Twinkies: Round 2

Ah, it is pretty goddamn hard to get excited about the Crew (29-40) taking on the Twinkies (40-29). I'm not going to lie. Getting one would be a victory. I'm going via drunk bus on Saturday. Fun will be had by all.

Onto more fun things: June 17, 1994, the 30 for 30 movie, was fucking awesome. I had forgotten how insane it was. I do remember where I was watching that NBA Finals game (parent's basement, undoubtedly dreaming up this shitty blog that I would be writing 16 years later, even though the internets hadn't been invented in rural Northeast Wisconsin yet). I don't remember people SPRINTING down the streets of L.A. following the Bronco and the police. It was insane. And then crowding around the Brentwood Estate. All while it was known that O.J. had a gun and was threatening suicide (which I also didn't remember, or did I remember Kardashian reading the suicide note on live T.V.) and there were about 1,000 police officers with guns too. The GUY WAS ACCUSED OF DOUBLE HOMICIDE!!! And people were cheering and crowding a (low speed) chase. Watching again was the craziest thing ever. As with all the 30 for 30 (greatest thing ESPN has ever done), I highly, highly recommend it.

-Went to a bar in rural Northeast Wisconsin for a surprise birthday party. I was designated driver (which sucks). A random dude with a sleeveless t-shirt on walked INTO the bar with an open can of beer. Also, I got hit with a sandwich from about 25 feet away. I was not happy. Or drunk.

-The U.S. Open was kind of entertaining yesterday. I like watching pros suck balls (which looks a lot funnier than I meant it to be).

Quick Thoughts

-No reason the Packers should lose today on paper. It has been like 6 months since they've played at noon. However, this has the stench of a game that the Packers could lose. A random kickoff return here. A 70 yd pass interference penalty there. A blind side hit/fumble/return on Rodgers. I just have a bad feeling for some reason. If I had to bet (and SportsBottle does, likely as part of a 12 team parlay) I would say Packers 23, Bears 13, but I'm stressed out.

-The loss to George Mason yesterday put a nail in the at-large coffin for Creighton (3-5). They will have to get their shit together for Arch Madness.

-Thoughts on TV shows: This is one of the best overall seasons of South Park. I can't recall a bad episode. There haven't been any super-offensive episodes that I can think of, but even the random ones were really funny. I've still got two left that I haven't seen, but I've been impressed. Butter's Bottom Bitch was the best one I think. ESPN's "30 for 30" series has been fantastic. I've only watched like 4 of them so far, but all have been awesome except for the Ali one, which wasn' t that great. I'm kind of pumped for the Jimmy the Greek one and The U.

Am I Guilty?

I have to confess that I turned out to be entertained by Texans v. Viqueens last night. But it wasn't just your average exhibition game football tuneup.

For instance, Sunday night, I tuned in for the Bears v. Broncos for 20 minutes or so to check out how the Bears looked, etc., but I didn't really give a shit about any of it. I just like watching any football at this point, so it was nice for a few minutes, until the paint drying on the wall caught my attention.

But last night was different. I had zero intention of watching, as it still bugs the shit out of me to see Him in a purple jersey. It ended up sort of accidentally being on, because ESPN is generally the default station for me (regrettably there are no better options yet). And I found myself yelling at the TV as if the Texans were the Packers. My hatred is so strong (and my wife's too I guess) that I was actively rooting for something bad to happen to Him. And not just in the "I always root for something bad to happen to the Bears, Viqueens and Lions" kind of way. This was visceral and pure.

Last year, I couldn't handle watching Him because a) the Jets sucked, b) I had no bad feelings towards them, c) what happened with them didn't affect GB and d) I was bitter about how the local media handled carrying the games, and I hated Him so fucking much. So if forced, I would watch, and hope He fell on his face, but in the end other than being slightly annoyed when he didn't, it didn't really affect my life. This year, none of those things are true. What happens with Him directly affects the Packers. So there is even MORE reason to cheer hard for my second favorite team (whomever is playing the Viqueens).

