I had vivid dreams about NBA free agency last night. The dreams were so intense for some reason, that I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all. And I don't know why. Its not like the Bucks are going to sign LeBron. I legitimately think that the possibility of LeBron and Wade playing together is so fascinating to me, that I couldn't wait to find out. Of course, I woke up and realized two things 1) The NBA isn't that great, and draft/free agency are the two best parts. The season itself is boring. 2) The NBA I guess cares about rules, unlike the NFL when guys sign $100 million dollar contracts 30 seconds after midnight, when there is no way you could even read a contract that long, or even sign it, that quickly, because nobody had done shit by 6am. To be continued I guess.
BREW CREW HANGOVER
Lost two of three to the Astros. Can we stop this charade of pretending we are going to make up a 9 game deficit? Because the Astros are really bad. Thank You.
Showing posts with label this isn't 'Nam there are rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label this isn't 'Nam there are rules. Show all posts
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
DVR Sports Etiquette
I'm writing this in honor of Twinkie ruining the U.S. semifinal hockey game with a text at 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I'm not totally blaming him, it is probably partially my fault for checking my phone when a message came through. But, we need to take what is currently a free for all, full of anarchy, and create rules for which we can all follow. And since I watch a tremendous amount of sports on DVR, and Bill Simmons has apparently not created a ruling on this, I feel I am the man to do it. Here are simple rules to make everyone not hate everyone else.
FOR THE PERSON WATCHING LIVE:
1) FIRE A WARNING SHOT: If you are going to send a text, email or call someone, always send a message before you send any info that would give clues on a game: " Are you watching the _______(insert team/league here)?" Do not follow up with something using exclamation points or bitching about said game until you get a yes reply.
2) CONSIDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES: If the game is on at 2 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, and it is a game that the person you are contacting will probably care about, there is a pretty good chance that person has recorded it. Don't assume anything.
3) DON'T BE A DICK: If you have been informed by the other person that he is definitely recording the game, leave them alone until you are given the go ahead.
FOR THE PERSON RECORDING
1) GIVE WARNING: Tell everyone you know who might try to contact you that you are recording it.
2) DON'T CHECK YOUR MESSAGES: If you aren't sure that everyone got the warning, don't check your texts until you are caught up. You don't have the right to be pissed if you could have avoided reading your messages. You probably aren't that important.
3) BE REALISTIC: If you are DVRing the Super Bowl, there better be a live birth, a funeral or a wedding (yours) going on. And don't expect to be kept in the dark for two days. I think a fair rule is 12 hours from the start of the recorded game unless you are out of the country or that death/birth/nuptial is happening. And in that case you better have your phone/Internets completely dark.
Between Twinkie and myself, we violated 4 of those rules yesterday. So I will share some blame.
DVR WARNING!!!
I have set the U.S.-Canada gold medal hockey game to record tomorrow because I'm not 100% positive I will be back from the disease infested drama fest at the fake waterpark. Please follow the above rules. Thank you.
FOR THE PERSON WATCHING LIVE:
1) FIRE A WARNING SHOT: If you are going to send a text, email or call someone, always send a message before you send any info that would give clues on a game: " Are you watching the _______(insert team/league here)?" Do not follow up with something using exclamation points or bitching about said game until you get a yes reply.
2) CONSIDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES: If the game is on at 2 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, and it is a game that the person you are contacting will probably care about, there is a pretty good chance that person has recorded it. Don't assume anything.
3) DON'T BE A DICK: If you have been informed by the other person that he is definitely recording the game, leave them alone until you are given the go ahead.
FOR THE PERSON RECORDING
1) GIVE WARNING: Tell everyone you know who might try to contact you that you are recording it.
2) DON'T CHECK YOUR MESSAGES: If you aren't sure that everyone got the warning, don't check your texts until you are caught up. You don't have the right to be pissed if you could have avoided reading your messages. You probably aren't that important.
3) BE REALISTIC: If you are DVRing the Super Bowl, there better be a live birth, a funeral or a wedding (yours) going on. And don't expect to be kept in the dark for two days. I think a fair rule is 12 hours from the start of the recorded game unless you are out of the country or that death/birth/nuptial is happening. And in that case you better have your phone/Internets completely dark.
