Afternoon Bottle

I have mixed feelings about the Tiger Woods "press conference." I tend to agree with Bill Simmons' opinion and I've made no secret about how I feel about public apologies, but for those who don't know, public apologies are complete bullshit. Tiger Woods is NOT sorry. How do I know this? Because he'd probably be boning Juice's wife, or my girlfriend, or Richard by now. Someone who's sorry doesn't call one of his SEVERAL mistresses on Thanksgiving and tell her to erase his name from her cell phone and also inform her Elin is checking his phone. This is not a situation where he's sorry for chucking his dick all over the place. He's sorry he got caught. Plain and simple. Move on, Elin.

I watched a Dateline type show the other night about Tiger's secret life. It had an in-depth interview with one of his skanks, and she really did look like a skank, but I'm not here to judge. She's probably a wonderful person. After seeing this program I got a slightly different view of the situation. Tiger wasn't roaming the countryside fucking everyone he saw. He was actually involved in actual relationships with a lot of these women. They were falling in love with him. These weren't one night stands. And from what I understand he wasn't spending a whole lot of money on these women which leads me to one conclusion. Tiger must have a monster crank.

I don't get to see much of the Olympics but I have seen a large amount of curling, and, curling is awesome. I even bet $5 on the USA and they lost because a dude choked on the last throw, which eventually happened in 4 straight matches making the USA 0-4. Hockey is still great too.

AN INVITE (of sorts)

Richard and I are planning on possibly spending a romantic weekend in La Crosse together on the weekend of March 5th. Would anyone be interested in joining us, Juice and Schmock? Bring wives, I don't care. My significant other is not going at this point due to work issues, but if Mrs Juice and Mrs Schmock would go she might try to get off work. Basically, I've missed the last two Saturday all day drinking days in La Crosse (Oktoberfest and snow volleyball). I would like to make up for it.

Degenerate

Although I'm probably putting my entire financial future on the line, I finally made a difficult decision. I was actually choosing between two options, but I took the option that keeps a part of Vegas flowing within me. I dropped a hundy at BestUS.com. I have a couple friends who have done this for the past couple years and they've had no problems, but when I wasn't immediately authorized by my credit card company due to it being an international purchase, the red flags were not raised. I'm pretty sure some dude in the Bahamas just bought a cache of illegal arms off the black market with my credit card to fuel a civil war in some African country I've never heard of, but I did win $16 on the Kings game last night, so I don't care.

I wish I could have gotten a post in before the Badger/Duke game last night. I knew it would be close and was not at all surprised Bucky won. First of all, that was a HUGE homecourt advantage. The crowd was insane. Secondly, the two teams aren't that much different. Duke is not as athletic as they usually are, and they are much slower than people realize. The Badgers have the perfect offense for their talent, Duke does not. And Duke's big white guys are inept at this point in the season. Zoubek is completely useless and the others are all really young. Singler was the best player on the court along with Hughes, but, let's face it, he's white and thus can't be trusted. He doesn't create his own shot very well and he took some extremely retarded shots. Thirdly, the Badgers couldn't miss during the first 75% of the first half. They won't do that again the rest of the season and that's what won them the game.

Storming the court should be embarassing to any Badger fan. I hate Badger basketball and even I was embarassed.

Tiger Woods. I'm sure most conjecture about what actually happened is pretty close to the truth. A couple things are obvious. Tiger fucks other women. Period. And he's been doing it for awhile. Period. Elin knocked out those windows in a fit of rage, not some heroic effort to save her injured, adulterous husband. It's not any of my business. It's not any of your business. But we're beginning to realize he is not as smart as we all thought he was. If you're famous and are fucking random women, people are going to find out, and those random not famous women are gonna keep souvenirs. If you're famous and single there are a million things to be wary about. But if you're the most famous athlete in the world what are you thinking? Is Elin not hot enough? I'm not one to say just because a woman is hot there's nothing wrong with her. For every hot chick there's some dude who's sick of her shit. But, come on, do you think no one will notice? And you sound like a bitch in that voicemail message.

There are two ways to look at this. 1) This is a private issue and it's no one's business but Tiger's and his family's or 2) The whole "I didn't sign up for this" argument that Tiger uses is complete bullshit. This is exactly what you signed up for.

