Thursday, April 30, 2009

More Breaking News!

Gino Torretta of the University of Miami fame, has been inducted into the college football hall of fame. Gino was best known for barely being drafted by the Queens after his illustrious college career and then in 4 years, of what could barely be called a professional career, playing in only one game, which was the second half of a week 17 game by a playoffs eliminated Seahawk team.

Kudos to you Gino! At least you threw a TD pass in the NFL, which is one more than Heisman Trophy winning QBs Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford have so far.

Oh and I almost forgot! He threw more TDs than Charlie Ward too!

Whoa ho! There's more! And more TD's than Jason White and Eric Crouch

Bottom line, Gino Torretta was way better than we all thought he was, stats do not lie.

A la the PFT super sleuth school

Reports are saying that Favre is basically only days away from signing with the Queens. Big news for the sports world...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

For F*($'s Sake

Really? He will have to be dead before he isn't giving me an ulcer. Fucking piece of shit. JUST GIVE ME MY FUCKING LIFE BACK!

P.S. A big fuck you to Twinkie for notifying me of this shit this morning and ruining my day.

This is the last time I discuss this.

I fully expect Richard to somehow tell me that He isn't to blame for this.

FUCK!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #11

THAT was cool as shit. I never expected to get goose bumps from a relief pitcher coming in during a 10-5 game, but that is some bad ass shit to come out to a song as cool as Hells Bells. What is odd about it is that you would expect him to come out firing 98 mph fastballs instead of 78 mph changeups. That is about all I got, except that Yost would've made Looper throw one at LaRoche's head immediately following Braun getting beaned, and we would've lost that game because McClung and Villanueva are unreliable at best. So chalk up a +1 to Macha for keeping his cool. And Pirates better watch their fucking backs today, because I have a feeling one might "accidentally" get away from Bush in the first inning.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Draft Review

As I settle in for a non-HD Brewer game (what the fuck?)(ED NOTE: That bitch Jeff Karstens just purposely drilled Braun in the back, and now Macha is bitter that Looper won't get a free shot later), I figured I would try to pump out the long awaited NFL Draft/Packer Draft/Draft Party/Swearing in front of little kids party, review.

PACKERS
I was thoroughly impressed. It seems like everyone else was too. Many important publications have used thier publishing power to declare the Packers draft to be superior to many others. Although part of me wanted Crabtree, I think they did the smart thing. (Until Crabtree has 17 catches for 161 yards and 3 TDs against GB later this year, and Raji turns into Cletedius Hunt). I like the idea of the Pack trading up to get Matthews more than I actually like Matthews probably, but I don't get paid to decide these things, so right now, I'm going to assume Matthews is the greatest non-steroid abusing LB to gain 80 lbs of muscle and go from walk on to 1st round NFL pick in 3 years. Both guys should start (and lets be honest, if Matthews can't beat out Poppinga, Thompson might as well pack his bags now). I feel like we added some decent depth later on, even though I've heard of none of them.

NFL


-What in the fuck were the Raiders doing? Seriously, I can't wait until they sign Vick later in the year. I almost feel like someone needs to assassinate Al Davis.

-How is Josh Freeman a number one pick? I'll be honest, I watch a lot of college football, and I think the only time I ever heard of him was when Allan Everidge of UW transferred here because he lost the job to Freeman. Everidge couldn't stay ahead of Dustin Sherer. Who sucks. I'm just saying, this NFL draft thing is bizarre sometimes. You could logically make the argument that Freeman was no better than the 6th QB in his CONFERENCE (Bradford, McCoy, Harrell, Daniels and maybe the fat kid from Kansas). So essentially, Tampa is dropping 20 mil or so on a guy who is big, fast, has a strong arm, but is the QB of a 5-7 team (including two wins over North Texas and Montana St.). I realize that doesn't mean everything, but I guess my point is that the NFL draft is weird.




-I'm glad to see that the Lions will suck for 6 more years. Stafford may not have even been the best QB in the draft. Most years he would have been a late first rounder at best. He is a less musically inclined version of Joey Harrington.



- I'm glad to see that the Vikings remain the Oakland Raiders of the NFC. But really, 5'6", injury prone potheads generally make great NFL wide receivers. How tall are you LoafCobra? And even if Harvin does end up being good, you can guarantee Childress is going to piss away at least two years trying to figure out how to use him effectively. He is a shorter version of Troy Williamson.






-The Bears drafted nobody of consequence, but all the experts are trying to pass off a trade for a third year alcoholic, diabetic quarterback as a draft pick because he was traded for draft picks. Fucking stupid.