Regarding last night, I gotta say, Jon Gruden is fucking annoying. He fucking LOVES him some He Who Shall Not Be Named. The broadcast was difficult to watch because he was getting ALL the credit for throwing a pass three yards behind the line of scrimmage, and then having the receiver break 6 tackles for a 12 yard gain. As if Treaveiaous couldn't have done the same thing.

His "touchdown pass" was a fucking designed screen play, that resulted in a score because of poor defense and a nice run by Taylor. If anything, Chilly deserves credit (shudder) for calling the play. At one point Gruden was heaping praise of Him for "making the correct read" and "putting the receiver in a position to make the play" when He threw a pass 10 yards over a receivers head, while the receiver was double covered. Well, if Sidney Rice turned into fucking Carl Lewis and somehow was able to run a 3.7-40, then he might have been in a position to make a play. Otherwise, he overthrew a pass. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, but certainly not praiseworthy. He completed ONE pass that traveled over 11 yards last night. Travearious could have easily done the same thing. He played a solid game, but he was certainly no A-Rodg. That and the Texans defense was awful. I'm not worried.

Lastly, everyone was pretty fucking proud of that asshole nearly ending the career of the Texans d-back on that illegal chop block. It was all a big joke (to anyone whose knees were not illegally taken out). He is seriously a moron for even attempting to make that block.

And how many "injuries" is he going to make up as the year goes on? We are already on number two (cracked rib) and the regular season hasn't started yet. (Sports Bottle's) god forbid he take responsibility for his inevitable 4 INT performance at some point this year.

Oh, and I'm sorry I made the Queens money by watching last night.

Memories

From ESPN.com page 2: "Most overrated video game athletes"

11. Bob Nelson
Game: "Tecmo Super Bowl"
In real life: Defensive tackle. Played three NFL seasons. Recorded three sacks. Would have to quadruple that number to qualify as an afterthought. Would have to quintuple that number to be confused with former pro linebacker Bob Lee Nelson, who started in two Super Bowls for the Oakland and Los Angeles Raiders.
In the game: Bane of centers, eater of quarterbacks, destroyer of worlds. A blurry smudge of pixels that keeps offensive coordinators up at night. Better than Richard Dent. For reasons unknown, Nelson's speed rating is better suited to a defensive back; under user control, said speed can be used to slip past the opposing center and guard, untouched, on almost every snap. (As soon as the ball is hiked, press down and the dive button). Twenty-sack games and 200-sack seasons are not out of the realm of possibility.
Overrated archetype: Mr. Inexplicable. Digital athletes who are simply and mysteriously effective, sans rhyme or reason. Nelson is lucky to be in game. Yet in the game, he's a one-man natural disaster. Why ask why? Just try to duck.
Fellow travelers: Petr Klima in "NHLPA 93;" Mike Ridley in "NHL 95;" Brian Bosworth in "All-Pro Football 2K8," a Mike Singletary-like tackling machine. "I hate to pile on the Boz, but he's the very definition of overrated," Ekberg says. "He has no place in anything with the phrase 'All-Pro' in its title."
Expert opinion: Had Nelson been this ferocious in real life, Michael Lewis would be writing a book about the evolution of the center position. "The nose tackle dive play was called the 'Bob Nelson' in my area," says Glen Haag, co-author of the SportsGamerBlog.com. "You would set ground rules before the game began that no one could use the dive play with Nelson. I have no idea why the people at Tecmo loved that man like they did, but he was almost unstoppable."

Anyone remember the party we had at Hutch Apartments when we placed bets on CPU v. CPU Tecmo Super Bowl games? Anyone remember Packers v. Broncos? Anyone remember Bob Fucking Nelson having like 15 sacks??? I'm not sure there has ever been a more perfect passage from an article (the rest of the article is spot on too), that corresponded to something in real life. In closing, I wish I was 21 again.

