Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?

From the desk of @jon_g_gonzalez :

I made a cameo appearance on this blog a couple weeks ago. I came in with no self-introduction, had a glass of Archie’s scotch and a beer, and then disappeared for a couple weeks. For that I’m sorry. The three paragraphs that follow will hopefully allow the readers to get to know me a little better. If you don’t care, or if you just clicked the link to find out whether Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods, feel free to skip the rest of this column and read the last three paragraphs.

I grew up in Southern California and attended the University of California at Santa Barbara in the late 1990’s to early 2000’s. At UCSB we stared at the pacific ocean from class windows, partied on the beach day and night, and had hands down the United States’ hottest female college students. The one negative was no major college sports except a random Big West title/cameo NCAA appearance every 8 or 9 years. Nonetheless, UCSB made me who I am, and if you keep reading my columns you’re going to get to know a lot of my friends from college and hear a LOT of fraternity stories. Consider yourself forewarned.

After UCSB I went to Marquette for law school, which would be boring except for the fact that Wisconsin is, to put it mildly, awesome (column on this for my so-cal readers forthcoming.) I also met my wife there (who just so happened to grow up with the other two guys who write for this site.)

While living in Wisconsin I started speedballing a Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers addiction with my existing Los Angeles Dodgers and Los Angeles Lakers habits. As such, even though this is a Wisconsin-centric blog, you’ll probably hear my rants on my other teams as well.

As an aside, (and to mitigate any potential copyright damages I may incur), ESPN’s “the Sports Guy” Bill Simmons style has heavily influenced my writing style. Recently, an ancestry.com search revealed that Simmons is my evil older half brother (he doesn’t know this yet, and will likely put a temporary restraining order on me when he reads this.) I use a lot of analogies and popular culture references, and when possible will include visual links for the A.D.D. audience.

On to the actual topic of this article for Bear, Juicelaw, and the random drunk guy still reading this on his phone (and not knowing why) in a townie bar in River Falls, Wisconsin . . .

In my glory days at UCSB I spent a lot of time watching WWE wrestling on Monday nights. I was able to do this because Monday was the one night of the week where there wasn’t a scheduled drinking event. Hence, I was usually a little bored and would grab a case of beer and sit down and watch pro wrestling with my roommates (unless it was football season.)

WWE in those days was sort of like ballet for testosterone charged males, as 300 pound men were expressing themselves artistically in some sort of deranged, homoerotic way. Nevertheless, I always thought the cheesy monologues made the characters seem larger than life. My two favorite sports entertainers were “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.

By late 1997, Austin was the biggest thing Sports Entertainment had seen since Hulk Hogan. His beer-chugging redneck gimmick won the fans over and made him a star. In a lot of ways he was just like another star of the day, Brett Favre. Although Austin and Favre were wildly talented, they certainly had faults and limitations. For example, Austin wore a bulky knee brace that always caused him to be a step slow and make painful looking mistakes, and Favre was addicted to pain killers and made big mistakes while going for huge plays. However, Austin and Favre’s faults made each seem more human, and their legends grew.

Austin had a 3-year run as the unquestioned biggest star in the sport. Throughout that run, what people didn’t know about Austin was that his contemporaries thought of him as a real S.O.B. and glory-hog, which (along with debilitating injuries) contributed to his early exit from the sport. Sound familiar?

About a year after Austin burst on the scene, a young wrestler (and former University of Miami football player) going by the name “the Rock” started receiving a gradual push toward stardom. Initially, the Rock was hated by the fans, as his character was a brash, trash-talking “heel.” However, towards the end of Austin’s career, the Rock was the better performer and was not just touted as a “face,” but became THE face of the WWE.

We all know the story behind the Packers drafting and eventually turning the team over to Rodgers. However, this morning I thought about how much the Rock’s early career paralleled that of Rodgers’ 10 years later, as both were young, brash, talented, and performed with chips on their shoulders.

What is interesting about the Rock’s WWE career and Rodgers’ NFL career is that although the public knew both guys were very good at their respective trades, it took Stone Cold’s absence for The Rock to be accepted as WWE’s biggest star, and Favre’s season from hell in Minnesota for Wisconsin fans to collectively accept Aaron Rodgers as the next big thing.

