Plusses and Minuses

PLUS: To fantasy football for making Monday night's game that much more enjoyable.  Especially because of the comeback I mounted on the backs of Romo and Barber.

 

MINUS: The Brewers lost again, are now second in the wild card.  One of my bosses said Ryan Braun "Looks like a little kid out there right now."  I just think the Cubs are better.

 

PLUS: I have to give credit to Sveum for shaking some things up.   I can't really complain about any of it.  I hope Weeks/Hall to the bench is permanent.

 

MINUS: I fucking hate Cubs fans.

 

PLUS: And this might be the biggest one in recent days.  UW-Michigan is scheduled for 2:30 on September 27th.  For those that don't know, that Saturday is Oktoberfest in La Crosse, WI.  Watching the Badgers on Oktoberfest Saturday at Brother's is always a highlight.  I believe that 2:30 is the perfect kickoff time because it allows for everyone to properly ramp themselves up into drunkenness, and to shake off whatever illness may exist from the night before.  11 a.m. puts too much pressure on you to get over everything and get drunk quickly.  Historically, at 11 a.m. kickoffs, I am blacked out by 12:30 because I end up doing something stupid like doing a fishbowl in order to get super drunk, super fast.  2:30 allows one to ingest about 16 screwdrivers before the game, along with about 4 or 5 Jaggerbombs.

Evil Empire

Wyoming takes on BYU this week or as I like to call it, the evil empire behind the Zion curtain. I cannot explain my hatred for BYU here in writing, but let's just say it is on the same level as Wisconsin vs. Minnesota or about 85,000 notches above UW Lacrosee vs. UW River-Falls. In fact, the Wisco-MN is a good comparison because Minnesota has sucked for so long that it kind of has diminished the rivarly, kind of like Wyoming. None the less, WYO travels to the valley of the shadow of death on Saturday (pictured above). It makes you wonder if they purposely located everything behind a big mountain, simply so they could make it harder to leave, so as to convert you to their school. I have never been to a BYU game in Provo, only because I fear to see the type of things they likely do to women and children there (and because WYO has sucked too bad for me to justify forking out the money). The line is BYU by 29.5. So, if you are interested in doubling your investment, take BYU to cover, as our offensive is two grades below shitty and they are really fucking good with all their 29 year olds and shit from Polynesia and Samoa. By the way, the picture with the BYU kid looks like our law school class, except we had about 20 more smelly BYU kids. So, in short, Fuck you BYU.

Top 25 Week 3

Rank, Team, Record (Last Week)

1) East Carolina 3-0 (1)
2) Wisconsin 3-0 (16)
3) Utah 3-0 (7)
4) Alabama 3-0 (2)
5) Vanderbilt 3-0 (3)
6) Missouri 3-0 (5)
7) Auburn 3-0 (15)
8) South Florida 3-0 (22)
9) Oregon 3-0 (18)
10)USC 2-0 (25)
11)Oklahoma 3-0 (NR)
12)Georgia 3-0 (NR)
13)Texas Tech 3-0 (20)
14)BYU 3-0 (21)
15)Penn St. 3-0 (NR)
16)Oklahoma St. 3-0 (8)
17)Northwestern 3-0 (11)
18)Kentucky 3-0 (12)
19)TCU 3-0 (13)
20)Nebraska 3-0 (19)
21)Uconn 3-0 (24)
22)Ball St. 3-0 (NR)
23)Tulsa 2-0 (4)
24)UNLV 2-1 (NR)
25) Iowa 3-0 (NR)

Dropped Out: Wake Forest (6), Texas (9), Cal (10), Florida (14), Kansas (17), Georgia Tech (23)

...Like a Candle in the Windmill

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I don't think I've been (or for that matter the entire sane part of Wisconsin, which isn't really that many, but still) so happy over someone losing thier jobs in my entire life. This shit spread like wildfire in the matter of minutes. My brother gets a call from some dude that heard it on the radio, he calls me, it had been posted as a small item on brewers.com like 3 minutes earlier, I get a text from Bear, I text others. About two minutes later, I went to JSOnline.com, which got fucking crushed by the amount of traffic and the Brewer Blog was shut the fuck down.

