win, He will stab the Viking franchise in the back too, Twinkie may or may not rape animals, I Hit 'Em Up, I am extremely white.
GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!! What say you?
ANYWAYS (Stolen Literary Reference alert), the reason for this post is to break down Twinkies sudden love for all things purple, and dudes with diapers who play quarterback/coach their team/slap teammates' asses for fun/cram their cocks down media member's throats/and stab fan bases in the back.
First, I think I need to take a step back and try to rationally explain my hatred for the Vikings, as well as my hatred for this particular Viking team. I've always had a strong dislike for them, and as a Packer fan (really, I didn't just decide to be one five minutes ago) I choose to root against them regardless of what they are doing or who they are playing. Same with the Bears and to a lesser extent the Lions (only because they haven't been a threat for a decade). I wish ill things on the franchises as a whole. If they move to L.A. (when) I will throw a celebration. I might drive over to Minneapolis and piss on the Metrodome. I'm definitely not one of these people who take up rooting for "The NFC North" out of some bullshit divisional pride. Knowing that, I still can be fairly rational in my hatred for Packer rivals. When the Bears got to the Super Bowl a few years back, I hated it and I rooted against them harder than I would have if I didn't really care who won that much. But, it didn't ruin two weeks of my life. I didn't avoid sports media. I still looked forward to watching the Super Bowl. If they would have won, it would have stung a bit, but I would've gotten over it.
This Viking team is different and the hatred has risen to a new level due to He Who Shall Not Be Named. I'm not going to repeat all of my feelings except to say that everything bothers me more, and the fact that the media refuses to treat him like a normal player, despite the fact that I'm convinced that 99% of America now hates him and the Vikings, makes it worse. He alone is the reason that the Queens making a Super Bowl would ruin two weeks for me, and could possibly cause me to black out during the Super Bowl. And I would even consider skipping the Super Bowl for the first time since I can remember(I vaguely remember 1985 as the first one I watched). And I believe Twinkie is pretending to be a Viking fan just to piss me off. This is why, as a Packer fan, I feel that I am able to write this post.
With that out of the way, Twinkie is full of shit. I've known Twinkie in varying degrees since 2003. We hung out a lot during our final year at Creighton, and have communicated electronically quite often since graduation. I feel like I've got a pretty good handle for who he is. Might he be a sheep rapist (I was just helping it over the fence)? Maybe. You never totally know anyone I guess. The point is, I've watched NFL with him a few times in the mid-00's, and have certainly discussed it on a number of occasions. And until last Sunday with his bullshit "Thanks for the Quarterback. (insert some other bullshit about the Packers or Vikings)" text, I had never once heard him mention his affinity for the Viqueens. In fact, I distinctly remember him telling me that he was a Miami Dolphin fan. So my first question: What the fuck happened to THAT?!?!?
He uses Bill Simmon's "Rules for Being a True Fan" article to claim that because he was born in North Dakota or Montana or Canada or wherever the fuck he was born, and there was no NFL team, that he is justified in deciding now to root for the Viqueens just to piss me off. Here are a few quotes I pulled from this article.
"There's nothing worse than a Bandwagon Jumper. If sports were a prison and sports fans made up all the prisoners, the Bandwagon Jumpers would be like the child molesters -- everyone else would pick on them, take turns beating them up and force them to toss more salads than Emeril Lagrasse.) "
"19. Once you choose a team, you're stuck with that team for the rest of your life ... unless one of the following conditions applies:
-Your team moves to another city. All bets are off when that happens. In fact, if you decided to turn off that sport entirely, nobody would blame you.
-You grew up in a city that didn't field a team for a specific sport -- so you picked a random team -- and then either a.) your city landed a team, or b.) you moved to a city that fielded a team for that specific sport. For instance, one of my Connecticut buddies rooted for the Sixers during the Doctor J Era, then happened to be living in Orlando when the Magic came to town. Now he's a Magic fan. That's acceptable.
-One of your immediate family members either plays professionally or takes a relevant management/coaching/front office position with a pro team.
-You follow your favorite college star (and this has to be a once-in-a-generation favorite college star) to the pros and root for his team du jour ... like if you were a UNC fan for the past 20 years, and you rooted for the Bulls (because of MJ) and then the Raptors (because of Vince). Only works if there isn't a pro team in your area.
-The owner of your favorite team treated his fans so egregiously over the years that you couldn't take it anymore -- you would rather not follow them at all then support a franchise with this owner in charge. Just for the record, I reached this point with the Boston Bruins about six years ago. When it happens, you have two options: You can either renounce that team and pick someone else, or you can pretend they're dead, like you're a grieving widow. That's what I do. I'm an NHL widow. I don't even want to date another team.
