Dear Diary

Hi. It has been awhile. I've been busy tweeting everything that comes to mind before I have time or the desire to blog anything. Blogging is much more fun when ANYONE else joins in. And I've been kind of busy. If you are at all interested in anything I say, you should probably follow me on twitter @Juicelaw_WI.

I had to chime in on a few things that were to cumbersome to tweet. I went to a shitty wedding last night. First of all, Friday weddings are fucking rude. Second, if I'm not IN the wedding, or didn't go to college with the person who is getting married (and hence plan to get super fucked up), weddings are terrible. This particular wedding was a wife's co-worker whom I barely know. Anyway, food was good, conversation was awkward, blah blah blah. Beer was free but the keg was all fucked up so you ended up with 80% foam no matter what you did, but I wasn't drinking much anyway, as I was designated driver. What was insane was the music. The DJ was awful. He literally had a fucking pile of something called COMPACT DISCS. I was pretty certain that this wasn't Russia or 1998, so I had no fucking idea what he was doing. There was like a 40 second dead spot between every song as he loaded up his Discman or whatever the fuck he was doing. He played every shitty wedding song you can imagine, plus Nickelback. But for some reason he played "Axel F" aka the Beverly Hills Cop theme song, which was great, but had no words and confused the multiple people a) in cowboy hats and b) that had never heard of Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, and the DJ's name was "Gizmo" which led me to make about 743 "Gremlins" jokes. (Oh! Oh! Someone got the DJ wet! Fuck! Is it midnight already? Who fed the fucking DJ!) That was the best part of the wedding. That is all, I just had to get that off my chest because it was awkward.

OTHER BULLETTY POINTY THINGS

-Brewers are finding out real quick that the AL fucking sucks to play against when you have an NL roster. Doesn't help when Marcum gets hurt in the first. I'm honestly hoping to get one here. In case you are wondering, my preseason prediction had the Crew 2 games ahead of where they currently sit. I'm not worried, I'm just saying. Also, Jonathan Lucroy fucked Randy Wolf's wife.

-Headed to Brew City next Saturday to get drunk with Sports Bottle and to watch the Crew beat the Twins.

-The Packers Super Bowl rings are gigantic.

-Went to a country concert at Lambeau last weekend. It was fun. My neighbor's wife got punched in the face by a Hooter's girl and my brother in-law got picked up by a police officer while trying to walk the 8 miles from Lambeau to my house. I would totally do it again.

Holiday, Alleged Double Murder Bowl V Mega-Post!

HOLIDAY BENDER

So it is Christmas time. And this year it is extra special, because we are headed to Lambeau to worship the one true God (sorry Sports Bottle's god), Saint Vince. I'm headed to Lambeau for Packers-Giants in what amounts to a playoff game. What does this mean? Well, it means I have extra drinking motivation.

Typically in my family Christmas Eve is the night to drink. And while it doesn't always happen, if it doesn't, Christmas tends to be a fairly dry holiday. But this year is different. See, I plan to drink my way through the night tonight, while not getting out of control and feeling out the situation. It is weird to drink heavily by yourself, but sometimes my Dad, brother and cousins get in on the act and it turns to fun. We'll see. I've already been warned that I can't puke and/or be hung over tomorrow (does that mean I have a problem)?

Christmas Day usually involves a lot of driving and a few Old Fashions (google it if you aren't from Northeast Wisconsin), but not drinking heavily. However, since the Packer game is Sunday, we are expecting company on Christmas night in the form of Richard at least, and hopefully my brother as well. And, lets face it, I'm not capable of sitting around other dudes for a whole night and not drinking. Since it is Christmas night, there probably aren't bars open, so the bar will be open at my crib (and I'm pretty sure Grandma and Grandpa are getting me a bottle of Grey Goose, so there is that).

And Sunday, well, Sunday is going to be awesome. There is somewhere between 10 people and everyone I know going to the game on Sunday. It is a late afternoon start, which means a) more time to get over the previous night's hangover and b) an easier time drinking more prior to game time. Also, I took the liberty of not working on Monday, because I'm planning to go until my wife makes me stop. It should be epic. Oh, and there is going to be a great ass football game. I predict a really good crowd and a Packer win.

So being hung over/drunk for the next three days is in my future. Praise Jesus.