10 Quick Q's and Answers on the managerial change:

Is Svuem any better? I doubt it.

Is he any worse? Quite possibly, but the IQ of your average baseball player isn't that high (i.e. lighting shoestrings on fire, shaving cream pies, and "the cold shoulder") so they might not even realize they have a new manager.

How will this affect the team? I certainly hope they realize that they are fucking next if they don't make the playoffs, so it will either light a fire and catapult them into the playoffs, or they will play scared and finish 0-12.

Who made this decision? I have to think Attanasio did. He knows he is going to be wasting money for the next few years as we go into "mini-rebuilding". I can only assume the listless play of the last few days FINALLY sealed it.

Who's next? Melvin is on a short list if his players don't get in. This was clearly a message that big Mark is done taking shit.

Can Svuem teach 95% of a major league roster how to hit anything but a fastball? Next question.

Can Svuem teach 95% of a major league roster how to bunt a runner over? Not in 13 days.

Does Svuem have any secret love affairs with players ala Yost-"Bushie"-"Cappy"-"Shousie"-"Rickie"-"queer Canadian dude" that we should know about? Svuem does not approve of that type of lifestyle.

Why Svuem? Is he even qualified? Ummm.....Are you fucking serious? I am more qualified.

Who would have been a better candidate? If you are asking who would turn the team around in two fucking weeks, I'm thinking potentially Buddha or Jesus Christ, but Christ can't hit a slider either. Otherwise, its probably too late.

Will the Brewers make the playoffs? Boy, I just don't see how. I don't think firing the manager at this point is going to make them forget how shitty they have been for two weeks. Unless Svuem is a helluva motivational speaker, or he has one of those cardboard cutouts of Mark Attanasio like on "Major League", except that you put pieces of clothing back on. Then maybe. The move is better than nothing. I certainly approve. But it is sort of like drinking a case of beer, and deciding to drive 10 miles home, only to roll your car over the top of a pedestrian with two blocks left....and THEN calling a cab.

Ned Yost Fired

This just in, Ned Yost was given the axe by the Brewers today, Dale Sveum has been promoted to interim manager for the last 12 games, this season is officially fucked and over...

Not that I really like Yost, but I don't think this team can ignore the ramifications of losing their manager in the middle of a meltdown like this, I'll have more later on tonight as I'm currently in the middle of an OMG, the website you made is fucking broken and we have no clue why crisis.

On a side note, Sveum the Human Windmill will no longer be sitting at 3rd, that alone should increase our run production by 1 a game.

The F*&^ Plane Has Crashed Into the F#*(@&)$ Mountain

The Brewers have single handedly ruined what was turning out to be a great weekend to be a sports fan in Wisconsin.  Nice game from the Packers, big win from the Badgers.  Optimism all around.  That was until I thought about the Brewers.  They went to Philly and not only shit the bed, but rolled around in it, and then the Phillies made them eat it, shit it out again and eat it again along with a bunch of Philly shit.  There really aren't words to describe what happened.  The Brewers were the best team in baseball from the All-Star Break until September 1st.  And then they went 3-11.  They really don't even seem like they care.  Neddy's solution is just to play through it.  But really, there are no good answers.  Everyone hit a slump at the same time.  The only saving grace is that CC and Sheets are pitching 6 out of the last 12.  We pretty much need both of them to bring their A games and get all 6 of those.  Then, hope we can score more than 2 runs in a game, and bat better than .007 with RISP for at least a few of the other games and scrape together a few wins.  Realistically, we need either another Mets collapse, or we need to finish win about 9 out of our last 12 and somehow hope the Phillies win less to get in.  The division is gone.  According to www.coolstandings.com, about a month ago, the Crew had about a 95% chance of getting into the playoffs.  That number is now around 46%.  The last month of the regular season in baseball is the easiest to ignore because of all the football/new TV shows on.  But goddamn it is this frustrating.  It also made me ill to see the Cubs dancing around on the field at Miller Park after Zambrano's no-no. 