By now you’ve heard that Favre filed his retirement papers on Monday morning. Although he’s done this before, this time I believe he’s gone. If I believed Favre were a good person, I’d argue that he “passed the torch” just two days after watching Rodgers surgical strike against Atlanta Saturday night. Alas, we all know Favre is all about Favre, so there was likely a deadline in getting this done so he could start receiving severance checks.

Nevertheless, I argue that Rodgers cemented his gradual “face turn” Saturday night, much like the Rock did in 2001. Rodgers is too good right now not to get recognized by the general public. In fact, he was getting so much positive press that Cutler nut-hugger Mike Florio had to attempt a character assassination on him. Think about that, a guy wrote a story without even bothering to check his facts because he was afraid Rodgers was getting too much positive press. He may as well have hit Rodgers in the head with a steel chair. Only the biggest superstars have media heels trying to sabotage their stardom. Rodgers time has arrived. Need evidence?

Take a moment to digest these numbers from the biggest game of Rodgers career to date:
31 for 36, 366 passing yards, 3 passing TD, no interceptions, 1 rushing touchdown, and the Packers dismantle Atlanta in the Georgia Dome 48-21.

Staggering, and this isn’t the first time he’s lit up the scoreboard with these sorts of statistics while leading the Packers to victory. In fact, he’s been doing it a lot. But if Saturday night wasn’t a guy saying to the world, “I’m the best quarterback in the NFL,” I don’t know what is. Truly remarkable.

I’ve been a Rodgers fan since his days at Cal. I was also a Rock fan from his early days. However, both guys struggled for acceptance in the beginning, and both had an ultra-popular superstar seemingly blocking their path to greatness and public acceptance. Only after Austin was gone could we truly appreciate how talented the Rock was. Similarly, only after the specter of Favre has lifted can we appreciate the greatness Packer fans get to watch on a weekly basis.

A conversation I had with my father-in-law Al Treml finally convinced me that Rodgers has silenced his harshest critics. Al is without a doubt the greatest and happiest guy I’ve ever met, but when it comes to the packers we’ve never seen eye-to-eye.
All sports fans have flaws in their fanhood, it’s the nature of something as inherently subjective as sports viewership. Al’s biggest flaw is that he was overly attached to Favre and was never willing to let it go. This flaw is present in a substantial portion of the Packers fan base still clamoring for Bart Starr to make his triumphant return under center at age 77.

When I called Al Sunday morning, as I usually do the day after a big Packer win, I was shocked by what he had to say. Al not only told me Rodgers had a great game, he told me that he’d never seen any Packer quarterback play a game like Saturday’s. It gave me chills to hear it . . .

Rodgers’ face turn was complete, as he was loved by the staunchest of Favre supporters. My perception of the Packer fan base’s view of Rodgers was verified by the lack of negative posts about Rodgers on ESPN message boards and the gushing tweets flowing from Packer fans across the country lauding Rodgers great performance. Best of all, I barely read Favre’s name at all. There is a new king.

If you’ve made it this far you’re probably wondering why I titled this article “Does Aaron Rodgers Shit in the Woods?” The answer to this question is the same one Florio should’ve written when he decided to write a blog post inferring that Rodgers was unsympathetic to an elderly Packer fan with cancer... “I don’t know.” I’m still fuming over the fact that a guy who holds himself out as a lawyer would whore himself out by spewing some garbage about Rodgers without taking the time to check any of the facts.

If I told you Aaron Rodgers shits in the woods I’d be doing the same thing Florio did. Maybe Rodgers takes dumps in public, if he does, that’s pretty disgusting, but since I don’t know, don’t care, and whether he does or doesn’t has no applicability to his ability to win games for the Packers, I’m not going to report on it.

I do have evidence that Bears shit in the woods. I also have evidence that Aaron Rodgers is a pretty amazing quarterback. That said, my prediction is that Rodgers dissects the Bears cover 2, Matthews has a field day with the Bears “shitty” offensive line, and the Packers pull out a tough win on the road. Let’s say 21-17. The win Sunday will further cement Rodgers status as Wisconsin’s fan-favorite, and will allow him to take the Packers where Favre most recently failed... the Super Bowl. Maybe he’ll even use “the People’s elbow” as his new celebration.

