China Is Awesome

In case you missed it:

Duck Fook

Did I mention I hate Duke? Like alot? Like possibly more than any other sports team, professional or college? It is not a hatred based on a rivalry though. It is a hatred due to class. And a hatred generally based on jealousy. A hate because Duke has had everything that Wisconsin has never had. Duke has a pick of nearly any player they want in the country, every year. Sure, they have to battle North Carolina, Kentucky, Kansas, etc. for those players, but there are plenty to go around. Wisconsin has to do just about everything right, and have just about everything to go their way in order to be a Top 10 team. At one point, it didn't even seem possible that they could ever do it. But, it was shown in a March run in 2000 and in a number one ranking a few years back that it could be done. But if it happens once every 10 years, we are extremely fortunate. Duke is in the position to do it every, single, year. And if it doesn't happen, they are disappointed. The only other team I can compare them to is the Yankees. Unlimited funds to do with however you please, an expectation of championships, crazy room for error. And if it doesn't work, you can just throw more money at the problem. It is something that Wisconsin will probably never have the luxury of. Not that Wisconsin doesn't have lots at its disposal, it is one of the largest collegiate sports programs in the country, and has a great arena and fan base. But it is not a historic power. It will never be Duke. So fuck Duke.

The other problem with Duke is that they are dicks about it. Their players are annoying. Coach K puts on this facade that he is a great human (and he probably mostly is) but then he is on the sidelines reportedly using the worst language anyone has ever heard (which, I fully support, but don't be fake about it). Their fans are annoying rich kids. They are basically everything Wisconsin isn't. So fuck Duke.

This is a matchup that Wisconsin fans have been wishing for for a long time. A chance to get the mighty Blue Devils at the Kohl Center. The problem is, this game is happening at a terrible time for Wisconsin. Bucky does not have the athletes to keep up with Duke. Duke probably has 12 guys that would start for just about any Big Ten team. Wisconsin probably has 4 guys that could play for Duke. The Kam Taylor, Alando Tucker Badgers would have had a good chance at beating Duke. But short of a perfect game, I don't see UW pulling this one out. The Grateful Red will keep this one close. The Badgers have to play their game, which is to slow it down, and get back in transition. If Bucky can make their shots (not an easy task) and keep Duke out of transition (historically impossible), they have a chance. But I think Duke wins by about 15. So fuck Duke.

OTHER STUFF

-Anyone hear the Tiger voicemail? Pretty good stuff. If I wasn't so lazy, I would find audio and link to it.

-Does ESPN have a contract where they are required to show kids dying of cancer every other month. There is nothing I would rather watch less. At least they give sufficient warning, but sometimes I'm in my morning fog and its ten minutes in and they are talking about some kid having his fucking eye amputated before I realize what is happening.

Tigah Wooo: Counterpoint

I agree with most of what Bear had to say. His scenario is just as plausible as any.

But from my standpoint, here is the problem: He is making this shit WAY worse for himself than need be by refusing to say anything to anyone, and lashing out about "irresponsibility". Tiger could just throw out some bullshit, still refuse to talk to the police, and everyone would forget about it and move on to whatever stupid shit the Jon and Kate Plus 8 guy was doing in Las Vegas last weekend or what Octomom was pushing out of her womb.

But what he is doing is just weird. It is buying him at least another solid week of Wendy Nix camped out near his house until he says something. Anything.

At the end of the day, 99% of people really don't care what happened. But he is a celebrity, and when famous people do anything out of the ordinary it is always news for a few days. So he needs to get over it and say something. Otherwise, everyone is going to assume you are a wife beating, adulterous, drug abuser, even if none of it is true. Because people are assholes.

SPEAKING OF OWIS

Glad to see Bear made it home alive. While not completely shitfaced, I believe he probably had plenty to drink on Friday. I for one, was pretty drunk, and was hungover in the morning for some reason. Perhaps it was the Parliament cigarettes being blown directly in my face. Either way, I'm not sure what it takes to get a 1200 pound bear drunk. So never mind.

Tiger Woods...

I hate to even mention it because I've mostly been trying to ignore it, but ok here goes. So Tiger Woods got into a car accident over the weekend. He apparently left his home at like 2:30 in the morning, and the following events occurred, but not necessarily in this particular order: His back window was busted out, he crashed his vehicle, the police were called, his wife was around for at least 2 of the 3 events.

Of course around the time the crash happened, Tiger was revealed to be cavorting around town with some mistress by the tabloids. Pretty convenient news break, but whatever, shit happens. This is probably what went down, Tiger is relaxing at home, getting some rest on a rare weekend off, his wife reads the tabloids, without even asking him about it, probably goes off into a huge tirade about how he just ruined her life. Did Tiger cheat on her? I don't know, probably, who cares? He's Tiger Woods, she knew what she was getting into when she was marrying a billionaire, free ride for the rest of her life and a small celebrity spotlight. Don't bitch when the coat tails you're riding on hit a tiny bump.

So anyways, she's going off on Tiger, he's got no good comeback off the top of his head because he probably was cheating on her and the guilt of the situation being shoved in his face by his wife probably made him freeze up. So then he says, fuck this I gotta clear my head, so he hops in his car to take off for a drive. Only crazy bitch has had one too many glasses of wine and is now pissed cuz Tiger not talking to her about it at the time has pretty much confirmed in her drunken mind that he is in fact cheating on her and is making her look like a fool to all of the other golfer's wives, who are also being cheated on.