Incoherent thoughts

Well, two weeks into the NFL season and I am nearly out of the fantasy football race and am second to last in my NFL pick'em pool (straight up with no spread). To make a long story short, I am getting really nervous about both of my legs getting broken by the end of the winter. As far as fantasy goes, I am going to have to be the big man and squarely place all the blame on everybody else in the league, seeings as we cannot seem to schedule a draft within 1,000 miles of my house, and which in turn means I cannot come, which means I have to rely on a drunk consensus of everybody to make shitty picks for me, because I am too stupid to turn in a list ahead of time. Thanks alot assholes. On a related note, I am having an exclusive "every running back must go" fire sale, offering the exclusive 2 for 1 combo of DeAngelo "I split time with Jon Stewart" Williams and Ronnie Brown's corpse. What do I expect to get from them? I was hoping of an offer consisting of Marc Bulger and Tatum Bell, but that may be a stretch.

If McNabb and DeSean Jackson combine to score approximately 37 points tonight, without Greg Lewis scoring any points, then I have a chance to come from behind, just like I did with Dan's mom last night.

And, just to keep you all updated, my high school team lost 34-0 on Friday, which gives them approximately 0 points on the season and an perfect 0-2 record.

Vikings and Dolphins suck. WYoming barely survived to beat FCS powerhouse North Dakota State, and Riverton High is horrid. I continue to live in a football hell. My only shimmering light this fall is the Twin's playoff chances, which currently however somewhere between "not likely" and "life support"

On a final note, WYO travels to the evil Zion land of Provo, UT this week, which is sure to result in an ass kicking by the mormons, 3 horny BYU co-eds getting knocked up, and over 500 unauthorized alcoholic and caffeine drinks being consumed.

Some thoughts from this Sunday

Alright, these are just thoughts rolling around in the ole melon. First of all, I have to completely agree with Juice about those stupid tuscani pasta commercials by Pizza Hut. I had seen them before but I hadn't seen the new ones with the mac n cheese and bacon. First of all, what does this restaurant have for a menu? Ok here's our pasta section, you can only choose 4 very specific variations and then one of them is macaroni, cheese and bacon? Sounds like something a college student eats on a Tuesday night. Now replace that bacon with some hot dogs and you got yourself a meal.

So the Chargers - Broncos game was pretty good. The referee with the biggest biceps in the history of the NFL made probably one of the biggest mistakes that directly affected the outcome of a game. Once again inadvertent whistles screw up what was a very obvious and easy call to make. The fun stuff started at the end with one of the announcers just sounding like an idiot. First of all after the Broncos went for two, he started screaming like a little girl saying the Broncos won, I looked over at TJ and said, isn't there 24 seconds left in this game? Then after a few seconds of silence the announcer said, ah there is 24 seconds left in the game and we don't have a game clock up here in the booth. Yea well, you've been following the game for the last 59 and a half minutes, maybe you should be paying attention to shit like that? And then a few plays later, Chambers almost makes a great catch falling out of bounds, but he was ruled out, that same announcer then makes the following comment, "And he wasn't even touched as he was coming down", as if to imply that there was still a force out rule. Wasn't that kind of a big deal during the off season? That they got rid of that rule? Maybe instead of taking the spring and summer off, you should do some fucking homework and research about the sport that is writing your paychecks for you.

Rodgers seemed solid today, I wouldn't know he looked however because I live in a terrible part of the state and was unable to watch the game on TV, so I was forced to listen to the radio, got a little freaked out after the second Calvin Johnson TD, but luckily the lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins, Jon Kitna, sucks.

Also, one last note on the Broncos - Chargers game, do anyone else feel like Shanahan went for 2 because he felt bad for that fucked up call? I know it seems like a stupid thing to even consider, but I feel like that's what happened there.

Longest Post EVER!

Well here we go, buckle up buttercup!. I am fresh off a Loaded Steakhouse Burger Combo from Burger King. I ate about 3/4 of it and now I want to vomit. This tends to happen whenever I eat burger-based fast food. I fucking knew I should have went with Taco Bell or some such thing. Now that I didn't eat it all, I will be hungry in an hour and I don't have anything to eat at the crib. ANYWAYS, it is about 8 p.m. CST and I am starting this shit. It will go anywhere between an hour and a half, to five-ish hours depending on when I have to hop in the car and drive for an hour and a half round trip to pick up the (drunk) wife.