Published on ESPN.com

While I was dicking around waiting for an appointment, I came across a Paul Shirley chat on ESPN.com. He is a pretty clever dude, who wrote a pretty good book. He was a tall white dude on that Iowa St. team that lost to Hampton and cost me a bunch of money in my bracket my sophomore year in college. Anyway, for some odd reason I sent in a couple of questions, which is almost always useless. Well, I guess there were like 4 people on the chat because I got TWO answered:

Juice, Green Bay, WI: I read in the Green Bay Press-Gazette the other day that your brother is considering UWGB for hoops. I think you should encourage it. You should note that the article mentioned you: His brother Paul played at Iowa State, and briefly in the NBA. No mention of you being an accomplished author. I always hated that paper. Paul Shirley: (4:37 PM ET ) Apparently, they're still trying to decide whether they want him. Take care of him if he ends up there.

Juice, Green Bay, WI: Def Leppard, Outagamie County Fair, no question needed. Paul Shirley: (4:55 PM ET ) I got to see Def Leppard in Topeka when I was home from college for the summer. They were well past their prime, but completely worth the price of entry.

Moral of the story is that I'm fucking famous now. For the record, the chat was about indie music for some reason, and the Def Leppard thing was in reference to "first concert and location".

Sabathia, Response on Jefferson and Art of Backing Up Home Plate

As I stated earlier Joe took the main topic of mine I wanted to hit on, which is the sheer awesomeness of everything that comes out of A-Rodg's mouth. The man crush is building. If he sucks, I think that would suck. And that is some deep shit right there. Now that I think about it, it has been like 15 years since I had to worry about the QB1 for the Packers sucking balls. This must be what it feels like to be a Bears fan. Stay tuned for more shit to bypass the non-existent filter that runs between A-Rodg's brain and mouth.

I am now going to blatantly lift two items that I read on JS Online today. One was even from Bear's best friend Hardicourt.

1) Hardicourt does a downright shitty job of re-reporting Buster Olney's opinion (which I can't actually find a link to the exact one) that the Brewers have the best chance of trading for Sabathia. Whether or not you agree with him (and Olney actually has legit sources to back up his opinions), Hardicourt's article was terrible. He basically just interviews the GM in the middle of trade season, GM predictably says nothing....and that's it. There is no information there at all.

Here is my take, and I don't have access to a major league GM: I don't see it happening. The Brewers obviously have the ammo to make it work (which Hardicourt does mention). I heard they had ELEVEN all-stars in AA, which is ridiculous. Problem is, I don't think they are convinced that they are set at the major league level quite yet, and are trying to decide who they will eventually pay and who is expendable. They would need to give up alot of guys to get Sabathia, who ultimately they probably couldn't afford to keep. With the overall financial situation they are faced with, it is doubtful they pull the trigger.

2) I can't find where I read this earlier, but Richard Jefferson was rated by somebody as the 13th best small forward in the NBA. Which isn't really that great.

3) I also read that Joe Alexander's nickname is "Vanilla Sky" because of his 30 inch standing vertical. Which is great.

4) Anyone stay up to see the abomination that was Dave Bush not really trying, and completely forgetting to back up a throw from RF to home that resulted directly in a run last night? Fucking fundamentals people. They teach you that shit in little league. He just fucking stood there and pouted when he gave up the hit.

I am torn on the 8:40 p.m start times. On one hand, you can cut the lawn after work or some shit, and not miss the game. On the other hand, you have to stay up way past my bedtime.

Rickie Weeks is out with a "stomach virus" tonight. Or as some shitty NFL announcer might say "He's out with a Dom P." "Stomach virus". Baseball players don't fucking get stomach viruses, they get deadly hangovers.

One Bastard's Illegitimate Thoughts

-Saw that Denise Richards's show on E! last night. Verdict? She is a terrible human being. Most of these stupid "celebreality" shows tend to humanize these "stars", and make them seem like real people. Likable even. Not so with Ms. Richards. Not only was every other word out of her mouth FUCK (which normally I like), but she was one of those snooty bitches that couldn't bring herself to date a "normal" guy. She had to date someone famous. Fucking get over yourself you stupid whore, the only reason you or any of these guys are "famous" is because you a) laid down for the right guy, b)swallowed, c)got lucky or d)had rich parents. Rant over.

-I saw Shelly Smith of ESPN on ESPNEWS a few minutes ago. I am more convinced than ever that she is undergoing a sex change operation. I used to think she was just an unattractive woman, no I'm not so sure. PS. I'm sure she is a fantastic journalist.

