Zombie AMB Update: I'm Still Fat

The other day the family and I (weird. I have like, my own family now.  I'm like Tony Soprano except not from New Jersey and my only crime is poor blogging and a hygiene problem) went to a local Mexican establishment for some bold nourishment, south of the border style.  We showed up around 7 p.m. on Monday, which is pretty late, and the place was basically empty except for a few barflys and like 5 waitresses.  We were seated at a table and we waited around 10 minutes for one of the teenage waitresses to stop talking or whatever the fuck they do and bring us some chips and take drink orders.  I'm going to cut to the chase, and unvail the point of the post, which is the top 4 awesome things the teenage waitress said to me:

1) After making us wait 10 minutes for no reason: "I'm sorry for the wait.  I was busy."  That's a period at the end of the sentence because there was no forthcoming reason why she was busy.  She didn't say "I was washing dishes." or "Nobody told me you were seated in my section." or "I was giving the cook a handy, while I did blow."  Nothing.

INTERLUDE: Thing my 8 month old daughter did: Jammed her hand into the pocket of the apron the waitress was wearing.  Presumably to steal her tips and/or find some food/blow that had fallen in there by mistake.  Daddy is teaching her well.

2) After offering to bring us a second basket of tortilla chips: "You guys were hungry!"

3) "Would you like more tacos? (it was unlimited taco night.  I had inhaled 4 tacos in about 3 minutes) My record is six."  I didn't really think much of it, other than I was mildly impressed she could eat 6 tacos as it was a teenage girl. I turned down the tacos because I was going to puke after the chips, tacos and 24 oz top shelf marg.  My wife immediately smelled out the real meaning, thinking she meant the most anyone had ever eaten.  I called bullshit as the tacos weren't that big.  She came back and my wife asked.  She said it was the most she's ever served anyone in one sitting.  That fucking whore.  Now I regretted not taking the tacos.

4) "I can offer you a free apple chimi for desert."  MY WIFE: "What is that?" TEENAGE WAITRESS: "It's a dessert we offer to people when we screw up."

The moral of the story is that teenage girls are assholes and call people fat.

Doug Melvin's Evil Twins on Biggest Loser?

This is pretty off-topic seeing as there is a pretty huge Packer game in a few days, but I happened across "The Biggest Loser" last night, and this was too funny. Either Doug Melvin has multiplied with himself and got really, really fat, or he is 1/3 of a set of triplets, two of which have different last names. And if it wasn't for the Biggest Loser t-shirts, I bet you couldn't tell me which one was Doug Melvin. Tell me I'm wrong.

Bowl Season and Licking the Bowl Season

Allow me to beat a dead horse for a minute. The BCS/Bowl system is horrendous. It is so horrendous that I had to join one of those bowl pick pool things in order to even consider following the bowls. Have you LOOKED at some of the matchups? I'm not even going to bother getting into all of them specifically, but there are multiple games involving (6-6) teams. Ohio (9-4) is playing Marshall (6-6) on the day after Christmas IN DETROIT!! Tell me again how this is better than Juice's Dream Division I-A Football Get Together? There is ONE game that matters, and that is the fake championship. Might some others be entertaining? Sure, but at the end of the day, are you going out of your way to watch them (unless you have money on it?) I think that THIS above all other things is why the system is so flawed and how any argument against it is stupid and wrong.

BEING FAT

The holidays suck for alot of reasons (crowds, weather, being forced to see your family, shopping, etc.). One reason the holidays are great is the food. The holidays generally give you an excuse to eat things covered in chocolate and frosting in high numbers. But almost a year ago, I made a pledge to myself that due to all of my health issues, I was going to make a concerted effort to keep around a certain weight, even if that meant deprivation. Well, this goal is making the holidays awful. My lovely wife made about 73 dozen cookies and a whole bunch of peanut butter cups. I ate approximately 8 dozen cookies and 87 peanut butter cups in a week or so last week. This lead to major weight gain. Now, I am on a diet of sorts, and assholes from all over keep bringing candy and cookies into work and force me to walk by them all day long.

"Moderation" says everyone. Well, fuck everyone. I'm not capable of moderation when it comes to anything really. Put something I like in front of me and I'm eating it until I feel sick. Give me an adult beverage and take my keys and I'm getting blacked out. I can't have one. And for this reason, I hate the holidays.

Twinkie (someday in 1980 to October 2, 2009 or October 22, 2009)

Twinkie died unexpectedly (sort of) on October 2, 2009 when his wife returned home from work and choked him out when she found out he bought a cheap ass air ticket to Las Vegas. Ok, that probably won't happen, BUT more realistically...