ALLEGED DOUBLE MURDER BOWL V


Now comes the time in the post where I stop being festive, and start getting serious. I've got some money to win this week. The White Broncos (11-4) are taking on Schmock's team (13-2). I handed Schmock a loss two weeks ago. But this time I've got some potentially serious injury issues. MoJo Drew is now being called a "game time decision", which fucking sucks because I'm going to the game and will be unable to change my lineup late. I may be forced to start Fred Jackson in his place. Schmock leads the all time series 6-4, but I'm currently favored by 8. MVP Aaron Rodgers v. former MVP Phillip Rivers and offensive player of the year Arian Foster. Winner becomes the first two-time winner of the league. The TV audience on TLC is expected to break records. The GooGoo Dolls are the halftime entertainment. Axl Rose is singing the national anthem.

But here is the deal. Schmock picked up MoJo's backup before I could get to him, so I'm serious now. I'm going to give a ridiculous pregame speech. I'm taking money out of Schmock's kid's mouth. I'm taking diaper money away. I'm just being real.


Merry Fuckin' Christmas boys and girls. Here's to hoping everyone gets the shit they want, pays their credit card bills on time, and eats and drinks way more than they should.

SNOW!!!!

So I would place what has been happening outside since about 5pm last night in the top 5 most insane weather related events I have seen in my lifetime (probably an exaggeration, much like Jay Cutler is a top 5 QB because he has managed not to throw 5 picks in more than three games). It isn't the snow necessarily. While we are supposed to end up with about a foot, it does that at least once a year in Northeast Wisconsin. It is the combination of said snow, along with winds gusting at 55 mph. I fully expect that I will not leave the house today at all. I'm also bracing for it to never stop snowing again.

Not having to leave the house has its advantages. Especially when there is NFL to be watched. I'm not going to have a hard time finding something to do. Apparently some of my neighbors are either bored, or hate the inside of their houses, because one of them was snowblowing his driveway two hours ago, despite the fact that we are still getting an inch of snow an hour, the plow hasn't and won't come through for many hours (probably not until tomorrow morning), and said wind is blowing the snow all over hell. I can report right now that his driveway is covered already. I don't understand the mentality. Why snowblow three times??? It is just completely idiotic. I don't why this bothers me so much. I guess it is that I don't like doing more work than necessary. Especially when it involves standing outside in sub-zero, blizzard conditions. As I type this I can hear another snowblower.

I would have to say the highlight of my day so far is the news that the Metrodome roof has collapsed. My wife and I both cackled with delight. What else could possibly go wrong for that obviously terrible and cursed franchise? It is just awesome to see it all fall apart. This is what happens when you make a deal with the devil. And now the devil is punishing them by destroying their stadium, and giving their 72 year old shitty QB another day to heal up so he can lose another game for them (unfortunately for the Packers I think). That cocksucker He Who Shall Not Be Named had the gall to text Ed Werder last night after he found out they wouldn't play until Monday, that the definitely wouldn't have played on Sunday. Why? So he can look "heroic" and "tough" when he DOES play on Monday. And by the way, there is no fucking way he wasn't playing on Sunday. As much as I'm over Him, He still pulls my hate back in with this fake shit.

Final thought on the Viqueens. I bet they won't have this problem in L.A....

This storm got me wondering. What if there was a game at Lambeau today? Seriously, I don't think that with all of the four wheel drive in the world that I would be able to get to Lambeau right now. The NFL would almost have to postpone the game, it is that bad. I don't think the visiting team would be able to get from their hotel in Appleton. And there would be no way for fans to park because of the snow and the plows or lackthereof. It is so bad that I would have to seriously consider not renting a pack of sled dogs to take me to the game. I would have to consider eating the money paid and not going. It is THAT bad.

Anyway, I stand by my Packers by more than a TD prediction.