THE P.J. HILL EXPERIMENT



"The fucking plane has crashed into the fucking mountain!"--The Big Lebowski

-I've always been a huge fan of P.J. (cough). This has got to be one of the stupidest things anyone has ever done. I realize he probably wasn't helping his stock all that much by coming back. Bielema has been trying to get him out for two years now, and I'm pretty certain John Clay is your starter no matter what. But if the writing was on the wall, don't you think he could have transferred somewhere? Somewhere that he could have played? Someone would have let him come over (D-II or something). He had some talent, just not enough speed or durability to make it in the Big Ten. But why just give up? Obviously, he wasn't drafted, and he still hasn't made it on as free agent any place. So now what? No free education, and no football. McDonald's here we come!

DRAFT PARTY

-It started out with Richard and his family eschewing the checking into the hotel, so they could go directly to the Tilted Kilt. Which is really a sluttier version of Hooters. My wife's favorite saying is "I really want to go back there because the food was so good, but all the saggy tits in my food is disgusting." What she really meant to say is, "If the chicks were hotter, we would go there once a week." After that we headed over to the Stadium View and drank a little. I was driving the wife so I didn't drink too much.
-Running Diary of Saturday (what I remember. Perhaps Richard can fill in the voids)

I really would like to apologize for what I think was a bitch performance (maybe I'm wrong). But I really don't remember much at all. I don't know if it was the fact that I don't drink as much as I used to, the fact that I've lost 20 lbs or the fact that I ate 5 chicken wings the entire day.

10:30am-- I arrive at Stadium View for a bloody.
11:00am-- I order a beer.
11:30am-- We order one of those giant ass tubes full of beer, and 4 of us destroy it in less than an hour.
12:30pm-- I go stand in the freezing ass cold/rain outside Lambeau. I am about a 7 out of 10 trashed already.
2:00pm--We are let in. I dash to the elevator for a $4.50 beer.
2:15-4 ish-- I stay pretty decent until the Packers pick. I remember all of that pretty clearly.
4 to 10-- A bunch of shit happened I guess.
I remember wandering around and drinking.
I remember pissing alot.
I remember looking at Lambeau from a Skybox.
I remember having at least 2 shots at Curly's and straight up giving up watching the draft by about pick 28.
I remember having quite a few more beers.
The only conversation I remember at all was with the 90 year old dude who is an emeritus member of the Packer board, and he foolishly let Richard and I wear his Super Bowl ring.
I remember that there are pictures of this.
I remember taking that cheap ass, ugly ass hat they gave us at the door and bending the brim upside down (or that might have been Richard, I don't remember).
I remember for some reason wandering about 3/4 of the way around the stadium outside.
I remember getting into a cab to go to "Fuzzy's #63" to go hang out with Packer great Fuzzy Thurston.
I know we had at least one more shot there, and I'm sure I had a beer.
I then remember an overwhelming urge to vomit, although I'm pretty sure I didn't.
Then I remember my wife coming to pick us up at what I'm pretty sure was like 10:30.

It is entirely possible that I had no further conversation with anyone, and that I was in a fetal position in the corner for about 5 hours of the day. Above is all I remember, and that stuff couldn't have taken more than like 10 minutes.
In conclusion, I better get my shit together for Shit In My Eye. I've got a good warm up Saturday. I'm going on some type of bus to a Brewer game. I'll have to turn in a better performance.

I look forward to hearing what actually happened from Richard.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Chiefs trade Gonzalez

Of course this is common knowledge by now, but I just had this random thought about the trade. I find it a little disappointing that I can't count on heading down to the bar randomly in RF in late July or early August and see Mr. Gonzalez trolling through about 40 different bar skanks. Seriously. I'm pretty sure women going to school at RF stayed up there for the summer just so they could throw themselves at T-Gon, and after they were rejected, it was on to the back up punter who was getting cut the next day.

My old roommate was black and he does not look very athletic, but he definitely got a girl home one night over the summer by saying he was the back up center. CENTER, this kid was smaller than me! Of course none of us did anything to refute the matter. The really funny part was when she got back to our shithole of a house and her friend looked around and said, oh no fucking way and left. The other chick just shrugged and went up to his room. It's like shark week up here for those 3 weeks, pure slutty chaos.

On a final note I hope T-Gon finds a way to combine the dirty bird and dunking over the field goal posts

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #10

Not alot of time today. The boss is going to come bother me in about 2 minutes. I just wanted to say that I haven't been that anxious during a Brewer game since the playoffs last year. Nice to do something that matters again. Bush will run out and give up 6 runs in 4 innings in his next start, because that is what he does. Ryan Braun is absolutely ripping the cover off the ball.

DRAFT STUFF:

Supposed to be 59 and raining tomorrow, which sort of sucks I guess. At least walking between bars. They did a "mock draft" on the local radio show today, and the guy took B.J. Raji when Michael Crabtree was available. Man, I don't know if I could leave Crabtree on the board. He seems to be a pretty unique talent to me. Imagine a Jennings/Crabtree combo for the next 10 years? Yikes.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #9

If someone had told me in February that 14 games into the season, Braden Looper would be our unquestioned best starting pitcher, I would have guessed our record would be 2-12. While we aren't far from that, I still don't think it is a great sign going forward. But Looper has been pretty impressive. He throws a strike on the first pitch almost every single time, which seems to be key to getting guys out because major league hitters rarely swing at the first pitch.

