The Dog Days of March

This is the time of year where it starts to really suck working six days a week in an office. But it starts turning around a bit today. Why? Well because it is obviously a national holiday, that's why! My theory that any time a major American sport that doesn't normally play on a weekday afternoon, has a game on a weekday afternoon, nobody should have to work, kicks in today because of the Big East Tournament. Due to the fact that there are 7,543 teams in the Big East, their tournament starts on Tuesday afternoon. It all kicks off at 11 a.m. with South Florida v. De Paul. If you don't think I'm going to casually monitor that game, you are dead wrong.

So in the land of Juice, enjoy your day off America! Also, you have off tomorrow, Thursday and Friday for college hoop action. And a three day week next week with the opening of the NCAA tourney (which has mysteriously caused a block of "No appointments" on my calendar from 11 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Thursday and Friday).

THREE QUICK ASIDES

Last night was one of the most classic episodes of 24 ever. This season has been extremely hit an miss, with a few great episodes and few really, really bad ones. Last night was classic. I hesitate to ruin the best parts for the other person in America that watches the show. But Bauer was great.

To keep on the 24 theme, I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" for the first time the other night. I actually really enjoyed it for some reason. Also, President Hassan on 24 is ruined for me now because he is the host of "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?" in India on the movie. I can't take him seriously anymore.

Also, shout out to my brother for pointing out 1985 Bears v. Packers on NFL Network last night. I enjoyed the shit out of Jim Zorn behind the blocking of Ron Hallstrom handing off to Jessie Clark and passing to Phillip Epps for at least 45 minutes. Also, if the Packers can have legitimate cheerleaders in 1985, why can't we have them now?? Why do we trot out the fatties from UWGB in windpants???

T.V. Bukkake

I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and pretend like I didin't skip watching the Badgers lose last night. I'm not proud of it, but there are certain occasions where you have to miss out on one of the 70-ish collegiate basketball games that my preferred teams play a year, in order to spend other quality time with your television. Last night was one of those nights. True, I had to suffer through American Idol. But there is always something pretty funny that happened, like last night when the really hot formerly signed singer chick told her "story" about how she moved out to L.A. by herself at age 16 to pursue a singing career, which was promptly followed by me making 30 straight minutes of adult entertainment jokes, and me saying "not in my eye" a whole bunch of times, which is great.

But after American Idol was the two hour season premier of the best show on television (at least in the top 3) "Lost". Fucking love that shit. I am convinced that when the entire series is done, I still won't know anything. This is Season 5, and I have no fucking clue what anything that has happened in the last 4 years had to do with anything. But enough crazy shit happens to keep you coming back every week. Charles Widmore is an evil ass dude. (not as evil as Lance Armstrong). Tune in next week as a fucking dinosaur eats Hurley, and Ben reveals he is actually a llama.

I would also be remiss if I forgot to talk about "24". You know a show is going pretty well when an hour seems far too short to get a fix. I have no idea how that FBI chick is going to manage to escape being shot, thrown in a ditch, covered in plastic and buried alive. If it was Jack Bauer, I wouldn't bat an eyelash, but if this chica gets out, they may be laying the groundwork for a spinoff where she is the new Bauer. She has already done some highly illegal/reckless shit to either get information, or track down a lead. And in an age without CTU, the FBI considers what she has done "torture". Not that I think a show with her as the main character would be any good.

Worthless, Uninformed and Biased Thoughts

-It is snowing like fucking crazy, and one of my asshole neighbors is outside shoveling it, as it piles up behind him.

-The Jays are currently down 11-3 to Witchita St., who isn't very good.

-Went to dinner last night and I see one of my neighbors, she says hi, then a dude who I think is her husband is walking behind her and I say hi, and he looks at me like I'm retarded. Turns out it was my neighbor's twin brother.

-I built a shelf in the basement today. I give it a week before it falls over.

-I wish I could hire Gus Johnson to announce my bedroom performance. How much do you think he charges for 30 seconds?

-Wow. The UCLA cheerleaders are hot.

-I bet Sports Bottle is being a bitch and is hung over and not drinking right now. Worm is sleeping. Spensley is blacked out drunk, and is either wandering around by himself, or is in jail.

-I signed Kobe as a free agent on NBA 2k9 to the Bucks.

-Kinda surprised Chucky got shitcanned in Tampa. The Glazer family better watch the fuck out. Chucky never dies!

-Clemson starts out 17-0 every year, then goes 2-13 the rest of the year and goes to the NIT.

TV REVIEWS:

-24: rad. The biggest problem I am having is with Jenine Garraffalo (and I'm quite sure I didn't spell it right, but I don't give a fuck). I can't take her seriously. She is a terrible actress. When is President David Palmer coming back from the dead? He is about the only one that hasn't. He is the biggest badass is TV presidential history.

-FNL: pretty good first episode. I was positive that Lila was a senior last year, but I guess 25 year old seniors are plausible. I guess it is also plausible that Buddy Garrity is trying to get a fucking HD jumbotron built at a high school field in bum-fuck Texas. Or that a high school freshman could possibly be better than a high school senior, who was last year's starter. Best line of the week: "You are a rebound guy from Jesus."

-The Office: great as usual. Line of the week: "Guys fight over me all the time. Usually it is over who gets to hold the camcorder."

BOOK REVIEW:

-"Men With Balls" by Drew Magery. Pretty funny book. Written as a handbook to prospective pro athletes. I would recommend it.

-I am starting to read "Downtown Owl" by Chuck Klosterman. This is his first fiction book. His other ones are spectacular.

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME PICKS:

Last Week: 1-3

Playoffs: 4-4

Season: 132-125-7

This Week: Ariz (+3 1/2), Pit (-6)