Yellow Laundry

I had some difficulties prior to the game last night. The last year or so, I have settled into a new era of pregaming. I used to just sort of wander around with a beer, get a brat or whatever. I don't have the commitment to organize a gigantic tailgate, and don't know anyone that has one. But in the past year, I have been trying to leave home about 3 hours prior to kickoff, getting a seat at BWW, eating some wings, drinking some beer. It is warm, relatively fast, and relatively cheap compared to most other pregame options. Last night however, I was taught a lesson. The lesson is that when there is a Monday night game, people either don't go to work that day, or leave at noon, and start drinking immediately. Now admittedly, we didn't get on the road in a timely fashion. My wife didn't get home from work until about 4:30, and it was around 5 before we left. Traffic was horrendous, which is a little unusual for the route we take and the time that we left, which I attribute to "rush hour" traffic. It was about 5:30 before we parked the car. Every place we went to try to get a seat was ridiculously packed. Had it been a Sunday morning, we may have found a seat. We ended up buying a beer, walking around, and giving up and going to the stadium like an hour early. I had never done it before, but we went into the atrium, which worked out pretty well. What made it all worth it was the $8.50 hot super bowl of Chili John's Chili, which is in my top 3 of Green Bay staples. (along with Kroll's and Cranky Pat's (f/k/a Frank and Pat's). I would have paid $12. It was that good. (You can buy it in the store but my wife hates it, and I can't find the 1/2 lb packages any more, and a full pound (of which 1/4 is grease) would kill me). Add to that a handful of my wife's cheese curds and a Honey Weiss and I was fat and happy when we finally went to our seats.

A couple of other notes for pregame. On the way to our seats, approximately 93% of people were smoking in the concourse. Which is both a) annoying and b) illegal. I wanted to just start punching people in the face. I realize that there are probably more important things for police to deal with, but fucking christ, a little effort here? People were so drunk they weren't even hiding it.

Inside the bowl it was obvious that I was correct that everyone either had the day off completely or left work at noon and immediately started drinking. Like in the car on the way home from work. It was pretty good. It definitely tends to lead to a louder crowd. And standing up to let others go to the bathroom every 30 seconds. I did see a kid that could not have been older than 17 get into a drunken shouting match with a lady behind him that would scream at him every time he stood up. Lady, if you don't wish to stand up, stay home. Do I like standing up the entire game? Not particularly, but if the guy in front of me stands, I don't have much of a choice, do I? And alot of that game (most of the second half) was exciting enough that people wanted to stand. The "down in front" thing drives me crazy.

The game itself was interesting. The offense was a little off kilter for most of the game, but managed to put together a couple of penalty aided drives. Rodgers didn't have his best game, but made enough throws to win. The defense was awesome. Essentially shut down Ray Rice (who reminds me alot of Maurice Jones-Drew). Made Flacco look foolish. Managed to get somewhere in the neighborhood of 75 pass interference penalties (I actually lost count after 34). The officiating was horrendous on both ends (maybe TV showed differently)? I know it was the second most penalized game in NFL history, but ALOT of those calls are usually not made. And ALOT were really, really late. Enough went the Packer's way for me to not complain too hard, but it is annoying. The penalties led to what might have been the longest game ever too. It was well after 11 before it got done.

Huge win. Crowd was awesome. Weather wasn't that bad. Probably not in the Top 10 coldest games I've been to. There is a 90% chance I will be going to the Seahawks game as the economy has murdered the prices of tickets on the secondary market.

Oh, and can we audition some kickers?

Special teams nearly killed us again. Problem not solved. Not even close.

Male Bonding

I've got plans to do some male bonding this weekend with my dad and brother. Now, I know what you are probably thinking. But you are dead wrong. We're not going to go out into the woods piss drunk with a rifle and try to shoot something while freezing our asses off. See, even though I grew up in a city that most people that live in cities would consider "the country", I am not a hunter. My dad is not a hunter. My brother is not a hunter. We are city folk, through and through. The closest I've ever come to deer hunting was at the arcade. Or watching a Bucks game. This weekend is the opening of deer season, and we will be going in the opposite direction of all of the dudes in blaze orange.

On Saturday, I got two free tickets to UWGB v. Long Beach St. I'm taking the old man because my wife for some reason "hates" UWGB. We will probably have a beverage or two, maybe some food, probably talk some shit. Should be 3 or 4 hours of bonding tops. It should be a good time. I get to drink, talk out of my ass, hang out with the old man, and not clean/watch my wife clean. I will be missing UW v. Northwestern for this game. I'm going 31-20 UW. 73-62 Dirtbags over UWGB.

Sunday is for Packer games. And Packer games are for drinking (at least a bit). For this one I'm going to try to con my dad into driving so that I can get slightly intoxicated. My dad has to work at 11 p.m., but he's never met a beer that he wouldn't drink, regardless of work/driving. I'm sure he won't get totally pissed up, but he is willing to push the envelope way further than I am. Probably will inhale some Buffalo Wild Wings and drink as much as I can until the game starts. Then I will get forced to drink a few more in the stadium I'm sure. It will work out much better if he drives, because then I won't have to turn down drinks or make a sketchy drive home. My brother is meeting us there, and there is a 98% chance he will be hungover. For the record, Green Bay has done extremely well against NFC opponents in games I've been to. I'm feeling GB 27, SF 14.