Mr. Coffey got another save, and while he didn't look great doing it, I still think he would be a serviceable closer if and when Hoffman dies of old age. Villa actually looked really good last night too. Is it just the pressure of closing or starting that he can't handle? Because his stuff was disgusting last night.

How do you go from giving up 11 runs one night, to nearly shutting a team out the next? And Philly didn't even threaten much until the ninth. If we can somehow coax a win out of "Bushie" today, it would be a huge, huge step in the right direction.

Afternoon games while I have nothing to do at work are great. I will be staring at my computer screen with the "Penske File" open on my desk and a pen in my hand between 12 and 3 today.

AS AN ASIDE:

Thompson got outbid by Syracuse for Paulus when he refused to give up a pair of free shoes and a helmet.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Juice is Famous?

I'm gonna agree with Twinkie about this site reaching a new low and do my best to bring us out of the cellar.

Does anyone on here care about the NHL Playoffs (Twinkie, the North Stars are no longer in Minnesota)? In my opinion it's the best postseason in pro sports (baseball is a close second). I grow nostalgic and think back to those 5 OT games we used to watch in college. Early morning class the next day, trying to fall asleep in those heavenly beds in the dorms, but not willing to turn off the game at 1am in the middle of the 5th OT. I love that they don't use the shootout in the playoffs. I placed a Vegas bet on the Blackhawks a few months ago. I can name Khabibulin and no one else. I'm a huge Blackhawks fan.

I'm getting used to the awful Brewers pitching staff. Manny Parra is an enigma to me. I still think he's gonna be very good. He definitely has the stuff - mid 90s fastball, good off speed. But he's missing something, probably intelligence and experience. If you gave Jamie Moyer Parra's stuff, he'd be unhittable. I'm on the verge of lowering my overall wins prediction.

Braun appeared to bust out, finally. But, seriously, Ricky would smack that 83 mph fastball around the yard. The one thing I notice about the Brewers is they swing and miss at a lot of mistakes. They miss lots of hanging curves. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun swing and miss more than any players I've ever seen.

Is it just me, or does it always seem like Bill Hall is late b/c of his batting stance. It just never seems he's gonna be able to get around on the ball.

What good will Trevor Hoffman do if we can't get to him in the 9th anyways? And, keep in mind, he's 64 years old with a Moyer like fastball.

I'm intrigued by the Pedro Martinez talk. Not because he would help us. I'm just simply intrigued.

Percy Harvin tested positive for ganja. There must be some level of stupidity that I'm too stupid to understand.

I won the NBA fantasy league. Just thought I'd point that out.

I beat Juice's #1 seeded team to get to the finals, just for the record.

Robin Yount will never win any acting awards.

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #8

That wasn't a very good game again last night. I left to get my haircut for like 15 minutes, and Parra had given up 4 already. It almost wasn't even worth watching. And of course, while the game was just about to get away, I flipped over to Cavs/Pistons and got sucked in watching LeBron for like 5 minutes, and I missed the Hammer's homer. At least Braun seems to have gotten his head out of his ass. I'll take 4-4 w/ 2HRs all day. R.J. Swindle's debut didn't go so hot. Sure, he struck out Ryan Howard for his first career strikeout, and he got hosed on a couple of bad calls at the plate in the Utley at-bat. But that wild pitch and subsequent wild toss over home plate that cost another run wasn't too good. Swindle however has cemented in my head that if the world is ever so unfortunate that I bring a son into this world, I will tie his right arm behind his back and tie a weight around his left wrist and force him to be a submarining lefty. Swindle throws SIXTY FIVE for fuck sake. And he struck out 7 on 28 pitches in his last AAA appearance.

The Brewers suck hairy balls this year so far. My level of worry is about 6 out of 10. (And I know it is only April 22).

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Published on ESPN.com

While I was dicking around waiting for an appointment, I came across a Paul Shirley chat on ESPN.com. He is a pretty clever dude, who wrote a pretty good book. He was a tall white dude on that Iowa St. team that lost to Hampton and cost me a bunch of money in my bracket my sophomore year in college. Anyway, for some odd reason I sent in a couple of questions, which is almost always useless. Well, I guess there were like 4 people on the chat because I got TWO answered:

Juice, Green Bay, WI: I read in the Green Bay Press-Gazette the other day that your brother is considering UWGB for hoops. I think you should encourage it. You should note that the article mentioned you: His brother Paul played at Iowa State, and briefly in the NBA. No mention of you being an accomplished author. I always hated that paper. Paul Shirley: (4:37 PM ET ) Apparently, they're still trying to decide whether they want him. Take care of him if he ends up there.

Juice, Green Bay, WI: Def Leppard, Outagamie County Fair, no question needed. Paul Shirley: (4:55 PM ET ) I got to see Def Leppard in Topeka when I was home from college for the summer. They were well past their prime, but completely worth the price of entry.

