Well, this seems awfully convenient, doesn't it? Somehow, every time we have a guy making an obscene amount of money to suck, he turns up with a mysterious injury at the exact time that management is forced to do something. Derrick Turnbow, Eric Gagne, Bill Hall, Jeff Suppan (twice). All of those players were so bad that our hand was forced into doing something with them. All made far too much money for a small market team to justify getting rid of them. So what happens? Some kind of injury crops up out of the blue. You are really going to sit here and tell me that he had a fucking injury as painful as a neck injury and managed to pitch like 6 spring training games??? I'm going to go ahead and call shenanigans on this.
At the end of the day, he isn't pitching for us right this second, so this satisfies me. What doesn't satisfy me is that I have to continue being stressed out about the possibility of them deciding he will be the fifth starter in mid-April (since we don't need one until then).
The best case scenario is that Parra, Narveson and Bush are lights out for a few weeks leaving the Crew no choice but to run Suppan over with a car to say he is now out for the year, or cut him.
The worst case scenario is Parra, Narveson or Bush getting hurt or lit up, giving Melvin an excuse to pitch Suppan again.
To me, anything short of TWO of the three getting put on the DL in the first two weeks of the year, would not justify keeping Soup.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Cyberdine Is Just Around the Corner
I just had a revelation of sorts. If computers decided that they were going to become self-aware, and go on strike due to the long hours and shitty pay, humans would be fucked. The computers in my office had to be shut down for like 12 minutes this afternoon, and I felt completely and totally lost. Even though I had some work I probably could have done. I just sat and wondered about the above, complained about not having my task list to stare at, and ate some of the candy I was given as an early present for the anniversary Sports Bottle's God's Son rising from the dead.
But seriously. Even 20 years ago, how did people do ANYTHING at work? By hand? That is crazy. What did people do when they were pretending to work? I think that probably frightens me more than my DVR growing legs and murdering me for making it record PTI every day, and then erasing it without watching it.
I have come to the conclusion that I could not have functioned in the work place prior to 1995. Thankfully, I starting working at Dairy Queen in 1996, so I didn't have to find out. But I didn't need a computer to mix a Blizzard either.
BREW CITY RECAP IN ONE GIGANTIC RAMBLING PARAGRAPH
Went to the wedding. The only person I knew was this insane pot head chick from college, with a penchant for making up ridiculous lies, who I hadn't seen in 7 years that had gained about 60 pounds. I pounded 5 free Miller Lites, and braved the needless 45 minutes where the "bar was closed", which didn't make any sense at all. I then ate the buffet, which was pretty tasty. Sports Bottle picked myself and Mrs. Juice up. We went to a piano bar. Endured poor service and two drinks. Then we went to Milwaukee Ale House where we were duped into a $5.00 cover charge for a shitty classic rock cover charge. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 pints of microbrew, and we stole a cab. We went back to the hotel, which reminded us all of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. We put our chicks to bed and closed down the hotel bar after two or three vodka drinks. The bathroom had cloth towels instead of paper towels, and you literally took one or ten, and threw them into a hamper when you were done. It was insane. I face planted in the room, woke up drunk 8 hours later and made Mrs. Juice drive me home. Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and spent the next 8 hours on the couch at home trying not to die. THE END.
But seriously. Even 20 years ago, how did people do ANYTHING at work? By hand? That is crazy. What did people do when they were pretending to work? I think that probably frightens me more than my DVR growing legs and murdering me for making it record PTI every day, and then erasing it without watching it.
I have come to the conclusion that I could not have functioned in the work place prior to 1995. Thankfully, I starting working at Dairy Queen in 1996, so I didn't have to find out. But I didn't need a computer to mix a Blizzard either.