Between Twinkie and myself, we violated 4 of those rules yesterday. So I will share some blame.
DVR WARNING!!!
I have set the U.S.-Canada gold medal hockey game to record tomorrow because I'm not 100% positive I will be back from the disease infested drama fest at the fake waterpark. Please follow the above rules. Thank you.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Rooting Interests, Gas Cans, F*ckfaces & Drinks
I have had this issue come up and I want to clarify my position on it for the benefit of, well nobody fucking reads this, so for myself. It has come to my attention that the bosses' wife, who is loud and opinionated at all times, and whom I have almost physically assaulted on numerous occasions because her views are always directly opposite of mine, roots for the Vikings when they are not playing the Packers. My boss had made a comment about how she needed to "tone it down" or something, then proceeded to tell me that he roots for "NFC Central" teams when the Packers aren't playing or are eliminated or whatever.
Not surprisingly, I have a problem with this.
Now buckle up, because here comes my opinion. In professional sports, especially the NFL, you are not allowed to root for any of your rivals. In the Packers case this especially means the teams in their division. If the Packers are out of it, it doesn't matter. No amount of joy is allowed to come to Viking, Bear or Lion fans. Ever. Period.
Well, you might say, why can't I root for a team from our division out of some bullshit divisional pride? It doesn't work that way in the NFL. There is no real divisional pride. Divisions are created by geography and on occasion to preserve old rivalries. They are not a separate entity. In football, all teams are generally on the same economic level, so it isn't like the NFC North is a bunch of mid-majors that carry the aura of the Midwest (like the NL Central might in baseball, but I've already laid out those rooting rules. Much of which have to do with economics). The other teams in our divisions are just a bunch of pricks with asshole fans who root against my team.
The only time in my mind that it is acceptable to root for a rival at all is in baseball (where I laid out the rules two weeks ago) in rare occasions, and in college sports. In college sports, it is acceptable to root for a Big Ten or Missouri Valley team in the postseason, as a way to validate your team, because conferences are separate entities. The Big Ten are competing as a league with the SEC, Big 12, etc. for revenue. Plus, if the Big Ten team wins, the other teams in the Big Ten benefit by sharing the money, and potentially earning more TV revenue, because again, they are all separate entities. College is completely different from the pros.
So, in closing, if you root for the Vikings, Bears, or Lions at any time, you are not a Packer fan at any time either. And you are a fucking moron.
GAS CANS
The number of saves blown in the playoffs so far have been unreal. Off the top of my head, Joe Nathan, Jonathan Papelbon, Huston Street, Ryan Madson and Ryan Franklin have all completely melted down at least once in a save situation. And all of these guys are "front line" closers. I can't decide if this validates the Brewers signing Hoffman because good closers are so hard to find, or if it tells you that no matter how much you spend, these guys can still cost you the season.
GREAT game last night by the way. I'm pretty disappointed in my rooting interests performances so far. For those keeping score at home, you should be rooting for the Dodgers over Phillies (because let's face it, people from Philly are assholes. This is completely based on the fight I nearly got into after "4th and 26" with an Eagles fan) and Angels over Yankees. Let's just hope they can get to game 6 in both series so we can watch in Vegas.
F*CKFACES
"This is the most talented team I've ever been a part of". -- He Who Shall Not Be Named. Who must've been blacked out on pills during 1996 and 1997, when the Packers had two of the best teams probably ever. Adrian Peterson is clearly better than any running back he ever had (Ahman Green isn't that far off either), but name me one other player that could've started on either of those teams. Maybe one of the Williamses? He Who Shall Not Be Named at age 40 would not be starting over himself at 27. He is a fucking moron and I hope he dies a tragic death at some point this season.
DRINKS
Mark's wedding Saturday. I might have a few drinks. We'll see how I feel.
It just occurred to me that I have just 6.5 days of work left until Vegas. I may also have a few drinks there too.
Not surprisingly, I have a problem with this.