Moral of the story is that I'm fucking famous now. For the record, the chat was about indie music for some reason, and the Def Leppard thing was in reference to "first concert and location".

Pre-Draft Manifesto




I've got quite a bit of time on my hands right now, so I figured I would drop some stink nuggets regarding the upcoming draft, the Packers, and how drunk I plan to get on Saturday.


-I think the Packers need to address the following needs, in order: 1)D-Line, 2) OLB, 3)O-Tackle, 4)Corner. We could also probably use some depth at: 1)Safety, 2)G/C, 3) and to a lesser extent TE/RB/QB. Essentially, we don't really have much use for a WR drafted anywhere before about the 6th round.


-Ted's wish list is as follows: 1)WR, 2)TE, 3)QB, 4)RB, 5)K. Also, a few trade downs are likely. I would expect some ejections from Lambeau on Saturday if we draft anything but a oft discussed player for the front seven, a tackle or Michael Jenkins. I suppose if Crabtree fell to us, you wouldn't hear too many complaints, as he appears to be somewhat special, and if you can get a special gamebreaker, I suppose you get him.


-My head tells me that there is no way Thompson goes off the reservation with this pick and picks someone we've never heard of, or trades the pick. But every year, he does something semi-insane (other than drafting Hawk), so I really have no reason to think he won't do it again. It is really pretty useless to even guess, because he is obviously alot smarter than me, because I'm writing about him doing a job, and he is (sort of) actually doing the job.


-Best Case Scenario #1: Trades the pick in some sort of package to get Julius Peppers.


-Best Case Scenario #2: He stays put and gets an impact player for the 3-4, or our left tackle for the next 10 years.


-Worst Case Scenario #1: Stays put and picks Mark Sanchez or Beanie Wells (I've seen both predicted by "experts")


-Worst Case Scenario #2: Stays put and picks someone truly random like Ted Thompson special: Casey Fitzgerald, WR from North Texas (113 catches).


-Worst Case Scenario #3: Thompson trades down for a 5th, 6th and two 7ths, is murdered by a dude who had a gun under his cheese head, and the ensuing riot burns down Lambeau, forcing the Packers to play their home games at City Stadium for the next 5 years before crumbling under the economy/lack of salary cap, and eventually moving to LA.


- I think he plays it close to the vest this year, because he has always been a little disliked in GB, and one more bad season might lead to his forced departure.


-I plan to drink alot. My assumption is that not only will I drink a shitload of beer, but that Richard's brother is going to revert to age 22 and spend about $700 buying rounds of shots starting at like noon. I plan to be semi-embarrassing when my wife inevitably meets us out at like 8 pm and I can no longer talk. I've got three months of taxes, and a diet which has left me with a bunch of pent up drinking aggression that is going to be let out on Saturday.


-I plan to use the word fuck about 7,460 times Saturday, with the frequency increasing as the day goes on. I bet I have at least one parent yell at me for swearing in front of their six year old.


-Richard's sister will cut in line in front of a handicapped/old/young person to get an autograph from a grown up who gets paid to play football.


-I will be a grown man who wears another grown man's jersey.


-Richard's dad will spend somewhere between $20 and $6,000 on random Packer touristy memorabilia, that will probably contain Calvin wearing a Packer uniform, pissing on a Viking logo.


-We will all order the same thing at Stadium View (boneless hot wings, bloody mary, miller lite chaser).


-We will all fit right in with "those people".


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #7



I didn't get a chance to watch the game yesterday. I spent 6.5 hours putting a screen door on my house. I guess I'm not sure what I would have rather been doing yesterday. Gallardo was awesome. Rickie Weeks covering first? He was Rickie Weeks. The Crew is guaranteed to be 3-9 after today's Jeff Suppan start. Not much else to say. Looking forward to getting drunk and getting into a fistfight with Ted Thompson next weekend at the draft.


PS. I've got "Outside the Lines" on in the background. Evander Holyfield should really not be boxing any more. I'm just sayin'.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Friends helping friends

My good friend from college, known here as "Bob", was recently given the opportunity on rotoworld(and also linked at PFT.com) to voice his opinion on who the Packers might be drafting this spring. Please follow this link and check out what Bob has to say.

Those of you in the fantasy baseball league would know Bob as "The Stroke Factory".

Early Schedule Look and TV

One of my favorite things to do when the Packers schedule comes out, is to go through it, and predict what the record will be. Here's how I see it.

Worst Case Scenario (multiple starts from Flynn/Brohm, defense is somehow worse, Deshawn Wynn is the leading rusher, Cutler/Rosenfels/Stafford are spectacular): 3-13

Best Case Scenario (A-Rodg is an all pro, defense is top 5, Ryan Grant goes for 1,800, Cutler/Rosenfels/Stafford do what I think they will): 13-3

Gut Feeling (somewhere in between): 10-6, contend for division title, may or may not win it or make the playoffs

The beginning of the schedule is pretty easy looking on paper. The end is much tougher. Besides the divisional games, I'm most looking forward to the Baltimore Monday nighter as far as home games go. Although both teams could be bad.