GO PACK GO

(Sports Bottle's) God Hates the Packers

BAD JUJU

So it sounds entirely possible that going into to their "home game" at TCF Bank Stadium against the Bears, the Viqueens will be starting not He Who Shall Not Be Named, not Traveiououeys Jackson, but Joe fucking Webb. Seriously, what did the Packers organization do to piss off (Sports Bottle's) God? Why does (Sports Bottle's) God love the Bears? Off the top of my head, this is at least the THIRD must lose game that they have played against a 3rd string QB (Panthers, Dolphins, Vikings). The chances of this happening are absolutely astronomical. Fuck. Me. I wanted to play the Bears two weeks in a row anyway (assuming we actually beat the Giants and Bears and possibly the Pats).

ARE THE PHILLIES THE MIAMI HEAT OF THE NATIONAL LEAGUE

The Yanks and Sox are obviously the Heat of the AL. No argument there. But why is Cliff Lee getting blown by everyone and their brother for taking less money (kind of) to play for the Phillies? Isn't going into a rotation with the best pitcher in baseball Roy Halladay, and two other top 2 starters in Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels, JUST LIKE Le Bron signing on to play with Wade and Bosh? Will everyone get pissed if Halladay, Lee and Oswalt have a pep rally with hip hop music and fake smoke? Wanna know why nobody cares except Yankee fans? 1) Cliff Lee didn't announce his decision on national TV; 2) He didn't stab a long time franchise in the back; 3) the media is racist. So there you go. Le Bron was right.

Gloating, Even Though My Team Sucks

I don't subscribe to the theory that you shouldn't attack the plight of other teams. That you shouldn't take joy in the pain of other sports fans. So lets get right into today's topic:

THE BEARS STILL SUCK!
THE BEARS STILL SUCK!
THE BEARS STILL SUCK!

Man, that makes me feel good. Because no matter how shitty the Packers are playing, one can always take joy in the fact that the Bears might be an even bigger disappointment. Which really is saying something.

Jay Cutler has been a disaster. After last night he now has SEVENTEEN interceptions, compared with only 14 TDs. I'm fairly certain the 17 leads the NFL. And it wasn't like three of those were just great plays by the defense, or they were tipped. Other than when Hester fell (and it was still a poor throw) four of those were just absolutely terrible throws. They were Derek Anderson/Jamarcus Russell-esque. Didn't the Bears give up TWO first round picks for him? I love the taste of FIB tears (which tastes like a cross between a cosmo and air pollution).

So other than motherfucking Alex Smith being shitty when I finally broke down and started Vernon Davis over Antonio Gates after being burned three weeks in a row by leaving Davis's 25 points on the bench, the game was great.

Also, I enjoyed the text match between my brother and I while watching the UFL game at halftime of the NFL game. The condensed version is: a) the UFL sucks; b) there were 100 people at the game; c) Brooks Bollinger wants to kill himself; d) the sideline reporter was somehow worse than any NFL sideline reporter on earth; e) Former Packer tackle Orrin Thompson and former NFL RB Michael Pittman were both prominently involved, and both should be starting for the Packers right now; f) we tripled the UFL ratings by watching for ten minutes last night.

Triple Cripple Point-Counterpoint

This post is partially a recap of the weekend that was, to fill in some of the blanks, and to retort the Unknown QB Diary's game review.

I am enjoying a day of rest today. I took the day off of work fully expecting to be non-functioning after the game last night. I am tired as shit, but not hungover and could have worked. But fuck work.

Saturday night was interesting. We got a membership to the "Touchdown Club" at a local bar chain. For $20 you get a hoodie, a bunch of coupons and this card. The card gets you double bubble all the time, and on Tuesday and Saturday it gets you "Triple Cripple". Which is probably the greatest name for anything ever. Triple Cripple gets you 2 for 1, and a third drink for $1. This deal includes everything except pitchers. It really isn't even feasible for a bar to stay in business. I mean, we got 3 Jagerbombs for like $7. For most of the night there happened to be three of us: myself, Richard and my wife. When we arrived, we asked the waitress if cabs will come out to this place. The bar is probably the closest one I've found to my house, and I didn't know it was there until this weekend. But it is kind of a long way from civilization. The waitresses response: "What are you planning to get sloshed?" Um. Yes? I mean, you fucking give away drinks for like nothing. Do people typically NOT get "sloshed" or was I to understand that people just drive home "sloshed" under the old adage: "If you can see a silo from the parking lot, you are required to drive home no matter how drunk you are." Anyway, the deal was obscene. We got super drunk. Richard sang "My Ding-a-Ling". I allegedly blew a .297 of the fake breathalyzer machine (which was high). As the night came to a close, we had a decision to make: Do we pay for a cab? or do we walk the short 3.8 miles back to my house. I would've walked. It is severely down hill the whole way, so I think we could've done it. I RAN 4 miles earlier that day. But we get a cab figuring it will be like 5 or 10 bucks. The dickface charged us TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. Which is the same amount it costs to get from Lambeau, which is like three times as far. Asshole. Also, the entire bill, including food, for three adults to get full of food and drunk as shit, plus Mark who had like 3 beers, was $60.