-Neddy gave up on batting the pitcher 8th "even though it is working great". Seriously, shut the fuck up.

- Russell Branyan has struck out in 5 of his last 6 at bats. His case for being a better option against righties than Billy is looking dubious.

- Actual quote from my brother during the 8th yesterday after I bitched to him about Yost not taking out Shouse when pitching to Da Meat Hook, and giving up the tying homer: "I actually think he's a switch hitter. Either way, I think Yost saw something shiny in the stands."

-I have completely ignored the Conference finals in the NBA.

-Brewers need to win a minimum of 5 out of 9 on this homestand for me to not drive down to Milwaukee and strangle Yost out of his job. I say only 5 because the teams they play are pretty tough.

I Knew It!!!

I have been an avid reader of Aaron Gleeman for about a year now. He is, more or less, what I would like to be. A blogger that has achieved notoriety by intelligently discussing the Minnesota Twins and baseball, amongst other topics. He has even used his blogging credibility to get jobs at RotoAuthority.com and MSNBC.com. I usually turn to him to get some insight on the Twins, that I otherwise wouldn't get from espn, the star tribune, Dick & Bert or Dietz. This was the case again tonight when I came across this little nugget:

After collecting multiple hits in each of the past three games, Joe Mauer now leads the AL with a .336 batting average. He also ranks fourth in the league with a .406 on-base percentage and only Kurt Suzuki has logged more innings behind the plate. For all the silly, Dan Barreiro-style talk about Mauer not coming through in the clutch or not making a huge impact because of a lack of power, Mauer ranks third among AL hitters in Win Probability Added, trailing only Manny Ramirez and Josh Hamilton.

Once you adjust for catcher being the worst-hitting position in baseball and throw in his considerable defensive value, a WPA-based analysis likely shows Mauer as the league's most valuable position player thus far. Some homers would certainly be nice, but anyone complaining about a player hitting .330 and getting on base at a .400 clip while playing the most physically demanding, least-offensive position is merely doing a fine job showing how little they really know about baseball.

I knew Butt Stink was having a great season and I knew he was being vastly undervalued. It's time for people to quit worrying about Mauer's home run total and start appreciating his unique (for the Twins) ability to get on base. Too many people (and too many major leaguers) don't seem to realize that the most important aspect of hitting is not getting out. It doesn't matter if this happens by home run or by walk, although home runs are obviously better. Butt Stink seems to get this, I just wish that the fine people at KFAN, and the like, would calm down and realize the caliber of player the Twins have at catcher.

Go Go Gold Glove?

To escape the mental grind that is my life, I spent the wee hours of Friday morning sorting through baseball stats on espn.com. The goal was to compare the defense of Carlos Gomez and Torii Hunter. I wanted to look at the fancy stats (zone rating & range factor) that tell me how good these players really are defensively. I did this because Torii has long been considered one of the best defensive center fielders in baseball and the Twins were bound to miss his glove when he bolted for the Angels. I just wanted to see if this was true. Well, here's how they stack up, with their MLB rankings in parenthesis:


Holy cow!!! Carlos Gomez is super good. I guess this makes sense because he is so much faster than Torii; he has to be able to cover more ground and get to more balls. It's nice to know that the Twins have actually improved their center field defense. However, it seems at times that Gomez can be erratic, but these two statistics have to make up for it. Just to be sure, I checked his fielding percentage: .958 (last). Uh oh!!! He has made five errors in 36 games, which puts him on pace for 22.5 errors for the season. That would be 7.5 errors behind the American League record for errors made by an outfielder in a season. So, the question seems to be 'is Carlos Gomez actually good at defense?'. I would say yes because five errors really isn't that many especially when he gets to more balls than any center fielder in the major leagues. Hopefully, he will learn to chill out a little and keep the miscues to a minimum. And if he does, he could see himself taking a golden shower in defensive accolades as soon as the end of this season.

HALLELUJAH!!!!

If I ever had a doubt that God existed, it has been erased. The demon has been exercised!