BREW CITY RECAP IN ONE GIGANTIC RAMBLING PARAGRAPH
Went to the wedding. The only person I knew was this insane pot head chick from college, with a penchant for making up ridiculous lies, who I hadn't seen in 7 years that had gained about 60 pounds. I pounded 5 free Miller Lites, and braved the needless 45 minutes where the "bar was closed", which didn't make any sense at all. I then ate the buffet, which was pretty tasty. Sports Bottle picked myself and Mrs. Juice up. We went to a piano bar. Endured poor service and two drinks. Then we went to Milwaukee Ale House where we were duped into a $5.00 cover charge for a shitty classic rock cover charge. I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 pints of microbrew, and we stole a cab. We went back to the hotel, which reminded us all of the Overlook Hotel from The Shining. We put our chicks to bed and closed down the hotel bar after two or three vodka drinks. The bathroom had cloth towels instead of paper towels, and you literally took one or ten, and threw them into a hamper when you were done. It was insane. I face planted in the room, woke up drunk 8 hours later and made Mrs. Juice drive me home. Stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and spent the next 8 hours on the couch at home trying not to die. THE END.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Schmock Needs A Change Of Pants
I have so many questions about this. I can't even begin to analyze. So you know Schmock, Luke Skywalker and friends are coming to the Resch Center in GB on July 3rd. The cheapest tickets are a mere $25. You can stay at my crib.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Rise and FIIIRRRRE!!!!
OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!-- Gus Johnson
We've got a white KNUCKLEERRRR!!!!
The baby FACED ASSASSINNNN!!!!
This broadcast is available in HIGH DEFINITIONNNN!!!!
As always, emphasis added by me, to portray screaming.
I love me some Gus Johnson. It was put on a tee for him so perfectly last night. There could not have been two better games for him to call. Had it not been for him screaming, I would have surely fallen asleep around hour 3 of KSU-Xavier last night. That call is going down as one of the best, mostly because the game itself was so great, and because we are going to be watching that one on ESPN Classic for the next 30 years. You've got to appreciate Gus because you really BELIEVE him when he is yelling. You believe that he is as into it as you are (probably more). He obviously loves what he is doing, or he is a helluva actor. There is nothing fake about it. Whatever just happened in the game seems ten times cooler when Gus calls it. A pretty exciting play turns into something that brings a smile to your face when the emotion is added. We are lucky to have someone like Gus calling games, and we should have him around at least another 20 or so years. Lets hope that if CBS loses the tournament, that he goes wherever the tournament does, because it isn't that same without him.
I swear the attraction is completely platonic and that I wouldn't sleep with him (unless he agreed to do the play by play).
We've got a white KNUCKLEERRRR!!!!
The baby FACED ASSASSINNNN!!!!
This broadcast is available in HIGH DEFINITIONNNN!!!!
As always, emphasis added by me, to portray screaming.
I love me some Gus Johnson. It was put on a tee for him so perfectly last night. There could not have been two better games for him to call. Had it not been for him screaming, I would have surely fallen asleep around hour 3 of KSU-Xavier last night. That call is going down as one of the best, mostly because the game itself was so great, and because we are going to be watching that one on ESPN Classic for the next 30 years. You've got to appreciate Gus because you really BELIEVE him when he is yelling. You believe that he is as into it as you are (probably more). He obviously loves what he is doing, or he is a helluva actor. There is nothing fake about it. Whatever just happened in the game seems ten times cooler when Gus calls it. A pretty exciting play turns into something that brings a smile to your face when the emotion is added. We are lucky to have someone like Gus calling games, and we should have him around at least another 20 or so years. Lets hope that if CBS loses the tournament, that he goes wherever the tournament does, because it isn't that same without him.
I swear the attraction is completely platonic and that I wouldn't sleep with him (unless he agreed to do the play by play).
Thursday, March 25, 2010
NO SOUP FOR YOU: In Game Update
End of 1st Inning: Dodgers 2, Brewers 1
Milwaukee
Suppan
IP H R ER BB SO HR ERA
1.0 3 2 2 1 0 0 9.69
Obviously, we need to hang onto him.....