Twinkie died suddenly (but not suprisingly) shortly before midnight on October 22, 2009 in Las Vegas, NV surrounded by hookers, cocaine and some fake friends from Wisconsin after consuming mass amounts of alcohol, eating a diet comprised entirely of food from Denny's and losing his (and his wife's!) entire retirement accounts at the simple, yet tricky game of blackjack.

Twinkie was born in a small ass, redneck, hick town in North Dakota (kind of redundant there) and moved to some state out West with big mountains and lots of Indians. He did NOT go to law school, as some people on this shitty blog have suggested.

Twinkie loved the Minnesota Twins and the Minnesota Vikings, especially his favorite Viking player of all time, #4, Brett Favre.

He was a badassmotherfocker who will be missed by all. (I am talking about Twinkie, not Brett Favre).

Ok, on a serious note. I haven't posted forever because I work from home now on my computer owned by the state that I work in (which is a state close to Georgia). So, I am rarely on my personal computer anymore. But I had to make a special occasion to let all my fake friends know that I am, in fact, going to Vegas in several weeks. And I will be there in person, even if it means that I'm a Cyborg created by one Juicelaw in the year 2045, sent back in time to make his friends think he actually had friends while living in the shitty midwestern town where he did NOT go to law school.

I believe the Twins should be wrapping up the World Series sometime near our trip.

I can't wait to meet you assholes.

Sincerely,

The soon to be deceasesed "Twinkie"

In The Air Tonight (Monday)

A series of dashes, followed by words:

-There are certain things that I had assumed were common knowledge. Certain things that were meant to signify things that I had assumed were universal. One of these things is the "tipping up of chairs" to reserve seating at a wedding or seminar or something. Yesterday I had a seminar for work, and I had attempted to save seats for some co-workers by doing this. Within 5 minutes, THREE different people ignored other open, non-tipped chairs, to untip these chairs and sat in them. I was incredulous. I wanted to make a scene, but I didn't really like said co-workers that much anyway, so I didn't say anything.

-Sports Bottle, me and a bunch of random dudes are 21 days almost to the minute from landing in Vegas. Also, Richard and Twinkie may come, although Twinkie continues to come up with bullshit excuses.

-I just realized yesterday that Wisconsin and Minnesota are playing for the Ax on Saturday. Long one of my favorite games to watch and torment Minnesota fans over. Unfortunately, I have a golf outing Saturday morning, and I assume the game will get ruined for me by one of my jackass neighbors so I likely won't watch any of it. I will have it set for DVR though. I think Bucky pulls out a one point game and chops down the entire new stadium with the ax. Fuck Minnesota.

-Free NFL REDZONE on Sunday on DishNetwork! Pretty pumped about that, especially since I can fully utilize it because the Packers don't play until Monday night.

-I greatly dislike it when the Pack plays Monday night. It just gives me one more day to stress the fuck out....

-Especially when they are playing the Viqueens, and especially when said Viqueens resurrected some dude from the dead to play QB. And especially when said dude is a cocksucker. And especially since I've been subjected to non-stop fellatio of said dude by ESPN because (SHOCK) the game is on ESPN and they might want to promote the fact that said dude used to play for the Packers. The Greg Lewis catch of the randomly thrown ball by He Who Shall Not Be Named won "Greatest of the Month" presented by DirecTV and Cockring Wearhouse (did we mention the game is on ESPN Monday Night Football?). Somehow this catch is almost never mentioned, and the His name is always mentioned as it being some kind of miraculous throw. The entire play is made at least once a year, every single year. It was a nice play. But it was nowhere near as miraculous as Brandon Stokely's catch of the bomb to win a game in Week 1, yet somehow the Greg Lewis catch won "Greatest of the Month" overwhelmingly. I just find it ironic that the game against the Packers is being broadcast on ESPN. AND it was the Bud Light Freeze Frame picture of the week. Oh, did I mention that the game will be on ESPN?

- It is entirely possible the the game will be one of the highest rated games ever. And the fact that the Packers are involved will be mentioned not at all.