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3378285

ESPN's "Titletown" = Blasphemy

In one of the more ridiculous things ESPN has ever done, they have taken it upon themselves to take the "Titletown U.S.A." tag away from Green Bay. I'm not sure who ESPN thinks they are, but I'm fairly certain they don't have this authority. In fact, I would be willing to be that the government of the City of Green Bay, and the good folks at wikipedia might have a problem with this. (Everything on Wikipedia is true and accurate).

And consider the destruction that will be rained upon Bristol, CT when the ghost of Ray Nitschke gets ahold of Chris Berman and co. I shudder at the thought.

Now, I realize that this is just another ESPN shenanigan to get ratings or whatever ("Who's Now?") and this won't ever actually stick to whomever Red Sox and Yankees fan feel is Titletown, but I still fell like this is a shitty thing for them to do.

In closing, I took the liberty of other nicknames that the overlords at ESPN will be taking away from cities because they apparently have the power to do so.

1) "The Windy City"-Chicago: Fuck Chicago, that's why. I heard it is pretty goddamn windy in Laramie, WY.

2) "The Big Apple"- New York

3) "The City of Brotherly Love"- Philly

4) "America's Team"- Dallas Cowboys: OK, I know this isn't the same thing, but this has always struck me as being a crock of shit. At least Green Bay had something to back up Titletown, U.S.A. It is pretty presumptuous to assume that everybody in fucking America roots for you. I'm sure there is a study of this somewhere, and I am certain that someone else has a better claim. Probably even Green Bay. (I don't see any Cowboy bars in Green Bay, but I bet without doing research that there is more than one Packer bar in Dallas). Also, fuck the Cowboys.

5) "The Big Easy" - New Orleans: There are whores elsewhere.

Voting begins soon!

Caleb Campbell

I plan on writing about the draft with a topic of much more relevance than the safety from Army that the Lions took in the 7th round of today's draft, however something about this whole situation really put a bad taste in my mouth.

I understand that it's a fantastic story for this young kid, first player to be drafted out of army in a decade. The Army also recently changed a rule regarding graduates heading to the NFL, Campbell does not have to report to duty, he can do recruiting work and exchange his time he's supposed to serve now, for reserve duty time later on. The media is very adamant about mentioning how his opportunity in the NFL is keeping him from having to serve to fulfill his duty as a soldier, but I just feel like they are missing out on two big points.

What I don't understand is how the Army makes this decision? You've enlisted at West Point, we are paying for your education so that you will become a better member of the US Army, however if you're good at football, you can go play that instead. What? What if someone at the academy was really good at gardening? Could he or she get drafted by Martha Stewart and then be able to put off their military obligations for a few years? So basically they've made a specific loophole rule for football players. Another issue I have with the media coverage is that the articles about this player, or the reactions to this article very often seem to be to the tune of, oh thank god this young player doesn't have to throw his life away in Iraq or Afghanistan. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Caleb Campbell, of his own free will, choose to apply to the Army and enroll in their school to become an officer? An education that the Army then paid for? And room and board that the Army also paid for? And I also believe that Mr Campbell also was paid by the Army to be there in school. So the Army has invested all of this time and money into a future officer that up to this day, and for the forseeable future, will not actually be doing the job he was being trained to do in school.

Why? His obligations during his time in football will be to work as a recruiter. With the amount of face time Campbell received during the second day of the draft and if Campbell actually becomes a success in the NFL, how effective of a recruiter would this guy become? He could basically show up at high schools and say "Hey I'm Caleb Campbell, the NFL player, come join the Army!". Not that I particularly care about this, I just find it funny that so many people are pushing so hard to find the sunny side of this story to be about one young man avoiding the war in Iraq, when it could potentially lead to many more becoming obligated in the future.

I don't plan on involving politics or the war in Iraq into any future posts, in case anyone was worried that this thing was going to turn into a soapbox blog. I just wanted to express an opinion about this that wasn't cookie cutter thoughtless drivel that ESPN and other big media networks can be so good at churning out.


And on a finishing note, Jason Kidd looked terrible tonight and I'll bet Mark Cuban hasn't slept in a week and a half.