TV STUFF:

So now that I'm back to working normal hours, and the Bucks continue to get priority over the Brewers for reasons that nobody can adequately explain to me, I have more of an opportunity to watch TV. I saw an episode of Family Guy from March sometime, with Oage in it. That was probably the funniest ending to a show of any kind ever. Genius.

Also, I would like to make a recommendation if you haven't seen it yet. "Better Off Ted". Great fucking show. Alot like Arrested Development, which might have been the second greatest non-cartoon TV comedy ever. No plot whatsoever.

It is loosely about a large corporation, and funny shit that goes on in the Office. It is kind of like the Office when the Office used to be funny (although the last two episodes of the Office were great). The shows aren't intertwined, so you can pretty much watch them in whatever order you want, although the background jokes are repeated. Anyway, if you are looking to fill a half hour void, give it a shot. There aren't many shows that make me laugh out loud any more (especially new one), but this one does.

Sneak preview: The last show I watched, the company installed a new motion sensory system to turn on lights and open doors, turn on the bubblers and shit, although the new sensors couldn't see black people. So instead of fixing the system (too expensive) they hired white people to follow around the black people to turn on the lights. They also installed manual bubblers with a sign above it that said "for blacks". Can't recommend it enough. It will be cancelled I'm sure.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

If you guys didn't see it, an excellent read on how shitty Jeff Suppan really is. All I know is that if you are being compared favorably to Jamie Fucking Cocanower, Jimmy Haynes, Glendon Rusch and Steve Woodard, you aren't very good.

Stupid morning radio hosts

So I'm driving to work this morning and I was listening to the local morning radio show, and not to place myself but it was the 93x morning show. They started getting into their sports spiel and start talking about Mark Fidrych passing away today. I believe the hosts name Patrick, it's the guy that is in control of most of the morning show, anyways he starts rattling off one of the seasons this guy had, he went 19 and something with 24 complete games his rookie year. This is where it gets retarded.

He proceeds to go on a rant about how he wishes that's how baseball still was and he doesn't understand why pitchers don't finish games anymore, yadda yadda. He immediately follows that up with a, Fidrych's career was cut short after 5 years from injuries. HMMMM. I wonder if the two are related and that's why pitchers don't do that anymore? Dumbass.

College Life Review

So I just wanted to toss in this quick non-Brewer related post. I happened to catch this new MTV show called "College Life". It has the potential to be life altering. The premise is that they give 4 college freshman at UW-Madison a camcorder, and hilarity ensues. It was unbelievable how I knew every single kind of person they showed on the show. It is fucking great. There is the dude that will get kicked out of college because all he does is get fucked up (on the season premier he got busted playing beer pong in his dorm room, and got a 33% on a Math test), there is the hot chick who dates the douchebag that treats her like shit and she gets drunk and cries about it, there is the Jesus freak chick who dates the douchebag that treats her like shit but she deserves it because it is her fault he is a dick because she isn't fucking him, and there is the weird hippie/geeky/multi-racial/possibly gay dude that doesn't get into "football games". I mean, it has been 10 plus years now since my freshman year of college, and absolutely nothing has changed. If this show doesn't get you into a 45 minute conversation about how your life sucks now compared to college, then you didn't go to a school in the UW system. Fuck I miss it.

RATING: First episode was a 4.5 of 5 for the memories. Series could be a 5. Will probably be a 3. But my wife has already set it to record every Monday night at 9:30.

SDBCH #6

I'm gonna move in step with Juice and join this Brewer semi-daily rant. Having caught most of the action thus far in this new season I have a couple Brewer thoughts.

  • I can't bitch about this enough - Jeff Suppan is the most ridiculous #1 starter ever. At best, he was a decent pitcher awhile ago. And he had a great postseason when the Cardinals won the World Series. But he's older now. How the fuck did Macha choose him for opening day over Yo? I really haven't formed an opinion about Macha yet (early inclinations are mildly positive) but that was fucking stupid.
  • Three straight games with clutch bottom of the 9th at bats. Two strikeouts and a ground out. What irritates me is our guys absolutely cannot hit a pitch that's thrown down the middle. For fuck's sake, Marmol hung two beautiful off speed pitches to Braun on Saturday night. I mean, those two pitches were laid on a silver platter and he didn't even make contact. Has he hit one solid ball yet this year?
  • It was nice to see Kendall remove the big goose egg from his batting stats. But, seriously, he's getting old too. He provides no pop at the plate whatsoever.
  • My opinion has not changed about Rickie Weeks. It will take a full mildly decent season for my opinion to change.
  • I'm almost certain that all the Brewers predictions I've read are wrong. All of them I've seen have the Brewers finishing over .500. I would guess about 76 wins.
  • Although I was quick to pick up Villanueva as a closer, he is not a closer. We need Grandpa Hoffman as soon as possible.
  • Corey Hart appears he may have a great first half of the season. Where have I seen that before?
  • The Brewers have the feeling of a makeshift team to me. The pitching staff definitely feels that way.
  • That Reed Johnson catch was amazing. I heard it but didn't get to see it til much later. Uecker did not describe how great it was.
  • Fuck Reed Johnson by the way.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #5

OR: JEFF SUPPAN AIN'T WINNIN' ANY CY YOUNGS.