Sunday I woke up feeling like absolute shit. We had intended to go to Buffalo Wild Wings at noon, but didn't make it till 2. Ate and had two beers there (not going well). Watched and cheered for the Browns, as did everyone at BWW. Loud boo in Lambeau when He Who Shall Not Be Named was mentioned in the highlights. Actual quote on ESPN Radio "Forget turning 40 later in the season. He looked like He was 60. He was a statue back there. The Vikings can not be real excited." Agreed. They paid $12 million to throw ONE pass over 5 yards. Traveaeuous couldn't have thrown for 110 yards and got sacked like 5 times? I was unimpressed. Also, the Browns might go 0-16. They are fucking terrible.

Went to a tailgate, ate far too much, got far too full, which inhibited my ability to put beer into my stomach until the end of the 1st quarter. Ended up deciding to just go home and drink after the game instead of going out. And it was the longest game ever played.

Game Thoughts:

-Obviously, one of the best games I've ever been to.

-Fantastic ending.

-The taste of fib tears was delicious.

-There were a TON of fibs there. Far more than I can ever remember. Didn't overwhelm Packer fans, but there were enough to make noise.

-There was a near fistfight in the stands after the game due to a Packer fan politely (not really) pointing out that Cutler threw 4 picks, and a fib not enjoying it. I'm certain that if the Bears had won that these fibs would have quietly left without making a scene or saying anything. Also, I'm certain that there were about 10,000 arrests.

-The crowd was pretty fucking electric last night. You could hear people chanting outside of the stadium about 30 minutes before kickoff.

-Lovie Smith is Chilly-esque. The play calling was atrocious. The challenges were terrible. The fake punt call was incredible.

-I hate to say I was right about Cutler after week one. But I might have been right about Cutler. Also, Cutler's face is priceless.

-I actually was surprised that Grant had as many yards as he did. I wanted to abandon the run completely. The biggest problem though was that the play calling was really, really transparent. On 1st down it would be two full backs, two TE and one receiver, on second, it was either that same package, or 5 WR and no RB. And on third, if they were out of shotgun, and they were going to run, the ALWAYS motioned Finley right in front of the running back, so you knew it was a draw. Just totally obvious what they were doing.

-I do think we were Allen Barbre and three slightly mistimed passes from blowing the Bears out. Although, I suppose it could be said that we were Jay Cutler away from getting destroyed too.

-If we don't win by at least 20 next week. I'm going to be disappointed.

-I was one point off on my prediction.

Weekend Preview

Here is my unresearched Packer/Bear Preview.

Packers Running O v. Bears Running D:

It remains to be seen whether Ryan Grant is good like he was in '07, or bad like he was in '08. The line is a question mark, although the fact that Rodgers' jersey was clean at the end of the preseason is a good sign. The Bears are stout against the run, and there is no reason to think they won't be again. Edge: Bears.

Packers Passing O v. Bears Passing D:

This one won't be a fair fight. Not only were the Bears starters a bit shaky against the pass, but most of those starters are hurt. And A-Rodg is suddenly what would happen if Joe Montana, Johnny Unitas and Johnny Utah had a three way (at least according to the National media). Edge: Pack

Bears Passing O v. Packers Passing D

I'm giving the slight edge to the Packers due to Woodson/Harris. And only slight because I have no clue how the new scheme will affect their strengths (can Harris play zone?), and because Cutler has a slight chance of being good. Also, Cutlerfuck could throw 5 picks and be sacked 8 times based on how the D looked in the preseason. Edge: Pack

Bears Running O v. Packers Running D

Forte is really, really good. The Bears line is good at run blocking. Raji is out, and I have no idea how the 3/4 will do. Edge: Bears

Special Teams

Crosby was awful in the preseason. Our punter is average. Our return man is out. Hester still scares me a bit. Edge: Bears

Weather: no edge

Intangibles: My favorite category because it is utterly meaningless. I'm giving it to the Lambeau crowd. Edge: Packers

Coaching: I know Lovie Smith got the Bears to a Super Bowl, but I'm not sold on him. Push.