8:08-Haven't seen any of the USC/Ohio St. game yet, but it appears that this McKnight character for USC is fast. 7-3 USC right now. I am going to assume it was a 109 yard missed field goal return for a TD.

8:09-Does anyone else think there was far too much hype for a college football game? It is a greatly inferior product to the NFL in all respects. Speaking on inferior, I lost interest in the Brewer game after about 10 minutes. It took a fucking hurricane to stop the 'stros from gaining on the Brewers.

8:11-Play-action pass, the camera man lost track of the ball and passed out. Animal's kid shit his pants, and the TE was wide open, 14-3 Trojan-enz. This could be a long night.

8:12- Dr. J just hit a 12 foot jumper with an ice cube into a glass.

8:14- Easiest Aflac trivia question of all-time. Who did Matt Cassel sit behind? It was obviously O.J. Simpson and Keyshawn Johnson.

8:15- It strikes me as odd how good Brent Musberger still is, considering how old he is. I'm not that old, but my first sports memories were him calling NFL and NBA games for CBS. What is his co-ed scoreboard? How many sideline reporters has he been with? Did he, Herbie, Chris Fowler, Lee Corso and Desmond Howard ever run a train on Erin Andrews?

8:18- BIG hit on a pass over the middle.

8:19-Seems to me that Terrell Pryor is going to be haunting the Badgers later this season. Fucking Brett Basanez used to own Bucky.

8:21-OSU just had a 15 yd pass and run to the 3 called back on a hold, followed by a 21 yd TD pass called back on a hold. If I was Jim Tressel, I would tell them to stop holding.

8:23- Oklahoma leads AT Washington 34-0 at halftime. I wonder if Ty Willingham will be fired for being black again.

8:24- Missed FG for OSU. Still 14-3

8:25- "Body of Lies" looks kind of cool. Speaking of kind of cool, I just started watching "The Sopranos" last night. First episode I've ever seen.

8:26- "Opportunity Knocks" does not look kind of cool.

8:27- How does UCLA lose 59-0 to a bunch of Mormons (BYU)? Maybe BYU played University of Church Lard Asses and not California-Los Angeles.

8:30- OSU punt returner fails to call a fair catch and gets destroyed.

8:31- What exactly is "Chic-Fil-A" Sauce? I bet it is made of the same stuff as Gyro sauce.

8:35- I just left to piss and it turns out Rey Muleuga picked off OSU and ran it back for a TD. 21-3 USC. I could swear I saw that Muleuga has his hair styled into devil horns on his picture.

8:38- I just saw on the bottom line that one of my alma-maters UW-La Crosse got destroyed 45-7 by North Dakota. Pretty sure UND is D-II or I-AA. UW-L is D-III.

8:42- Musberger just mentioned that a commuter train smashed into a freight train in LA the other day, and he's "sure that some of the people affected are watching" and gives his condolences. I bet if they were affected that much, they wouldn't have dropped everything to watch a fucking football game. I mean, this isn't Alabama. And its not like the Packers are playing. By the way, if a hurricane hit Green Bay on a Sunday, and for some reason the Packers chose to play in it, Lambeau would be full, and 40 years later, 500,000 people would claim they were there.

8:44- Ohio St. just turned it over again. I'm glad something else will be on in about 45 minutes.

8:46- Charlie Weis got "McGahee'd" today.

8:49- You know what would be really good right now? A chocolate shake. (I may be over my burger with mashed potatoes on top of it induced stomach ache.)

8:51- USC QB just threw a pass that landed 25 yards out of the back of the end zone.

8:51- Interception Ohio St. Looked out of bounds to me live. Never mind, I'm a moron. Half time.

8:53- Wow. Not only is Erin Andrews hot, but she is fast too. Tressel tried to run from her, and she sprinted his ass down in high heels to ask him some bullshit question about why they suck so bad. I would HATE sideline reporters if I was a coach, except it would be awfully hard to be a dick to Erin Andrews.

8:57- There is NO FUCKING WAY that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a fancy Italian restaurant's pasta and fucking Pizza Hut's. Dumbest. Commercial. Ever.