She grabs the closest thing to her, which in Tiger Woods' house is a golf club, and chases him down their driveway. He sees her in the rear view as he is stopped at the end of the driveway to pull out, says oh shit and tries to gun it onto the road. She throws/swings the club into the back window, Tiger's probably never been driving a car before and had his windows smashed out while he's moving, freaks out, loses control of the car and hits a tree.

Wife smirks at the carnage she creates, until she sees Tiger stagger out of drivers seat, obviously shaken by what has just happened. She remembers he is her meal ticket and oh shit dials 911. While she's screaming and crying "I'm sorry I'm sorry" until the cops show up, Tiger just lays on the ground in the hopes that she may think he was knocked unconscious. He then gets into the ambulance and heads to the hospital so that he can finally get his mind clearing alone time drive out of the way, which is all that the man wanted to do in the first place.

I have no idea if Tiger was on some pain meds or whatever that would technically constitute giving him a DUI. Who gives a shit? He's Tiger Woods, he has a billion dollars, give him the fucking ticket right now, he probably wouldn't even fight it. I'm just sick and tired of people saying, oh my god I can't believe the preferential treatment that celebrities get. Um, what? If I was driving that car you can bet your ass the cops would have never been called and if they had been called by a neighbor I would have the same right as Tiger Woods has right now. I don't have to say a fucking word until they find something to charge me with and I go to court. I think that's right, isn't it lawyer friends?

Also how is this going to ruin Tiger Woods' career? Last time I checked he can still play golf and will still be Tiger Woods. Oh no this may hurt his endorsements. Tiger Woods doesn't get turned down for ads because he got in one car accident because of a psycho wife incident. Tiger Woods gets a small red flag on his marketability file for murdering a hobo and throwing his body off a bridge as a cop drives by while Woods is whistling and smiling to himself.

We need to invade another country or N. Korea needs to blow up another fucking missile somewhere so this isn't news anymore

Stolen Literary Device

I am ganking the "running diary" used most often by Bill Simmons. I don't think he has a patent. Whatever.

Saturday

6:15 a.m.: Wake my ass up to cash in on the race I signed up to run.

7:40 a.m.: Arrive to the race to the throngs of people (15,000 plus).

8a.m.: Trip over about 4,000 of those people at the start as I start off way too fast. Most of those little fuckers were about 7 years old who would proceed to sprint past me and then come to a dead stop in front of me for the next hour.

9:08 a.m.: We finish. Sweat from front to back of my shirt.

9:45 a.m.: Begin cracking the whip on the wife to hurry up so I can go drink.

11:06 a.m.: Whomever had 11:06 a.m. in the "When would Juice would spill something on his new white Ryan Braun jersey" pool. Congrats.

11:45 a.m.: We leave for Milwaukee.

2:15 p.m.: Arrive in Milwaukee.

3:00 p.m.: Arrive at Miller Park. I miraculously get out of driving due to my buddy's girlfriend's dad and his 7 seat Lincoln Navigator that gets our group to the game. Kudos to that shit.

3:00 p.m. and 3 seconds: Crack the first Miller Lite.

4:30 p.m.: I have the best brat I've ever had in my life.

5:30 p.m.: A random fucking thunderstorm strikes 40,000 in the parking lot. Despite seeing the clouds loom for an hour, and watching the dome close, nobody budged until it was raining sideways. Even the Twins fans.

6:00 p.m.: Arrive in seat with a 7 dollar beer.

Around here is where it gets hazy. I know I had about 3 or 4 more large beers. I know I won one of those on a bet of the 5th inning score with some asshole Twins fan. Oh, and the split was about 50/50, which is not fun when your team loses.

ANYWAYS (another stolen literary device, thanks Chuck Klosterman), I semi-blacked out somewhere between the 8th and 12th innings. I was able to keep my motor function: walking, talking, etc. I was just super wobbly and profane (apparently, and not all that surprisingly). Either way, the wife put the kabosh to any further drinking, and probably saved my life and a Monday morning hangover. Managed to fight off a good vomit the next morning and after a two hour nap I was no worse for the wear.

One Blacked out Man's thoughts on the game: I may have imagined this but Yost had no problem throwing Torres out there for 2 1/3 in a non-save situation. Then sent out Tavaras for a second inning in lieu of Mota, DiFelice and Dillard. There was no real reason for this, but Neddy claims he didn't want to "put a rookie out there with the game on the line" (even though like two days ago he put Dillard out there in a one run game) and "Mota pitched two innings on Wednesday" but "he would've pitched him in the 13th." Then said "I don't worry about the next day, I was playing to win."

He pretty much contradicted himself in everything he said a) in the same day AND b) like two days earlier when he refused to use Mota in the 8TH because it wasn't a "save situation".

Fucking prick held onto his job because of the win yesterday.

In other news:

Tiger's putt yesterday was one of the first times I can remember jumping off the couch and yelling while watching golf. I watched about half of the playoff round online at work. USOpen.com was about the coolest website ever. Live TV coverage online for free, and it was pretty crystal clear. It was a lot better than March Madness On Demand, which used to be the best thing ever.