Milwaukee
Suppan
IP H R ER BB SO HR ERA
1.0 3 2 2 1 0 0 9.69
Obviously, we need to hang onto him.....
$12.5 Million Dollar Pitching Machine
I am starting to get frustrated about what I believe is going to happen to the 25 man roster for your 2010 Brewers. While I could be wrong, it looks like the Crew is preparing to send Carlos Villenueva to AAA to start the season, rather than sending Jeff Suppan home. I don't get it. Haven't they seen enough in the past four years to know what you have with Suppan? Haven't they seen enough in the past few weeks? I'm not making the argument that Villa is great. He is decidedly average. But Soup is decidedly terrible. They are wasting a roster spot over money, when the fact remains that they are going to pay him whether he gives up 50 HRs or not. So why guarantee yourself a few losses? What do you have to lose if you are the Brewers? He was part of one of the worst pitching staffs in Major League Baseball last year. This is bordering on insanity. The stats on Soup are just staggering. I'm too lazy to post them here, but last year he was like WORST IN THE LEAGUE in WHIP and ERA among full time starters.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they are trying to trade him and that is why it is taking so long. I dunno. But I doubt they are going to cut him at this point, and that is a shame. The Brewers are good enough to compete for the playoffs with a semi-competent pitching staff, but they are not good enough to lose three or four games while giving a guy the chance to pitch his way out of something, that he has been trying to pitch his way out of for two plus seasons.
IN OTHER NEWS
Twinkie forced someone to steal us great tickets to one of the Brewer-Twin games in Minnesota in May. I've never paid more than like $30 for a baseball ticket, and we are paying $62 (regular price) for these. I look forward to a rain out.
-Sports Bottle and our female companions are going to drink ourselves blind in Brew City on Saturday night after I attend the wedding of one of his ex-girlfriends. I wish I could just skip the wedding. Whatever. Me after 60+ hours of work for 8 straight weeks, on like no sleep, plus drinking to get drunk = forgetting things.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they are trying to trade him and that is why it is taking so long. I dunno. But I doubt they are going to cut him at this point, and that is a shame. The Brewers are good enough to compete for the playoffs with a semi-competent pitching staff, but they are not good enough to lose three or four games while giving a guy the chance to pitch his way out of something, that he has been trying to pitch his way out of for two plus seasons.
IN OTHER NEWS
Twinkie forced someone to steal us great tickets to one of the Brewer-Twin games in Minnesota in May. I've never paid more than like $30 for a baseball ticket, and we are paying $62 (regular price) for these. I look forward to a rain out.
-Sports Bottle and our female companions are going to drink ourselves blind in Brew City on Saturday night after I attend the wedding of one of his ex-girlfriends. I wish I could just skip the wedding. Whatever. Me after 60+ hours of work for 8 straight weeks, on like no sleep, plus drinking to get drunk = forgetting things.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The A-Train Gets Derailed
This post was especially for Twinkie, because he and I have fond memories of Anthony Tolliver getting paid like $75 an hour to referee our flag football games, and jacking up awkward threes while at Creighton. The rest of you, enjoy the slamadamadingdong.
Beating a Dead Horse That Has Been Killed Four Times
Seriously. I feel like I'm some kind of time warp (hot tub perhaps?) where every day, I click through some web sites (not as many as I would like) and receive my sports news. And like every two days, right there on the front page of ESPN.com, is a story, usually linked with a video that is titled "Vikes Will Wait on (He Who Shall Not Be Named." or "Childress says: (He Who Shall Not Be Named) Can Take As Long As He Wants". I'm not exaggerating when I say this is the SAME HEADLINE two to three times a week. STOP ASKING HIM! Clearly, Childress and the Vikings are going to give Him AS MUCH TIME AS HE WANTS!!!! Fuck! And even if they weren't, you know what? He would take as much time as He wants anyway!! An He is going to decide in mid-August, like he does Every. Motherfucking. Year. So here is an idea to all you media types: ASK IN AUGUST! Like after the third preseason game, because it gets later every year. Stop wasting Internets space with your rubbish.