-I'm not sure what to think about the game itself. Minnesota hasn't looked all that good against two terrible teams and one potentially not that good team. Green Bay hasn't been real impressive either. Nobody is surprised that Minnesota is 3-0 at this point. He has made one good play the entire season. And I'm still not convinced Traveaeiuouuus couldn't have thrown that pass. If we can slow down A-Peter, and put a little pressure on He (not that hard), then I think we will be in the game. We have to keep A-Rodg off of his back. I think the Queens probably win a close game, but it wouldn't shock me to see the Pack win either. It will be pretty evenly matched, and that shitdome will be loud as shit I'm sure.

-All I know for sure is that I will be blacked out with anxiety by kickoff. This game really is the perfect storm of stress. It is a divisional game, it is against the Viqueens which is always stressful and close, it is on Monday night, Oh, and the possibly the most beloved Packer player of my generation is playing quarterback for the other team. I have to come to grips with this reality, but this game, and these circumstances, are unlikely as shit. Three years ago, I would have bet a million dollars that this would never happen. But it has. And what is frustrating is that the media (mostly ESPN) has clearly picked sides, and I have to listen to how great it is that He did this to Green Bay. I sincerely hope that his spine is ripped out of his body and that B.J. Raji eats it. If we lose, I may not be able to function. Current Anxiety level: 7. I can't talk about this any more. (Ed. Note: I'll probably talk about this some more).

Toothless, White-Trash, Rednecks

So the saga continues. Karma continues to rear its ugly bitch face. I would think I've built up some good karma with the various shit that has happened over the course of 2009 (and obviously I know that whatever has happened, it could have been worse). But I must be a fucking terrible human being. I guess thinking and speaking various bad thoughts is just as bad as actually acting on them.

But onto last night....The wife and I go to the grocery store to get much needed sustenance. We are getting down to emergency meals (i.e. the ones you only eat when you have no other choice). We spend like 45 minutes getting all sorts of shit, and actually it was a fairly large trip. We double checked before we went to the store that the bank would let us write checks due to the whole stolen wallet thing and security flags and such. We were assured that it wasn't a problem. So the wife writes out a check for $153.42, and the motherfucker gets denied. Few things are embarrassing as the whole chain of events:

1) We are writing a check. We NEVER write checks unless it is to some other person. We always use our credit cards and pay them off online. AND to make it more ironic, I am always the asshole standing behind the old person/neck in line behind the person writing the check wanting to kill them as they take ten minutes to write the stupid fucking check and THEN refusing to leave until they make the entry into their god(Sports Bottle's)damn check register.

2) It is 8 p.m. so there is one open land and about 12 people behind us with two items.

3) They reject the fucking check and treat us like criminals.

4) We make them call over the manager and she is a bitch about it.

5) We act like assholes.

6) We spend like 30 minutes on the phone with the bank while our ice cream melts.

Our bank informs us that they think the problem is with the third party company that grocery stores pay to approve checks for them. Of course, the bank give me the wrong one so I spend the next 15 minutes arguing with some (expletive deleted) woman about whether or not I can read the number off the bottom of my check, and whether I know my own social security number. Finally, we figured out that the grocery store uses a different company to do this job. We call that company and we get a recording telling us that they won't approve it because we are "high risk" and that we can't talk to a real person. Eventually we give up and tell the manager to have fun putting away our groceries.

Upon getting home, we finally fucked with their robot on the phone enough that it gave up and gave us a person. Person tells us that the check was not denied for the theft, or that we are dirtbags, but because WE HAD NEVER WRITTEN A CHECK TO A STORE BEFORE. Which, by the way, is likely true. But it is insane that they won't take a check from someone just because they haven't written it before. Someone I know that went to law school informed me that a CHECK IS A MOTHERFUCKING NEGOTIABLE INSTRUMENT. IT IS FUCKING LEGAL TENDER. IT IS A NOTE THAT ENTITLES YOU TO FUCKING MONEY. LEGALLY, IT SHOULDN'T BE A FUCKING OPTION ON WHETHER YOU WANT TO APPROVE IT OR NOT. We were told we had to write smaller checks to "establish a history". After fucking with the chick for awhile (i.e. Asking her if I could write 75 $2 checks to the same place) we eventually gave up. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go sign up for food stamps because those, unlike FUCKING CHECKS WHERE THE FUCKING BANK ASSURES YOU THERE IS FUCKING MONEY, are never used fraudulently.

OTHER OKTOBERFEST STUFF I REMEMBERED LATER:

- Our old roommate, lets call him Bill, showed up out of the blue. Comments associated with said meeting included: "Now I know where my 40 pounds went." and "I was afraid Bill was going to eat me." and "I love his tits."