OTHER STUFF

I should be more pissed about MJD kneeling down at the one and costing me the game against Ricky (lost by 5).

This post was rambling and incoherent. For that I apologize.

Have fun in the woods assholes.

That Guy

There are alot of people who can be referred to as "That Guy". They are people, when described, everyone has run into, and universally dislikes. Today, I'm going to discuss "That Guy" that is sitting like two rows in front of you at a Packer game and feels the need to turn around and scream in your general direction to cheer louder, or stand up, about every 30 seconds for 3 hours.

Sunday night that guy was a few rows in front of me. We were sitting about 8 rows from the top at Lambeau, so he would turn his back to the field, and the 90 rows of seats in front of him, to yell at the ten rows behind him to cheer louder, or to stand up. This annoys the shit out of me. First of all, you are screaming at me. Stop.

Second, I fucking know when to go out of my way to scream and jump up and down and whatever. So shut the fuck up.

Third, you don't. Because it is halftime and a dude is trying to throw a football through the back window of a truck. Why don't you have another beer so you can beat your ugly ass wife when you get home and realize you have to pour concrete hung over tomorrow morning for $8/hour in 90 degree weather you piece of shit.

And believe me, you have to be pretty fucking obnoxious for me to be upset at you for being drunk. This dude had that reddish tint to his face, and crazy look in his eye, like he had about 13 too many Natty Ices in the parking lot.

Also, his wife almost got in a fist fight because she would NOT sit down. Which is another "That Guy". I vacillate between being bothered when people yell at people to sit down at a sporting event, and the people who never sit down. I generally agree you are allowed to stand up at any semi exciting moment, and if you can't also stand up, then you shouldn't be there. However, if EVERYONE in front of you is sitting down, there isn't a reason to block everyone's view behind you because you feel you need to scream at Aaron Rodgers from the 90th row on 1st down. You can easily jump up for a big play or whatever.

OK back to the drunk husband. Mind your own fucking business dude. And stop screaming at everyone to yell when the Packers have the ball on third down. That is one time to shut the fuck up so that our fucking team can hear the snap count. And I always feel like that dude is staring directly at me the whole game. Turn around and watch the fucking game you asshole. And stop spending every free moment trying to make friends with the chick in my row who tried to fight your stupid ass wife because she wouldn't sit down. You'll never see this person again. Why do you care so much if she hates you? I fucking hate you, but I'm too nice to start calling you a fucktard and telling you to stop fucking screaming at me. Fuck. I got alot more upset than I meant to.

Triple Cripple Point-Counterpoint

This post is partially a recap of the weekend that was, to fill in some of the blanks, and to retort the Unknown QB Diary's game review.

I am enjoying a day of rest today. I took the day off of work fully expecting to be non-functioning after the game last night. I am tired as shit, but not hungover and could have worked. But fuck work.

Saturday night was interesting. We got a membership to the "Touchdown Club" at a local bar chain. For $20 you get a hoodie, a bunch of coupons and this card. The card gets you double bubble all the time, and on Tuesday and Saturday it gets you "Triple Cripple". Which is probably the greatest name for anything ever. Triple Cripple gets you 2 for 1, and a third drink for $1. This deal includes everything except pitchers. It really isn't even feasible for a bar to stay in business. I mean, we got 3 Jagerbombs for like $7. For most of the night there happened to be three of us: myself, Richard and my wife. When we arrived, we asked the waitress if cabs will come out to this place. The bar is probably the closest one I've found to my house, and I didn't know it was there until this weekend. But it is kind of a long way from civilization. The waitresses response: "What are you planning to get sloshed?" Um. Yes? I mean, you fucking give away drinks for like nothing. Do people typically NOT get "sloshed" or was I to understand that people just drive home "sloshed" under the old adage: "If you can see a silo from the parking lot, you are required to drive home no matter how drunk you are." Anyway, the deal was obscene. We got super drunk. Richard sang "My Ding-a-Ling". I allegedly blew a .297 of the fake breathalyzer machine (which was high). As the night came to a close, we had a decision to make: Do we pay for a cab? or do we walk the short 3.8 miles back to my house. I would've walked. It is severely down hill the whole way, so I think we could've done it. I RAN 4 miles earlier that day. But we get a cab figuring it will be like 5 or 10 bucks. The dickface charged us TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. Which is the same amount it costs to get from Lambeau, which is like three times as far. Asshole. Also, the entire bill, including food, for three adults to get full of food and drunk as shit, plus Mark who had like 3 beers, was $60.