Signed,
Guy Who Just Wasted Space On The Internets With Rubbish
Signed,
Guy Who Just Wasted Space On The Internets With Rubbish
In My Defense or How Terrible I Am At Picking The Tourney
Well in hindsight I should have went with St Mary's instead of BYU in the final four I guess. I bitched about how weak the South bracket was and instead tried to drag a mediocre team out of a much better West bracket. Well this isn't the first time The Church of Latter Day Saints has disappointed me and I'm sure it won't be the last!
Once again my homer picks blew up in my face, immediately. I will say this though, Marquette's bounce from the tourney was not because of lack of effort, Washington has played phenomenally thus far. Seriously, after they beat Marquette I said there was no way they would win another game, then they just beat down New Mexico. Wisconsin? They fucking stunk it up, both games. Got extremely lucky to get out of the first round and then played exactly the same the second round and deservedly were bounced out.
My biggest surprises of the tourney thus far?
Purdue, I really thought they had no chance to get to the sweet 16 and I still think they get murdered by Duke, but to win two tourney games without Hummel has been very surprising.
Obviously Kansas going down. I kind of had a feeling they might lose, but in the second round to Northern Iowa? No fucking way. I was thinking maybe Ohio St or a Final Four game.
The Big East sucking ass. I might have to stop all my crowing I do every year about how awesome the Big East is as a conference, they didn't even look pedestrian this year, they looked awful. It's up to Syracuse and WVU to redeem them.
Everything else was pretty much run of the mill for tourney, there's gonna be some big upsets, gonna be some little ones. I knew better than to praise Minnesota, but at least I anti-jinxed them. Other than that it's just been my homer picks and Big East bias that really cost me in my bracket. Which is why I hardly ever do these fucking things for money anymore, I've managed to eliminate almost all of my bias from fantasy sports, but I just can't do it when I'm picking my brackets. Oh well, my champion is still alive, Go UK!
Once again my homer picks blew up in my face, immediately. I will say this though, Marquette's bounce from the tourney was not because of lack of effort, Washington has played phenomenally thus far. Seriously, after they beat Marquette I said there was no way they would win another game, then they just beat down New Mexico. Wisconsin? They fucking stunk it up, both games. Got extremely lucky to get out of the first round and then played exactly the same the second round and deservedly were bounced out.
My biggest surprises of the tourney thus far?
Purdue, I really thought they had no chance to get to the sweet 16 and I still think they get murdered by Duke, but to win two tourney games without Hummel has been very surprising.
Obviously Kansas going down. I kind of had a feeling they might lose, but in the second round to Northern Iowa? No fucking way. I was thinking maybe Ohio St or a Final Four game.
The Big East sucking ass. I might have to stop all my crowing I do every year about how awesome the Big East is as a conference, they didn't even look pedestrian this year, they looked awful. It's up to Syracuse and WVU to redeem them.
Everything else was pretty much run of the mill for tourney, there's gonna be some big upsets, gonna be some little ones. I knew better than to praise Minnesota, but at least I anti-jinxed them. Other than that it's just been my homer picks and Big East bias that really cost me in my bracket. Which is why I hardly ever do these fucking things for money anymore, I've managed to eliminate almost all of my bias from fantasy sports, but I just can't do it when I'm picking my brackets. Oh well, my champion is still alive, Go UK!
Friday, March 19, 2010
I Didn't Shave Today...
It is my day to shave according to my Monday-Wednesday-Friday routine. I look like a fucking wolverine. I didn't shave because I showing my solidarity as a conscientious objector to the tyranny that is a) having to work today (based on my national holiday/sports theory) and b) having to work today because I got 5 hours of sleep because every motherfucking game went to overtime or was won a last second shot with the last minute taking 45 minutes in every game.