Now buckle up, because here comes my opinion. In professional sports, especially the NFL, you are not allowed to root for any of your rivals. In the Packers case this especially means the teams in their division. If the Packers are out of it, it doesn't matter. No amount of joy is allowed to come to Viking, Bear or Lion fans. Ever. Period.
Well, you might say, why can't I root for a team from our division out of some bullshit divisional pride? It doesn't work that way in the NFL. There is no real divisional pride. Divisions are created by geography and on occasion to preserve old rivalries. They are not a separate entity. In football, all teams are generally on the same economic level, so it isn't like the NFC North is a bunch of mid-majors that carry the aura of the Midwest (like the NL Central might in baseball, but I've already laid out those rooting rules. Much of which have to do with economics). The other teams in our divisions are just a bunch of pricks with asshole fans who root against my team.
The only time in my mind that it is acceptable to root for a rival at all is in baseball (where I laid out the rules two weeks ago) in rare occasions, and in college sports. In college sports, it is acceptable to root for a Big Ten or Missouri Valley team in the postseason, as a way to validate your team, because conferences are separate entities. The Big Ten are competing as a league with the SEC, Big 12, etc. for revenue. Plus, if the Big Ten team wins, the other teams in the Big Ten benefit by sharing the money, and potentially earning more TV revenue, because again, they are all separate entities. College is completely different from the pros.
So, in closing, if you root for the Vikings, Bears, or Lions at any time, you are not a Packer fan at any time either. And you are a fucking moron.
GAS CANS
The number of saves blown in the playoffs so far have been unreal. Off the top of my head, Joe Nathan, Jonathan Papelbon, Huston Street, Ryan Madson and Ryan Franklin have all completely melted down at least once in a save situation. And all of these guys are "front line" closers. I can't decide if this validates the Brewers signing Hoffman because good closers are so hard to find, or if it tells you that no matter how much you spend, these guys can still cost you the season.
GREAT game last night by the way. I'm pretty disappointed in my rooting interests performances so far. For those keeping score at home, you should be rooting for the Dodgers over Phillies (because let's face it, people from Philly are assholes. This is completely based on the fight I nearly got into after "4th and 26" with an Eagles fan) and Angels over Yankees. Let's just hope they can get to game 6 in both series so we can watch in Vegas.
F*CKFACES
"This is the most talented team I've ever been a part of". -- He Who Shall Not Be Named. Who must've been blacked out on pills during 1996 and 1997, when the Packers had two of the best teams probably ever. Adrian Peterson is clearly better than any running back he ever had (Ahman Green isn't that far off either), but name me one other player that could've started on either of those teams. Maybe one of the Williamses? He Who Shall Not Be Named at age 40 would not be starting over himself at 27. He is a fucking moron and I hope he dies a tragic death at some point this season.
DRINKS
Mark's wedding Saturday. I might have a few drinks. We'll see how I feel.
It just occurred to me that I have just 6.5 days of work left until Vegas. I may also have a few drinks there too.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
F#ck The Twins
Great game yesterday, that I saw none of because I had shit to do. Did anyone else realize that the Twinkies have won FIVE division titles in 8 years?!?!? Does anyone deserve happiness less than people from Minnesota? (Perhaps FIBs, I'll give you that). As much as it pains me, I am contractually obligated based on my agreements with (Sports Bottle's) god and Satan (He Who Shall Not Be Named) to root against whomever plays the Yankees in the playoffs. Here are the postseason baseball rooting rules in case you didn't know. This comes from a Brewers fan who has had almost nothing to cheer for after August 1st in his entire life.
1) Always root for your team if they are in it. Never root "for" another team, only root against teams.
2) Once your team is out, root against the 1)Yankees, 1a)Cubs, 2)Red Sox and 3)Twins in that order. So essentially it breaks down like this:
- If the Yankees are in it, you root against them no matter what. If they play the Cubs, you root for an explosion that kills both teams and their fans.
- You root against the Red Sox unless they are playing the Cubs or Yankees.
- You root against the Twins unless they are playing the Red Sox, Cubs or Yankees.
3) If the above four are gone, pick a large market team, a divisional rival, or a team with lots of past success to root against. The Dodgers, Mets, Angels, Cards, Phillies fit in nicely here.