Yeah, he's really not very good. The first pitch he threw, the one that would still be in the air, if it wasn't for that pesky girder on the roof of Miller Park, was a microcosm of how Suppan has been pitching since August of last year. Is someone going to have the balls to cut and/or demote him before he does to much irreparable damage? I know it is only two starts, but for fucks sake, he isn't giving us a chance. He doesn't even have the control that he could hang his hat on. It used to be, "Well, he throws strikes. Of course he is going to give up alot of hits. But he puts the ball in play." Now he gives up bombs, or walks in 3 runs in a row. He is venturing into Derrick Turnbow territory. We are better off paying him NOT to pitch.

-Dating back to last season, Jason Kendall is 0 for his last 23.

- Reed Johnson is a cockface.

- I dislike Lou Pinella more and more every time the Brewers play him.

- I actually don't have complete and utter doubt every time Rickie Weeks comes to the plate. Although I still hate him.

- Joe Morgan is about the worst announcer ever.

- I'm pretty sure we are going to get fucked out of a game again tonight, because I think the Bucks are playing. Why do they get priority again? Herb Kohl must have naked pictures of someone.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #4

Or Other Headline: UMMM....IS HOFFMAN ABOUT READY?

It sucks watching the Brewers blow one. It sucks even worse when it is not on TV because for some reason, the 55 loss Bucks get priority over the Brewers, even though nobody watches the Bucks. I did hear some of it on the radio. I got a chance to hear new dude Cory Provus's homerun call "Back! Track! Wall! Gone!". He is going to take some getting used to. But he's trying. That is all I got. Enjoy church today Sports Bottle.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #3

Spectacular win. Nice-ish pitching by Looper, great clutchiness at the end by (who else) Weeks. My question is, why did the Cubs infielder not go for the double play? Bruan is fast, but not that fast. I think he may have gotten him. Whatever, I will take it. Soriano fucked that game up royally, and I love every minute of it. Hope to catch the whole thing tonight, if I can actually get out of work before then (last Saturday of work!) One of my dickhead bosses went to opening day yesterday, and rubbed in my face as he left at noon. I'm wearing my Braun jersey as we speak, hoping to spur the Crew onto another big one. And Weeks will only need 150 more of those this year to make up for being shitty the last three.

PACKER NEWS:

I saw Ruvell Martin at a restaurant last night. He was wearing a white athletic/windreakery suit thing (ala Sopranos). It was him and like 5 chicks. There might have been another dude. I didn't get a real good look at the chicks because I didn't want to be one of those guys and stare.

At this same dinner, I was talking to my old man and telling him about Richard coming up for the draft party in two weeks. He laughed at me. He said "So you're one of those guys?" I tried to explain that I wasn't, and that I was just going to get drunk....But I guess I sort of am one of those guys. I won't wear a cheesehead or bring a draft board along with me. And I will get drunk.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #2

YO!!!!!!! I'll admit, after working for 14 hours plus yesterday, I had no shot in hell of watching much of that game last night. And I didn't see the three run homer Yo hit off the Old Unit. I didn't even see a highlight. But I imagine that it was a 524 foot blast into the San Francisco Bay that had so much velocity that it put a hole in some asshats kayak causing him to drown. Bask in its awesome glory.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT via Mrs. Juice: "Rickie Weeks is a terrible human being." --after 59 year old Randy Johnson made him look ridiculous on a strikeout. And about 2 seconds before Sports Bottle texted "I will never like Rickie Weeks."

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Semi-Daily Brew Crew Hangover #1

Well, here we are again. An opportunity to bitch and overreact about every loss in a 162 game season, and overreact and heap praise (and probably bitch) about every win. Clearly I have an inherent bias against Rickie Weeks (because he sucks) and Jeff Suppan (because he sucks). So know that going in. I'm not going to have much good to say about them. Weeks would have to win MVP and Suppan the Cy Young before they get any credit. Gone are arch nemises of the past: Geoff Jenkins, Matty Wise, Eric Gagne and Ben "Glass Joe" Sheets. And we can't forget Neddy Yost. So much my material is gone, although some of those on the list have been gone for more than a year, I still have occaisonal nightmares about Jenkins trying to hit a lefty, or Ned trying to execute a double switch.

