"Docta Said I Need A Backeotomy"

---Sir Smokealot.

We are entering the time of year where there isn't going to be all that much for me to write about. Sure, I suppose I could write about the NFL playoffs, but unless something super funny happens, I don't really need to put you through a 1,203,451st post about what a piece of shit He Who Shall Not Be Named is. Although I suppose, you could witness my last few days (and probably the end of humanity as Satan swallows up the Earth when his prophecy is fulfilled) if He and His Viqueens win the Super Bowl. Let's just hope and assume that isn't going to happen. ANYWAYS, other than college basketball junk, which I love, but which doesn't typically give me that much to write about, there isn't much out there. Combine that with the fact that Uncle Sam and his archaic tax system forces everyone in America to file a tax return by April 15th (and that this system provides me with an excuse to stay employed, which provides me with free internet access for the other 9 months out of the year to post incessant ramblings on this site), and I will be actually "working" and not "pretending to work" (except during March Madness when I will be watching MMOD on my computer) there will be alot less of me in the coming months. Historically (last year) you can see that the number of posts in February and March is reduced dramatically. Here is the point. We allegedly have 3 other people and one other zoo animal that are able to post things on this here site. I don't mind carrying this team for 9 months out of the year ala Aaron Rodgers, but once in awhile I need someone else to make a play. I'm merely requesting that you each take like 10 minutes a week to put something of (time wasting and irrelevant) substance here. I will attempt to throw something up once a week or so, or more if something tickles my fancy (like NBA gun play, or Tiger chasing Wilt). Thank You.

THE WEEKEND

I have a "quintuple date" on Saturday consisting of my wife and I, and my four bosses and their spouses. It is going to be awful. I'm either going to miss a good portion of Colts/Ravens, or I am going be up until 4 am watching shit on the DVR (there is also UW/Ohio St. at 7, and CU/Wichita St at 4 on ESPN2 (why bother)). Not sure what to do yet. Maybe I will just get blacked out on margaritas.

SNOW VOLLEYBALL

Richard finally broke me down. Even though I went at least once in college and it was not memorable at all. I'm headed to La Crosse in a few weeks to get blacked out at the Alpine Inn while watching drunken assholes freeze thier asses of on a snow covered volleyball court, then attempt to navigate down the bluff without dying. Good thing the ice is frozen, or I would drown Richard in the Mississippi. The Unknown QB is also going. And also maybe everyone's favorite friend of my wife. Richard is totally going to bang her (or my brother will?) AGAIN.

NFL PICKS

This is the second best weekend in sports. First is the four day open to the NCAA Basketball Tournament. Hopefully nobody is taking these pretend bets and placing them for real.

Last Week: 1-3
Season: 114-117-4
All-Time: 248-243-6

NO (-7), Ind (-6.5), Min (-2.5), SD (-7.5)

Really?

In my continued quest to do no actual work, I came across this nugget. Is this for real? Wisenhunt is "irked" that Mike McCarthy wanted to actually do something productive with the three hours on Sunday afternoon? If he had such a problem with it, I have an idea for you: DON'T FUCKING LET IT HAPPEN. The Packers chose not to fuck around. The Cardinals weren't interested. So what, it is the Packers fault that you got your ass kicked? And to use the term "to have the audacity"? It was outrageous and audacious for the Packers to not play all of its backups for 4 quarters? Its not like the Packers were playing St. Mary's Burn Center. Last I checked, the Cardinals were a NFL team, and a pretty damn good one. While the argument sounds alot like St. Mary's Burn Center bitching when UNC beats them by 70 in basketball, it holds no weight.

Also, the idea that Rodgers was throwing to "pass He Who Shall Not Be Named for second on the all-time list" is retarded. If this was true, why wouldn't he have stayed in to throw for another 24 yards (or whatever it is) to pass Lynn Dickey for first????

If this is true, Wisenhunt should be embarrassed. If he was looking for a way to piss me (and probably the Packers) off, he just found one. Here's to hoping the Packers get up by four TDs again on Sunday, and continue to put it on them.

Bowl Season and Licking the Bowl Season

Allow me to beat a dead horse for a minute. The BCS/Bowl system is horrendous. It is so horrendous that I had to join one of those bowl pick pool things in order to even consider following the bowls. Have you LOOKED at some of the matchups? I'm not even going to bother getting into all of them specifically, but there are multiple games involving (6-6) teams. Ohio (9-4) is playing Marshall (6-6) on the day after Christmas IN DETROIT!! Tell me again how this is better than Juice's Dream Division I-A Football Get Together? There is ONE game that matters, and that is the fake championship. Might some others be entertaining? Sure, but at the end of the day, are you going out of your way to watch them (unless you have money on it?) I think that THIS above all other things is why the system is so flawed and how any argument against it is stupid and wrong.

BEING FAT

The holidays suck for alot of reasons (crowds, weather, being forced to see your family, shopping, etc.). One reason the holidays are great is the food. The holidays generally give you an excuse to eat things covered in chocolate and frosting in high numbers. But almost a year ago, I made a pledge to myself that due to all of my health issues, I was going to make a concerted effort to keep around a certain weight, even if that meant deprivation. Well, this goal is making the holidays awful. My lovely wife made about 73 dozen cookies and a whole bunch of peanut butter cups. I ate approximately 8 dozen cookies and 87 peanut butter cups in a week or so last week. This lead to major weight gain. Now, I am on a diet of sorts, and assholes from all over keep bringing candy and cookies into work and force me to walk by them all day long.