Or because I'm just lazy. Either way.
Yesterday was absolutely bananas. It was the least disappointing start to any sporting event in recent memory. Started out 8-0 in my "researched bracket"....and finished 12-4. Fucking Marquette. I'm sort of glad they lost. Thanks for coming Georgetown.
I'm going dark Jack Bauer style at 2 p.m. CST so that I can be up until 1 a.m. watching the games on a slight delay (although I will probably catch up because of lack of commercials at some point). DON'T CONTACT ME!!!
Only upsets I've really got today are Utah St. and Georgia Tech, neither of which are that huge. I also picked Florida St. over Gonzaga for some reason, even though Gonzaga is going to beat Syracuse in round 2. Or Vermont, because some asshole at the Green Bay Press Gazette picked Vermont over Syracuse.
Or because I'm just lazy. Either way.
Yesterday was absolutely bananas. It was the least disappointing start to any sporting event in recent memory. Started out 8-0 in my "researched bracket"....and finished 12-4. Fucking Marquette. I'm sort of glad they lost. Thanks for coming Georgetown.
I'm going dark Jack Bauer style at 2 p.m. CST so that I can be up until 1 a.m. watching the games on a slight delay (although I will probably catch up because of lack of commercials at some point). DON'T CONTACT ME!!!
Only upsets I've really got today are Utah St. and Georgia Tech, neither of which are that huge. I also picked Florida St. over Gonzaga for some reason, even though Gonzaga is going to beat Syracuse in round 2. Or Vermont, because some asshole at the Green Bay Press Gazette picked Vermont over Syracuse.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
NCAA picks!
I know nobody probably cares at this point, but I figured fuck it, someone had to help break up Juice's stranglehold on posting.
So here we go!
I'll start by saying I have a Final Four pick playing right now. That's right... BYU. Why BYU? Their offensive and defensive efficiency ratings are solid, top 20 for both. They don't turn the ball over, they bomb from behind the arc, my only knock on them is that they haven't played anyone. Wait that's a pretty big knock... Nobody said this was an exact science right?
In the East I have a repeat regional final from 2003 with Kentucky, Marquette and Wisconsin all making the sweet 16. I really wanted to pick the play in game for the Final Four to be between Wisconsin and Marquette, but I just couldn't do it. I have Kentucky coming out of the East, but of course since cheaters always get what they deserve, I'm sure Bucky will end up stomping them. I could easily see Wisconsin or Marquette coming out of this bracket. No love to West Virginia, New Mexico sucks.
Midwest is not a very interesting region, I had a couple small upsets in first round, G Tech and SD State, but after that it gets pretty run of the mill. I really didn't want Kansas to come out of that bracket and into my final, but when you look at the numbers and their record, it's tough not to pick them. Ohio State is a sexy pick if Turner can take over a couple games in a row. Michigan State sucks, Maryland is blah and G'Town has too many flaws to challenge Ohio St or Kansas.
South is also kinda boring, Duke got a fucking cake walk to the Final Four, but I did get to put Utah St and St Mary's in my sweet 16. Nova is an over rated 2, Purdue is a limping 4, Duke and Baylor in my elite eight. I fucking hate Duke and I hate the NCAA bracket deciders for giving them this walk. It's an outrage to be perfectly honest. Bullshit! My only consolation for this is that the Tar Heels missed the tourney this year.
The bottom half of the West bracket is REALLY interesting to me. I have Minnesota winning their first game and I really wanted to pick them to win a second game, but I just couldn't do it. Kansas St is really good and I think it may have been dumb of me to pick BYU over them and then have BYU run to the Final Four, but fuck it, all 1 and 2 seeds is a boring bracket to pick and I already had 3 1 seeds in. Pitt is beatable, Butler is a scary 5 seed I think, Vanderbilt, who did they play?