So yesterday, I, like many others, was at "work" while Jeff Suppan was proving he was worth an opening day start. I assume Soup came out like gangbusters, buckling knees with his 82 mph fastball, and 81 mph change up, lets just check the box sc....What the fuck? 4 IP, 6 fucking ER? Jesus fucking Christ. And this comes against potentially one of the worst offenses in the league in one of baseball's least friendly hitting parks. It was 3 to fucking nothing before I even got a chance to put on gamecast yesterday. Unreal. And it wasn't like our other "options" proved to be any better. McClung walked 4 in an inning. Bush gave up a 2 run dong. Jorge gave up a blast on his first pitch. The hitting seemed to be fine, and we even chased Lincecum after THREE. (I'm pretending I didn't see Billy Hall hit into a double play with a guy on third and one out. Even though I mentally said it would happen because he hits in to a DP in that situation 94% of the time. Someone needs to do some research on that. Bear? You seem plenty motivated.)

I think I'm already starting to dislike Ken Macha. That decision to start Soup yesterday was not popular with anyone who knows anything about baseball. The theory to not start your best pitcher against the other team's best is retarded. In baseball, I think it is pretty fair to say that if the pitching matchup is close to equal, there is about a 50/50 chance to win every game. When one team puts their ace out there, their chances of winning generally go up, especially if they are facing a dogshit opposing pitcher. So yesterday instead of giving ourselves an almost even money chance to beat Lincecum by pitching Yo, we basically said, fuck it, we'll take our 25% chance with Soup, and hope to beat the other team's guy tomorrow with our best. We win that game yesterday with Yo, Parra or Looper. We put up six runs, and should win nearly every game with that output. Soup puts us at a disadvantage, and there is no way he is one of the best 25 players we have. How long of a leash do you think Macha gives him? If he does this for two more starts in a row, does he go to the pen? It's not like McClung showed anything today either, but he gives me a LITTLE confidence.

9:15 p.m. start tonight. I'll get home from work for the first pitch, and be out by the 3rd inning.

RANDOM VIDEO GAME STORY:

Game 1 of NLCS, Brewers at Cubs. Brewers take a 8-1 lead into the bottom of the 8th. Parra comes out of the bullpen (5th starter) and gets lit up for 4 in the 8th. Hoffman comes in and give up a pair of 2 run bombs to Aramis and Soto (walk off) and Brewers lose 9-8. I couldn't sleep that night.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

You Fucking Bet!!!!!!!!!!


I went to great lengths to avoid anything and anyone that could possibly reveal the outcome of this wonderful championship game due to the fact I was working and did not want to listen to this game on the radio. At tip off I shut off my phone. My DVR went to work. About 30 seconds before I'm going to leave for home a 3rd shifter walks in and says "NC whooped some ass tonight, huh?" FUCK HIM. FUCK HIM RIGHT IN THE BUTT.


Anyways, this is the 3rd greatest day in my sports life, behind the Tar Heel championship in '93 and the Tar Heel championship in '05. It's such a great feeling when you're favorite sports team wins a championship.

I strongly stand by my statement from early in the college basketball season where I said we may be looking at one of the greatest college basketball teams of all time. I'd like someone to argue against it. Simply by looking at the team it's a simple conclusion. They had the best starting five in the country. In that starting five are the reigning national player of the year (Psycho T) and the recently annointed ACC Player of the Year and Bob Cousy Award winner (Ty Lawson).


But the nail in the coffin of this argument is the dominance in the NCAA Tournament. Their average margin of victory was the most all time. All games won by at least 12 points. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And their defense was excellent, so go fuck yourselves all you homos who rag on the ACC defense.


The Heels could be the hands down favorites next year too, but unlikely due to departures to the NBA. They lose Tyler Hansbrough and Danny Green to graduation. Lawson and Ellington both tested the NBA waters last year and decided to come back. I'm guessing they're both gone this time. They have a very good soon to be sophomore class and (of course) a great recruiting class. Next year will be mildly successful. I would say maybe a 4 or 5 seed.


I would just like to point out that I bitch slapped Juice's #1 seeded team in our fantasy basketball league. Thanks for playing Juice.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Stupid Woman

Fast forward to the 1:45-ish mark.

This Just Occurred to Me

So I really don't have time to do this (I know, all I do is piss and moan, but I am going to drive to the IRS headquarters and kill everyone), but something just occurred to me regarding this Cutler to the Bears trade. The Packers would NEVER make this trade. TWO first rounders? No. Fucking. Way. The Pack might not even trade the third rounder. OR Orton. If God (Sports Bottle's) himself was available to play quarterback, the Packers needed one, and all it would take would be two first round picks, the Packers would refuse. They wouldn't even trade a 3rd rounder for Randy Moss for fucks sake.

I still think the price was way too steep. This has Herschel Walker written all over it (not quite). I guess we can look forward to Denver winning like 4 Super Bowls in the '10s.

Fuck Denver. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Cutler. Have a super happy fun weekend (I'll be at work).