-If you're between the ages of 20-40, you're a fan of the Yankees, Cowboys, Braves, Raiders, Steelers, Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, Canadiens and/or Oilers, and you're not actually from those one of those cities ... well, you better have a reason that goes beyond "When I was picking a favorite team as a kid, they were the best team, so I picked them." "
I don't see one single thing in there that justifies this fake fandom. Yes, he lives in Minnesota, but like 700 miles away from the Twin Cities. I guess my whole point is that you can't just drop the Dolphins. And you can't root for both. And you can't rely on Simmons to help you make your point. You are a poser and a bandwagon jumper.
One last thing that pissed me off. "Like you Packer fans wouldn't be excited to be in the NFC Championship" In response to Bear saying that the Twin Cities was acting like the Vikings had won the Super Bowl after they beat a team they were favored to beat, at home, after a bye week, that had won ONE playoff game in 13 years. Would Packer fans be excited? Absofuckinglutely. But Packer fans are smart enough to realize that getting to the NFC Championship doesn't mean anything. It means you get to play one more week. Packer fans are smart enough to not start to suck eachother's dick when we get to the SEMIFINALS. Not only that, but a real Viking fan (of which there is only two: Paul Allen and Ragnar) would be smart enough to know that historically, the Viqueens are fucking chokers, especially recently, in similar games (see 41-0, see Gary Anderson). They SHOULD be nervous as shit, NOT running around acting like they won something. Which is ANOTHER reason that you aren't a Viking fan. Vikings fans would be entitled to enjoy their South Beach vacation if they manage to get to the Super Bowl, but until they WIN a Super Bowl, it doesn't mean shit.
When the Vikings lose, all anyone is going to remember about this season is He Who Shall Not Be Named making an ass out of another franchise. It has been approximately 10 years since He DIDN'T completely melt down in the playoffs costing his team the game. And I am going enjoy the taste of tears when it happens.
To recap: I hate the Viqueens even more due to He Who Shall Not Be Named, Twinkie is a Dolphin fan NOT a Viqueen fan, Viqueen fans are delusional if they are that happy about one playoff win, He will stab the Viking franchise in the back too, Twinkie may or may not rape animals, I Hit 'Em Up, I am extremely white.
GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!! What say you?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thanks For Coming
I want to say thank you to Dallas for rolling over and dying on Sunday. I just really, really hate the Vikings. That is really all I have to say about that. I unfortunately have a hard time envisioning a scenario that doesn't involve a Viking win, and a Richard suicide. It is SO fucking frustrating to watch Him sit there and throw to wide open receivers (or covered guys when the guy doing the covering has no idea that the receiver caught the ball). And I never thought I would be pissed about someone adding an F-U touchdown against the Cowboys. I dunno, maybe I don't give the Saints enough credit. The Vikings pass rush just looked so dominant against an offensive line in Dallas that I think is better than New Orleans (I have nothing to back this up). The Saints are better on offense than the Cowboys, but worse on defense. I will be a Saints fan with every fiber of my being on Sunday. Because I genuinely don't want to hate my life for the next two weeks.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Can't Blame The Kid
I would drink too if I was Chilly's kid. And I would want to take a whole bunch of Viqueens fans with me, since they are universally terrible human beings and it is well known that they kill baby seals.
It is a little unclear whether the drinking/murder-suicide attempt (definition of DUI) was the result of: a) being Chilly's kid; b) Chilly's beard; c) Chilly cheating on his mom with He Who Shall Not Be Named. To be continued (or not).
It is a little unclear whether the drinking/murder-suicide attempt (definition of DUI) was the result of: a) being Chilly's kid; b) Chilly's beard; c) Chilly cheating on his mom with He Who Shall Not Be Named. To be continued (or not).
Picks N' Such
The game last night was not very good, except for about 10 minutes right near the end. I guess it isn't the BCS's fault that McCoy got hurt, although for some reason I feel like there was a a conspiracy afoot. Because the BCS title game has been good like 2, maybe three times since its conception (which HAD to have been some type of forced sexual assault). And the BCS doesn't care because they claim to make money hand over fist regardless. So they saw the results of the Get Together and resolved to prove a point to the fair readers of this blog, that they will do whatever the fuck they want, and you will like it.
Other thoughts on the game:
- Made this comment last night to my a few others: "When the second half started, Mack Brown looked alot like Bud Kilmer right before the second half of the championship game on "Varsity Blues" and I though for sure Colt McCoy would coach the second half.
-Not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but there was a smoking hot chick sitting next to Colt McCoy's dad that I'm guessing was Colt's woman. Good work.
