Twinkies: Round 2

Ah, it is pretty goddamn hard to get excited about the Crew (29-40) taking on the Twinkies (40-29). I'm not going to lie. Getting one would be a victory. I'm going via drunk bus on Saturday. Fun will be had by all.

Onto more fun things: June 17, 1994, the 30 for 30 movie, was fucking awesome. I had forgotten how insane it was. I do remember where I was watching that NBA Finals game (parent's basement, undoubtedly dreaming up this shitty blog that I would be writing 16 years later, even though the internets hadn't been invented in rural Northeast Wisconsin yet). I don't remember people SPRINTING down the streets of L.A. following the Bronco and the police. It was insane. And then crowding around the Brentwood Estate. All while it was known that O.J. had a gun and was threatening suicide (which I also didn't remember, or did I remember Kardashian reading the suicide note on live T.V.) and there were about 1,000 police officers with guns too. The GUY WAS ACCUSED OF DOUBLE HOMICIDE!!! And people were cheering and crowding a (low speed) chase. Watching again was the craziest thing ever. As with all the 30 for 30 (greatest thing ESPN has ever done), I highly, highly recommend it.

-Went to a bar in rural Northeast Wisconsin for a surprise birthday party. I was designated driver (which sucks). A random dude with a sleeveless t-shirt on walked INTO the bar with an open can of beer. Also, I got hit with a sandwich from about 25 feet away. I was not happy. Or drunk.

-The U.S. Open was kind of entertaining yesterday. I like watching pros suck balls (which looks a lot funnier than I meant it to be).

BREAKING NEWS!!!

DE PERE, WI--Al Cowlings has been fired as head coach of The White Broncos of the Orenthal James Simpson Football Association. Cowlings led The White Broncos to a championship last season, but failed to make the playoffs for the first time in three years going 7-9. He was the first and only coach of the franchise, and owner Juicelaw said at the time of his hiring in 2006: "He was the obvious choice. He was the only choice." Reached for comment, Al Cowlings replied "I'M A.C. DAMMIT!"

The search for a replacement was over quickly as The White Broncos immediately hired the urn containing the ashes of Johnny Cochran. Cochran had been the offensive coordinator for the Cleveland Browns.

New Award?

I'm pretty sure that Richard became the first owner in OJSFA history to draft a kicker who was suspended by the league four weeks later for use of a banned stimulant. I am personally holding Richard and the "A-Rodg's Grapefruit" staff responsible for their obvious role as well. I don't think it is a coincidence that he was cut a mere two weeks after the draft, and a mere 9 days before his suspension. League officials are continuing their investigation, and may lay down sanctions on the franchise.

Problem with creating a new award for "First Kicker Suspended for use of a Banned Stimulant" is that it isn't likely to happen again. So maybe it can be a special award, like a lifetime achievement award or the courage award, that is always given out at those other bullshit awards shows.

In other news, BET has agreed to televise the 4th annual OJSFA Awards Banquet, hosted by Scorpio Babers, in the coveted 4 a.m. timeslot on a cold night in January. Unfortunately, we are spending all of the profits on white table linens, gift bags and appearance fees for presenters, so there will be none to share with the rest of you assholes. Al Cowlings, Leslie Nielsen and that dude that played Cochroach on "The Cosby Show" have also committed as presenters. The Jackson 4 have signed on as musical guest.