Follow these rules and you will be hanging on every pitch in the post season. Rooting against the Yankees is spectacular, especially when drinking. I remember the year I was a huge Angels fan because they played the Twins and I was going to school in La Crosse and there were a lot of people from Minnesota there. I remember where I was when I saw Luis Gonzalez (who was definitely not on steroids) hit that bloop over Jeter's head to win the world series. I remember when I was living in Omaha being a gigantic Marlins fan during the Bartman series against the Cubs because any state without a baseball team from the midwest is automatically a gigantic Cubs town, which is fucking annoying.
This year, the first round rooting interests are as follows: Twins over Yankees, Angels over Red Sox, Rockies over Phillies, Cardinals over Dodgers (in a very close one).
MY NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE EVEN THOUGH I DESPERATELY WANTED TO GAME RECAP:
-We didn't block anyone.
-A-Rodg held onto the ball too long at times.
-Donald Lee can't catch.
-He Who Shall Not Be Named has been standing untouched in the pocket for two days looking for and finding an open receiver.
-He Who Shall Not Be Named deserves some credit for not sucking (much of which is due to the fact that he had all day to throw and nobody covered any receivers all day)
-That being said, I would still rather have A-Rodg, and it isn't close.
-Derrick Martin should be flipping burgers tomorrow.
-Are we sure that Chilly didn't invade McCarthy's body on that 1st quarter challenge?
-The offense moved the ball despite the sacks and penalties
-The run defense looked great.
- Overall, at 2-2 the season isn't over. I expected 3-1, and I expected to lose that game. It is hard to be super disappointed.
-I think I caught H1N1 from semen being splashed by either Gruden or He Who Shall Not Be Named when Gruden was giving him head. Madden hates He Who Shall Not Be Named compared to Gruden. It was incredible, and annoying.
-I think what pissed me off the most about the coverage (other than the fact that His name was mentioned approximately 1.3 million times, including non-stop when the Packers had the ball), was the camera feeds from "He Who Shall Not Be Named's Steakhouse". It was a total fucking joke for a number of reasons. First, nobody fucking goes there to watch Packer games. OF COURSE there was going to be a couple of jackasses in Viking jerseys watching the game there. It painted an unfair picture of Green Bay like there are 50% of people walking around wearing He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jerseys. There are like six people in Green Bay that would wear that shit, and they were all at He Who Shall Not Be Named's Steakhouse. So that really, really pissed me off. That and them constantly showing that bitch Deanna and His slut daughter.
- If the next game could be treated just as a Packer-Viking game, I would now be fine with Him playing QB for the Vikings. Doesn't mean I hate him any less, or that He is ever welcome back, but I think part of the difficulty was the initial shock, etc. Now he is a Viking forever, and I'm no longer personally offended. I just will never acknowledge him by name, and people should not ever think of Him as a Packer again.
I suppose I should work now.
1) Always root for your team if they are in it. Never root "for" another team, only root against teams.
2) Once your team is out, root against the 1)Yankees, 1a)Cubs, 2)Red Sox and 3)Twins in that order. So essentially it breaks down like this:
- If the Yankees are in it, you root against them no matter what. If they play the Cubs, you root for an explosion that kills both teams and their fans.
- You root against the Red Sox unless they are playing the Cubs or Yankees.
- You root against the Twins unless they are playing the Red Sox, Cubs or Yankees.
3) If the above four are gone, pick a large market team, a divisional rival, or a team with lots of past success to root against. The Dodgers, Mets, Angels, Cards, Phillies fit in nicely here.
Follow these rules and you will be hanging on every pitch in the post season. Rooting against the Yankees is spectacular, especially when drinking. I remember the year I was a huge Angels fan because they played the Twins and I was going to school in La Crosse and there were a lot of people from Minnesota there. I remember where I was when I saw Luis Gonzalez (who was definitely not on steroids) hit that bloop over Jeter's head to win the world series. I remember when I was living in Omaha being a gigantic Marlins fan during the Bartman series against the Cubs because any state without a baseball team from the midwest is automatically a gigantic Cubs town, which is fucking annoying.