-Alabama was still better than Texas.
-That Gilbert guy was 5/24 passing at one point.
-Nick Saban is a dick. Even after he wins a "National Championship"
NFL
The plan this weekend is as follows: 1) Stay up late playing video games and/or continuing to trudge through "The Book of Basketball"; 2) Sleep in relatively late Saturday (like 9 a.m. is considered "late" these days); 3) Drink coffee, surf Internets; 4) Pretend to be helpful in house chores; 5) Watch Bucky v. Purdue/CU v. Wichita St.; 6) Watch football for 7 hours; 7) sleep; 8) coffee; 9) watch football for 7 hours.
This weekend is not as good as next weekend will be (especially if the Pack doesn't fuck this up), but it is going to be good anyway. Playoff football is finally here. I asked my wife the other day if she knew what we were doing this weekend. Her response "I don't know". I said, "I know. We are watching football for 14 hours. So don't make other plans."
I have a hard time envisioning a scenario that doesn't involve Jarrett Bush or a kickoff return for a touchdown where the Packers don't beat the Cardinals. Even if I pretend I never saw the Packers' starters destroy the Cards starters for a quarter in two meaningless games, I still think the Packers are better all around. Offense: I think this is the only thing that could slant to the Cardinals, but you pretty much know what you are going to get from the Pack. Warner might throw for 400 yds and 5TDs (all against Bush) or he might throw 4 picks and fumble twice. The Packers defense is much, much better than the Cards. Special Teams is probably in the Cards favor but only because of Crosby. I expect a relatively high scoring affair. I'm going to say 31-23 Pack. We will know on Sunday who our 2nd round opponent will be with a win. I can't mentally handle another Packers v. He Who Shall Not Be Named game. Even though the Packers are playing better now.
TERRIBLE PICKS
I'm not really sure what is considered "good" in picking games. My assumption would be somewhere around 50% would be acceptable if you picked every game. I am now unacceptable this season after getting raped last week.
Last Week: 6-10
Season: 113-114-4
All-Time: 247-240-6
Cin (-2.5), Phi (+4), Bal (+3), GB (Pk)
Other thoughts on the game:
- Made this comment last night to my a few others: "When the second half started, Mack Brown looked alot like Bud Kilmer right before the second half of the championship game on "Varsity Blues" and I though for sure Colt McCoy would coach the second half.
-Not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but there was a smoking hot chick sitting next to Colt McCoy's dad that I'm guessing was Colt's woman. Good work.
-Alabama was still better than Texas.
-That Gilbert guy was 5/24 passing at one point.
-Nick Saban is a dick. Even after he wins a "National Championship"
NFL
The plan this weekend is as follows: 1) Stay up late playing video games and/or continuing to trudge through "The Book of Basketball"; 2) Sleep in relatively late Saturday (like 9 a.m. is considered "late" these days); 3) Drink coffee, surf Internets; 4) Pretend to be helpful in house chores; 5) Watch Bucky v. Purdue/CU v. Wichita St.; 6) Watch football for 7 hours; 7) sleep; 8) coffee; 9) watch football for 7 hours.
This weekend is not as good as next weekend will be (especially if the Pack doesn't fuck this up), but it is going to be good anyway. Playoff football is finally here. I asked my wife the other day if she knew what we were doing this weekend. Her response "I don't know". I said, "I know. We are watching football for 14 hours. So don't make other plans."
I have a hard time envisioning a scenario that doesn't involve Jarrett Bush or a kickoff return for a touchdown where the Packers don't beat the Cardinals. Even if I pretend I never saw the Packers' starters destroy the Cards starters for a quarter in two meaningless games, I still think the Packers are better all around. Offense: I think this is the only thing that could slant to the Cardinals, but you pretty much know what you are going to get from the Pack. Warner might throw for 400 yds and 5TDs (all against Bush) or he might throw 4 picks and fumble twice. The Packers defense is much, much better than the Cards. Special Teams is probably in the Cards favor but only because of Crosby. I expect a relatively high scoring affair. I'm going to say 31-23 Pack. We will know on Sunday who our 2nd round opponent will be with a win. I can't mentally handle another Packers v. He Who Shall Not Be Named game. Even though the Packers are playing better now.
TERRIBLE PICKS
I'm not really sure what is considered "good" in picking games. My assumption would be somewhere around 50% would be acceptable if you picked every game. I am now unacceptable this season after getting raped last week.
Last Week: 6-10
Season: 113-114-4
All-Time: 247-240-6
Cin (-2.5), Phi (+4), Bal (+3), GB (Pk)
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