My opinion is a mix of the two. Tiger needs to be realistic. The media frenzy isn't a new phenomena. His "apology" on his website was fucking ridiculous. "I apologize to my family... but fuck the media. I can't believe they're doing this to me." This is what leads me to believe Tiger isn't as smart as I thought he was. But, if he doesn't want to explain himself at all, he doesn't have to and he shouldn't be compelled to. This IS a private issue. And people like Kornheiser who say he needs to publicly apologize need to explain to me why? Why does he need to publicly apologize? He didn't do anything wrong to the public. I am not emotionally damaged due to Tiger laying pipe all across the country, allegedly. He doesn't owe me anything. I will try not to jump on my soapbox when talking about public apologies, but it's a simple case of Tiger not actually being sorry, but being sorry he got caught. A public apology means nothing.

I'm seriously tempted to start my own public relations company, specializing in situations like this. It will be the easiest job ever, because managing situations like this consists of one easy step. Get out ahead of the issue by telling the truth (or at least a version of it) and ride out the storm. All these fucking dipshits who advise these celebrities like A-Rod are comple idiots. Andy Pettite is the perfect example. Any public official or celebrity should follow his lead. Admitting your mistake takes the wind out of the sails of entities such as TMZ. Because when you're evasive they will come with their claws out and they'll end up finding much more dirt than they would otherwise. Tiger should simply have made a very vague reference to the whole incident with his wife and blamed it on his misgivings. Very simple. But when an apology goes something like this "I'm very sorry for what I've done but........" then that person is not actually sorry. Tiger has been the king of the world for a long time. He feels he doesn't need to be sorry.

Daily sports bet - 2 team parlay - Celtics+1.5 at San Antonio and Nuggets -9 at home vs Miami - $5 to win $13.

No Interest

I appreciate the extremely hard work of a fellow blogger, but I can't seem to muster any interest in the He situation. I can't even remember who He is half the time and quite frankly I don't care.

I'm always interested in people's opinion of how an athlete should end his career. Will he ruin his legacy if he plays another year/for another team. For the most part everyone needs to mind their own fucking business. It's not your life. Who can blame an athlete for playing past their prime? Remember, an athlete's career is over 15 or so years before an average person's. I would drag it out as long as possible.

But I'm getting off the point. My point is that He is slowly (not so slowly) becoming the biggest prima donna in sports history. It's amazing we didn't see this in his decade and a half in Green Bay. We loved him. I loved him. He's the Everyman!!!!!!!!!!!! But, no. We placed him on a pedestal, and maybe rightfully so. But now he's placed himself on a pedestal. What's the point of going public with any of his thoughts? Why not make a decision first? It's because he NEEDS the attention. He's like a married man who still needs to know he can get that hot chick's number. He's so insecure that he needs to know he can still make headlines because if he doesn't we'll all find out he's one of the crab people. I don't know about anyone else, except Juice, but I'll always remember him as a whiney crybaby.

Other thoughts -

What a great NHL finals! Fucking game 7. I pray for a 5 overtime thriller. Although I'll be at a wedding in Appleton on Friday night. Free beer and the electric slide, what else can you ask for?

I haven't caught any of the NBA finals, except for little snippets on the radio. If Magic win game 4 this will be won by the Lakers in 6. If Lakers win game 4 the series is over in 5.

Hypothetical situation - a female police sergeant, while off duty, calls an on duty patrol officer and asks her to look up the phone number of a random dude b/c she thinks he's "hot." OK, I lied a little. He's not a random dude. He's a local drug dealer who's being looked at closely by his local police department (for which this female police sergeant works for). Anyways, check this out. By the way, this is not a hypothetical situation.

A-Rod Thinks I'm Stupid

I didn't even watch the Rodriguez interview thing yesterday. I didn't need to. The highlights crawling across the bottom line on ESPN all night were good enough. And he clearly thinks America is really, really dumb. While he is probably right, and I've said before that America is full of people that shouldn't be allowed reproduce, or waste my air, even America isn't THAT stupid that it believes A-Rod's ridiculous tall tales. And I'm going to go ahead and ignore all of the other things he is probably lying about, and assume that he tells the truth that he was clean at all times other than '01-'03 (which is most likely untrue).