- I had not been quiet when saying these things, which is strange because after 25 drinks, I'm usually like a church mouse. Anyways, the conspiracy theory is that he in fact, stole my wallet. Which would not surprise me in the least.

- My wife, my brother and Mark went "Snout Hunting" Which is the meanest thing ever.

- My wife accidentally sent a text to Richards ex-girlfriend that said "I luv u."

I'm sure some other things will come to mind.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I am already sick of He Who Shall Not Be Named v. Packers talk. If we don't win this game I might kill myself.

Quick Food Review and Other Stuff

Went back to Tom, Dick & Harry's last night in G.B. New place near Lambeau.

You may remember that I recently lost about 40 pounds. I probably gained it all after eating the following last night:

-2 Sprecher Special Amber pints
-Appetizer #1: Potato Skins, filled with BBQ Pork, covered in cheese, with a cheese/bacon/beer dipping sauce
-Appetizer #2: A cup of the cheese/bacon/beer dip, with soft pretzel bites
-Main Course: A 1/3 Angus hamburger, with 2 slices of pepper jack cheese, slathered in said cheese/bacon/beer dip, onion strings, all on a fucking pretzel bun (imagine taking the dough to make a soft pretzel, and forming it into a bun)

Absolutely fucking ridiculously good. If I could live on nothing but the pretzels and the dip, I would be fine. Rating 5 out of 5. I will be back on a regular basis.

-I'm obviously giddy about the Pack. I'll probably wait until I'm at work on Monday to give a full review. A-Rodg is insanely good. We have now entered into the conversation regarding NFC contenders.

-We are less than a month from Oktoberfest 2009. And Sports Bottle is still gay for not going.

Not Even a Good Ripping

I actually agree with about 90% of this post (other than Lambeau sucking). Probably makes me a douchebag, but whatever. I love me some Drew Magery, but he couldn't even come up with much to tell me why the Packers suck, and he is a fucking Viqueen fan! He also picked us to win the Super Bowl (which is unlikely to happen). If you have a few hours, check out this whole series, because they are pretty fucking good.

Green Bay Just Got Fatter

BF Raji finally signed. $18 mil guaranteed will get you a lot of cheese curds. Too bad I won't get to see him tomorrow night. I bet it was the smell of the brats cooking in advance of tomorrow night's game that got him in. I have no clue why I'm making fun of him, because I believe he will be really good. But until he proves it, he is a shorter, fatter (I haven't looked up this info, so it may be completely false), less injured, more talented version of Justin Harrell.

Finals Preview, Diets and iPhones

- I will force myself to watch every NBA Finals game because it is my duty as someone who calls myself a sports fan. Even though I suspect I won't like it much. I dislike the Lakers, and will be rooting for the Magic, but if I had to bet I would take the Lakers.

- My wife is out of town for work for the next two days. It gives us both an excuse to fuck up our diets and eat out. Of course, when she eats out, it is inevitably a salad. I am personally trying to go out of my way to gain all 30 pounds back in two days. Last night I got one of those Bread Bowl Pasta things from Domino's, and it was quite possibly the best 1400 calories I have ever eaten. I was physically ill afterwords, and it was great.

- SportsBottle, Ricky and any one else with an iPhone can shove them up their asses. I am getting a new phone in a few weeks, and would totally get an iPhone except that AT&T has deemed Green Bay not important enough to have 3G, and I'm not about to fuck around with worse than dial up cell phone Internet and pay an arm and a leg to do it. Plus, I already have two iPods, so alot of the point of the extra money would be wasted. But I do hope to be a faggot with Blackberry so I can do nothing but sit around and text/send emails/surf the internets at all social events, because everyone else does anyway, so why even bother fighting it.

-RE: Marlins comment. I won't argue at all about the history of the Marlins. They've done a shitload of cool things. But 1,000 people at a game. Fucking embarrassing.

Under Pressure

Dah, Dah, Dah, Dadada, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dadada. --Queen and David Bowie. (And if you don't think I'm listening to this song as I type this, you are crazy)

I have now resolved to just stop worry about whether Creighton is in or not, and to stop pouring over all 6,000 bracket predictions on the web. Because it doesn't fucking matter. I can't control any of it, so why worry. As the great Kyle Whelliston said "Forget it, you're out." And while the Mid-Majority concentrates on discrimination against small schools versus the big ones, he's right. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks other than the committee, so while stress myself out? Why trade endless texts all week with the great Twinkie as we dissect every first round game in the Big Ten tourney. (As I type this, ESPN is saying Creighton is the second to last team in). I'm just going to settle in, watch some halfway decent hoop today, and wait for the results. Then I'm going to bitch and moan about it until the fantasy baseball draft at 10 p.m.