Prediction: Packers 21, Bears 14. Cutler throws a back-breaking 4th quarter INT that Cullen Jenkins takes to the house.

BADGER PREDICTION: UW 24, Fresno St. 23

FESTIVITIES:

So I'm going to the game Sunday night. I would put my anxiety level at about a 6/10, up from 3/10 yesterday. For reference, my anxiety for the NFC Championship against the Giants was a 23/10. I've been tossing around the idea of getting up slightly hungover on Sunday and heading to the bars to watch the noon games before going to a semi-organized tailgate party. I've already been given that sideways look, and warning from my wife that goes something like: "We can do that. But I don't think it is a very good idea to drink for 7 hours before the game. You don't want to be blacked out at kickoff. And I don't want to have to take care of you either." If I had a nickel for every time she has said that to me in the 6+ years we've been together, I would be rich, and probably would've blacked out alot more than I have. She is right about 90% of the time. We will see I guess. I took Monday off of work.

Interesting Things

I was all set to write up a post bitching about how Peter King (and others) have picked the Bears to be in the Super Bowl. That is despite the fact that Cutler's liver will surely explode at some point this season due to binge drinking and diabetes. And the fact that he is a gigantic douche that will get mad at Matt Forte for scoring all the touchdowns or something and refuse to throw him the ball to make a point. Or the fact that there are no discernible wide receivers on the team to throw to. Or the fact that their secondary was awful last year. Or the fact that Brian Urlacher is without a doubt the most overrated player in NFL history. Or the fact that the offense they run is so pedestrian, that it doesn't really matter who plays QB.

But then I listened to a BS Report podcast from last week. And Mike Lombardi from the National Football Post and the NFL Network picked the motherfucking Green Bay Packers. Which I was both surprised and delighted by. And this pick was made BEFORE the first team beat down the Pack put on Arizona. At the very least, a Super Bowl prediction by a respected journalist leads me to believe that the Packers should be a very, very good team.

It is a good thing that Peter King is not a respected journalist, because that would mean the Bears will be good too.

On a side note, I haven't heard anyone predict either the Viqueens or the Lions in the Super Bowl, meaning both are going to gargle cock all year.

On another side note, the Packers/Bears game on September 13th (that I have tickets to) is a de facto NFC Championship game.

On a third side note, the game tonight against the Titans is going to be boring as shit. I hope to (Sports Bottle's) god that Matt Flynn plays tonight. Because I would have to get pretty goddamn drunk to enjoy 3.9 quarters of Brian Brohm throwing passes to the other team.

Football for Breakfast

So that was an absolutely dominating performance by the starters on Friday night in Arizona. I can't decide if I'm more pumped about Rodgers having a fucking 151.1 passer rating through three preseason games (8TD, 0INT) or the defense flying all over the place making plays. I know better than to get overly optimistic, or depressed over fake football games. But I would much rather have the team brimming with confidence, than freaking out. I could legitimately see 10 or 11 wins out of this team, barring significant injury. There doesn't appear to be a glaring weakness anywhere. Right now on offense, the weak link might just be Ryan Grant. I was worried about the O-line, but Rodgers hasn't been touched yet. On defense, I'm not sure where the problem lies. We have about 7 LBs that could start just about anywhere in the league, the D-Line appears revitalized with Raji, and the secondary in pretty stellar. The middle of the field seems to be open against us, but the LBs have been getting after the QB, so it hasn't been truly exploited yet (except for a few times by Fitzgerald, who could have exposed the Steel Curtain). The other thing I like is that with the aggressive defense, turnovers are more likely to happen.

I like the Pack over the Bears in week 1. ESPN has been fawning over Cutler's "playmaking ability" because he did a designed roll out and completed a 4 yard pass to a wide open receiver against one of the worst defenses in the league. I guess that was just as good as throwing for 200+yds and 3TDs in a half against the defending conference champions. I also like me getting really, really drunk that night.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL

It starts Thursday already. (So does College Fantasy Football!) That is crazy. Badgers play Saturday night against Northern Illinois. I'll have a preview on Friday. The Badgers will dominate. I'm seeing 7 or 8 wins for Bucky, and a spot in the Donkey Punch Bowl (narrowly missing out on Juice's Dream D-I NCCA Football Get Together Presented by Cockring Emporium). Tebow will likely allow some sick child to walk again despite having both legs amputated.

