Twinkie (someday in 1980 to October 2, 2009 or October 22, 2009)

Twinkie died unexpectedly (sort of) on October 2, 2009 when his wife returned home from work and choked him out when she found out he bought a cheap ass air ticket to Las Vegas. Ok, that probably won't happen, BUT more realistically...

Twinkie died suddenly (but not suprisingly) shortly before midnight on October 22, 2009 in Las Vegas, NV surrounded by hookers, cocaine and some fake friends from Wisconsin after consuming mass amounts of alcohol, eating a diet comprised entirely of food from Denny's and losing his (and his wife's!) entire retirement accounts at the simple, yet tricky game of blackjack.

Twinkie was born in a small ass, redneck, hick town in North Dakota (kind of redundant there) and moved to some state out West with big mountains and lots of Indians. He did NOT go to law school, as some people on this shitty blog have suggested.

Twinkie loved the Minnesota Twins and the Minnesota Vikings, especially his favorite Viking player of all time, #4, Brett Favre.

He was a badassmotherfocker who will be missed by all. (I am talking about Twinkie, not Brett Favre).

Ok, on a serious note. I haven't posted forever because I work from home now on my computer owned by the state that I work in (which is a state close to Georgia). So, I am rarely on my personal computer anymore. But I had to make a special occasion to let all my fake friends know that I am, in fact, going to Vegas in several weeks. And I will be there in person, even if it means that I'm a Cyborg created by one Juicelaw in the year 2045, sent back in time to make his friends think he actually had friends while living in the shitty midwestern town where he did NOT go to law school.

I believe the Twins should be wrapping up the World Series sometime near our trip.

I can't wait to meet you assholes.

Sincerely,

The soon to be deceasesed "Twinkie"

It's Alive!

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I necessarily missed Loaf Cobra. I mean, he is a helluva guy, and I guess I did miss his geometry teacher/possible drug addict sense of humor. What I did NOT miss, was having to waste our precious Internets space on shit about Minnesota, that didn't involve shitting on their streets, banging their women, or nuking it off the map. I just looked at the "tags" on the site, and I notice that there were 50 articles tagged with "Green Bay Packers" and ONE tagged "Minnesota Vikings". I don't think it was any coincidence that Loaf Cobra was in rehab for the past six months and didn't have Internet access. So welcome back. And I hope Tubby leaves you high and dry and takes his ridiculous athletes with him so Bo can get back to pillaging the Minnesota for its "talent".

Richard Spielman & the none-use of draft picks

While Juice took a look at the Green Bay Packers draft and wondered aloud about the validity of their selections, I will now look at the Minnesota Vikings to see how they fared (I don't like Wisconsin teams!!!). It seemed to me that the Vikings were paranoid about losing a player that they had targeted. They traded up in the second and fifth rounds to get their players, all at the expense of other draft picks. It's not like we are one player away from the super bowl, this is a team that finished 8-8 last year. We need all of the good/cheap young talent that we can find. It seems like the Vikings, a team that normally does a decent job identifying needs and talent, have sacrificed some valuable young players for the sake of their draft board. That being said, here is a rundown of their selections.

1st round: Of course this went to Kansas City in the Jared Allen trade. While I can't argue with acquiring a stud defensive end, especially since Derrick Harvey went 8th overall to Jacksonville for a 1st, two 3rds and a 4th, it seems like the Vikings and their fans may have raised the expectations too much. After all Tarvaris Jackson is still the starting quarterback. I'm not saying that Vikings should have looked quarterback with their first round pick, I'm just saying that the 2008 season will be defined by the quarterback play, not the defensive end. All the Super Bowl talk needs to go away until the Vikings prove that they can actually, you know, win more games than they lose.

2nd round: The Vikings selected S Tyrell Johnson from Arkansas St. I have no problems with this pick, it's just the manner in which they used it. The Vikings traded up four spots, in front of the rival Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears, to select a safety. I was expecting them to take Chad Henne or Brian Brohm. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed when I heard Johnson's name called. The Vikings have a strong team, but need some insurance at quarterback (Gus Frerotte doesn't count, no matter what Tommy says about him). Now we have a backup safety to take Darren Sharper's job in 2009. We had to trade up to get this?*

*Of course they had to trade up. Johnson was rated 17th on the Vikings board.

3rd round: Oh yeah, the Vikings didn't have a third round pick. We traded both of them.

4th round: Oh yeah, the Vikings didn't have a fourth round pick. We traded it.

5th round: We got our quarterback. I couldn't be happier. I love taking quarterbacks that were successful at big time colleges. John David Booty is exactly the kind of quarterback the Vikings needed to come away with. He's much more ready to make an impact than say, Joe Flacco of Delaware.** Of course the Vikings had to trade up to get him. Let's hope he has a great pre-season so he can become the starting quarterback sooner than later. Even so, Booty is a quarterback that was taken in the fifth round. Maybe I should temper my expectations a tiny bit. I just can't shake the feeling that he is already better than Tarvaris Jackson.

**The only other players from the University of Delaware in the NFL are TE Ben Patrick of Arizona and S Mike Adams of Cleveland. Can we say football powerhouse!!!

5th round: Wow another pick. Letroy Guion DT from Florida St. From what I've been told, he is the single biggest reason for the resurrection of Florida St. football. Great pick!!!

6th round: Wow two more picks. Although I can't say that I know anything about either player the Vikings selected. It does seem like they drafted a potential replacement for the superb Matt Birk. Oh yeah, and a potential kick returner from Jackson St. Whatever.

7th round: Fittingly, the Vikings had no picks in the 7th round. They were, of course, traded.

Overall, I think it was a so so performance. The Vikings came away with some seemingly useful players and a bona fide defensive end. It just seems like they could have done more.


P.S. Like Juice, I will use the royal we when discussing these teams: Minnesota Twins, Vikings, Timberwolves, Gophers, and of course the St. Louis Rams. R-A-M-S! Rams! Rams! Rams!