8:58- FUCK! I turn to the Big Ten Network because I see that Minnesota at Wisconsin basketball from January 22, 1990 is on, but they have some bullshit halftime show for the shitty game I'm watching. SPOILER ALERT: Minnesota at Wisconsin - 1/22/1990In an epic installment to this storied rivalry, Wisconsin took control of the game early and led 57- 36 lead with just 12 minutes left to play. The Gophers slowly chipped away, outscoring the Badgers 30 - 9 over the next seven minutes, tying the game at 66. However, with less than one second left, Wisconsin's Kurt Portmann found Patrick Tompkins under the basket for a layup, giving the Badgers a 77-75 win. Sounds alot better than USC/Ohio St. Who the fuck are Kurt Portmann and Patrick Tompkins???

9:08- While flipping around I find a "Saturday Night Live" rerun with Christina Aguilera as host. I bring this up because the keeps brushing under her nose with her finger....like she is obviously high on cocaine.

9:10- Actual description of a movie on Sci-Fi: "An archaeologist unleashes a violent storm after he releases an ancient god from captivity." Alright, I guess.

9:12- Holy shit. Auburn 3, Miss St. 2, 2:28 remaining in the game.

9:16- Dude from Auburn just had a blind, one-handed interception, and managed to tip toe in-bounds while falling backwards. This game is ALOT more entertaining than that other piece of shit.

9:23- The "Collision in the Coliseum" sucks. Whoever paid $5,000 for a ticket should be shot.

9:24- I think my favorite part of college football is the obscene numbers that players often put up. For instance, Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford has 304 yds, 5TD, 1 rushing TD....at the end of the third quarter.

9:30- Video of a bunch of drunk Badger fans in Fresno. Love it. I guarantee there will be 10,000 Badger fans there, but you won't be able to see them because everyone is wearing red.

9:33- The blow-up "doghouse" that Fresno was supposed to come out of deflated with a bunch of players in it. Hopefully that is a sign of things to come. Please explain why the first guy out had a sledgehammer?

9:36- USC 28, OSU 3

9:37- P.J. Hill is still slow. 6 yard gain of first carry.

9:38- Sounds pretty loud there. What does the "V" on the field/helmet's mean? Victory? Valley? Vagina? Beckum just dropped a catchable ball on his first look of the year. 3 and out for Bucky.

9:40- What legitimate D-I team has a football field with yellow soccer lines on it? Answer me that.

9:41- I just found out Fresno has a TE named Bear Pasco. No word on whether he and the wanna-be blogger are the same person. That would be strange. 3 and out for Fresno.

9:43- Cubs v. Astros for two in Milwaukee. Awkward. The Astros would sweep them on the bottom of the ocean right now.

9:45- Another gain of an inch for Hill. I hate him. If there isn't a 50 foot hole (which often there is), he just runs into the back of the O-line and falls down.

9:46- Rod's Research says the key for the Badgers defense is to "trap the Bear". Absolutely. That would be so much more funny if I was drunk.

9:47- 35-3 USC. But seriously, we should talk about this game an hour a day for two weeks on ESPN.

9:48- Hill is running roughshod. 3 straight 10+ yard carries.

9:49- Rod Gilmore's partner: "They grow 'em big in Wisconsin." Me: "That's what she said."

9:51- Zach Brown gets stuffed on 3rd and goal from the 2. Badgers are going for it on 4th. Fucking Hill loses a yard. Goddammit.

9:53- He who shall not be named is comfortable in Wranglers. Oh shit, I almost forgot about this. I heard a fucking ad for it on the radio tonight! This guy is going to make a million dollars, and I hate him for it.

10:00- Interception! Wisconsin! Ball batted about 40 feet in the air, and it is picked by the linebacker. 0-0 with 2:04 left in 1st

10:02- Debbie Meyers loses hundreds of dollars in rotten produce a year? Perhaps you should cut back on the celery sticks bitch.

10:03- Nice. Evridge backs up to throw, four guys come nearly unblocked, he spins around, runs forward, throws a bullet with his feet right on the line of scrimmage! First and goal at the 3.

10:04- Fake up the middle, bootleg, and Evridge has to pick between the three wide open recievers. 7-0 Bucky.

10:07- Oh shit. Middle Tennesee St. completed a hail mary with no time left against Kentucky...and got tackled at the one. That sucks.