"Moderation" says everyone. Well, fuck everyone. I'm not capable of moderation when it comes to anything really. Put something I like in front of me and I'm eating it until I feel sick. Give me an adult beverage and take my keys and I'm getting blacked out. I can't have one. And for this reason, I hate the holidays.

"Once In a Decade Storm"

We got somewhere in the neighborhood of 9 inches of snow last night. We are going to get another 5 or so today. The governor declared a state of emergency. The National Weather Service said the storm is one with "Intensity that we normally see once or twice a decade". I drove 20 miles to work.

I want to recap my office situation as we speak. I am one of 8 full time people that work here. 5 of those people live within 2 miles of the office. My bosses all live less than 5 miles away. Three of them live within a half mile. Besides me, the other people live 5 and 12 miles away respectively. This was a long way to say that I by far live the furthest away. Standard procedure is that we are supposed to be here by 7:30. Some (one person) sometimes comes in earlier. A few of the bosses show up whenever the fuck they feel like it. But typically at least half the office is here by 7:30. Did I mention that I live the furthest away? And that I'm THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON HERE????? Did anyone call me to tell me we wouldn't be open today??? Fuck no they didn't. Yet I guess everyone else got the memo. When discussing the storm before I left last night I was given the old "Well, just be careful. If you feel like you can't make it, don't kill yourself." TRANSLATION: "You are out of vacation, so you better fucking show up so that we can grossly underpay you."

I'm really unhappy.

The only bright spot about being here is that the dish was fucked up at home and we have no TV. So my wife is snowed in with no TV. I am going to be cleaning up body parts later. She does not do well minus TV. The DVR is functional, so I suppose I could have caught up on some of the 40 hours of shit I've got sitting on there.

Biased Reactions and Not Working

BCS

-Texas v. Alabama is probably the correct matchup if you ignore the fact that there are 3 other undefeated teams that don't get any chance for a championship for reasons that will never make sense to me (see The Get Together).

-Texas got there under dubious circumstances. Someone needs to explain to me how they were allowed that extra second. I understand that arguably the clock read 0:01 at the exact millisecond that the ball hit the ground. I can accept that it was arguably correct if the basis for "correctness" is the millisecond the ball hit the ground. And believe me when I tell you that I'm all for the use of technology, and if my team was Texas, I would not be complaining. BUT, you have got to be fucking kidding me. We are really going to decide who is going to the championship game based on how fast some dude in a booth can hit the stop button on the scoreboard clock? Since when has this ever been reviewable? I watch ALOT of football, and I've never once seen the clock reviewed in football. Basketball? All the time. Would this play have been reviewed if the roles were reversed? No fucking way. And how do we know that the clock wasn't started late on play number 41, and that really there should be negative 3 seconds left?? If we are going to look at the clock on the penultimate play, then shouldn't we make sure it is correct on EVERY play? End of bitching.

-Nice cop out by the BCS sticking TCU and Boise in the same game because they were given no choice but to put them both in their fake "Series". I would hate to see Iowa, Georgia Tech, Ohio St. or Oregon get run off the field by either or both. That could harm the idea that TCU and Boise HAD to go undefeated to get there, but in some years you can see a 4 loss team from a "BCS conference". So dumb. This also might be the best bowl game of them all. How is that going to look when that game gets the best ratings?

JERSEY SHORE

-New show on MTV. It is a must see. 8 random stereotyped "Guidos" and "Guidettes" from the East Coast (and they call themselves this), with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, are put in a shore house for the summer and given free booze. Hilarity ensues. Lets just say there is a dude who calls himself "The Situation", and he manages to work the phrase "The Situation" into just about every conversation. And it is awesome.

GAME TONIGHT

-I'm picking a relatively close Packer win. And me being frozen. And me not getting anything done at work today and leaving early.

HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED

-I'm heartbroken that they got thier asskicked. Really. 2 picks in first December game after 3 in first 11? Seems about right. Nice garbage, stat stuffing TD Chilly. Ridiculous.

Things Are Getting Out Of Hand

Fantasy Baseball league with the old dudes update: Someone picked up Mike Fucking Burns today. And if you don't think I ripped him a new asshole for it, you are dead wrong. I don't care what fucking format you are playing in, Mike Burns is awful. Unless you get extra points for giving up a home run, or pitching less than 5 innings in a game or having a plus 7 ERA in starts. Streaming is fucking annoying. I'm in second place by the way.

Oh, and after the week I've had, I'm complete toast right now. I can't even consider working.

Home Ownership Sucks

It is 1947 at the Juice household. That is because we are washing dishes by fucking hand now because our less than 3 year old Frigidaire dishwasher stopped working, because everything Frigidaire makes is a piece of shit. Combining what we purchased when we bought the home, with what came with the home NEW, we had six brand new Frigidaire appliances. We've had to replace/fix THREE of them in less than three years (washer, refrigerator and now the dishwasher). If Frigidaire appliances being shitty were a major league baseball player, they would be in the hall of fame. I guess the bottom line is that Frigidaire licks my hairy, sweaty balls, and I will never buy another one. We were not happy having to wash an entire dishwasher full of dirty dishes by hand last night.

BREW CREW HANGOVER

The Crew suddenly can't hit their way out of a paper bag, and suck. Did losing Weeks really matter that much? I believe that it isn't a coincidence that when they sucked in the beginning of the year, Braun and Fielder didn't hit. Then when they got hot, so did the Crew. Now they suck again, and so do the Brewers.