This year, the first round rooting interests are as follows: Twins over Yankees, Angels over Red Sox, Rockies over Phillies, Cardinals over Dodgers (in a very close one).
MY NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE EVEN THOUGH I DESPERATELY WANTED TO GAME RECAP:
-We didn't block anyone.
-A-Rodg held onto the ball too long at times.
-Donald Lee can't catch.
-He Who Shall Not Be Named has been standing untouched in the pocket for two days looking for and finding an open receiver.
-He Who Shall Not Be Named deserves some credit for not sucking (much of which is due to the fact that he had all day to throw and nobody covered any receivers all day)
-That being said, I would still rather have A-Rodg, and it isn't close.
-Derrick Martin should be flipping burgers tomorrow.
-Are we sure that Chilly didn't invade McCarthy's body on that 1st quarter challenge?
-The offense moved the ball despite the sacks and penalties
-The run defense looked great.
- Overall, at 2-2 the season isn't over. I expected 3-1, and I expected to lose that game. It is hard to be super disappointed.
-I think I caught H1N1 from semen being splashed by either Gruden or He Who Shall Not Be Named when Gruden was giving him head. Madden hates He Who Shall Not Be Named compared to Gruden. It was incredible, and annoying.
-I think what pissed me off the most about the coverage (other than the fact that His name was mentioned approximately 1.3 million times, including non-stop when the Packers had the ball), was the camera feeds from "He Who Shall Not Be Named's Steakhouse". It was a total fucking joke for a number of reasons. First, nobody fucking goes there to watch Packer games. OF COURSE there was going to be a couple of jackasses in Viking jerseys watching the game there. It painted an unfair picture of Green Bay like there are 50% of people walking around wearing He Who Shall Not Be Named Viking jerseys. There are like six people in Green Bay that would wear that shit, and they were all at He Who Shall Not Be Named's Steakhouse. So that really, really pissed me off. That and them constantly showing that bitch Deanna and His slut daughter.
- If the next game could be treated just as a Packer-Viking game, I would now be fine with Him playing QB for the Vikings. Doesn't mean I hate him any less, or that He is ever welcome back, but I think part of the difficulty was the initial shock, etc. Now he is a Viking forever, and I'm no longer personally offended. I just will never acknowledge him by name, and people should not ever think of Him as a Packer again.
I suppose I should work now.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mannywood Busted!
Wow. Not too many things make my jaw drop anymore, but this did for some reason. At what point do people give up this charade that not everyone is or was doing it? I guess I'm sorry that I don't buy his bullshit excuse either: "Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me," Ramirez said. "Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now." I guess it is better than "I was on a supplement", but still kind of bullshit. I'll believe it when Manny sues the doctor and wins.
But I'm not here to get all frothy about someone being busted for what I assume is steroids (I guess I don't really know that for sure). Why not just let everyone do it, and then I don't have to be disappointed when I find out another one of the best players in my lifetime has been indicted/strongly accused/admitted/suspected of doing something illegal. (Bonds, A-Rod, Manny, Clemens, McGuire, Sosa, Piazza, Giambi, Counsell).
I don't really care that they did it, but it taints them when it happens and it is stupid. All this suspension is going to do is hurt baseball for the future. It is hard enough to get little kids into the game, but when their favorite players are getting slaughtered all over the news, they are going to stop watching all together. Baseball will survive, but how many more young kids are going to play basketball or football or (gasp) soccer instead?
The biggest questions I always have is 1) If you make $25mil, how can you even trust a doctor at this point? I would hire my own private fucking lab to make sure whatever I was taking wasn't going to get me dinged for 8 or 9 mil. and 2) When the fuck are they going to bust Pujols? No way that guy went from a 180lb, 100th round draft pick or whatever to 250 and batting .350 with 40HRs every year, because he was a "late bloomer".
But I'm not here to get all frothy about someone being busted for what I assume is steroids (I guess I don't really know that for sure). Why not just let everyone do it, and then I don't have to be disappointed when I find out another one of the best players in my lifetime has been indicted/strongly accused/admitted/suspected of doing something illegal. (Bonds, A-Rod, Manny, Clemens, McGuire, Sosa, Piazza, Giambi, Counsell).