This Just Occurred to Me

So I really don't have time to do this (I know, all I do is piss and moan, but I am going to drive to the IRS headquarters and kill everyone), but something just occurred to me regarding this Cutler to the Bears trade. The Packers would NEVER make this trade. TWO first rounders? No. Fucking. Way. The Pack might not even trade the third rounder. OR Orton. If God (Sports Bottle's) himself was available to play quarterback, the Packers needed one, and all it would take would be two first round picks, the Packers would refuse. They wouldn't even trade a 3rd rounder for Randy Moss for fucks sake.

I still think the price was way too steep. This has Herschel Walker written all over it (not quite). I guess we can look forward to Denver winning like 4 Super Bowls in the '10s.

Fuck Denver. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Cutler. Have a super happy fun weekend (I'll be at work).

This just in

Jay Cutler is reportedly a Chicago! Bear

So two first round draft picks, this year and next's, swapping the Bears 3rd for the Broncos 5th and then the real kicker, the Broncos get Kyle Orton? I think the Broncos swept the rug out from under the Bears here, this is of course just my early speculation.

The Bears were probably the best team, of the three other NFC North teams, to get Cutler. Orton was an ok QB last year versus abysmal QBing from the Lions and Queens. It will be interesting to see if Cutler actually drastically or just mildly improves the Bears next year.

They Finally Did It...

...They finally gave me an ulcer. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. They are inventing ways to lose now. They didn't even play that poorly. It would be pretty hard to point at one thing (other than I suppose the blocked 38 yard field goal) and place blame. At least in past weeks you could say, "the defense sucked balls", or "the offensive line didn't block". If you had to pin it on something I guess it would be special teams in general, I dunno. Seriously though, I thought a hole was going to be burned in my stomach last night, and it just kicked back up while writing this post. These last five weeks have been incredible. Even the MNF announcers couldn't explain how the Bears won.

More general bitching/observations:

1) McCarthy is a Lions loss away from me gaining 100 lbs, hiding his body, and showing up on the sidelines next year.

2) For all the great catches Driver has made this year, he dropped a HUGE one last night.

3) Ryan Grant isn't very good.

4) We actually had very few penalties last night, which was nice for a change.

5) How the fuck does a 38 yarder get blocked?

6) I completely agree with letting the clock run down at the end rather than throwing it around and chancing a fluke turnover.

7) A-Rodg is finally getting some respect from the MNF crew.

8) The Bears' offense is TERRRRRRIBLE--Bill Walton

9) That "horsecollar" call on Rouse was a crock of shit.

10) Why were there not TWO penalties on Adrian Peterson on that hit out of bounds. Shouldn't there have been a 15 yarder for late hit out of bounds, AND a horsecollar?

11) Why can our defense dominate for 3.5 quarters, and then make Matt Forte look like Barry Sanders?

12) Prediction for next week: Packers up 20-14 with :43 seconds left. Lions have the ball on their own 12. Orvlosky throws a 12 yard out to Calvin Johnson. Calvin Johnson pulls a gun out of his waistband and shoots all of our defenders to score the winning TD (ala "The Last Boy Scout").


And if that doesn't happen, and we still lose, that might be me out on the field.

The Bears Still Suck!

Impressive post by Twinkie. Way to take one for the team. It was not as impressive as the Packers tying down some of Bear's distant relatives from Chicago and drilling out thier assholes with a scalding hot charcoal briquette. That was one of the most satifying wins I can remember. They did almost everything perfectly. My only beef was A-Rodg underthrowing that Urlacher pick by about 10 yards. That was an easy TD otherwise. Highlight was the audible "Bears Still Suck!" chant. (I'm not going to pretend I didn't get goosebumps watching the above video)

Bucky barely held on against Long Beach State yesterday at the Kohl Center. Scary game. I can't decide what it says about thier prospects for the season. On one hand, if I know the Badgers, I know these things: 1)They always have at least one scare at home in the early going; 2) They struggle against athletic teams that aren't afraid to gun up a three with 31 seconds left on the shot clock. LB St. did both. Some of the shots the 49ers made were ridiculous. On the other hand, I was not impressed with Bucky on either side of the ball. They settled for a shitload of 3 pointers. The inside game was pretty useless against a small-ish mid-major team. They aren't going to be able to score from inside 15 feet in the Big 10. Landry has potential to have a HUGE year though. The 3 pointer/block sequence in the last 30 second was the balls.