Thursday, April 2, 2009

This just in

Jay Cutler is reportedly a Chicago! Bear

So two first round draft picks, this year and next's, swapping the Bears 3rd for the Broncos 5th and then the real kicker, the Broncos get Kyle Orton? I think the Broncos swept the rug out from under the Bears here, this is of course just my early speculation.

The Bears were probably the best team, of the three other NFC North teams, to get Cutler. Orton was an ok QB last year versus abysmal QBing from the Lions and Queens. It will be interesting to see if Cutler actually drastically or just mildly improves the Bears next year.

MLB '09 Predictions

Oh, why the hell not throw something out there and see if it sticks. Rather than using any research, I will rely on the DVBDI (The Dickie V Bald Dome Index) to make my predictions. Dickie V's list says Duke is going to win it all baby! Coach K is awesome! Without further ado:

AL EAST

1) NY Yankees 98-64
2) Tampa Bay 91-71
3) Boston 90-72
4) Toronto 79-83
5) Baltimore 77-85

AL CENTRAL

1) Cleveland 88-74
2) Minnesota 86-76
3) Detroit 82-80
4) Chicago 80-82
5) Kansas City 63-99

AL WEST

1) Los Angeles 94-78
2) Oakland 82-80
3) Seattle 80-82
4) Texas 65-97

NL EAST

1) Philadelphia 91-71
2) NY Mets 88-74
3) Atlanta 84-78
4) Florida 83-79
5) Washington 64-98

NL CENTRAL

1) Chicago 94-78
2) Milwaukee 86-76
3) Cincinnati 85-77
4) St. Louis 80-82
5) Pittsburgh 65-97
6) Houston 64-98

NL WEST

1) San Francisco 88-74
2) Los Angeles 87-75
3) Colorado 83-79
4) Arizona 82-80
5) San Diego 59-103

AL PLAYOFFS:
Tampa over Cleveland in 4
LA over NY in 5

Tampa over LA in 6

NL PLAOFFS:
Cubs over Mets in 3
Giants over Phillies in 5

Giants over Cubs in 7

WORLD SERIES
Tampa over Giants in 7

Dickie V has season tickets for the Rays Baby!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Cutler and the "Other" League

So the Broncos came out and said they are going to trade Cutler. Here are the pros and cons as I see it, broken down in list form:

CON: The Broncos gave up all of their leverage as far as getting a decent offer.
PRO: It could have been intentional in order to fuck over Cutler, so they can use the excuse they didn't get any good offers. And if they didn't want to trade him, painting him as being a fuckbag (like they did) is a good way to scare teams off.

The Lions are considering offering the number one overall pick.

PRO: I guess from the Lions standpoint, they are getting a somewhat proven commodity. They get no worse than a competent starting QB, and could have a perennial Pro Bowler. With the first pick, they could get another Joey Harrington in Matt Stafford. The Broncos get the number one pick for giving up a player they don't want anyway.

CON: That is a pretty steep fucking price to pay for a guy who has never been to the playoffs, and seems like a bit of a headcase. The Lions would have to get something additional I would think (player, pick, etc.). I can't think of anyone other than another pick being traded for the number one overall pick. The Lions better be pretty sure there isn't anyone they could pick that would be better than Cutler. Right now, here are the list of players who would be worthy of trading the number one pick straight up for: Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady (if 100% healthy). That's the list.

The most important question: How might this affect Green Bay?

PRO: It won't unless one of the NFC North teams trade for him, and all three have been rumored to be trading for every QB on every team in the past two years or so. All three have shitty quarterbacks. If one of the other teams do trade for him, and it doesn't work out, the fallout will be spectacular.

CON: If it did work out, and he turns out to be great, then we have to face him twice a year for 10 years or so. That would suck.

In conclusion, Thompson should offer the Broncos his first, second and third for their 4th through 7th round picks. Plus a 6th and 7th next year. It would work out perfect. Fuck Jay Cutler.

IN "OTHER" LEAGUE NEWS:

So I'm in that "other" fantasy baseball league. We had an online draft the other night, which took three plus hours because all 12 guys showed up, and all took the entire allotted amount of time on every pick (except for me). I got ripped for taking Ryan Braun at number 5, when another dude took Manny at 8. Everyone else was drafting "prospects" in the early-ish rounds. Guys that are going to be great for a half year, or next year (David Price, etc.). In the comments, they justified every pick with spring training stats. My comment was continuously that spring training stats don't count. Everyone is convinced that J.J. Hardy is going to hit .381 with 60 HRs because he is hitting well in Spring Training. My response was that he will hit 52 of those in a two week stretch, and then hit .112 the rest of the year. Their mindsets are incredible.

So the draft was two days ago. Some dude got up at 5:30 a.m. this morning to pick up Pudge fucking Rodriguez, and then bragged about it. It is going to be pretty difficult to completely bite my tongue for the whole season.