Sunday I woke up feeling like absolute shit. We had intended to go to Buffalo Wild Wings at noon, but didn't make it till 2. Ate and had two beers there (not going well). Watched and cheered for the Browns, as did everyone at BWW. Loud boo in Lambeau when He Who Shall Not Be Named was mentioned in the highlights. Actual quote on ESPN Radio "Forget turning 40 later in the season. He looked like He was 60. He was a statue back there. The Vikings can not be real excited." Agreed. They paid $12 million to throw ONE pass over 5 yards. Traveaeuous couldn't have thrown for 110 yards and got sacked like 5 times? I was unimpressed. Also, the Browns might go 0-16. They are fucking terrible.

Went to a tailgate, ate far too much, got far too full, which inhibited my ability to put beer into my stomach until the end of the 1st quarter. Ended up deciding to just go home and drink after the game instead of going out. And it was the longest game ever played.

Game Thoughts:

-Obviously, one of the best games I've ever been to.

-Fantastic ending.

-The taste of fib tears was delicious.

-There were a TON of fibs there. Far more than I can ever remember. Didn't overwhelm Packer fans, but there were enough to make noise.

-There was a near fistfight in the stands after the game due to a Packer fan politely (not really) pointing out that Cutler threw 4 picks, and a fib not enjoying it. I'm certain that if the Bears had won that these fibs would have quietly left without making a scene or saying anything. Also, I'm certain that there were about 10,000 arrests.

-The crowd was pretty fucking electric last night. You could hear people chanting outside of the stadium about 30 minutes before kickoff.

-Lovie Smith is Chilly-esque. The play calling was atrocious. The challenges were terrible. The fake punt call was incredible.

-I hate to say I was right about Cutler after week one. But I might have been right about Cutler. Also, Cutler's face is priceless.

-I actually was surprised that Grant had as many yards as he did. I wanted to abandon the run completely. The biggest problem though was that the play calling was really, really transparent. On 1st down it would be two full backs, two TE and one receiver, on second, it was either that same package, or 5 WR and no RB. And on third, if they were out of shotgun, and they were going to run, the ALWAYS motioned Finley right in front of the running back, so you knew it was a draw. Just totally obvious what they were doing.

-I do think we were Allen Barbre and three slightly mistimed passes from blowing the Bears out. Although, I suppose it could be said that we were Jay Cutler away from getting destroyed too.

-If we don't win by at least 20 next week. I'm going to be disappointed.

-I was one point off on my prediction.

Not Even a Good Ripping

I actually agree with about 90% of this post (other than Lambeau sucking). Probably makes me a douchebag, but whatever. I love me some Drew Magery, but he couldn't even come up with much to tell me why the Packers suck, and he is a fucking Viqueen fan! He also picked us to win the Super Bowl (which is unlikely to happen). If you have a few hours, check out this whole series, because they are pretty fucking good.

Draft Review

As I settle in for a non-HD Brewer game (what the fuck?)(ED NOTE: That bitch Jeff Karstens just purposely drilled Braun in the back, and now Macha is bitter that Looper won't get a free shot later), I figured I would try to pump out the long awaited NFL Draft/Packer Draft/Draft Party/Swearing in front of little kids party, review.

PACKERS

I was thoroughly impressed. It seems like everyone else was too. Many important publications have used thier publishing power to declare the Packers draft to be superior to many others. Although part of me wanted Crabtree, I think they did the smart thing. (Until Crabtree has 17 catches for 161 yards and 3 TDs against GB later this year, and Raji turns into Cletedius Hunt). I like the idea of the Pack trading up to get Matthews more than I actually like Matthews probably, but I don't get paid to decide these things, so right now, I'm going to assume Matthews is the greatest non-steroid abusing LB to gain 80 lbs of muscle and go from walk on to 1st round NFL pick in 3 years. Both guys should start (and lets be honest, if Matthews can't beat out Poppinga, Thompson might as well pack his bags now). I feel like we added some decent depth later on, even though I've heard of none of them.