My Final Four is BYU, Kansas, Duke and Kentucky, my final is Kentucky and Kansas and my champion is Kentucky! Once I got to Elite Eight my bias's took over, they always do!
So here we go!
I'll start by saying I have a Final Four pick playing right now. That's right... BYU. Why BYU? Their offensive and defensive efficiency ratings are solid, top 20 for both. They don't turn the ball over, they bomb from behind the arc, my only knock on them is that they haven't played anyone. Wait that's a pretty big knock... Nobody said this was an exact science right?
In the East I have a repeat regional final from 2003 with Kentucky, Marquette and Wisconsin all making the sweet 16. I really wanted to pick the play in game for the Final Four to be between Wisconsin and Marquette, but I just couldn't do it. I have Kentucky coming out of the East, but of course since cheaters always get what they deserve, I'm sure Bucky will end up stomping them. I could easily see Wisconsin or Marquette coming out of this bracket. No love to West Virginia, New Mexico sucks.
Midwest is not a very interesting region, I had a couple small upsets in first round, G Tech and SD State, but after that it gets pretty run of the mill. I really didn't want Kansas to come out of that bracket and into my final, but when you look at the numbers and their record, it's tough not to pick them. Ohio State is a sexy pick if Turner can take over a couple games in a row. Michigan State sucks, Maryland is blah and G'Town has too many flaws to challenge Ohio St or Kansas.
South is also kinda boring, Duke got a fucking cake walk to the Final Four, but I did get to put Utah St and St Mary's in my sweet 16. Nova is an over rated 2, Purdue is a limping 4, Duke and Baylor in my elite eight. I fucking hate Duke and I hate the NCAA bracket deciders for giving them this walk. It's an outrage to be perfectly honest. Bullshit! My only consolation for this is that the Tar Heels missed the tourney this year.
The bottom half of the West bracket is REALLY interesting to me. I have Minnesota winning their first game and I really wanted to pick them to win a second game, but I just couldn't do it. Kansas St is really good and I think it may have been dumb of me to pick BYU over them and then have BYU run to the Final Four, but fuck it, all 1 and 2 seeds is a boring bracket to pick and I already had 3 1 seeds in. Pitt is beatable, Butler is a scary 5 seed I think, Vanderbilt, who did they play?
My Final Four is BYU, Kansas, Duke and Kentucky, my final is Kentucky and Kansas and my champion is Kentucky! Once I got to Elite Eight my bias's took over, they always do!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Def Con 3
I am in pure panic mode.
My sports betting funds have run out. I lazily placed some bets over the past month or two but wasn't into it very much anymore. But I'm rejuventated by March Madness and would like to blow about a hundred bucks over the next couple weeks. But those Nazis over at MasterCard have decided to decline all transactions related to gambling websites. So I'm freaking out. I am on the phone with these assholes as I speak. I have a credit limit of $27,000 and an account balance of $0.00. Seriously, float me a hundy.
So, I'm now off the phone. I called, gave all the required passwords and secret answers and they still informed me they will not approve the transaction. FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH. At least learn how to speak English correctly before you tell me to go screw myself! Does my call go directly to New Dehli or something?
I have one last ditch effort that will hopefully come through before the games start tomorrow morning.
My sports betting funds have run out. I lazily placed some bets over the past month or two but wasn't into it very much anymore. But I'm rejuventated by March Madness and would like to blow about a hundred bucks over the next couple weeks. But those Nazis over at MasterCard have decided to decline all transactions related to gambling websites. So I'm freaking out. I am on the phone with these assholes as I speak. I have a credit limit of $27,000 and an account balance of $0.00. Seriously, float me a hundy.
So, I'm now off the phone. I called, gave all the required passwords and secret answers and they still informed me they will not approve the transaction. FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH. At least learn how to speak English correctly before you tell me to go screw myself! Does my call go directly to New Dehli or something?
I have one last ditch effort that will hopefully come through before the games start tomorrow morning.
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