I Obviously Can't Be Trusted

So yesterday, against my better judgment, I went shopping with my wife. I don't much enjoy shopping, but there are worse things I could do. Plus, I was convinced by going out to eat afterwards. My wife (and most females I imagine) need to try clothes on before they buy them. So much of the shopping trip is spend lingering outside her dressing room waiting for her to show me what it looks like. Everything always looks good, and about 10% of the time she believes me. The act of lingering near the dressing room is always a little awkward for me because there is never a comfortable place to sit/stand, and I'm usually the only guy around. I won't go into the area if there isn't a place to sit, but if there is a place to sit, I'll do it. So last night we are at Ann Taylor. I'm saying the name of the store because I'm bitter. There was a comfy chair literally right in front of her dressing room, facing her dressing room. While I was waiting for her to show me stuff, I was also staring at my Blackberry checking out the latest draft results and NBA scores. And then it happened...One of the lovely (and by lovely I mean fat, wrinkly and old) associates at Ann Taylor came up to me and fucking asked me to leave because it "makes some of the women uncomfortable". First of all, I was obviously there with my wife. Second, there are fucking doors on the dressing rooms. Third, its not like the caught me on my tiptoes peering over the top of the door of some strange dressing room. Fourth, there was no sign or anything. Fifth, I was jacking myself off through the pocket in my pants, its not like I had it out and was shaking it at strangers.

I was fucking livid. It took every bit of good sense I had to not cause a scene by either a) telling my wife to get her shit and get out of here. b) tell the lady to fuck herself.

The bottom line is that people at Ann Taylor hate men, and my wife is no longer allowed to shop there.

NBA

The Bucks kicked the shit out of Atlanta last night. I kind of wish I would've went now. The crowd was AWESOME. I fully expect to lose in 5, but it was fun to watch. It was also fun to watch the Thunder kill the Lakers.

BREWERS

I really, really hate the Cubs. There is nothing more annoying than being down 4 in the bottom of the ninth and it sounds like you are on the road. I just hope some FIBS got a good beatdown in the parking lot afterwards or got their Lexus SUV broken into.

Who Ya Got?

Sober Jets fan v. Drunk Jets fan. I would be PISSED.

Oh Oh!

Are we in Russia? How do you think my employer would feel about the fact that not only do I run one of the most successful Fantasy Football leagues in the history of fantasy football (OJSFA), but I'm in at least 3 others, as well as 2 basketball leagues, 2 baseball leagues, and I write this blog which discusses (amongst other things): fantasy football, gambling, work sucking, not working at work, and bosses being assholes.

UFL and Fancy Coffee

Accidentally came across a UFL game last night while flipping channels. These are the things that happen when you don't have shit to do and baseball takes an NBA style break between series. I'm not really sure what I was watching to be honest. First of all, the game was between something called the Las Vegas Locomotives (or "Locos" as they are known worldwide) and the Florida Tuskers. A few observations:

-The uniforms are hideous. The Locos wore silver colored jerseys and helmets, with a teal/babyblue pant. The Tuskers had the same weird blue colored jerseys and pants, with a neon green stripe for good measure.

-The football itself wasn't horrible. If by horrible you don't mean playing in front of 10,000-ish people in a 50,000 seat stadium, with music blaring between every play, hideous uniforms by both the player and the refs (a red shirt and black pants. I thought they were on field coaches at first). But seriously though, it was football.

-At some point, if they make any money at all, which is doubtful, I could see it being some type of minor league to the NFL.

-I would never be able to get into it until there is either a team in Wisconsin or a Packers affiliate.

-On the Roster for the Locos: J.P. Losman, Marcel Shipp, Teddy Lehman. For the Tuskers: Brooks Bollinger, Tatum Bell, Michael Pittman, Todd Saurbrun. It was seriously like picking up Madden '04.

OTHER STUFF

Is this Russia? Did we move to Russia and I didn't realize it? I'm sitting here drinking a Coke Zero. Because I was too tired when I got up to go to work this morning to make coffee, I decided I would go buy a $3 coffee at one of the two coffee shops on my direct route to work. Except that at 5:45 a.m. neither of them was fucking open. I find two things wrong with this picture. 1) It is fucking coffee, and it is usually consumed in the fucking morning. Close at fucking noon if you want, but be open when people with jobs are fucking going to work. 2) Generally, people who are willing spend $3 on a coffee, can also afford it, and also have jobs. And perhaps those people need to leave their homes before 6 a.m. This is just poor business, and also communist. Its not like I was up at 3 a.m. looking for a fucking Starbucks. A lot of people have to be to work by 6:30. But I guess those people aren't allowed to drink coffee.

I Very Nearly Went to the Game Today...

Then we had a landscaping mishap, and now I can't afford it. Also, from the time I was going to buy yesterday afternoon to last night, ticket prices went up like $25, so I probably wasn't going anyway.

In other news, I was at Piggly Wiggly last night (because I'm old, and old people buy groceries on Saturday night), and this month's issue of Cosmo, with Megan Fox on the cover, was fucking censored. Someone took a fucking piece of wood and placed it in front of every issue on the shelf.

Did I move to fucking Salt Lake City?!?!?!? Is this Russia?!?!?!? Is it 1952!?!?!!? What the fuck? It isn't even that good of a cover. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it, but it is like every. other. issue. of. Cosmo. EVER. Seriously, I might not be able to go there ever again. Quit pushing your fucking morals on me. Now if you excuse me, I have to go beat myself with a chain because I looked at this month's issue of Cosmo.