-As an aside, I just want to point out that I came across a 1985 Packers-Bears game on NFL network last night. It was awesome because it was the original broadcast version. Jim fucking Zorn was starting at QB, and missing a wide open Phillip Epps by like ten yards. A pre-aunt raping Mossy Cade was breaking up passes. Mike Ditka was wearing tight ass pants. Forest Gregg looked homeless. The Pack had those weird jerseys with the G on the sleeve.

-In diet news, I bought my wife an Oreo Blizzard Ice Cream cake for her birthday treat. One eighth of the cake has 760 fucking calories. Being on a diet is gay.

-How the fuck did the U.S. get mercy ruled by Puerto Rico? Also, I was one more season of Babe Ruth ball away from starting in right field for the Netherlands.

I Guess I Had A Few Excess Pounds

I don't want to keep dwelling on this diet thing, but it is pretty much the only non-sports relating thing going on right now (other than the thundersnow we had again yesterday) so indulge me for a second. I had my own personal "Biggest Loser"-style weigh in this morning in my bathroom, minus the TV cameras and that nutty trainer bitch. I felt that according to my fuzzy math, based on my caloric intake v. calories burned that I would lose 2 pounds. And scale says.....minus FIVE. Holy fucking shit. I didn't even try that hard. I ate half a stuffed crust pizza yesterday. I worked out (not counting the stairs I walk up and down at work, and blowing snow) ONE time. I got FIVE boxes of Girl Scout cookies. That being said, I'm pretty sure three pounds are going to magically appear at some point. I'm also pretty fucking sure all the women in my office want to murder me and feast on (what's left of) my substance.

People Who Live In Glass Houses

I've been known to make fun of Prince Fielder and CC Sabathia for being overweight. To be fair they are supposedly world class athletes, and have no reason to be large. I on the other hand, while still only about half the size of either of those two, am not exactly a model of human anatomy. I've often made jokes about my size and inability to refuse snacks. But, I haven't heard that Prince or CC have diagnosed health problems (except for the inability to tie their own shoes. Sorry.). I have seriously been told that I have to go on a diet. And I have been given no direction whatsoever. So I'm just trying to avoid things that I know are bad for me, while filling myself with the empty calories that exist in alcoholic beverages. So today is day one, and wouldn't you know it, more proof that (Sports Bottle's) god hates me. Some fucking bitch made a gigantic plate full of rice krispy treats WITH chunks of chocolate in them. Fucking whore. And now I have to walk by them 200 fucking times today and try to drum up the willpower to not stuff my fat face with like 12 of them. Goddamnit.

This is Strangely Comforting

At least I no longer have to stress out about CC dying of congestive heart failure on the mound, and I can sit back and enjoy it.

This would also be a good time to point out that I am under strict orders from the doctor to lose weight, exercise and eat better, or my liver is going to stop working. FAT! At least I wasn't ordered to stop drinking.

Are we in Russia?

So I headed over to purchase my gametime beer. Shopko Express if you don't know, is almost exactly like Walgreens. I had a coupon for $10 off of a $20 purchase due to the amount of money we spend there. I thought: "Great. I'll stop in and buy $20 worth of beer and snacks, and I can have my own Super Bowl party."

First of all, I have been buying the "build a six pack" at this place for the past two years. Typically it is $7.49, but occasionally it will be on sale for less. Today, I noticed that they raised the price to $8.49. That is ridiculous. I refuse to pay $8.49 for a six pack of beer, when I can buy a non-mixed one for $6.99.

So I load up with some beer and chips and shit and I get to the counter and she says "Oh, I'm sorry, this coupon doesn't apply to alcohol." I was pissed. I'm a fairly non-confrontational person when it comes to customer service situations, because typically it is either not that person's fault, or because I know I'm going to give them a shitty tip (should it apply). My immediate response was: "Where does it say that?" Clerk: "It doesn't, its just a policy." Me: "Well how am I supposed to know that?" Clerk: blank stare. My choice was either, leave the shit on the counter as a matter of principal, or buy it and bitch about it. I think you can probably tell from this post, what I did. The way that trip went, I'm glad the Packers aren't playing today.