Nuff said on CU/New Mexico. I was fist pumping the "Gamecast" on cstv.com, which was actually pretty slick, while watching UW.

If The White Broncos are able to pull off a huge come from behind victory against my brother tonight (needed 24.9 from Marshawn Lynch, and with 4:00 left in the first half he has 15.5), it will pretty much be the greatest sports weekend in recent ememory.

Ahhhhhh...

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The Storyteller that is Cedric Benson

This is one of the more insane things I've heard in the past few days and I had to pass along my thoughts from a legal perspective. As you may have heard, Chicago Bears RB Cedric Benson was arrested for Boating While Intoxicated and Resisting Arrest in Texas last weekend. The following, according to ESPN.com, is what the police say he did, versus what Cedric said. Hilarity ensues:

POLICE: "Benson was operating the boat with 15 family members and friends aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer's boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

"When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket," the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back doesn't understand. Benson then refused to leave the officer's boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said. "

BENSON: ""I was not intoxicated," Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. "There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn't drunk."

"They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down," Benson told the Chicago Tribune. "I'm thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.
"I'm not handcuffed. I'm not under arrest. I'm not threatening him. I'm not pushing him. I'm not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye." "Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative," Benson told the Sun-Times. "I asked them several times why they did that and they didn't give me an answer."

"Nobody saw what he did to me," Benson told the newspaper. "I started screaming for my mother to come. That's when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.
"Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn't breathe, I'm choking, I'm begging the cops, 'Please stop. Please stop.' Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I'm still being polite, asking them, 'Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?' They just kept dragging me on."

"This [arrest] is tough to deal with because you're guilty until proven innocent," Benson told the newspaper. "My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I'm not stupid."

Um.... OK. That is two pretty different opinions on what happened here. Look, I more than anyone, understand that police don't always tell the whole truth, and that they are human, and overreact to situations, and use too much force on occasion. Also, this tends to happen when minorities are involved. It happens quite frequently actually.

That being said: If an officer thinks you failed a field sobriety test, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER IF YOU THINK YOU PASSED IT! And I doubt very much that he was "being polite" even after being held under a water hose.

If this had happened in Wisconsin (and I'm sure the law is slightly different in Texas) here is what would happen: Police give you the tests, if they say you failed (at least at that point) you failed, and you don't get to have an opinion (polite or not) in the matter. If at that point they ask you (or more likely tell you in a impolite fashion) to come with them, and you ask "Why?", especially when the police are outnumbered at least 15 to 2, it is quite possible you are going to get tasered or pepper sprayed. My guess is the police grabbed his arm to cuff him, and he pulled it away (which is resisting arrest) Or at least will say that is what happened. [UPDATE: Upon telling Benson he was under arrest and about to be put in handcuffs, "I touched his body in an attempt to direct him and he presented himself in a very hostile way,'' Snyder wrote in the report. "Benson [5-foot-11, 220 pounds] is a very muscular person and easily capable of overpowering me. As I had exhausted all attempts to gain control of Benson, and been met with resistance and what I perceived as a threat, I administered pepper spray into Benson's face to gain control." TOLD YOU SO.]

Do I agree with the way the pepper spraying seems to have gone down? No. But regardless of the shenanigans that followed, the failing of the sobriety test gave them probable cause to arrest Benson, and Benson's polite "Why" could be construed as resisting (which was probably charged due to how everything went down). [On a side note, I find it convenient that none of the other 15 people saw any of this happen.]

So pending the chemical test for alcohol, and the officer's testimony, Benson will more than likely be convicted. The amount of force used by officers is a completely separate issue, and whether or not it was excessive doesn't get Benson off of the charges. This is something that happens a lot with criminal defendants where they feel they need to fight charges that they are absolutely guilty of because they feel they are wronged by police. Benson would have to file some type of discrimination suit in federal or state court, or file a complaint with the police department (which would be pointless) if he wants his day in court on the pepper spray issue.

I think this is hilarious as a whole, and I'm super glad to see a Chicago Bear player in this situation and not a Packer.