NFL

-What in the fuck were the Raiders doing? Seriously, I can't wait until they sign Vick later in the year. I almost feel like someone needs to assassinate Al Davis.

-How is Josh Freeman a number one pick? I'll be honest, I watch a lot of college football, and I think the only time I ever heard of him was when Allan Everidge of UW transferred here because he lost the job to Freeman. Everidge couldn't stay ahead of Dustin Sherer. Who sucks. I'm just saying, this NFL draft thing is bizarre sometimes. You could logically make the argument that Freeman was no better than the 6th QB in his CONFERENCE (Bradford, McCoy, Harrell, Daniels and maybe the fat kid from Kansas). So essentially, Tampa is dropping 20 mil or so on a guy who is big, fast, has a strong arm, but is the QB of a 5-7 team (including two wins over North Texas and Montana St.). I realize that doesn't mean everything, but I guess my point is that the NFL draft is weird.

-I'm glad to see that the Lions will suck for 6 more years. Stafford may not have even been the best QB in the draft. Most years he would have been a late first rounder at best. He is a less musically inclined version of Joey Harrington.

- I'm glad to see that the Vikings remain the Oakland Raiders of the NFC. But really, 5'6", injury prone potheads generally make great NFL wide receivers. How tall are you LoafCobra? And even if Harvin does end up being good, you can guarantee Childress is going to piss away at least two years trying to figure out how to use him effectively. He is a shorter version of Troy Williamson.

-The Bears drafted nobody of consequence, but all the experts are trying to pass off a trade for a third year alcoholic, diabetic quarterback as a draft pick because he was traded for draft picks. Fucking stupid.

THE P.J. HILL EXPERIMENT

"The fucking plane has crashed into the fucking mountain!"--The Big Lebowski

-I've always been a huge fan of P.J. (cough). This has got to be one of the stupidest things anyone has ever done. I realize he probably wasn't helping his stock all that much by coming back. Bielema has been trying to get him out for two years now, and I'm pretty certain John Clay is your starter no matter what. But if the writing was on the wall, don't you think he could have transferred somewhere? Somewhere that he could have played? Someone would have let him come over (D-II or something). He had some talent, just not enough speed or durability to make it in the Big Ten. But why just give up? Obviously, he wasn't drafted, and he still hasn't made it on as free agent any place. So now what? No free education, and no football. McDonald's here we come!

DRAFT PARTY

-It started out with Richard and his family eschewing the checking into the hotel, so they could go directly to the Tilted Kilt. Which is really a sluttier version of Hooters. My wife's favorite saying is "I really want to go back there because the food was so good, but all the saggy tits in my food is disgusting." What she really meant to say is, "If the chicks were hotter, we would go there once a week." After that we headed over to the Stadium View and drank a little. I was driving the wife so I didn't drink too much.

-Running Diary of Saturday (what I remember. Perhaps Richard can fill in the voids)

I really would like to apologize for what I think was a bitch performance (maybe I'm wrong). But I really don't remember much at all. I don't know if it was the fact that I don't drink as much as I used to, the fact that I've lost 20 lbs or the fact that I ate 5 chicken wings the entire day.

10:30am-- I arrive at Stadium View for a bloody.

11:00am-- I order a beer.

11:30am-- We order one of those giant ass tubes full of beer, and 4 of us destroy it in less than an hour.

12:30pm-- I go stand in the freezing ass cold/rain outside Lambeau. I am about a 7 out of 10 trashed already.

2:00pm--We are let in. I dash to the elevator for a $4.50 beer.

2:15-4 ish-- I stay pretty decent until the Packers pick. I remember all of that pretty clearly.

4 to 10-- A bunch of shit happened I guess.

I remember wandering around and drinking.

I remember pissing alot.

I remember looking at Lambeau from a Skybox.

I remember having at least 2 shots at Curly's and straight up giving up watching the draft by about pick 28.

I remember having quite a few more beers.

The only conversation I remember at all was with the 90 year old dude who is an emeritus member of the Packer board, and he foolishly let Richard and I wear his Super Bowl ring.

I remember that there are pictures of this.

I remember taking that cheap ass, ugly ass hat they gave us at the door and bending the brim upside down (or that might have been Richard, I don't remember).

I remember for some reason wandering about 3/4 of the way around the stadium outside.

I remember getting into a cab to go to "Fuzzy's #63" to go hang out with Packer great Fuzzy Thurston.

