Afternoon Bottle

I have mixed feelings about the Tiger Woods "press conference." I tend to agree with Bill Simmons' opinion and I've made no secret about how I feel about public apologies, but for those who don't know, public apologies are complete bullshit. Tiger Woods is NOT sorry. How do I know this? Because he'd probably be boning Juice's wife, or my girlfriend, or Richard by now. Someone who's sorry doesn't call one of his SEVERAL mistresses on Thanksgiving and tell her to erase his name from her cell phone and also inform her Elin is checking his phone. This is not a situation where he's sorry for chucking his dick all over the place. He's sorry he got caught. Plain and simple. Move on, Elin.

I watched a Dateline type show the other night about Tiger's secret life. It had an in-depth interview with one of his skanks, and she really did look like a skank, but I'm not here to judge. She's probably a wonderful person. After seeing this program I got a slightly different view of the situation. Tiger wasn't roaming the countryside fucking everyone he saw. He was actually involved in actual relationships with a lot of these women. They were falling in love with him. These weren't one night stands. And from what I understand he wasn't spending a whole lot of money on these women which leads me to one conclusion. Tiger must have a monster crank.

I don't get to see much of the Olympics but I have seen a large amount of curling, and, curling is awesome. I even bet $5 on the USA and they lost because a dude choked on the last throw, which eventually happened in 4 straight matches making the USA 0-4. Hockey is still great too.

AN INVITE (of sorts)

Richard and I are planning on possibly spending a romantic weekend in La Crosse together on the weekend of March 5th. Would anyone be interested in joining us, Juice and Schmock? Bring wives, I don't care. My significant other is not going at this point due to work issues, but if Mrs Juice and Mrs Schmock would go she might try to get off work. Basically, I've missed the last two Saturday all day drinking days in La Crosse (Oktoberfest and snow volleyball). I would like to make up for it.

Weekend Juice

TIGER WOODS Y'ALL:

-Sincere as it could be given the fact that he was on my TV reading off of a piece of paper like it was a 9th grade speech class or something. It had to be hard to say some of the stuff he did, and he was probably a bit nervous. But it was Colin Ferrell level bad acting. And I don't really give a fuck what you do in your personal life, as long as you suck me into four golf tournaments a year. You don't really owe ME an apology. Although had I bought those PGA Championship tickets at Whistling Straits (still a possibility) just to see you, I would be a little pissed.

COLLEGE BASEBALL?

-I just wanted to toss this in because I found it a little humorous. I became a (very) slight college baseball fan going to school at Creighton. It was mostly due to the fact that the library that I often studied (surfed the Internets) at overlooked CU Sports Complex, or as it is also known, the fluorescent green carpeted area where Creighton plays baseball games. Also, the CU/Nebraska rivalry was pretty tits, and seeing games (including a couple of College World Series) at Roesenblatt Stadium was pretty cool. Anyway, I was reading a Creighton season preview on White and Blue Review yesterday, and I saw that Creighton opens their season this afternoon. A little odd to start this early I guess, but the Crew is showing up in Arizona today, so I guess it isn't that odd. But I read a little further to find out that the Jays are starting the season on a TWENTY SEVEN GAME ROAD TRIP!!!! Creighton is in Omaha, which is probably under a foot of snow right now, making it difficult to play home games. But you have to go pretty fucking far to get to a place warm enough to play baseball in February and March (Texas, Florida, Arizona, etc.). And clearly they NEED to play 50+ games. It is a good thing the NCAA only cares about its "student athletes" or they would be forced to walk to all 27 road games, and play 90 games in 85 days or something. And this is why we can't have a football tournament.