Alex Rodriguez is a professional athlete, and probably one of the best in baseball, if not one of the best of all time. He allegedly "started" using steroids in 2001, when he was about 25 years old, and had just signed a 10 year $250 million contract with Texas. And he expects us to believe that his "cousin" who doesn't sound like a doctor, or expert of any kind, told him he could get some stuff in the Dominican that would help with his "energy" and he just injected himself with it for three years, no questions asked. Bull. Fucking. Shit. There is no possible way this happened. There is no possible way that a professional athlete, at the top of his game, who stood lose HUNDREDS of millions of dollars, would take the word of his "cousin" that he could get some shit in the DR and just inject himself with it, no questions asked. Now I know baseball players are stupid. But he can't possibly expect me to buy this. He would've been better off flat out lying to me like Clemens, Palmiero and Bonds than give me this horseshit.

IN OTHER NEWS:

My fucking boss brought her fucking dog into the office with her last night after I had left (which is like a 200 lb black lab). And I arrive at the office this morning to find garbage strewn all over the floor. I was fucking pissed.

Devil's Advocate

Since disagreeing is what I do, I'm going to take another hack at the dead horse. I generally agree with much of what you said as far as A-Rod not being sorry, but regretting getting caught. I also agree that we can't say for certain what happens the day you stop taking steroids, or that we know he isn't on HGH right now, because we can't test for the shit. I am also sick of watching or listening to this debate.

I would also like to point out that keeping every person who admitted or was accused of taking steroids out of the Hall of Fame is asinine. Is cheating really cheating when you know goddamn well a whole shitload of other players were doing it? While it isn't fair to the players that weren't taking it, how can we believe THEM? Don't we almost have to go the communist route and just make every player that has ever played guilty until proven innocent? Or better yet, until we pony up for an HGH test (which is dumb since they will find something else to get an edge), just forget the whole fucking thing and let everyone in? I totally got on a tangent here, but it is crazy that there is all this witch hunting going on for some, and total ignorance about others in baseball, while we just ignore the fact that there is a 99% (based on thorough scientific testing) chance that every NFL player is on something, but we don't give a shit because the numbers don't "matter" as much.

Alright, back to what the whole point was: I think Joe Blow Rottencrotch from Bumfuck, USA wants to forgive players who apologize because he is so pissed at the assholes that refuse to acknowledge what we know with almost complete certainty is true. While A-Rod's "apology" wasn't all that sincere, at least he isn't treating Joe Blow Rottencrotch like a COMPLETE fucking moron like Bonds and Clemens are. So to that extent, admitting guilt is the right thing to do.

Pot smoking and the significance of apologies

I have numerous thoughts about the whole "OH MY GOD MICHAEL PHELPS SMOKES POT" story.

My first thought is "who fucking cares?" What difference does that make in anyone's life? The guy smokes pot, get over it. Maybe if I didn't do what I do for a living I'd be a little more surprised. But I know from experience many seemingly normal housewives and husbands toke the ganja from time to time. And at every age. 15 year olds and 65 year olds. Poor people and rich people. It's everywhere. You, the reader of this blog, have a "drug problem" in your city/town/village. How do I know this? Because every city/town/village has a "drug problem." Most people have no idea because either they just don't give a shit or they don't care.

The only problem I have with what Phelps did was that he hit the bong at a college party. Now, come on Michael, are you fucking retarded? I'll bet that one pic is not the only pic taken of him doing that. Hell, there was probably a cell phone video taken. Just use your head a little.

The celebrity public apology fucking pisses me off, for two reasons. One, why should I believe Phelps is sorry and, two, why should I want that apology. And by "I" I mean the general public.

So, why should I believe Phelps is sorry? Personally, I don't give a shit because he's only sorry because he got caught. How many times has he smoked dope before that party and since that party? If he was actually sorry about it that would mean that was the only time he's ever done it in his life and he realizes it was stupid. But we know that's not true.

Finally, why do I want the apology? Again, from a personal standpoint, the apology means nothing to me and I wouldn't give a shit if he never made any sort of public apology. But the American public screams at the top of their lungs until someone famous apologizes for something stupid they did. No one but those close to Phelps should expect an apology, and maybe not even them. What if Phelps wasn't sorry (which I've already determined he isn't)? What if he didn't make a public apology? Millions of people would be outraged. Hey, you, millions of people, mind your own fucking business!

It happens time and time again. Kobe if front of the cameras admitting he committed adultery with his wife sitting right next to him. Pacman apologizing for his stupid ass.

It's just sad the public apology is necessary. It's hollow and means absolutely nothing.

And, hey, at least it wasn't crack.