10:08- 7-0 at the end of the first.

10:09- I think Bucky Badger could take the live bulldog mascot of Fresno. Even if that little fucker was vicious, the Bucky costume is probably pretty thick. If he became attached with his bit I would just swing him up against the stadium railing or something. I think a real badger would take either the bulldog, or the human bulldog mascot. A fucking badger would stab right through that costume with his claws.

10:11- Ten year old girls should not whore out their dad using Just for Men.

10:12- They just showed a Fresno fan who had his face painted like The Joker. I didn't want to sleep tonight anyway.

10:14- The Badgers are heeding the "keep your head up" rule of playing football. All four d-lineman just ran past a fumbled snap, and the QB recovered. Fresno is methodically driving right now.

10:15- I've never heard the term "playing in a phone booth" used when referring to conservative playcalling before. I've heard it 5 times tonight referring to Fresno. For some reason, because Fresno is in California, it is assumed they are a shitload faster than national power Wisconsin.

10:17- I guess Fresno's QB must be 5' 8". Another batted down pass on 3rd down. Fresno missed a FG wide left by about 15 yards. Still 7-0 Bucky.

10:19- I highly doubt LDT eats fucking Chunky soup. Unless that is what he eats off his whores. But definitely not for dinner.

10:22- TE Garrett Graham just bobbled a catch with a dude draped on him, catches it, then drags him for 5 more yards.

10:26- How do you lose a yard when you get flagged for holding? I've never understood that.

10:28- I know, let's run off-tackle on 3rd and 7! 38 yd FG for Bucky. 10-0.

10:29- I'm sick of this Brooke Shields Volkswagen commercial. It was pretty funny the first time though.

10:32- Pat Hill has impressive facial hair.

10:33- USC just held on to beat Ohio St. 35-3.

10:34- How does a home win over Wisco make Fresno more of a "BCS Buster" than (my current No. 1) East Carolina, who won at ranked Virginia Tech and at home against a higher ranked team than Wisco in West Virginia? Rod Gilmore claims it is because Boise St. beat Oklahoma a few years ago and they are in the same conference, which is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Of course, none of this would be an issue if we had a fucking 32 team playoff.

10:38- Fresno is facing a 3rd and 24. I say they should run off-tackle. Let's see what they do....attempted screen pass that didn't work at all. At least the Badgers got 2 yards off-tackle.

10:40- Useless stat graphic: Bielema is 18-0 when leading at half time. Speaking of which, I just typed "Brett Bielema" into Google to check the spelling, and the new auto-complete thing showed "Brett Bielema Erin Andrews" which had about 800 pages of rumours that they bone. Enjoy.

10:43- Ahhhh. Thank you Rod Gilmour's anonymous partner (turns out his name is Joe Tessitore, which I think is Polish). The "V" stands for "Valley" as in the San Joaquin Valley where I guess Fresno is.

10:45- Call a timeout you dirty fucks! :35 left and they complete a pass, and then fuck around until :28 left. We won't need those seven seconds, mark my words.

10:47- Garrett Graham is WAAAAY better than Owen Daniels ever was, and that fucker starts in the NFL.

10:49- Fucking terrible. Is Joe Gibbs the Badgers coach? They run up to spike it with :06 left. Then burn the play clock and get a delay of game to set up a 50 yard FG for a frosh kicker. Pat Hill's mustache tingles and he calls a TO. And the kick gets blocked. Fuck me. Leverage anyone? 10-0 at halftime.

10:53- Wendi Nix has nothing to be ashamed of.

10:57- HAH! There is some old fucker selling something calling "Teeter Hang Ups" which appears to be a board where old people hang upside down to "help their back pain". I have no doubt this is the miracle back pain cure we've all been looking for.

11:10- Oh Fuck. Hail Mary win for Buffalo over Temple 30-28.

11:11- I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. No seriously, I just had a few handfuls and they were delicious.

11:13- Bucky is playing pretty well considering the score. Usually I am pulling out my hair in a game like this, but they seem in control.

11:16- This just in: Ed Cunningham is a "field level analyst". Why? Because he has a dick he isn't a "sideline reporter"? There should be an investigation. Fresno opens the half with a 3 and out.