I know we had at least one more shot there, and I'm sure I had a beer.

I then remember an overwhelming urge to vomit, although I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Then I remember my wife coming to pick us up at what I'm pretty sure was like 10:30.

It is entirely possible that I had no further conversation with anyone, and that I was in a fetal position in the corner for about 5 hours of the day. Above is all I remember, and that stuff couldn't have taken more than like 10 minutes.

In conclusion, I better get my shit together for Shit In My Eye. I've got a good warm up Saturday. I'm going on some type of bus to a Brewer game. I'll have to turn in a better performance.

I look forward to hearing what actually happened from Richard.

Pre-Draft Manifesto

I've got quite a bit of time on my hands right now, so I figured I would drop some stink nuggets regarding the upcoming draft, the Packers, and how drunk I plan to get on Saturday.

-I think the Packers need to address the following needs, in order: 1)D-Line, 2) OLB, 3)O-Tackle, 4)Corner. We could also probably use some depth at: 1)Safety, 2)G/C, 3) and to a lesser extent TE/RB/QB. Essentially, we don't really have much use for a WR drafted anywhere before about the 6th round.

-Ted's wish list is as follows: 1)WR, 2)TE, 3)QB, 4)RB, 5)K. Also, a few trade downs are likely. I would expect some ejections from Lambeau on Saturday if we draft anything but a oft discussed player for the front seven, a tackle or Michael Jenkins. I suppose if Crabtree fell to us, you wouldn't hear too many complaints, as he appears to be somewhat special, and if you can get a special gamebreaker, I suppose you get him.

-My head tells me that there is no way Thompson goes off the reservation with this pick and picks someone we've never heard of, or trades the pick. But every year, he does something semi-insane (other than drafting Hawk), so I really have no reason to think he won't do it again. It is really pretty useless to even guess, because he is obviously alot smarter than me, because I'm writing about him doing a job, and he is (sort of) actually doing the job.

-Best Case Scenario #1: Trades the pick in some sort of package to get Julius Peppers.

-Best Case Scenario #2: He stays put and gets an impact player for the 3-4, or our left tackle for the next 10 years.

-Worst Case Scenario #1: Stays put and picks Mark Sanchez or Beanie Wells (I've seen both predicted by "experts")

-Worst Case Scenario #2: Stays put and picks someone truly random like Ted Thompson special: Casey Fitzgerald, WR from North Texas (113 catches).

-Worst Case Scenario #3: Thompson trades down for a 5th, 6th and two 7ths, is murdered by a dude who had a gun under his cheese head, and the ensuing riot burns down Lambeau, forcing the Packers to play their home games at City Stadium for the next 5 years before crumbling under the economy/lack of salary cap, and eventually moving to LA.

- I think he plays it close to the vest this year, because he has always been a little disliked in GB, and one more bad season might lead to his forced departure.

-I plan to drink alot. My assumption is that not only will I drink a shitload of beer, but that Richard's brother is going to revert to age 22 and spend about $700 buying rounds of shots starting at like noon. I plan to be semi-embarrassing when my wife inevitably meets us out at like 8 pm and I can no longer talk. I've got three months of taxes, and a diet which has left me with a bunch of pent up drinking aggression that is going to be let out on Saturday.

-I plan to use the word fuck about 7,460 times Saturday, with the frequency increasing as the day goes on. I bet I have at least one parent yell at me for swearing in front of their six year old.

-Richard's sister will cut in line in front of a handicapped/old/young person to get an autograph from a grown up who gets paid to play football.

-I will be a grown man who wears another grown man's jersey.

-Richard's dad will spend somewhere between $20 and $6,000 on random Packer touristy memorabilia, that will probably contain Calvin wearing a Packer uniform, pissing on a Viking logo.

-We will all order the same thing at Stadium View (boneless hot wings, bloody mary, miller lite chaser).

-We will all fit right in with "those people".

Anthony Smith < Nostradamus

Great. The Packers finally pull the trigger on a free agent, and in the off chance that he doesn't suck, and actually contributes in a meaningful way, I already have another reason ready to be annoyed by him. It is pretty under reported that Anthony Smith is "that guy" whom Tom Brady went out of his way to toast for 399 yards and 4 TDs. At least he doesn't need to fear Orton, Rosenfels and Culpepper. Sigh.

Why do I have a feeling that Richard and I are going to be ejected from the Lambeau Field Atrium on draft day?