Degenerate

Although I'm probably putting my entire financial future on the line, I finally made a difficult decision. I was actually choosing between two options, but I took the option that keeps a part of Vegas flowing within me. I dropped a hundy at BestUS.com. I have a couple friends who have done this for the past couple years and they've had no problems, but when I wasn't immediately authorized by my credit card company due to it being an international purchase, the red flags were not raised. I'm pretty sure some dude in the Bahamas just bought a cache of illegal arms off the black market with my credit card to fuel a civil war in some African country I've never heard of, but I did win $16 on the Kings game last night, so I don't care.

I wish I could have gotten a post in before the Badger/Duke game last night. I knew it would be close and was not at all surprised Bucky won. First of all, that was a HUGE homecourt advantage. The crowd was insane. Secondly, the two teams aren't that much different. Duke is not as athletic as they usually are, and they are much slower than people realize. The Badgers have the perfect offense for their talent, Duke does not. And Duke's big white guys are inept at this point in the season. Zoubek is completely useless and the others are all really young. Singler was the best player on the court along with Hughes, but, let's face it, he's white and thus can't be trusted. He doesn't create his own shot very well and he took some extremely retarded shots. Thirdly, the Badgers couldn't miss during the first 75% of the first half. They won't do that again the rest of the season and that's what won them the game.

Storming the court should be embarassing to any Badger fan. I hate Badger basketball and even I was embarassed.

Tiger Woods. I'm sure most conjecture about what actually happened is pretty close to the truth. A couple things are obvious. Tiger fucks other women. Period. And he's been doing it for awhile. Period. Elin knocked out those windows in a fit of rage, not some heroic effort to save her injured, adulterous husband. It's not any of my business. It's not any of your business. But we're beginning to realize he is not as smart as we all thought he was. If you're famous and are fucking random women, people are going to find out, and those random not famous women are gonna keep souvenirs. If you're famous and single there are a million things to be wary about. But if you're the most famous athlete in the world what are you thinking? Is Elin not hot enough? I'm not one to say just because a woman is hot there's nothing wrong with her. For every hot chick there's some dude who's sick of her shit. But, come on, do you think no one will notice? And you sound like a bitch in that voicemail message.

There are two ways to look at this. 1) This is a private issue and it's no one's business but Tiger's and his family's or 2) The whole "I didn't sign up for this" argument that Tiger uses is complete bullshit. This is exactly what you signed up for.

My opinion is a mix of the two. Tiger needs to be realistic. The media frenzy isn't a new phenomena. His "apology" on his website was fucking ridiculous. "I apologize to my family... but fuck the media. I can't believe they're doing this to me." This is what leads me to believe Tiger isn't as smart as I thought he was. But, if he doesn't want to explain himself at all, he doesn't have to and he shouldn't be compelled to. This IS a private issue. And people like Kornheiser who say he needs to publicly apologize need to explain to me why? Why does he need to publicly apologize? He didn't do anything wrong to the public. I am not emotionally damaged due to Tiger laying pipe all across the country, allegedly. He doesn't owe me anything. I will try not to jump on my soapbox when talking about public apologies, but it's a simple case of Tiger not actually being sorry, but being sorry he got caught. A public apology means nothing.

I'm seriously tempted to start my own public relations company, specializing in situations like this. It will be the easiest job ever, because managing situations like this consists of one easy step. Get out ahead of the issue by telling the truth (or at least a version of it) and ride out the storm. All these fucking dipshits who advise these celebrities like A-Rod are comple idiots. Andy Pettite is the perfect example. Any public official or celebrity should follow his lead. Admitting your mistake takes the wind out of the sails of entities such as TMZ. Because when you're evasive they will come with their claws out and they'll end up finding much more dirt than they would otherwise. Tiger should simply have made a very vague reference to the whole incident with his wife and blamed it on his misgivings. Very simple. But when an apology goes something like this "I'm very sorry for what I've done but........" then that person is not actually sorry. Tiger has been the king of the world for a long time. He feels he doesn't need to be sorry.

Daily sports bet - 2 team parlay - Celtics+1.5 at San Antonio and Nuggets -9 at home vs Miami - $5 to win $13.