11:19- How is this game a "trap game" for UW? Didn't they know Fresno was ranked and has been talking shit? Did they think Michigan was still Michigan and not the shadow of their former selves that got housed by Notre Dame today? Fucking retarded.

11:20- Badgers got their play picked ala Tecmo Bowl, and all 11 Fresno St. players tackled P.J. Hill in the backfield on 3rd and 2. Fresno muffed the punt (heh) but recovered.

11:25- Yikes. Crossing pattern, white dude flys by all of the Badger defenders 45 yards for a TD. 10-7 Bucky.

11:30- Jesus Christ. Last three Badger plays: overthrow by about 20 yards, dropped pass, false start.

11:32- The crowd is going ape shit.

11:33- And now a punt just got blocked. Fuck. Badgers are all of a sudden totally flustered. Fresno 1st and 10 on Badger 37.

11:36- Finally, something goes right. 51 yd FG, wide left.

11:37- It pisses me off that there isn't a Ruby Tuesday in GB. Not that I would go, but I hate it when they have commercials for a place that as far as I'm concerned is imaginary (Sonic, Chik-Fil-A, Popeye's)

11:40- The Badgers can't hear the snap count. False start, followed by a running play where only half the o-line left when the ball was snapped.

11:41- 3rd and 12 for Bucky. I say off-tackle. Nope, 9 yard pass. Same difference.

11:42- FUCKIN A! Punt goes off a Fresno blocker's back, Bucky recovers on the Fresno 23!

11:43- Tessitore keeps referring to RB John Clay as "Big John" Clay. Clay is a younger, healthier, faster version of P.J. Hill.

11:45- Holding call brings back an option keeper to the 4. Shit.

11:46- Fuck. Nearly picked at the goal line. 23 yd FG if Good! 13-7 Wisconsin.

11:49- FUMBLE! BADGER BALL! The white dude who burned us for a TD (who's name is Devon incidentally) just coughed it up on the Fresno 26. Oh, now Fresno is challenging. This might be the worst challenge ever. Childress-esque. He is grasping at straws now. This referee has taken like 12 minutes to look at this obvious call. WHAT!?!?!?!!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? They just reversed it! We are getting fucking homered. That was the worst thing I've ever seen! Holy shit! Even the Polish guy hates it and he has been openly rooting for Fresno. Pat Hill has the ref's family hostage. He is a creepy looking fucker.

11:55- UW just dropped an INT that it was a sure TD.

11:56- Fucking shit. 60 yard screen pass. 1st and goal on the 9.

11:58- BIG sack back at the 17 by a black dude named O'Brien.

11:59- 33 yd FG is good. 13-10. I'm still pissed.

12:02- End of 3rd. 13-10. Packers play in less than 12 hours and I still have an hour and a half of driving to do. I have a feeling my forearms are going to be sore tomorrow.

12:06- We need about an 11 minute TD drive right here.

12:07- Whoa. Near pick.

12:08- Punt coming up. This should be an adventure. Fair catch at the 17. 13:55 left.

12:11- I mean really, do you think they have "Macaroni and Cheese w/ Bacon" on the menu at a fancy Italian restaraunt? Idiots.

12:12- Fucking christ. 55 yd run on first play. Broke about 4 tackles.

12:14- 3rd and 9 at the 24. Draw play. Almost worked. Gain of 7. 35 yd FG is...WIDE RIGHT! That guy is going to get a broom stick shoved up his ass in the locker room. 11:16 left.

12:17- Here is what the Badgers should be doing on offense. Run until you get to short yardage, then play action pass. They are getting stuffed on short yardage, but having success otherwise.

12:19- Uh Oh. Evridge is hurt. Perhaps that is why he underthrew the last pass by 10 yards. They are speculating cramps. 8:34 left.

12:21- Ever see that disturbing commercial for the "Hoveround"? With the old people doing cheerios on thier wheel chairs? I just did.

12:23- Scherer comes in, Fresno brings the house, screen pass, about 2 feet short of a first down. Punting. Gay. 7:42 left, Fresno ball about thier own 20. I'm a little worried I'm going to get called to play drunk bus with about a minute left in a tie game. I'll have the radio, but its not the same. I'm debating whether to hit record on the 'ol DVR.