I don't really care that they did it, but it taints them when it happens and it is stupid. All this suspension is going to do is hurt baseball for the future. It is hard enough to get little kids into the game, but when their favorite players are getting slaughtered all over the news, they are going to stop watching all together. Baseball will survive, but how many more young kids are going to play basketball or football or (gasp) soccer instead?
The biggest questions I always have is 1) If you make $25mil, how can you even trust a doctor at this point? I would hire my own private fucking lab to make sure whatever I was taking wasn't going to get me dinged for 8 or 9 mil. and 2) When the fuck are they going to bust Pujols? No way that guy went from a 180lb, 100th round draft pick or whatever to 250 and batting .350 with 40HRs every year, because he was a "late bloomer".
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Storming the Floor Etiquette
This is a few days late, but since nobody besides me watched, or gave a shit, that UWGB rolled up then 6th ranked Butler the other night, I thought I could write this now and be OK. See, after the win, the UWGB fans stormed the court like they had just won a championship of some sort. To be fair, according to my cursory review of UWGB basketball history, this is only the third ever home win over a ranked opponent, so it was a very big win for the program and everyone should be excited. But I have a number of problems with the storming of the court:
1) Last week the student section appeared to have about 30 people in it. So the majority of the people storming the court are bandwagon jumpers, and shouldn't have the right to act that excited.
2) UWGB is still in second place after the win.
3) It was a regular season game, that was really for nothing other than bragging rights, and seedings, seeing as UWGB has ZERO chance at an at-large bid, and Butler is probably getting one anyway.
4) It wasn't THAT big of an upset.
In my mind there is a series of rules that need to be followed before court storming is appropriate. As Walter says, "This isn't 'Nam. There are rules!!!". If any one of these things happens, a storming is appropriate. I am happy to provide such a list:
1) The win clinches an NCAA birth. Even if you are Duke and you go every year, it is hard to do, and a celebration is warranted. There is nothing cooler than a really small mid-major doing this after their first appearance in 45 years.
2) You are unranked, and the win is against the number one ranked team. Not 6, not 20, but NUMBER ONE.
3) The win is a monumental upset. If you are the last place team and beat a ranked opponent for the first time ever, it is acceptable ONCE. If you are historically terrible and you snap a losing streak to that team that is more than 20 games long, it is acceptable, ONCE.
4) It is a hotly contested conference game, between good rivals, and the game ends on a miraculous buzzer beater. If the sheer emotion of the ending ends in the players in a pile up, the fans are allowed to join in.
5) You win a national title.
That's it. That's the list. The storming of the court in Green Bay earlier in the week was amateur hour.
1) Last week the student section appeared to have about 30 people in it. So the majority of the people storming the court are bandwagon jumpers, and shouldn't have the right to act that excited.
2) UWGB is still in second place after the win.
3) It was a regular season game, that was really for nothing other than bragging rights, and seedings, seeing as UWGB has ZERO chance at an at-large bid, and Butler is probably getting one anyway.
4) It wasn't THAT big of an upset.
In my mind there is a series of rules that need to be followed before court storming is appropriate. As Walter says, "This isn't 'Nam. There are rules!!!". If any one of these things happens, a storming is appropriate. I am happy to provide such a list:
1) The win clinches an NCAA birth. Even if you are Duke and you go every year, it is hard to do, and a celebration is warranted. There is nothing cooler than a really small mid-major doing this after their first appearance in 45 years.
2) You are unranked, and the win is against the number one ranked team. Not 6, not 20, but NUMBER ONE.
3) The win is a monumental upset. If you are the last place team and beat a ranked opponent for the first time ever, it is acceptable ONCE. If you are historically terrible and you snap a losing streak to that team that is more than 20 games long, it is acceptable, ONCE.
4) It is a hotly contested conference game, between good rivals, and the game ends on a miraculous buzzer beater. If the sheer emotion of the ending ends in the players in a pile up, the fans are allowed to join in.
5) You win a national title.
That's it. That's the list. The storming of the court in Green Bay earlier in the week was amateur hour.
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