I am Cookie Monster

I have a weakness. It is either because I'm fat, I lack willpower, or I have a tapeworm. My problem is that it is absolutely impossible for me to not eat any type of food that is put out for everyone to "share" at work. This morning, one of the ladies that worked here brought fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. The fucking things were still warm. It really wasn't even a fair. I've been at "work" for about four hours now, and have eaten 4 cookies, which is somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% of the total available cookies. Mathematically, there was about one cookie per person, however, at least a quarter of the employees are women on "diets", so they probably won't eat any. There are still like 2 cookies left. My main competition for those last two cookies is one of my bosses, who has had at least 4 today himself. I may just have to slit his throat when nobody is looking, for those last, delicious, cookies.

Fatty Tumor

I was just listening to this discussion on the radio on the way to work, and it occurred to me that everyone has forgotten about this. Prince Fielder is headed to arbitration with the Brewers, which is his right as a baseball player, and is expected to "aim high" and ask for like $8 mil per year. Everyone thinks that is a shitload of money, and it is, especially for a player with the limitations that Prince has. But I completely forgot that Fielder and his "genius" agent Scott Boras turned down a 5 year, $60 million dollar contract last year. Which, if you don't have a calculator handy, is TWELVE million per year.

Basically, what Prince is saying is "Fuck you Milwaukee and all of your fans. Fuck you for putting all the time and effort into developing me and trying to prevent me from eating myself to death by the age of 25. Fuck you for taking the chance on me despite my obvious limitations. Fuck all you fans for buying my jerseys, and spending money on tickets, and cheering for me. Fuck the fact that we have a young nucleus of players that just made the playoffs for the first time in 26 years. I am willing to take FOUR MILLION LESS this year, and probably next (unless I hit like 65 HRs, which isn't going to happen) to play out the string to get to free agency, to make MAYBE the same amount as you offered me last year, because I fucking hate being appreciated in Milwaukee that much."

Prince Fielder can eat a dick. I was at least a little on the fence about him, throughout Bear's relentless bashing of him last year. But this shit kind of offends me. So he's officially dead to me.

Gagne, the bullpen and Prince Fielder

I was going to write this as a comment to Juice's blog, but it started to get too long so I said screw it, new post! I hope last night will shut some people the fuck up for a while. Everyone that was screaming for Gagne's head because other people in our bullpen were so much better. Pro tip: They're not. Out of all the guys in our bullpen, no one has any extensive closing experience at all. I will make an exception for Torres here because he probably had a closer role for about a year total, but then I'm going to take that exception back right away because at the beginning of the season he very clearly stated he doesn't want to close. He's not comfortable in that position and feels he'd do much better as a set up guy. Enter Mota, some 34 year old career set up guy. Juice claims he didn't seem mentally tough out there last night. Really? Because with all the closing experience he should be able to tap into that mental toughness whenever he wants.

Mota's not a closer, Torres doesn't want to close, Shouse is a lefty specialist, Stetter is mostly a left specialist(I saw his "mental toughness" in the 9th a few days ago, not impressed), McClung is still on the team? This all leaves us with one POSSIBLE, POTENTIALLY viable pitcher to close other than Gagne. Mr 87 MPH fastball that seems fast because of a funky delivery motion David Riske. Who got hurt last night anyways so toss his name out the window if you were even considering it for a second. We have Gagne, if this season is going to work out, it's going to be with him as the closer, no one else in the bullpen, RIGHT NOW, is going to be any good at closing, unless Turnbow gets struck by lightning down in Nashville, goes brain dead, gets called up and then can still face a batter and throw pitches.

I don't believe Ned is going right back to the committee bullpen though, I think he was just doing something about what I was complaining about yesterday, giving Gagne a rest after he pitched 3 innings in 2 days. Better to give someone else the ball than chance a reliever after consecutive nights and multiple innings pitched. This post was more about bitching at fans that think the committee is better than Gagne, than bitching about the bullpen decisions from last night specifically.

Also, let's continue my Prince Fielder hate indefinitely, you can say what you will about Mota, but a 3 run game in the 9th is a much different situation to work with than a 1 run game and that fat fucker booted another ball today. He's fucking up routine grounders, that is unacceptable for a first baseman, especially one that's supposed to be such a superstar that deserves over 10 million a year. Well if you're getting the money because of your hitting alone Prince, you better start earning it, because right now he looks like an overweight version of Bill Hall, who's got an inflated OBP because of what he "might" do.

I also just read that Braun is about to sign a monster 7 year contract today. I think that pretty much just punched Fielder's ticket out of town. Hopefully he doesn't shit the bed on his way out and we only get 30 cents on this dollar.