12:27- Fresno just flat out dropped a bomb. Oh wow.

12:29- Dammit. 10 yd gain on 3rd and 1. 6:38 and counting, around the 35 yd line.

12:32- 2nd and 5, DB gives reciever a 17 yd cushion. 1st down. 4:21 left, Fresno at the UW 47.

12:33- 3rd and 10. SACK! 4th and long at the Fresno 48! 2:20 left. Fresno punts. And the motherfucker stops dead on the 1-inch line. 1:55 left. Fresno with 2 TO's. UW with Dustin Scherer at QB. Everidge is pulling a Willis Reed right now, jogging out of the locker room after being carted off about 5 mintues ago. UW challanging whether the ball went over the goal line or not. Like there was any chance we would win that one.

12:37- QB sneak for 2. Evridge is still on the bench. TO Fresno with 1:51 left.

12:38- Fuck yeah. Bill Rentmeester, the near 3o0lb. fullback right up the middle for 7 and the first down! Last TO for Fresno, 1:44 left.

12:41- Wow. That was close. Bucky kneels it out. Huge, huge win. I'm out.

Coming Tonight

I plan to do a running bloggy kind of thing with USC-Ohio St/ UW-Fresno tonight (at least until I am too tired, or my wife needs to be picked up from her sister's bachelorette party). I am a fucking loser, and will be home alone so why the fuck not.

Weekend Preview

I'm actually fucking working for my paycheck today so I'll have to keep this relatively brief.  Nice sports weekend coming up. 

 

The Brewers have a very important series, however, their play reminds me of a crack baby fetus that was aborted from a 12 year old who was doing it with her brother.  Pretty much not all that appealing to me.  I'll watch, but I won't like it.  Yesterday, before I got sidetracked, I was going to write something up describing why I still felt the Brewers would make the playoffs despite how they are playing, and that all they probably had to do was go .500 in their last 16 to get in.  But, I just don't see it happening.  I don't see them flipping that switch even to win half of their fucking games.  To do it, they would need to for sure sweep Pittsburgh, and maybe Cincinnati too.  I'm not so sure Houston will ever lose again either, so even .500 might not do it.  I'm starting to feel creeping negativity.  Probably has to do with my lack of faith in about 98% of their roster to get a clutch hit (and that percentage has gone down with Gabe Kapler).

 

Big college football day Saturday, well night actually.  USC bending over Ohio St. (42-20), and UW taking on Fresno St.  I unfortunately don't see UW winning that game for some reason.  Maybe it is because it was my only loss on NCAA '09 that season.  I'm going to say 27-24 Fresno. (2-0 so far this season).

 

Sunday is the equivalent of everything that is right with the world: NFL and Fantasy Football.  The Pack takes on the Lionesses (whose play is eerily reminiscent of the Brewers) in Detroit.  A loss here seems pretty unlikely for the Packers, although division road games are never gimmes (Ex. 1 at Chicago last year).  The key is going to be the defenses ability to stop Megatron and Roy Williams.  I think they have moderate success there.  There is little reason to think the offense won't put up points.  I mean, the Lions gave up fucking 34 to the FALCONS last week.  If Grant plays, he runs for 175.  If not, I see Kregg Lumpkin (who?) getting 100 ala DeShawn Wynn.  Packers 31, Lions 13.  Also, I (1-0) am going to hose my brother (1-0), the loser of Tom Brady.  I will have a stable of Barber, Lynch and MoJo in the backfield that will be hard to stop.  He will have Ricky starting at QB.

Worthless, Uninformed and Biased Picks Week 2

Last Week: 9-7

Season: 9-7

 

GB (-3) at Det

KC (-3.5) v. Oak

NYG (-8.5) at StL

Ind (-2.5) at Min

Cin (-1) v. Ten

NO (Ev) at Was

Car (-3) v Chi

Jax (-5.5) v Buf

Sea (-7) v. SF

TB (-8) v Atl

NYJ (-1.5) v NE

Ari (-6.5) v Mia

Hou (-4.5) v Balt

SD (-1.5) at Den

Pit (-6) at Cle

Dal (-7) v Phi

 

I just realized I picked all favorites.  Good thing gambling is illegal.